A/N: I get angry, too. Well, I'm alive like you. (I'll Stand By You - The Pretenders)

DISCLAIMER: Dick Wolf owns SVU and its characters. TStabler© owns the narrative, dialogue, and plot of this story.

Her peripheral vision blurred and brightened; the only thing in focus was the coffin and the ring of flowers at its crown. She gave one-armed hugs and mumbled "Thanks for coming"s without even realizing who was there. Her eyes were trained on the dark wood, it's shiny lacquer and chrome accents, as if she couldn't be sure it actually existed.

"Hey," his hand swept down her back, resting on the curve of her hip. He kissed her cheek softly and whispered, "Breathe."

As if he'd given her the secret to the universe, she inhaled deeply and relaxed with a quick nod of her head. "I am." She blinked rapidly a few times, finally tearing her eyes away from the casket. She looked to the left, eying the gorgeous floral arrangements. There was one from Hudson University where Serena had worked, two from the NYPD, one from the SVU, a small one from Serena's group in AA, and a beautiful stone vase filled with lilies and violets, from Elliot and the kids.

She smiled sadly, wondering if those flowers would still have been sent if the people who'd sent them had known the truth. She turned and looked up at Elliot, and she scoffed as tears filled her eyes. She shook her head with a bitter and resentful laugh, then dropped herself into Elliot. Her head fell into his chest, her arms looped around him, and she closed her eyes when she felt him kiss the top of her head.

"There's a woman here," he whispered, raking his hands through her hair and lightly massaging the nape of her neck, "Says she's your aunt?"

Olivia's head popped up, she looked at Elliot as though he had four heads, and she wiped her eyes. "I don't…"

"I know you don't," he said, stopping her. "That's why I thought you needed to know. She's over there talking to Cragen, and he already…"

"Shit," she hissed, and she turned and walked away from him, heading for Cragen and the strange blonde she couldn't recall ever meeting before at all. She plastered on a smile and smoothed down the dress that Elliot bought for her despite her protests. "Excuse me," she interrupted the conversation between this woman and her boss. "I'm sorry, I don't...I'm not sure we've…"

"Olivia," the woman sighed with a somewhat exaggerated frown. She hugged Olivia tightly and said, "I am so sorry, sweetie pie."

"Sweetie pie?" Olivia mouthed to Cragen with a half-offended, half-confused look on her face. She lightly patted the woman's shoulder with the fingertips of one hand and pulled herself back. "Sorry. Do I know you?"

"Aunt Lisa, darling!" She seemed wholly offended that Olivia didn't know who she was, with one hand over her heart and the other still on Olivia's shoulder. "Well, not your real aunt, of course, you know, Serena was an only child. I was her best friend, all through high school and college. I was with her the night...oh," she cringed and shook her head, tears springing to her eyes, and brandished her hand.

Olivia raised an eyebrow at her, glanced at Cragen, and then turned to the woman again. "Well, um, Lisa, was it?"

"Yes, sweetie," Lisa nodded, and she gave Olivia's shoulder a squeeze before letting her hand fall away. "When you were born, you stayed with me while Mommy went to work, but when you started school…" she shrugged. "I didn't see you so much anymore." She smiled and said, "Your mother and I talked all the time, right up until the very end, and she spoke so highly of you." She tilted her head. "Last I heard you were heading to the police academy! I'm sure you know that's going to be pretty rough. If you ever need anything…"

"Pardon me," Olivia interrupted, raising a hand. "How recent was this conversation? I've been out of the academy and in the field for years. I'm a detective, now, so I really can't believe…"

Lisa clicked her tongue and smiled sheepishly. "It really felt like we talked all the time, I guess, life must've simply gotten in the way." She leaned in and said again, "I am so sorry. She was always so full of life! Her death came as such a shock."

"Really?" Olivia couldn't control the temper flare, or pin down why she was suddenly so angry. "Because I saw this coming. I expected this, and for years, whenever the phone rang, I always thought...this is it. This is someone telling me she drank herself to death." She let out a scathing laugh, one that seemed to be almost hateful. "Everyone who has come into this room...they keep hugging me, telling me they're sorry for my loss, asking if there's anything they can do, but where the hell were they? No...where were you when she was passed out in bars, blacked out on bus stop benches, taking everything that was wrong in her life out on me?" She shook her head and stammered as hot tears filled her open eyes. "You..you all show up when she's gone and hand me your sympathies, I've heard stories from people who considered her their best friend, but ya know what? I don't let my best friend out of my sight! If he needs me, I'm right there! If he's upset, I'm right fucking there! I don't let him drink himself stupid, or make dangerous decisions, and I sure as hell don't let him spend the night three states away while his eight-year-old daughter is home alone in the dark, so you tell me, Aunt Lisa, where the hell were you?"

The woman stared at her, eyes wide and mouth agape, frozen.

Realizing her outburst, Olivia muttered a quick apology and ran out of the room, blowing past people who were trying to speak to her.

"I'll go," Elliot said, offering a silent apologetic nod to Cragen and Lisa. He weaved through the people milling about and paying their respects and stepped out of the viewing room into the cold hallway. He looked around and sighed when he spotted her, and then walked quickly to her side. "Hey, hey, Kid," he cooed, pulling her to him. "Easy, baby," he whispered.

"I don't know...I don't know where that all…" she lifted her shoulders and turned up her eyes. "I'm sorry."

He kissed her softly. "I punched my Uncle Lou at my father's funeral," he told her, both of his large hands resting on the sides of her face. "He knew all about Kevin, never said a damn thing, then comes up to us, looks down at my dead father, and says 'He was a good man." He shook his head and said, "In this situation, baby, people just think they have to say the right things, ya know? There are these pre-programmed phrases that get spit out because we think it's necessary, and no one wants to speak ill of the dead."

She nodded and hooked one hand around the back of his neck. "I guess I just…" she closed her eyes, took a deep breath and let it out fast, and then whispered, "I was looking for someone to blame. If any of these people loved her as much as they claim, she never would have been in that bar alone. She would have had support, and someone to lean on, and she never would have…"

"Listen, Kid, you don't know that," he whispered to her. "It's a part of the process, ya know? Trying to justify, somehow make it less her fault, but, sweetie, it didn't matter who called her, who went with her, who was there, or who wasn't...your mother was a grown woman, she made her own choices. But what it all boils down to, the constant that lies in the stories every single person we've talked to in there...is you. She loved you, honey. She may not have always shown it, but she…"

"Elliot," a voice broke into their conversation. The blonde smiled weakly and offered a slight wave, and then very slowly, cautiously, she moved closer to Olivia. She gave a tentative reach of her arms and a whispered, "Liv, I'm so sorry," and then a full but light hug.

"Thank you, Kathy," Olivia whispered back, slightly stunned at the display. She broke away and looked at the woman who was once her sworn enemy.

"Hey," Kathy chuckled. "You got my name right," she winked and pointed playfully at Olivia. "The kids are in the quiet room, they each have a book and…" she looked at Elliot. "Your mother is in there with them."

"Thanks," he said gently to his ex-wife. "Really, thank you."

Kathy gave him a closed-eye tilt of her head and raised both hands. "No thanks needed," she looked at Olivia as her arms fell and her smile warmed and grew a bit. "That's...that's what family's for, right?" She shrugged. "It's what we are now, isn't it?"

Olivia smiled back at her and nodded. Fresh tears formed, for a wholly different reason, but she didn't let them fall. "I should...I should go back in there and apologize to Lisa."

"I'll go with you," Kathy said, and she held out a hand. She looked into Olivia's eyes and nodded once, encouragingly, almost surrendering. "If...if that's okay."

Olivia nodded back and slapped her hand into Kathy's, kissed Elliot's cheek, and let Kathy pull her into the viewing room.

Elliot looked on with a broad smile, his heart swelling at the sight of the mother of his children and the love of his life finally getting along. He walked, then, with his hands in his pockets, down the empty hall. His footsteps echoed and he could hear his own heartbeat. He rested a hand against the door of the quiet room for a moment, composing himself so his children wouldn't see him looking upset, and he pushed it open with a smile. "Guys," he said softly.

"Hi, Daddy," Kathleen waved, her book flopping into her lap as she let it go.

Dickie ran to him and Elliot gladly scooped him up, and he kissed his father's cheek. "Is Liv okay?"

"She's okay, Bud," he told his son. "She'll be a lot better once she sees you guys." He moved further into the room, kissing Maureen and Lizzie on the forehead, and then sat in the spot between his mother and Kathleen on the longer sofa. He exhaled, long and heavy, and then gave Kathleen a kiss on the cheek before turning to his mother. "Thanks, Ma," he said with a soft smile.

Bernie smiled at her son. "She's family," she patted his knee. "She's, what, my new daughter-in-law, I imagine?"

"Hopefully," he chuckled, and he kissed his mother's cheek as well. "She definitely had a Stabler moment, in there, so she's one of us already." He grinned at the thought, the possibility of one day making it official, giving her his last name, holding onto her forever. It was then that he looked around. The walls were stark white, all of the furniture stained a dark brown. There was a small vase with a few wilting roses plopped into it, sitting on top of a round end table. A stack of Bibles and prayer envelopes ley on the shelf beneath it. The paintings on the walls were all brightly colored landscapes, beaches and lighthouses at sunset with cotton candy skies and marshmallow clouds, and he turned up his nose at the callousness of it all.

"I know that look," Bernie whispered to her son. "Spill it."

He frowned slightly and shifted Dickie and his book to the other side of his lap. "It's all so presumptuous. Those paintings, they're a little too happy, don't ya think? And people in this room…"

"Need to have faith that their loved one truly is in a better place," Bernie said before he could finish. "Those paintings? They represent beacons of light, guiding us home. A serenity that the people who often use this room may need." She sighed. "It isn't often that this place is used to keep a bunch of kids occupied while their stepmother deals with the hard stuff." She reached out and brushed Dickie's hair back.

"Ma, she's not their stepmother." He rolled his eyes but his slight smirk hidden by a bitten lip gave away the truth: that he wanted her to be.

"Give it time." Bernie nudged him with a small laugh. "Do you remember why I spent most of the time during your father's wake in a room like this?"

Elliot nodded curtly. "You were yelling at the top of your lungs, for hours. I couldn't figure out if you were furious or hysterical."

"A bit of both," Bernie said firmly. "I was angry that he left me alone with six kids, I was angry that he had two other kids with a woman in Brooklyn, and I was so hurt...I loved him, he was half my life, and he was just...gone. So I needed to yell." She gave a smug shrug. "It's the quiet room, Elliot, because either people just need a bit of peace and time alone or they need a safe place to let everything go where no one else can hear them."

A small chuckle came from the entryway. "I probably should have come in here, about ten minutes ago, huh?" Olivia smiled as she walked further into the room and gratefully accepted the tight hugs and numerous kisses from the kids, even Dickie had leaped from his father's lap to run to her. She wobbled with the weight of all of the little bodies against her, over to the couch, where she bent to hug Bernie and then sat beside Elliot. "Everyone's gone, and now we...wait, and then do it all over again in a couple of hours."

Elliot smoothed her hair back and kissed her temple. "I think we need chocolate cake," he winked and moved his lips across her cheek, down to her chin, and then kissed her fully, soft yet deep.

"Cake?" Dickie's head popped up off of Olivia's shoulder, an eager expression on his face.

Lizzie turned her head, her pigtails whipping around, and she pushed her glasses up higher on her nose. "What cake? Where's the cake?"

"Good job," Olivia laughed, looking over at Elliot.

He beamed at her, loving the way her smile hit her eyes, making them crinkle in the corners. He hadn't seen her smile like that in so long, it seemed, and he kissed her softly again. "What can I say, I just knew cake would be the answer to…"

A knock on the door, which happened at the same time as it creaked open, stopped him from finishing his sentence. Cragen tried to smile as he poked his head into the room. "May I come in?"

"Sure," Olivia said, offering an unsure but kind smile in return.

Cragen closed the door behind him and took a few steps into the room. He looked first at Elliot and then gave a quizzical glance toward Bernie. He let his eyes wander, landed on each Stabler child, their black and white outfits making them all look morbidly elegant. He noticed each kid had a book in their hands, and all but the twins were actively engrossed in their stories. He smiled wider, cleared his throat, and then stepped closer and looked down at Olivia. "How are you holding up, honey?"

"I'm...better," she said, an affirmation punctuated by a single, sharp nod. "Thank you. For being here."

"Of course," he said, and then he scratched his head and carefully perched himself on the large darkly stained coffee table. "Do you need anything?"

She shook her head and patted Dickie's back as he dropped his head down to her shoulder again, figuring if he wasn't getting his cake, he could go back to sleep. "Everything's pretty much taken care of, and we're just…" she took a few moments to run her eyes over the room, the children, Bernie, and Elliot. She smiled. "We're going to get something to eat, the kids demand cake." She thought for a moment. "Do you want to come with us?"

"No, no," he chuckled as he politely refused. "You need to be with your...family. I don't want to encroach on time with your…"

"You said it this morning," Elliot interrupted. "You are family." He gave his boss a nervous look, chewed on his lip for a pause, and then said, "I have to tell you, though, uh, especially today...you might see us…"

"That's…" Cragen interrupted, raising a hand, "That's why it's better if I don't join you." He narrowed his eyes slightly at Elliot and then looked back at Olivia. He shoved a hand into the breast pocket of his suit jacket and pulled out a thin envelope, folded in half. "I wasn't sure if I was ready to give you this, or if you were ready to have it. It's something…" he took a breath, "something Elliot asked for months ago, and until your mother died, I didn't see a reason to make the people down in records go digging for it." He handed it to her, upturned eyes willing her to take it.

"What...what is this?" She darted her eyes from Cragen to Elliot and back again.

Cragen rubbed his lips together for a moment, second-guessing himself. "Maybe it isn't the best time, but with your reviews coming up and the two of you taking the department exam, I believe this is something you need. Now more than ever." He fixed a stern gaze at Elliot. "And someone told me there might be a more personal reason you'd need this."

Olivia, puzzled and curious, flattened the envelope down on her right knee, since Dickie was occupying her left, and slipped a finger into the open corner of the flap. She pulled hard, ripping it open, and deftly slipped the paper out of the sleeve. She lifted and flicked, fanning it open, and when she read it, her confusion didn't dissipate, it worsened. "I'm sorry, I'm not sure why I would need…" her eyes narrowed as her words stopped. "Who is he?"

Elliot saw her head turn toward him for the answer, her eyes hopeful and afraid. He took the single page report from her. He looked down at the mugshot, the name and address, the date of birth, the police record, and then looked back up at her. "I told you...a long time ago...I'd find him," he held her gaze and handed the paper back to her.

She blinked twice, dropping her focus to the beige colored report in her hand. "Is this...is this really…"

"His prints are in in the system," Cragen interrupted. "His DNA isn't. Elliot, uh, he spent a lot of time down in the crypt, going through boxes, making the lab run every test known to man, and finally…" he gestured to Elliot.

"Ryan did this awesome magic trick with a hot box and super glue," Elliot told her. "There was a handprint on the sleeve of your mother's jacket." He smoothed a hand over her head, playing with her hair again. "You get that from her, ya know. The leather thing." He kissed her cheek. "The only way to know, baby, is…"

"Yes," she spoke softly as she nodded. She looked from Elliot to the paper again, studying all of the information and trying to make connections in her head. She licked her lips and looked up, her eyes landing on a small painting on the back wall of the room. A lighthouse on a hill, it's beam shining into the horizon, over the ocean, and she thought, just for a moment, it was her mother telling her she'd finally found the one piece of her that was missing, the one space in her life left unfilled.

Her father.

A/N: Say wahhhhh?