MAYA: —doing a log now?

GAIGE: Sure. We have time, right?

[sounds of weapons clicking]

MAYA: Sure, why not.

AXTON: Salvador, hand me some grenades.

GAIGE: Okay! So, today is the day! We headed out to Candlerock Crag, the site of the crashed H.S.S. Terminus, to defeat Professor Nakayama! It's hard to describe the terrain. Think, like...hm...

SALVADOR: A mesa with lots of little mountains dotted around.

GAIGE: Ehhh...I mean...yeah, kinda, but does that really give an accurate picture?

SALVADOR: You got something better?

GAIGE: Just...okay, he got the mesa part right, but...it was a plateau with a bunch of other plateaus of different heights, and we had to fight up and down through tribal villages to get to the ship. Oh, and it was really high up. Maybe above the clouds!

AXTON: We weren't that high.

GAIGE: You shush. When we got there—uh, to Candlerock, I mean, not the ship yet—he called again. [click]

NAKAYAMA: Vault Hunters! Quick suggestion: Um...just stop chasing me! I-I've already found my secret weapon, and I-I'm activating it now, so, you know...you're already too late. No need to head to the Terminus and kill me! [sing-song voice] No reason whatsoever... [click]

GAIGE: So we ignored him, and fought through a bunch of tribal villages, in this weird, like, tiered terrain—

AXTON: You already talked about the terrain.

GAIGE: But—I was setting the mood! And you ruined it!

AXTON: You already set the mood!

MAYA: Guys...

GAIGE: [coughs] So when we were fighting through one of the last villages on the first plateau, Hammerlock called. [click]

HAMMERLOCK: You're nearly there, Vault Hunters. You must find the professor and wipe him out before he unleashes his secret weapon! Quite ironic, in a sense; we came here to hunt creatures, and now you're tracking the most dangerous game of all!

CLAPTRAP: [whispering] Man is the most dangerous game, minions. Just FYI. [click]

AXTON: Was that really necessary? You could have just said—

GAIGE: Shut up, this is important! I wanted to, uh, note that Hammerlock got it wrong. This isn't really quite hunting the most dangerous game.

AXTON: Hammerlock said tracking.

GAIGE: Well, that's another thing he got wrong! It's supposed to be hunting!

MAYA: Gaige, calm down. Do you need any ammo?

GAIGE: I don't—don't...shotgun ammo, and some SMG would be nice.

MAYA: All right, one second...

AMMO DUMP: A fantastic day for capitalism!

GAIGE: Anyway, hunting the most dangerous game is supposed to be like, when you capture somebody, then let them loose with a gun, and then hunt them down like a dog.

MAYA: That sounds barbaric. Here.

GAIGE: Thanks. And, yeah, it's not, you know, exactly a normal sport. Only crazy cannibal tribes and CEO's do it.

MAYA: So you don't want anyone to think we're doing that?

GAIGE: I just want Hammerlock to get it right!

GAIGE: Ugh, anyway, we went over this tiny little rope bridge over a giant chasm to another mesa or plateau or whatever, and had to fight like eighty badass tribals in Jack masks. Killed them all without too much trouble—

SALVADOR: Those big wooden shields were annoying.

AXTON: That's the truth.

MAYA: How do they make wood bulletproof?

GAIGE: Oh! That's easy! You start with your basic seed—

MAYA: Rhetorical question, sweetie.

GAIGE: Oh. Okay. Um, anyway, we got a call after we beat the badasses. [click]

NAKAYAMA: WHAT THE HELL!? Those were literally my best guys! Oh, I am so screwed, crapcrapCRAP. [click]

GAIGE: Another couple villages or camps or whatever-the-fricks later, we reached the Terminus! I guess the damage was worse than it looked, because the primary, secondary, tertiary, and quaternary security override systems were all down! We had to turn little wheels to key in the combo! Which was just one three four, by the way. How'd Nakayama lock himself out?

AXTON: Maybe he didn't even know about the emergency emergency emergency backup system. Or is it emergency backup backup backup system?

MAYA: Or he's just an idiot.

SALVADOR: I think he got in eventually though, right? I mean, that's why we're here.

GAIGE: Well, yeah! I mean, we're in the crashed ship right now, uh, next to some vending machines, and once we're ready, there's a maintenance shaft nearby that—

AMMO DUMP: Goodbye, friend! If you shop anywhere else I'll have you killed!

GAIGE: Oh. You guys are done?

MAYA: Yeah. You gonna leave your ECHO on during the fight?

GAIGE: Sure, why...naah. It's always distracting.

[click]

[click]

CLAPTRAP: Woo-hoo! Weee DID IT! In your CLONED FACE!

AXTON: You didn't do anything.

MAYA: I...guess that's it? Where's Nakayama?

AXTON: Here, this is an elevator pad. Take us up there, we can get deeper into the ship.

GAIGE: Hello, again, subscribers! We just finished fighting a giant bullymong with a force-field barrier and two giant power generators cybernetically affixed to its back! Those weren't covered by the force-field. Thank God for the inability for high-tension force-fields to be projected to cover the projecting generator, amirite? Amirite? I'm right.

GAIGE: So, yeah, Jackenstein—the bullymong—was big enough to chuck shipping containers at us, and the bulletproof thing really didn't help, but me, Axton, and Maya distracted it while Salvador and Zero shot the generators.

AXTON: Oh yeah, I meant to ask, but we were, you know, busy: Why'd he jump out of the arena when one of the generators blew, then jump back in and let us destroy the other?

GAIGE: Probably had to recalibrate the shield for one generator.

MAYA: It was smart enough to do that?

GAIGE: I dunno. I guess Nakayama was helping him?

MAYA: That would explain where the fifty million loaders came from...

GAIGE: What? We saw where the loaders came from. There were digistruct stations scattered around the cargo bay.

MAYA: No, I mean Nakayama must have activated them after a while.

GAIGE: Oh, okay, I guess that—

AXTON: Can we get on the elevator pad now?

GAIGE: Right! Sorry!

[sound of elevator]

MAYA: Now what? There's nowhere to go!

GAIGE: That looks like a force-field stair deployment unit. Maybe Nakayama—

[sound of footsteps]

GAIGE: Ooh, found him!

AXTON: Quiet, he's gonna monologue.

NAKAYAMA: Okay, I'm totally terrified right now. [rising, dangerous voice] But I think I've still got a chance to stop you, Vault Hunters! You may be a walking apocalypse, but I've got my brains, and my guns, and THIS SHIP! I may just have a chance aga—ah, whoa, ahah—

[sound of falling down stairs, intercut with cries of pain]

NAKAYAMA: Ohgodwhy.

HAMMERLOCK: Exemplary, Vault Hunters! Now, go collect the fruits of your labors from the Terminus!

[pause]

MAYA: Soo...he's really dead?

GAIGE: The ECHO showed his health dropping...

MAYA: But he just...fell down some stairs!

AXTON: Maybe it's a trick? Yeah, he'll turn into some superhuman monstrosity, and we'll have to fight it, and it'll be awesome, and—

SALVADOR: No, he's definitely dead.

MAYA: Stop—stop poking him.

GAIGE: Oh, I know! Zero went up behind him, invisible, and pushed him—

ZERO: No.

AXTON: Yeah, he was right here the entire time.

MAYA: ...so he really did just fall down some stairs and die, and that was the end of it.

SALVADOR: Looks like.

AXTON: This is literally the most disappointing boss fight of my entire life.

GAIGE: Well, let's go loot the Terminus!

MAYA: Maybe it's best if you wait here.

GAIGE: What? Why!?

MAYA: I remember what happened last time you saw a whole bunch of loot.

GAIGE: That...was... [coughs] ...a one-time thing.

MAYA: Uh-huh. Just wait right here. We're not carrying a bunch of loot and you out of here.

GAIGE: Fiiine. [sighs] But I get first dibs on the good stuff!

MAYA: Fair enough.

GAIGE: I think that's it for today, subscribers! Might be it for Aegrus, actually!

ZERO: No.

GAIGE: Oh, yeah, Hammerlock said something about stalkers and pheromones and bullymongs and stuff like that. I guess we'll still be here for tomorrow's log!