Chapter Thirty-Seven
The rest of the week passed smoothly without anything major happening but Mildred was starting to get concerned. It was getting warmer and people were starting to wear short sleeves instead of long but even though they were off school Constance wore the same black dress as she always did.
Mildred kept an eye on her mother over the week trying to catch her at an time when she was showing her arms. She also thought back to all the times when they had been together even when she had been painting she had worn an thick jumper with long sleeves. She looked through the pictures in the memory book and saw the same thing. Every picture she was covered, Mildred in her worried state tried to get her mum to change.
"Mum can we go swimming?" she asked one day
"Yes I will take you if you want" she told her
"So you like swimming?" she asked
"Oh you want me to swim...I will take you but watch I don't like swimming" she told her as she scratched her arm. This only worried the girl more.
She knew her mum was hiding something. Scars, burns she wasn't sure but she was going to find out.
That night she woke up very early and picked up her phone to use as an light. She made sure the light was not to bright as she sneaked over to her mother's bed. Unfortunately for her her mother was an very light sleeper because she had to be alert in school in case an student needed help. She kneeled down the side of the bed away from her face and gently started to pull the long sleeve of her pyjama top up.
Managing this she found what she was looking for. There was scars there that looked quite faint but were still visible. They were all over and were clearly not from an injury or something. In her shock at seeing the scars she dropped her phone on the floor waking up her mother.
"Millie...mmm what are you doing?" she asked as she started to stir and Millie quickly pulled her sleeve down and stood up.
"Nothing I just needed to go toilet" she said as she got up and left the room now having to go so she wouldn't look suspicious.
The next morning Constance and Mildred were having breakfast. Constance was an good cook and Mildred liked her food but today she could barely eat as she was feeling an mixture of guilt, sadness and worry. She put her toast on her plate not able to hide it anymore.
"I saw the scars" she said quietly
Constance who was also eating toast looked over at her as she said that.
"Scars?" she asked her curiously
"The ones that are on your arms" she told her looking at the floor.
Constance's expression changed to shock she looked down too not knowing how to respond to her daughter.
"Did you cause them...?" she asked still looking at the floor. Constance sighed and stood up.
"Let's go sit in the front room" she said as she put her hands on her daughters shoulders leading her to the sitting room before they sat on the sofa next to each other.
"You didn't answer my question" she said looking at her mother
"The answer is yes" Constance said sadly
"Why did you not tell me you...do that?" she asked
"I did not think it was important as I no longer do it"" she replied.
"Oh...so why did you do it then?" she asked
Constance sighed she did not want to ever have to speak about this but she would not lie to her child ethier.
"I started to do it after I lost you" she admitted
"Why?" Mildred asked
"I was depressed and I had lost everyone, I couldn't talk to anyone about it so it was my coping mechanism" she told her
"Oh...did you ever do it at Cackle's?" she asked
"...Yes..." Constance admitted
"When did you stop and why?" Mildred asked. She could tell her mum was uncomfortable but she needed to know.
"I stopped just after you started at the school" Constance told her
"You did it for 12 years?" she asked
"Yes but when you started the school I stopped because well I didn't think it was fair even if you did not know who I was you didn't deserve an mum who did that" Constance told her.
"This is all my fault" Mildred said sadly as she looked at the floor.
"No it isn't" she said as she lifted the girls chin "You made me stop even before you knew who I was just seeing you stopped me you were so beautiful and I felt the connection"
"Are you still unhappy?" she asked her mother worried for the answer.
"Of course not, I have you now before I was living for work and that was it but your love changed that I have an reason for living now and that is you" she told her with an smile.
"Does anyone know about this?" Mildred asked
"No, well I think an couple of girls in my college suspected something and Broomhead caught me doing it once but if you are talking about Miss Cackle then no she doesn't know" she told her.
"Wait Broomhead knows what did she do about it?" she asked
"She just laughed and told me to carry on as it might make me more worthy than what I was" she told her. This angered Mildred the woman could have helped her mother but she just made it worse.
"Can I see them?" Mildred asked
"You have already"
"Not properly though it was dark"
"You don't want to see them Mille" Constance said.
"I do...please" she begged
"Why do you want to see them?" she asked
"Because I want to see what you have been through" Mildred replied.
Constance sighed before rolling one of her sleeves up. They looked worst to Mildred in the daylight there was scars all over her arms nasty red scars they had faded an little but were still easy to see.
"Can you not magic them away?" Millie asked
"Well I could if I had made them with magic but because I didn't I can't" Constance said.
Mildred stroked the scars gently and felt her mother flinch near her as she ran her fingers over the red marks.
"Do they hurt?" she asked
"Now and then" she replied
Mildred nodded and looked at her mother before she bend down kissing the marks.
"You are still beautiful you know" she told her
Constance put her sleeve back down and hugged her child.
"You are too kind" she said kissing her head.
"It is the truth, you should not be ashamed of them they show so much like how you are an survivor and strong enough to get through everyday but if you ever get the urge again you can talk to me" she told her.
Constance hugged the girl close to her chest. She didn't just love her because she was her daughter she loved her as an person. She was so proud of her daughter's personality.
"I will remember that, I love you" she told her
"I love you too Constance Hardbroom" she said with an laugh.