A/N: HELLO EVERYONE!

This chapter is horribly overdue. It was supposed to be published around October, but I couldn't upload it, because unexpectedly, I was dead.

But I got better, and so I have brought to you a giant 1800 word chapter, because I really feel quite bad about neglecting this story. (everyone looking at my Teen Titans stuff shut the hell up I'll get to that later) SO! Everything is heating up here, but REMAIN CALM. I mean it. No matter what you read.

Patch is a femme medic. No one cares about her.

"Wing Chutes" are not stolen from Tron. Nope. No.

ENERGON STAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARS! Kicker approves of this fanfic.

Prowl and Red Alert may share a collective mind with Sherlock and Dirk Gently.

Good day,

Tom

Curiosity and Cats

The Nemesis was hovering just above a large cornfield near Rockford, Illinois.

At least it used to be a cornfield. Now it had a large trench carved into it and it was largely on fire. A green femme with medical symbols on her shoulders was tending to Bumblebee, his wingchute discarded nearby. The medic applied an Energon Star to the long gashes on Bumblebee's chestplate, mopping at a bit of Energon. "You'll be okay. Just don't be taking on any Decepticon leaders head on for, hey, at least a lunar cycle!" she said.

"You tell him." Arcee added, walking up, flanked by Bulkhead and Ultra Magnus. Jack Darby and Miko Nakadai, both wearing Unit E combat tactical gear and toting Wheeljack-spec sabot rifles, were riding on Bulkhead's shoulder. Raf Esquivel perched beside them, talking into a comlink to a Unit E cleanup team. Jack laughed. "I think you got off pretty light there, Bee."

Bumblebee shuddered theatrically. "You just wait. She's only getting started."

Ultra Magnus stepped forwards. "Autobots. We must give our comrade proper respects. Bulkhead, Patch – you should collect Stratosphere's frame and prepare it for transport to Cybertron for burial. Arcee, Bumblebee – I believe Starscream has only just begun his attacks, and the ship is our best asset on Earth. You will remain with me on the ship, in order for us to make the first strike."

The Autobots present saluted. "What about us, Magnus?" Miko asked, checking the safety on her sabot rifle. "We want a go at Screamer too, y'know."

Magnus nodded. "Agents Darby, Nakadai, and Esquivel; you will join us on the Nemesis. Team Prime Honour Guard, move out!"

Prowl looked out of the Nemesis' window at the shattered remains of Stratosphere. He hardly noticed Jolt glide up beside him – but she was somehow getting much stealthier in her movements, anyway.

"He was stupid." Jolt said suddenly. Prowl glanced in her direction.

"How do you mean?" he asked coldly.

"Stratosphere shouldn't've taken Slipstream. You know that protective urge, that sort of, you know, burn in your spark, that you get when anyone is anywhere near Red Alert?" Jolt replied. Prowl didn't question how she knew about that. "Decepticons get that too. But with them, there's nothing – no restraint, no fear, no nothing – holding them back. They have absolute loyalty – even over their leader – to their love. You even touch someone they love and you'll get a blaster shoved in your face. If you're stupid enough to attack, incapacitate, and then kidnap someone they love – well, you die."

Jolt looked down at Stratosphere's cracked and blasted helm, empty optics staring back at her. "Stratosphere thought he could hurt a Decepticon by hurting his spark. All he did was sign his own death warrant. He was stupid." she finished, turning away.

"Jolt?" Prowl asked, understanding flickering in his optics.

"Yes, Prowl?"

"That." Prowl answered, pointing at Stratosphere. "Being pushed that far, all for a femme. That is insane."

Jolt laughed. "Yeah, it is. But don't try to tell me you can't conceive doing it yourself, if Red was in trouble." The blue femme smiled. "So maybe it's crazy. Aren't we all a little crazy, in love?"

And Jolt walked away down the corridor, seemingly carrying a much bigger shadow behind her. Wheeljack, walking down it towards Prowl's window, was somehow forced aside a clear few metres from Jolt's frame, without even a move from the femme. He grumbled as he walked over to Prowl.

"There's somethin' wrong with that femme, I'm tellin' ya." he muttered to the Enforcer. "Got a forcefield the size of Magnus around her without no signs'a anything. Fights like a Kaon hitmech – saw her take down those Jet Twins usin' moves I've only ever seen in the Colosseum – like she was trained by Megatron or somethin'. Knows tactics and battle plans for every battle of the War, even the ones she wasn't in. An' I'm pretty sure she was mixed up in that massive power surge that knocked our comms out last lunar cycle. Crazy."

"Aren't we all a little crazy," Prowl replied faintly, his processor working overtime, connecting leads and ideas and events at hyper-speed, "in love?"

Huge shadow. Forcefield. Protectiveness of Decepticons. Kaon fighting moves. Megatron's student. Colosseum. Tactics from every battle of the war. Power surge. In love. Red Alert's theory of a Sparkbond. Deployers. Soundwave.

Prowl's optics suddenly widened. "She's in love with Soundwave." he whispered.

"What?" Wheeljack asked. "Who's in love with who?"

Prowl coughed. "Nothing. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go and find Red Alert. Immediately." He sprinted down the hall, transformed, and skidded around the corner in the direction of the Security Centre.

Wheeljack shook his helm. "Ugh, worse than Bee and Cee."

Prowl drifted around the corner to the Security Centre, directly into the path of First Aid and Flareup, strolling along to medbay talking idly. Prowl transformed, planted an servo, pushed himself up and leapt straight over the pair – running for three steps on the ceiling – then flipped around and transformed, landing back on his wheels and accelerating away.

Flareup looked down the corridor at the speeding police car with wide optics. "He must be late..." she said, a little unsure.

"She must be beautiful." First Aid added cynically, his arms crossed and a digit drumming on his forearm.

Jazz stepped out of his quarters. "Whoa, deja vu. What'd Ah miss?"

"Nothing much, Jazz!" Jolt told him, walking past Flareup and forcing her into First Aid. "And Soundwave?" she continued telepathically, "Please stop pushing people into each other. It's getting awkward when you purposefully create a beautiful relationship right in front of me."

"You say that as if I was doing this on purpose." Soundwave – slinking along behind her, completely invisible – replied mildly.

"Oh, please. I can literally see your smug face through the cloaking field every time you see Flareup and First Aid." Jolt said flatly.

"Is it my fault if that is, as you might say, a match made in the Well?"

"Yes. Yes it is, Soundwave. So please stop, or I won't let you recharge with me for, like, a stellar cycle."

"You're lying." Soundwave noted airily.

"It is not my fault you're so damnably cuddly for an assassin/ninja/gladiator/whatever you are." Jolt retorted. "Stop being so cuddly."

"I'll have to get back to you on that one." Soundwave replied, deadpan. "You know that the Enforcer is going to tell the Security Officer about our not-exactly-sanctioned relationship?"

"Yes. Isn't there some kind of telepath-y mind trick thing you can do to make them both forget?" Jolt asked. "I'm pretty sure you can do that."

Soundwave made a peculiar "pff" sound. "I could have them kill each other on remote control using each other's weapons if you like."

"No. No, Soundwave. I love you, but if you kill my friends I will never talk to you again."

"You take all the fun out of mental manipulation."

"...I really need to teach you to be less Decepticon." Jolt sighed, rounding the corner in the direction of the Security Room.

Prowl slid into the door of the Security Room and transformed, skidding on his heels past Red Alert and stopping in front of the board (the Jolt Investigation Board).

"Prowl?" Red Alert asked. Prowl reached up onto the board, took the holographic marker sitting on the table below, and started drawing. Red Alert raised an optic ridge and walked over behind him.

Prowl stepped back and regarded the board.

Red Alert leaned around him and regarded the board.

"I don't get it." she said.

What Prowl had drawn on the board was a giant loveheart, around the pictures of Jolt, Soundwave, Laserbeak, Ravage, Rumble, and Frenzy. He turned around. "It's ridiculously simple; I can't believe we didn't see it earlier."

"What?"

"You remember the power surge, of course. I didn't think about it at the time, but you mentioned sparkbonds releasing huge amounts of energy? And, considering the notorious leakage rate of Decepticon Energon transfer systems, it is fairly safe to assume that if such an event were to take place, the resulting outage would leak into the cables on the ship, and fry the systems!"

"Oh Primus. That makes perfect sense!" Red Alert gasped. "And factoring in Jolt's quarters' proximity to the comms room, that explains how the energy surge travelled the length of the ship to knock out all of the systems! The only thing which doesn't add up is the fact that I don't ever remember having picked up a Decepticon energy signature on any of my scans. How can Soundwave have cloaked himself?"

"Um, you lost me after 'power surge'." Both Prowl and Red Alert span around when they heard Jolt's voice. She straightened up from leaning against the door and walked into the room, shutting the door. "But I can explain how you couldn't find Soundwave. Lock the door, would you?"

The door locked without any movement from Jolt. Red Alert's optics widened and Prowl took a step backwards. Jolt rolled her shoulders. "Deployers, eject!" she said, then her armour jumped off her frame and transformed into the condor, the panther, and the two minibots. "Oh, and Soundwave, you should probably come out now."

Something seemed to bubble in the air, then the air just to the left and behind of Jolt went warped and then the slender black silhouette of the indigo Decepticon Communications Officer appeared out of the nothingness, a silver four-clawed device not unlike a Phase Shifter held in his servo.

"That's a Cloaking Field Generator." Prowl said quietly. "Classified top secret, all files redacted. Completely removes all signs of the user's presence-"

"...aside from their Energon flow on a thermal scan. I cannot seem to mask that, Lord Megatron." Shockwave's voice rang out from Soundwave.

"Oh. I'd like you both to meet my sparkmate." Jolt suddenly remembered to say. Red Alert stood up straight like she'd been struck and Prowl's lip twitched in a bit of a gulp. "Although you won't remember any of it."

Soundwave's black faceless visor lit up searing purple and then Red Alert collapsed back onto Prowl, who caught her badly, before he looked up at Jolt and Soundwave. Jolt looked a little bit sorry. "I'm really sorry, Prowl. But this is much better than having Rumble smash your lights out with his piledrivers."

Then Prowl's drives crashed and he fell backwards onto the floor.

DON'T WORRY

THEY'RE FINE