Fire is catching

Chapter 37

Author's Note: Hey guys, I don't know about you, but personally, I don't know where my summer vacation went. One second I was just enjoying my first day of seemingly endless liberty and the next moment I already find myself in the car on my way back to school. In spite of that, I will try to find some time to write and update this story. I Hope you enjoy this chapter!

I run as fast as my legs can carry me, completely relying on my instincts because my head is way too occupied thinking about the things she said. Besides, I can't see a thing because the tears that just won't stop coming are blurring my vision.

Once again a beloved person sacrificed their life for me. I killed Levy, it is my fault and instead of seeking revenge or at least being angry she wants me to live, is willing to sacrifice her life for it and tells me things that make that part of me, the part of me that always felt this strange connection to the other tributes, scream out loud in delight?

What is happening?

I left the valley, left the safety, left Natsu who did so much for me without saying a single word because I didn't want to be responsible for anyone else's death and this is what happens? I kill the girl I got along with so well? Are you freaking kidding me? This is too ironic to be true, someone's got to be messing with my head right? I mean what am I, some kind of freaky opposite of a talisman? A cursed girl that brings death to everyone she cares about?

After a while I start panting and there's a sharp pain throbbing in my side, I didn't even notice how long I've been running but my body is starting to be really exhausted.

Something inside of me is screaming at me to move on, to push further but my rational side knows that I need to rest. I haven't eaten all day and I had to endure a fair amount of emotional stress that drained me of my energy.

I need a quiet place to lay down for a bit and just sleep, a good deep dreamless night to forget what just happened. I push away the leaves that cover the space between the sky-high trees, looking for a bed of grass and leaves that is protected from sight.

As I'm making my way through the thick layer of leaves, thorns and branches I suddenly step on something soft.

"Ouch" the voice that shrieks those words is high-pitched, a girl, and it's coming from the ground.

Wait what?

I look down and see that the "soft thing" I stepped on is actually an arm, a human arm.

"I'm sorry" I stutter, completely flabbergasted. I kneel down and push away the leaves that cover the girl's body. White hair with crumbs of dirt in it show up and that's when I know that the person lying on the ground is none other than Mirajane Strauss, the girl from district 1. Unless most years she didn't actually volunteer, but she still belongs to the career pack. Despite that, I still feel like she's a good person. I mean she indirectly saved my life. She saw me sitting in that tree and she could've, no she should've sold me out to her career buddies, but she didn't. So what is a girl that got such a high score doing here all alone, hiding herself in the dirt?

"Are you okay?" I ask, a strange question to ask in the hunger games. Nobody is okay in this arena. Some are just more than others.

"Please, please don't hurt me" she asks with a cracking voice in which I spot real fear. "Even though" she adds with a sigh "Go ahead and kill me, I won't judge you, that's what these games are all about after all, right?"

Her words make me shudder, how can she be so fearless and show understanding and sympathy for someone that's trying to kill her? "What are you saying Mirajane? I'm not going to hurt you…But what happened? What are you doing here all on your own?"

She flinched: "It's actually a really embarrassing story, we were out on a…uhm…scouting tour and apparently Erza and Gajeel found something and started running ahead like they always do, so I started following them and then I tripped. I literally tripped on a root or something and fell, silly right? I must've sprained my ankle or something. Thing is, I couldn't walk, I was only slowing them down. So they left me here and said that they would come and get me when they finished their hunt." She spoke really slowly and quietly, as if speaking was exhausting and her words sounded like she had a really dry throat.

"And how long ago did they promise that?" I ask with a bad feeling.

"I think one night and half a day ago."

"What? What are they thinking? I thought you were a group, they can't just leave you behind!"

A sad smile spreads on her face: "I can't blame them. They're careers, they're not here to make friends, they're here to win and that means that all the others have to die. Alliances are only temporary, they last as long as both parties benefit from them. And let's face it, I was dragging them down all along, I'm not one of them. I can consider myself lucky to have had the chance of being in their group for so long. I didn't have to starve or be cold or sleep unprotected or even fight. But it was predestined that they would abandon me one day, I'm lucky they didn't kill me on the spot. It's okay" She says with such a stable and humble voice that it makes my heart clench, how can she be so calm and understanding?

"Just because we're in the hunger games it doesn't mean that we have to completely lose our humanity. Yes, we're here to survive, but basic values like friendship and loyalty are still important. They have to be cut down, but you should never lose sight of those values because if you do, you're not human anymore and you're not even an animal, you're something lifeless below that, and that's when you're not the victor, but the loser of those games. When you give in to the game makers, when you become their puppet, that's when you lose. Those who keep their humanity under these conditions, those who die human, they should be called victors." A few lonesome tears start dwelling up as I think of those kindhearted people that I've lost.

"Lucy…the words you speak are beautiful, but you have to understand. The people in this arena can't afford to think like that. It's not their way of thinking. Erza, Gajeel, Saphir, they were trained for this all their life. For them it's just a game. A game in which losing is not an option, so they do whatever it takes to win. I'm not saying that what they're doing is right, but it is understandable to a degree. And look at me, I've got a sprained ankle, I can't move, I can't run, I've already lost this. I'm a worthless player, so they leave me behind, no hard feelings."

"Gajeel murdered a young girl without blinking, without thinking about it even a second. He tortured me, just for fun. I'm sorry but I can't understand this" I say, my voice a lot harsher now.

I can see the terror roll over her face like a wave on the ocean, building its way up and then crashing, going back to its original form: "I'm sorry for your loss and for what he did to you"

"It's not your fault" I answer, my voice a little softer now.

"This system creates broken people" she whispers with a deep sadness in her eyes.

"Yes it does. Now let's get your ankle fixed" I say starting to remove the rest of the branches and leaves that are covering her.

"What are you doing Lucy?" She asks, completely stunned.

"What do you think I'm doing? I'm repaying my debt of course." I grin

"What are you talking about?"

"You know, you kind of saved my life a couple of days ago. I know you saw me that time I was sitting in the tree. You didn't rat me out. I was easy prey, had no chance to get away and yet, you didn't tell them. I owe you."

"I wasn't saving your life, I was just avoiding getting into trouble okay? I hate those games, all the fighting and the killing, I just wanted to give you a fair chance."

"And I want to give you a fair chance as well and that's only possible if you can at least run away. So quit whining and come on."

"But…I can't, I'll only slow you down and get you into trouble."

I spun on my heel and stood right before her, looking down at her from above: "Okay listen Mira, I'm not going to just leave you here. You can protest all you want, I'm still going to take you with me so why don't you just make this easier for both of us and come with me now, like the good girl you are. Do you understand?" The moment I speak those words aloud, I regret their harshness, but I really don't want to lose time discussing something that's already been settled. I will help her get her strength back and then we'll part. It's what Wendy would've done and it's what I would've liked to do for Levy. I have to do this, I have to be able to save at least one person.

"Come on Mira, let's get you out of here." I say as I wrap one arm around her to help her stand up "Can you stand at least on one foot?"

She gives me a slight nod as I pull her up. I can see that she's in pain, even though most of her weight is resting on my shoulders.

"Okay, we'll take one small step at a time and just tell me if you need a break"

We slowly make our way through the forest as I keep looking around for safe, hidden shelter. Mira has to stop a few times because the walking is too exhausting and painful for her. I can't help but to turn around and flinch at every little sound, paranoia is getting me.

After about two hours of painfully slow walking we come across a safe spot. A small hill on a plateau of grass in between two parts of the forest. There's a ledge under it which will protect us from any acid rain as well as sight.

As I lay Mira on the cold ground she's panting and her forehead is boiling. "Mira, do you have a fever?" I ask, starting to panic a little.

"Maybe…I don't know…I was on the floor for days…I 'm so tired…I just want to sleep…" she says with rolling eyes and slurry speech.

"Okay, okay, I'll let you rest but first you've got to drink something. You have to keep hydrated." I explain while helping her to sit upright and cracking open a water fruit. She downs it one gulp after which she just more or less slides to the ground and falls asleep on the spot.

I don't want to leave her alone, but I know that I have to find the healing herbs as soon as possible, she desperately needs some treatment. And I'd rather go out now, when it's starting to get dark than in broad daylight or the middle of the night. I feel super uncomfortable knowing that I can't protect myself in case I am attacked, due to me losing all the weapons that I once possessed.

The evening air is pleasantly cool as a soft breeze swipes through my hair. I scan the area close to our shelter and slowly start expanding the area around it as I can't seem to be able to find anything.

A cold shudder runs down my spine and makes me jump as the anthem of the capitol is starting to play out of nowhere and the faces of today's casualties flash up in the sky. Levy looks so untypically serious on her picture that I almost don't recognize her. A few seconds and then she's gone, a star that disappeared as quickly as it was bright.

"So now you try to save that career girl in order to compensate for the guilt you feel for not being able to save Levy, right?" says the dark voice inside my head.

No, no, that's not true. I'm just trying to do something right, to stay human, to treat others as I would want to be treated.

"Yeah sure. You're trying because everything you've done so far ended in a huge mess. You have blood on your hands Lucy Heartfilia, lots of blood. Everything you touch goes bad, everyone you meet, everyone you befriend dies. "

No, it's not my fault. I didn't mean for any of this to happen, I didn't do anything wrong! I repeat this in my head over and over again, but the evil voice just keeps getting louder. I try to push it away, to shut it up by concentrating on the task at hand: Finding those damn herbs.

After a few more minutes of tiptoeing around I finally find what I'm looking for: The characteristic plants Wendy showed me. I bend down and start picking them, ripping them out of the ground. Their leaves feel rough and leathery, just like Wendy described them. Having picked a few dozen of them I start heading back to our shelter. Mira is still asleep, so I use this momentum to wrap her foot and her hot forehead in the cooling, calming and healing plants. The bandages don't look as good as the ones Wendy provided for me, but I hope that they'll do.

Unable to fall asleep, I spend most of the night outside watching the stars and functioning as lookout in the meantime. Not a single cloud can be spotted on the horizon. Instead, millions of stars twinkle in the sky, stars that are maybe already dead but despite that, we're still able to see their light. Just like the people I have lost: My mother, Lisanna, Wendy, Levy, I can still see them in front of my inner eye, I can still feel their warm presence, their light, even though they've already passed away.

Sitting there, a tiny little human in front of the endless width of the universe, I feel so unimportant. My problems, my struggle to survive, are so utterly uninteresting for the rest of the universe. I'm just one person, one of many, my feelings, my life, they don't matter to the big picture. So why am I even trying? Why am I behaving as if I am important?

"Because you're selfish", says the hissing voice inside my head, "You're so selfish that you're willing to sacrifice other people's lives in order to save your own one, you think you're more worthy of living than they are, don't you?"

"That's not true!" I yell, covering my ears, "Wendy…, Levy…., Lisanna…, their deaths weren't my fault."

"I wasn't talking about them specifically" says the voice in a sneaky way "I was talking about lives in general. What about the cat girl, Milianna, were you not ready to fight her to save your own life?"

"But she attacked me…"

"And Gajeel? Weren't you ready, no, even eager to kill him in order to survive?"

"But he murdered Wendy! And he tried to kill me, what was I supposed to do?"

"So you did think that your life is worth more than his is?"

"I…uhm…" I stutter, at loss for words.

"Selfish, just like I said"

I burry my head inside my knees, trying to ignore the voice that keeps screaming inside my head and this is when I realize that this nightmare will never end. Even if, by some kind of miracle, I turn out to be the victor of this year's Hunger Games, how the hell would I ever be able to live with the guilt? Knowing that 23 young tributes, 23 children, left their lives in this arena and I am the one who lives? I will have to look into their parent's eyes on my victory tour while I give a speech about how great our government is. I will be the mentor that has to coach the new and terrified tributes, send them off into the games knowing that the odds of them coming back aren't high?

The voice inside my head, the guilt, the fear are already starting to drive me crazy, how am I supposed to deal with an entire life of this? I would never be able to be truly happy, to sleep calmly, to live a full and enjoyable life after the games, I just couldn't. So why even bother trying to work towards this dark future? My life was over the minute my name was drawn out of that glass bowl.

"Shut up!" I scream, the words echoing through the night. I can't afford to think that way. All of this may be true but I'm not in the privileged position to be thinking about my future life, I have to fight in order for me to be able to even have a future.

With a deep sigh, I get up and start walking back in, lay down and drop to the floor. After some turning and tossing around I finally manage to fall asleep. It feels like only a few minutes have passed when I wake up. Mira is still asleep, so I try not to make too much noise as I walk outside into the sunlight to stretch my legs.

After making sure that nothing seems odd, I get back to Mira and check on her wounds. They look a lot better already. I swipe some beads of sweat off my forehead in relief, for once, I did something right and was able to help.

A few minutes later, Mirajane finally opens her eyes and carefully sits up while I hold her. "I feel a lot better already Lucy, thank you so much!" she says with a big smile on her face "Do you think I should try to stand up? I don't want to bug you longer than I have to."

"I wouldn't do that, you'll only end up making it worse. And besides, I don't mind your company, I don't really like being alone anyways." The words slip out of my mouth before I think about them, but after a moment of surprise I realize that they are actually true, even though I'm having a hard time admitting it. I'm scared of being alone and I feel more secure and comfortable when someone else is around. But if that's the case, was it a mistake to leave Natsu?

No, I remind myself, it wasn't. I had to do it, had to leave him, not because it was for mine, but for his own good. I would've brought him more problems and put him into danger, leaving him was the right thing to do.

"Lucy…are you listening to me?" Mira says with an inquisitive look on her face.

"Sorry, I spaced out for a bit, what were you saying?"

"Never mind, just forget about it", she says with a faint but kind smile.

"How come you're so different from all the other careers?" I ask out of the blue. This question had been floating through the back of my head ever since I first saw Mira. Her small frame, her kind smile and her quiet personality didn't seem to fit the typical image of a bloodthirsty and victory obsessed picture of a career I had in mind.

A small laugh that sounds more like a cough escapes her mouth: "That's because I'm not really a career, or at least, I'm not anymore."

"What do you mean?"

"Well believe it or not, I was actually a pretty tough kid. I was aggressive, arrogant, violent, cruel, the perfect candidate for going into training. So by the age of five I enrolled into training for the games. Even though I was younger than most of the others, I was stronger than all of them. I enjoyed fighting, loved the kick I got out of it and I didn't care about the others at all. Once I even broke another kid's leg and I was even pleased, happy that my training was going so well."

My eyes widened in surprise, I definitely wasn't expecting this.

"Yeah, it was kind of sick, really. By the age of 15 I was a fully trained killer machine with high physical and magical abilities. There were rumors about me already volunteering at the age of 16 instead of waiting till I was 18 like most of the careers do, and they were true. I knew that I was stronger than the older kids, so I was convinced that I would be able to win the games even at my age and I didn't want to wait any longer, I was eager to go, to prove my strength to everyone. But then, about half a year before the reaping, my sister died. I had a younger sister and brother, you know? My sister was the complete opposite of me. She was the kindest and sweetest girl you could imagine. Everybody loved her, people and animals alike and she never could've laid a finger on anyone or anything. She died in an accident. My brother and I were in the local training room, practicing fighting with wooden sticks and swords. As always, we weren't going easy on each other and I was completely concentrating on my movements. That's when my sister entered the room, she had wanted to get us for dinner, but she didn't realize that we were only practicing, that we weren't trying to seriously injure each other. So, because she was worried about her older siblings she tried to get between us. In that moment my brother had swung his sword at me, but instead of hitting me, he hit her. The blow to the head immediately killed her", she says heavily sobbing.

"Oh my god Mira that's terrible" I gasp.

"My brother thinks that it was his fault, but I never blamed him for what happened. I blame the capitol, this system that raises us to kill each other. She was killed because I was so obsessed with fighting I didn't care about anything else, I forgot what really mattered. And now, she's gone and I can't have her back, just because of this fucked up world. Ever since that day, I dropped out of training, stayed home and decided that the least I could do for my sister is to try to be like her: kind. This world is so full of cruel people, I don't need to be one of them. But then, this year, my name was drawn and against all odds, no girl wanted to volunteer this year, so I was sent into the hunger games. I swore to myself that I wouldn't kill any innocent people though, I won't give the capitol that power over me. Sticking with the careers gave me the possibility to survive long enough, I could hide behind their protection, but as soon as someone is going to attack me I won't fight back. I'll die the person I want to be, not some violent puppet of President Snow."

Her words make me shudder and I can feel some tears rising up: "Mira…" I say and hug her, hold her while silent sobs make her tremble.

"I have one last question though…, how can you stay with the other careers when they are the most violent people I've ever seen?"

At that her mouth tightens: "Like I said before,I'm not saying that I'm okay with what they're doing, but I know that it's not really them. They weren't born this way, it's the capitol that shaped them, that turned them into those killer machines. I was just like them you know? I can't really blame them for what they're doing, they're just acting the way they were raised to be. And you know, even though she may look and act intimidating and coldblooded I know that deep down, Erza has a kind and vulnerable personality. She's a lot like me before I changed. Gajeel is different, but I don't know what I could do about him. I know that you probably can't understand and I'm not expecting you to show any kind of understanding for them, but Erza, Gray, Saphir, Juvia, they're not bad people, they were just trained to be."

Even though her words don't make me like the careers in the slightest way, I understand what she means. Would I really have been that different if I had been born in district 1 or 2?

We spend a large part of the day talking and just as a short pause filled with comfortable silence comes up I realize how odd it is that I met so many friendly people in these games. Normally the arena isn't exactly the place to make new friends, but this year I've actually met some of the most interesting and kind people I know under these unfortunate circumstances.

As I tell Mira that thought she smiles at me and answers: "It's because this year, something's different. I knew it right from the start, something, something inexplicable connects all of us. I don't know what it is, but I can feel it, especially with the girl from 11. I don't know if you remember her, her name was Lisanna. She just reminded me of my sister so much that when I saw her name on screen for the first time I thought it was really her. I started crying because I genuinely thought that my baby sister had come back to life and now had to go into these horrible games. I wanted to watch out for her, to convince the other careers to form an alliance with her, but she died in the bloodbath and I never got to talk to her properly. I wonder what happened to her."

I bit my lip looking away as I remember that Lisanna's death was my fault. She was hit by a knife that was meant for me and died laying in my lap.

The thing is though that once again, someone else is having the feeling that the tributes are all connected in a weird way, but just like the others, she's unable to put this feeling into accurate words.

"You know Lucy?" Mira says suddenly looking very serious "You're a good girl, I just know it. I wish you didn't have to be in those games, I wish you could've had another life."

"Yeah" I mumble often having thought about what it would've been like to have been born into a different period of time, before the big war and the establishment of Panem.

"That's a nice thing to say Mira, but I guess being born into a different time wouldn't really have helped a lot. There's always been war and violence and cruelty. I don't know why, but where there are humans there is war." I knew this because my mother used to own a few of the last existing history books and I devoured all of them.

"I guess your right", she sighs "Humans are capable of amazingly beautiful things, but they can be just as ugly as well."

I break the silence that is followed by those words by saying: "Oh well, I guess I'll get us something to eat. I won't be gone for long, are you okay staying here on your own?" I hate leaving Mira alone but as she's still unable to walk I don't see any other options.

"Don't worry, I'll be fine. Just be careful"

"Will do", I say as I turn around and start jogging as I make my way out to get some food.

After having gathered a few edible plants and roots, they're all that I've been able to find, I head back to our base. Even before I get there I notice that something is terribly wrong. It's just that the air feels so tense it makes the hairs on my arms stand up. Carefully, I start approaching our hiding place on my tiptoes and look around the corner. What I see sends a shudder down my spine and I have to bite my tongue to keep myself from screaming out in fear.

Author's Note: I hope you liked this chapter :D I'm curious to hear your guesses about what or who is scaring Lucy so much, so let me know your suggestions! Read you soon 3

Natsu: WHAT? AUTHOR YOU CAN'T END THIS CHAPTER WITH SUCH A CLIFFHANGER…

Author: Of course I can. That's the coolest thing about being an author, I have the power to make everyone suffer MUAHAHA

Natsu: You're such a bully…

Author: Oh come on, you have to give me at least that. I mean something has to compensate for the fact that I'm not even getting paid for this…

Natsu: Whatever you evil human being…

Lucy: You know that you could know how it continues if you would read the freaking screenplay for once!

Natsu: Pft, screenplays are overrated, especially if you're such a natural acting talent like me. Besides, reading is way too exhausting…

Lucy: That's because you're too stupid to admire and appreciate the magical experience of reading a book. I mean just feeling the paper between your fingers when you turn the page, the glorious smell of old paper and ink, the wonderful adventures books can take you on…

Natsu: Woah,woah, calm down, I get the point you little bookworm freak.

Lucy: Sorry, I can get a little carried away when defending the honor of books

Author: You just spoke out of my soul, Lucy. Truly beautiful words. NOW GET BACK TO WORK YOU LAZY BUNCH!

Natsu and Lucy: So evil…