Chapter 38

Chapter 38

The more I have to do with the Tok'ra, the more I wish we'd never heard of them. The three Jacob brought along for this mission make it quite clear that they think it's beneath them to have a Jaffa involved, and I can see the tension in Teal'c's shoulders as he soaks up the implied insults. I know how he feels … wish I could rearrange their sneering faces … but I still have to remind him to keep calm – at least until the mission's over.

"It will not be easy, O'Neill," he says, softly, looking over my shoulder towards the source of his irritation.

"I know, Buddy. But you know I need you along. Can't trust we'll get an accurate report otherwise."

"I will ensure that you are informed of all that transpires," he promises, bowing his head.

"Thanks."

Moments later, the ship Jacob got for the mission takes off, and Daniel and I gate home. Sam's in the control room as usual when we get back, and she smiles in my direction. I acknowledge her, but I'm not sure I can face her just now. Anyway, that pile of memos on my desk seems to grow by the hour, so I head there once I've finished with post-mission protocol.

Knowing that the twins aren't on the base any more … that I won't see them again … it feels like there's this big, empty space. Not for the first time, I consider resigning my commission. It just seems like the Air Force has cost me too much … too much of Charlie's short life and now the twins too. But then, if it hadn't been for the Air Force, I wouldn't have Sam. So I can't wish it hadn't been part of my life. And then there's Cassie. Not mine, but at least I get to see her grow up.

I work my way through the pile of paperwork, trying not to dwell on the twins. Sam and I haven't talked much about them since we realised what would happen, but I guess we need to. I want to be there for her … to support her … but I'm not sure I can.

We don't discuss it, but we end up staying on the base overnight. Sam wants to be there in case Tesia needs her, and I just want to hear from Teal'c that Jama's back where the snake in his head can't hurt the twins any more. Not that I expect anything until tomorrow.

There's no sign of Sam in the commissary next morning, but Daniel's there.

"Jack," he starts as he sits down. It's that tone that makes for future indigestion.

"Daniel," I answer in kind.

"Have you spoken to Sam lately?"

"Yes, Daniel. I have spoken to my wife."

"I mean have you talked to her?"

"I thought I just said …"

"Jack, don't be dense. You're upset that the twins have gone. Sam's upset too. You need …"

"We'll deal with it fine on our own."

"Not while you're both staying on the base," Daniel disagrees. "I know you two. You won't talk about what's important here. You need to be at home … somewhere away from here."

"We'll go home, Daniel. Just as soon as we know the twins are safe."

He sighs deeply, and picks up his coffee mug.

The worst of it is that I know he's right. I don't want to talk about it, but Sam needs to. I need to. We're both due some leave. Maybe a few days at the cabin would help. I'm just wondering how to suggest that when there's an off world activation. I rush to the control room only to find Sam there already, and Teal'c walking down the ramp. Being Teal'c, his expression's giving nothing away, so I go down to him as he hands his weapons to the waiting airman.

"So?"

"The mission went as planned. Resistance was minimal. It seemed they believed that the atmosphere on the planet was sufficient to ensure their safety."

"So, is Jama back with the Tok'ra?" Sam demands.

"I regret to inform you that the Goa'uld within Jama was damaged in the attempt to take him. Both Goa'uld and host are dead."

Maybe for the best. I don't think I could live with myself if I had to witness my hands hurting people I love.

"Ok, Teal'c," I tell him. "Hammond wants a debrief as soon as you're available."

"I will be ready shortly," he promises.

The debrief is short. Teal'c's not convinced that the injury to Jama's symbiote was accidental. He was hit by one of the Tok'ra and the symbiote fatally injured. There was the usual Goa'uld posturing, and both host and symbiote died. Teal'c wanted to bring the body back to Earth, but he was outvoted. Jacob promised to make sure Jama's body was treated with the same respect accorded the Tok'ra's own human hosts, and that was that.

"If you send Tesia up, I'll inform her," General Hammond suggests.

"Sir," Sam disagrees. "I think it'd be better coming from Janet or me."

"If you think so," he agrees. "I assume she'll want to be with the children as soon as possible, so I'll arrange for her to be taken to the Academy Hospital this afternoon. From there, transport will be arranged to take them to their new home. Tesia has already signed a non-disclosure agreement, and agreed to ensure that the children do the same as soon as they're legally able to. However, I believe that their future safety rests off world, away from the NID, although as yet, there are no obvious candidates for us to ask."

"And that's it," I finish.

"For them? No, it's just the beginning."

"Yes, Sir," I answer.

"Dismissed."

"Thank you, Sir," Sam tells him. "I'll go and speak to Janet now."

The others leave the office, but I stay behind.

"Something on your mind, Colonel?"

"Yes, Sir. You know Sam and I've both got leave due. I'd like … I think it'd be good if we could go to the cabin for a few days."

"Have you discussed this with Captain Carter?"

"Not yet, Sir. I wanted to find out if we'd be able to take some leave first."

"Is a week long enough?"

"Yes, Sir."

"For what it's worth, I think a break would do both of you a world of good."

"I hope so."

At home that night, Sam's first reaction to the suggestion that we take a break is that she's got too much work to even think about it.

"Hammond said he could spare us," I tell her.

"You talked to him first?"

"Didn't seem much point thinking about it if we couldn't get leave," I say. Quite reasonably, I think.

She sighs deeply. "We do need some time away. It's been hard … these past few weeks."

"It has. So, day after tomorrow? I'll book some flights. Don't feel like driving. Do you?"

"Flying's good," she agrees.

It takes two days and a bottle of wine before Sam lets me in. Or I let her in. Not sure which. She's crying because she's missing the twins, and I'm holding her tight. At last, the tears stop.

"Some day, Jack."

"Some day what?"

"Some day, when we've beaten the Goa'uld, we'll have kids of our own."

"I thought …" I'm confused.

"I know. After Jolinar, I didn't think I could do it … be pregnant again. Now … I guess I could. But … having the twins around … we weren't there for them as much as they needed. And they're eleven and they still had a mom. How could we deal with a baby? Unless one of us leaves the SGC …"

"I could," I offer.

"No, Jack. You couldn't."

"Sure I could. Grizzled Colonels with bad knees are a dime a dozen. They need you."

"That's just it, Jack. They need both of us. Anyway, would you want to have kids only to risk having them taken as Goa'uld hosts? We need to get rid of the threat first. Don't we?"

Despite my initial reaction, I know she's right. And despite my disappointment that it's not going to happen soon, it feels right.

"So, kids … later."

"Yes, Jack."

"And we can practise in the meantime?"

"Definitely."

"Ok. Just gives us more incentive to kick their snaky asses. Now, you said something about practising?"

"Not sure you need much practice," Sam tells me as we break from a kiss.

"Well, practice makes perfect …" I answer, taking her hand and leading her to the bedroom.