Chapter 33

Catharsis

I knew that I should be angry, furious. If this were a couple months ago, I would be tearing through the house, crying for Edward's head on a silver plate. However, this time, it felt different—I felt different. While I was livid, there was a sense of finality in the air around me…almost as if I had expected this.

Did I? Have I been waiting for this to happen?

Everything that I had worked towards—the rebuilding of trust between Edward and me for Emily's future—had been for nothing. Despite all the promises and vows Edward had made prior to leaving Seattle, he had betrayed me again.

The moments ticked by and I continued to stare at my own memorial page, wanting to feel something…anything. I turned away from the computer, unable to bear the sight of my once-human face any longer, and began pacing. Refusing to let my newborn anxiety get to me, I began to focus on my breathing and movements.

Right foot…left foot...be careful of the weight distribution from one foot to the other…don't move too fast.

As I moved past the window, I glanced over and noticed Emmett acting like Godzilla and chasing Emily around. It was touching that he had taken to being an uncle so well. He always seemed like such a big kid himself, but when it came to Emily he never put his needs above hers. Of course, he had told me once that he was a big brother to seven sisters, so I was sure this was like second nature to him.

I turned away and was faced with crippling reality. Edward had lied to me once again, and I knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that I could no longer stay. There was a freedom that accompanied this knowledge. There was no need to pretend anymore, no necessity to be shy or embarrassed. Of course, there was the understandable anxiety of the unknown future—what was supposed to happen next?

Should I confront Edward?

Just thinking about fighting Edward again was draining emotionally and mentally. I didn't think I was up for round two with my husband, but that didn't mean I was about to forgive him. In fact, I was starting to wonder if the squeamishness I'd felt around him these past couple of months was actually hate in disguise. If that were the case, what punishment could I inflict on him that would be comparable to death?

Emily squealed loudly from outside, and I had my answer.

Emily and I would leave him, vanish into the dust. There was no other way. However, there was a problem; Emily was still assaulting me daily with images of Jacob. I knew that there was absolutely no way I could continue to have her with me. She needed to go to a home where she'd be loved and happy. She had to go with Rosalie and Emmett. This would be my ultimate way of paying them back for all their support—I would give Rose what she always wanted.

I took a step towards the door, ready to bring them into the planning, when the computer chimed. The laptop was informing me that someone was attempting to contact me on my instant messenger. I found this a little strange, but figured that Tanya had logged back in to talk about what she had led me to discover.

I headed back to the laptop and inspected the message that I had received. It wasn't from Tanya. In fact, it wasn't from anyone that I knew. The screen name had been hidden, which I didn't even think was possible, so all I saw was the message.

Pull out the top drawer in the red file cabinet.

My brow creased as I reread the short message again, curious as to who sent it. I gazed around the library, and, eventually, my gaze rested on a deep red file cabinet in the far corner. After a brief second of speculation, I crossed the room and stood in front of the object. With a deep breath, I pulled out the drawer, set it on the floor, and gazed into the space left behind.

I pulled out a brown envelope and turned it over in my hands a few times before opening it. Inside were four navy blue booklets with a Government seal on the front. Passports. There were also plane tickets, visas, a list of phone numbers, and a smaller envelope addressed to me. Without stopping, I tore into it and found myself staring at Alice's familiar handwriting.

Dear Bella,

I suppose the first thing I should say is I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I wasn't strong enough to keep this from happening to you. Part of me hopes that I will never find the need to direct you to this letter, but I know that's an unlikely scenario. Why? Because I know Edward. Would you believe me if I said his intentions were good, but his execution wasn't? It doesn't matter now. Please know that I tried to correct my mistake, even if my attempt was futile.

If you're reading this, then you've made the decision to leave Edward behind. Inside, I have enclosed everything necessary to get you, Emily, Rosalie, and Emmett out of the country without suspicion or detection. This is as much as I can help you, and I hope it is enough. I hope that you will guide them to a place where you won't be found, because he will come looking for you, Bella.

When you reach a safe point, when you know that everything is over and finished, make a decision and we will find you. Please don't take my resistance to appear as a sign that I don't love you. You are, and always will be, my sister. I won't lose you again.

I'm waiting and watching.

Alice.

p.s. Destroy this letter.

I held the letter to my heart, a bittersweet smile on my lips, and whispered my sister's name. It was refreshing to know that she hadn't abandoned me, that this was actually as hard on her as it was on me. However, as much as I would have loved to sit and reminisce about Alice, I knew that I had a lot of work to do. Edward would be home in forty-eight hours, and I planned to be long gone by then.

After collecting all the passports, visas, and information from the envelope, I headed downstairs. Emmett and Rose had brought Emily inside, and I found them sitting in the living room watching television. They both looked at me curiously when I moved and stood in front of them.

"What's up, Bells?" Emmett placed himself between me and the others, probably thought that I was on the verge of a newborn meltdown. "Are you okay?"

"Edward didn't go away to visit Esme and Carlisle," I said and lowered my eyes, feeling a pang of anger in my chest. "He lied again."

"Where is he?" Rose moved to stand beside Emmett, both of them wearing matching expressions of suspicion.

"All three of them are attending a funeral," I said between clenched teeth. "My funeral."

I wasn't exactly sure what I was expecting, but I was definitely not anticipating Emmett's reaction. While Rose looked shocked and like she wanted to find out what had happened, my brother-in-law stormed past me and walked out the front door. Placing all the stuff Alice had given me on the table, I followed him and found him ripping trees up from the ground.

Emmett was always so boisterous and loving that it was somewhat shocking to see him acting like this. It was a brutal reminder of the animal he kept caged up inside himself. As he strolled up to a huge tree, he wrapped his arms around the trunk and lifted, pulling it free from the earth moments before tossing it like it was weightless. When I approached him, he spun around and growled at me; his eyes were completely black.

"What are we going to do this time?" He glared openly at me while his chest rose and fell with each breath he took. "Are you going to let him buy you off again, or are you going to stand up for yourself?"

"Excuse me?" What on earth was Emmett talking about?

"You heard me!" His body moved forward and, before I could comprehend what he was doing, he grasped both my shoulders. "You can't let him get away with this again."

"I won't," I hissed and wriggled out of his grip. "Not this time."

He backed up, obviously confused by what I had just said, and crossed his arms over his chest. A few moments passed, and I realized that he was waiting for me to speak, to tell him what I had decided. I took a deep breath and did everything I could to squelch the rising paranoia that I was feeling. My newborn emotions were telling me to flee in the face of Emmett, but I didn't listen.

"I want you to take Emily," I said without looking at Emmett. "I want you to take her and leave."

"What?" His voice was husky and thick with confusion.

"I can't give her the life she needs," I reasoned and finally looked at him. "For whatever reason, she's bonded with you and Rose—she's happy with you."

"She can be happy with you too, Bells," Emmett said, shaking his head. "You just have to give it more time."

"No, Em," I replied and rested my hand on his shoulder. "I've given her time…she hasn't changed."

"What are you saying?"

We both turned to find Rosalie standing behind us, Emily in her arms. As the seconds passed, I noticed an expression cross her face—hope mixed with realization. I nodded and Rose tightened her grip on my daughter, her bottom lip quivering slightly.

"She's…ours?" Her voice was barely above a whisper.

"Yes, Rose," I said and walked over to her. "Emily is your daughter now."

Upon hearing her name, Emily looked up at me with questioning eyes and frowned. She reached forward to touch my face, and I was instantly filled with feelings of abandonment and sorrow. It made my heart break to realize that she didn't want me to go, but I knew that I had to. For whatever reason, my presence was causing her to suffer, which meant I had to leave.

"I just want you to know, Emily," I said and swallowed as my voice quivered. "I love you very much, and I wish things had been different. Rosalie and Emmett are going to be your mother and father from now on. They love you and will take care of you always."

Emily pursed her lips and a tiny tear slipped down her cheek.

I knew that we were wasting time with goodbyes. I still had to arrange for them to catch a flight within the next twenty four hours, and I had to be long gone by the time Edward returned. However, as I turned to speak with Emmett, Emily grasped my hand and a crystal clear voice resonated in my mind.

We will meet again, Momma.

I smiled and patted her hand, humored at the determined look on her little face, before shifting back to Emmett. He and Rose had told me that they had a secret home in the French Countryside. I was almost positive that this was where they would be safe.

"So, what's the plan?" Emmett looked at me expectantly. "Where are we going?"

"Your home in France," I said and his eyebrows shot up. "You said that Edward and Carlisle don't know where it is, right?"

"Yeah," he remarked and rubbed the back of his neck. "I'm pretty sure they'd find it eventually, though."

"He won't be looking for us," Rose said and we turned to look at her. "He'll be looking for you, Bella—he'll think that Emily's with you."

"I don't want him to come after me," I muttered and shook my head at the prospect of Edward chasing me around the globe…for all eternity. Alice had insisted that I finish my business before attempting to find her. I had a feeling that if Edward were on my tail, she and Jasper would remain hidden. "That can't happen."

"Then what do you suggest?" Emmett sneered and leaned against a tree. "Since you won't kill him, what other option do you have?"

He had a point. I wasn't comfortable engaging Edward in a fight again, and the more I thought about taking Emily from him, the stranger I felt. It didn't take long to realize that I was, more or less, doing exactly what he and Carlisle had done to me. I was forcibly taking his child from him, and the thought made me sick to my stomach.

"I'll figure something out."

I moved away from Rose and Emmett and began pacing. It was a relief that I could think much faster now than when I was a human, because I knew we had to get to the airport relatively quick. However, I wasn't comfortable with permanently pulling Emily away from her father. So, I came to a reasonable conclusion.

I would give the choice to Emily.

"Just promise me something," I said and took a step back, knowing that Emmett was going to be upset. "If she ever expressly asks, let Emily meet Edward when she's older."

"What?!" Emmett threw his hands up wildly and glowered at me. "No way!"

"Why on earth would you want that?" Rose was just as shocked as her husband, but wasn't nearly as loud. "We're trying to get her away from him, aren't we?"

"I refuse to let Emily not have a choice in the matter," I clarified firmly and squared my shoulders. "If she wants to meet him, then you will take her to him."

Understanding that Emily needed to make that choice for herself, Rose and Emmett hesitantly agreed, but stipulated that the choice would only be valid after her eighteenth birthday. I agreed.

The next couple of hours blurred together as Rose and Emmett contacted a commercial airline to get three seats in First Class, and I packed up some necessities for Emily. I was curious why they chose to fly commercial when they had always bragged about their private flight accommodations. However, Emmett explained that it was to hide their whereabouts; Edward would never anticipate Rosalie wanting to fly with the humans. In fact, I could see the idea was not settling with my blonde sister-in-law.

A little before five in the afternoon, we all piled into an SUV parked in the garage and left the house behind. All three of us had made sure to pack in case of sunny weather, and to gorge ourselves since we would be among a lot of humans. I twitched nervously in the backseat, hoping that I wouldn't lose my control and slaughter a bunch of people in public. The last thing I needed was to have the Volturi on my case.

It was almost a three hour drive to the JFK airport, but we made it in half the time. While I had suggested we catch a flight out of Albany, Rose suggested driving to New York City instead. I wasn't exactly sure why, but I didn't push—I was just so anxious to get out of there.

I had left a letter behind for Edward, and I hoped it would be enough to deter him from following me. I would be lying if I said that I was happy to be getting away from him. There was a part of me, I was sure, that would always love him. However, that part wasn't large enough to force me to stay behind. Any remnants of hope for Edward and me were destroyed when he had faked my death without my knowledge.

Sighing heavily, I rested my hand on the window, making sure to only use a quarter of my strength—unless I wanted to shatter the window. I listened to Rosalie speaking about the schools in France, and how Emily would be sure to have the best education money could buy. Emmett also informed me that he was going to make sure she was tough. This would come in handy when she had to fight off the boys at school. I laughed, knowing that she would already be stronger than all of them, and closed my eyes.

Before I knew it, Emmett was calling to me, telling me that we had made it to New York City. When I opened my eyes, I was a little shocked at the sights that assaulted my eyes. I had never been to New York but it was nothing like I had anticipated. There were tons of people on the street, even though the sun was starting to fall in the horizon, and the lights were near blinding. I could only gawk as we weaved through traffic.

At one point, I had to roll up the window, due to all the humans clumped together. My thirst, although I had fed before we left Albany, burned at the back of my throat, and I swallowed and pushed the venom back down.

It took an additional half hour to reach the airport, and I had figured that we would have to fight the crowds to secure Rose, Emily, and Em a flight to France. However, as soon as we approached the terminal, I noticed a skinny man with a sign that read "Cullen."

"Rose?" I pointed at the man with the sign. "You don't think that's for us, do you?"

"No shame in asking," Emmett responded and headed over before we could stop him. We caught up to him right as he began speaking. "Excuse me, sir, which Cullens are you waiting for?"

The man pulled out a little white card. "I've been sent by an Alice Cullen."

Emmett nodded. "We're the Cullens."

"Oh, wonderful!" The man looked extremely relieved and exhaled heavily. "I apologize, but this short woman offered me a good deal of money to help you guys out. I was expecting it to be a scam."

"Yeah, Alice can do things like that," Emmett said, shaking his head. "So, what did she tell you to do?"

"Oh, I figured you knew," the man replied and gave us an awkward laugh. "I'm here to get you into the airport without being seen."

"Without being seen?" I had never heard of something so ludicrous in my life. "I don't understand."

"Let me put it this way," the man said and moved closer to us. I held my breath as I saw the vein in his neck pulsing. "Is there someone you're running from…someone who would look on airport surveillance cameras to find you?"

Emmett, Rose, and I looked at one another.

The man crossed his arms, a satisfied look on his face. "I rest my case."

We followed him through a series of hallways, tunnels, and twisting staircases before surfacing outside on the tarmac. Reflexively, I instinctively covered my ears as a plane roared past us but quickly remembered that my inhuman ears could tolerate the loudness. We continued to trail after the man, earning skeptical glances from the ground crews, and were brought to a large commercial airliner.

After informing us that this would take us to our destination, he excused himself and disappeared through a side doorway.

"That was weird," Emmett commented and shook his head. "Leave it to Alice to be as creepy as ever."

"Yeah," I answered and nodded.

We all stood there for a few minutes—Rose and Emmett refusing to meet my gaze, and Emily scolding the passing planes for being so loud. In my mind, this goodbye was supposed to be a lot easier. I was supposed to stroll away, knowing that this was the right way, but I didn't. In the car, I had assumed that they would be happy to get started with their new life, but it didn't look that way.

"You can still change your mind," Emmett said, pleadingly. "We have your passport, Bells."

"No, I can't." I shook my head. "This is the way it has to be."

"But why?" I was surprised that Rose was questioning my decision. She had told me her greatest desire was to be a mother. She was getting her wish, so why was she trying to change my mind? "Why now?"

"I've seen what my future has to offer," I answered solemnly and sighed. "I don't have to be Alice to know what's in store for me."

"That's why you should come with us," Rose insisted and ensnared one of my hands. "Please, Bella, I don't want you to be alone."

"I won't be," I assured her and pulled out of her grasp. "Trust me."

Emmett and Rose moved in and hugged me at the same time. The emotions welling within me burst forth, and I sobbed uncontrollably. They were the only family I had left, the ones who had stuck through everything with me, and I had to say goodbye to them. It was for Emily's sake…as well as theirs.

I was prolonging the inevitable, and I knew it. A part of me didn't want to let them go, but as a man rushed up and told us that we had to board or leave, I knew that it was time. I hugged each of them individually. Emmett picked me up and swung me around, whispering that this wasn't goodbye. Rosalie and I clawed at one another, a mixture of sobs and quick promises that Emily would be all right. Then there was my daughter.

She had been wearing the same confused scowl since we had arrived at the airport. The busyness of the airport and the loud sounds seemed to irritate and fascinate her at the same time. I could only laugh as she visually attempted to make sense of it all.

I took my daughter in my arms and hugged her tightly. She touched my cheek, and I felt her curiosity once again.

"You're going on a trip, Emily," I said and smiled when her eyes lit up. "I want you to be good for Rose and Emmett, they're going to take care of you now."

As she had before, Emily gripped my face, and I could hear her voice in my head. We will meet again.

I nodded and kissed her cheek. With a deep breath, I gave her to Rose and pointed to the aircraft behind them. "Go."

I didn't stay to watch them leave. I knew I didn't have the strength. If I had waited any longer, I would have caved and ended up following them to France. That couldn't happen. So, as soon as they disappeared inside the plane, I turned and dashed across the tarmac.

I ran at a reasonable pace, realizing that there were still humans moving around the airfield. However, once I reached an empty area, devoid of any ground crews or security guards, I let loose and found the world moving swiftly around me. My inhuman speed hid me from human eyes as I dashed across the runways towards the back fence.

Once I reached it, I easily jumped over the fifteen foot high structure and landed in a somewhat shady area. There were trees casting shadows around me, as well as vibrant green grass below my feet. I kicked off my shoes and peered through the chain link fence. Quiet sobs wracked my body as Emmett, Rose, and Emily's plane lifted off the ground.

There was a stillness within me as I watched the plane disappear into the clouds. I was at peace.

For the first time in a very long while, I realized that I was happy. Emily would be raised by two people who loved her as much as they loved one another. She wouldn't know suffering, and she'd get to move on from Jacob. She had a chance.

I glanced up one last time and whispered a silent goodbye to them, hoping that one day we would meet again. With a deep breath, I turned and headed south, disappearing into the shadows.

I had a promise to keep—to a certain southern vampire.