Bluebell140: Thank you so much. Iain will always be there to tell her how much he loves her.
Giatrix: Thank you! I was actually pretty pleased with that chapter for a change. The wedding chapters will probably be right near the end, we'll see, I'm not sure on how it'll end yet. That's something I'm stuck on, but I'll come up with something.
casualtyfics111: Me too, Gem is family after all. I know what you mean with Gem. My Christmas was lovely, thank you, and I'm glad you've been enjoying this story. More chapters to come.
Chapter Thirty-Six
It had just gone half past ten when Iain checked on Lily. She was still asleep though.
He'd been up since eight o'clock, and he'd been waiting until she was awake before he decided to leave the house. He urgently needed to talk to Connie and he didn't really want to wake her. She looked so peaceful, wrapped up in the duvet and a couple of blankets, so he thought that he'd ask Gem.
"What if she hurts herself again?" Gem asked anxiously, as she sat at the table with a bowl of cornflakes.
"I don't think she will," Iain sighed, as he rummaged around for his car keys. "All you need to do is text me when she wakes up. Until then, let her sleep."
"Sure." Gem nodded. "What are you going to tell Connie?"
"I'll figure that out in the car. Got them!" He said, when he'd finally found his car keys. "I will see you later, my little iced Gem. Remember to text me when Lily wakes up."
Iain honestly wasn't sure what he was going to say to Connie. He obviously needed to explain the fact that Lily had cut herself, but he wasn't quite sure how he was supposed to word it. He'd stayed strong and put on a brave face for Lily's sake last night, but inside it had killed him to see her like that. As soon as Lily had gone to bed, he'd broke down crying in the living room.
There was hardly any traffic on the road so Iain arrived at the ED in no time at all. It was the way he liked it; the radio on, the heater on at full blast, a nice and comfortable journey without getting caught in any queues.
The first person he clocked was Zoe and he assumed, more than anyone, that she'd know where Connie was.
"She's just finishing up with a patient but she won't be long," Zoe said. "Is everything okay?"
"I just need to talk to her about Lily," Iain sighed. "She's not doing too good."
"Oh dear," Zoe sympathised. "I'll go and find Connie for you."
Iain thanked her gratefully and hovered by the reception desk, as Zoe headed off in search of Connie. He exhaled deeply and glanced across at Noel, who appeared to be having a very difficult conversation with someone on the phone. Iain knew that Lily missed the ED, she missed working, and he hoped that in good time she would eventually be back.
"Iain!" Connie called and Iain snapped out of his trance to see Connie strolling towards him. "Let's go to my office. Cup of tea?"
"Please," Iain whispered. "That would be lovely."
"Milk? Sugar?" She asked.
"Milk, no sugar," Iain replied.
"Go and wait for me, and I'll be there in a second," Connie said and gave him a comforting pat on the back, before crossing reception to go to the staffroom.
Iain stepped through the door of Connie's office and sat himself down on the sofa. He still wasn't sure how he was going to word things to Connie, and soon enough Connie walked in with two cups of tea.
"Cup of tea with milk and no sugar," she said, placing one mug in front of Iain whilst setting the other one down at the other end of the table. "I also have a packet of biscuits in my drawer," she said, walking over and taking out a packet of custard creams. "What seems to be the problem then?" She asked, holding the pack out to him.
"Lily just...She's not coping very well," Iain said, as he bit into a custard cream. "She had counselling yesterday."
"How did that go?" Connie sat down beside him and took a sip of her hot drink.
"I don't know." Iain shrugged his shoulders. "She didn't talk about it. She um...She cut herself though."
"What?" Connie's eyes widened and she set her mug down on the table. "What do you mean, Iain? Talk to me."
"When we got home," Iain sighed, and small tears began to form in his eyes. He suddenly couldn't hold it in for much longer, but Connie was there to offer a comforting arm. "She said that she needed to go to the bathroom, so I let her. She hadn't eaten so I knew that she wasn't going to throw up and I couldn't possibly watch her whilst she...Anyway, the point is she went on her own. I was in the kitchen and I just casually mentioned to Gem that she'd been in there a while and that I was worried. Gem didn't seem to think anything of it."
"Okay." Connie nodded at him to show that she was listening.
"Because of how much weight she's lost, Lily hasn't had an awful lot of energy and you know that," Iain said, and Connie gave another nod. "I just thought that maybe she needed some help and because Gem is a female, I asked if she could go and see. I thought another female would make Lily more comfortable. Anyway, Gem went and she came back and told me that Lily had cut herself with one of my razors."
"Have another biscuit," Connie offered and gestured to the packet on the coffee table. "Listen to me. Lily's vulnerable and she has a lot of problems at the moment. We all still love her though, don't we?"
"Of course," Iain said. "Lily's the love of my life. I just...I hate seeing her like that."
"Maybe you should have a chat with this counsellor as well," Connie suggested. "She's really good and I have had a few discussions with Zoe and Charlie about getting you some support. Lily isn't the only one who needs it."
"I guess," Iain whispered. "I knew she still struggled with eating and self esteem, but I never expected her to carve into her own skin."
"Can I ask you a personal question, Iain?" Connie nodded. "Lily's issues, are they um...Affecting your relationship? I'm just curious because you don't need to rush into getting married, not if neither of you are ready."
"I proposed to Lily for a reason," Iain said. "And she said that she wants to marry me. However, I...I can't remember the last time we had sex. Lily's too self-conscious, thinks I'll judge her or hate her, but I wouldn't. I love her."
"I know," Connie said. "And this is what I meant by rushing into things. I know that you love each other and I know that you want to get married, but Lily's body image issues could affect the relationship. She is going to find it hard to be affectionate and loving towards you, because of the way she sees herself. She probably does want to have sex with you and kiss you, but it's just a struggle for her. Things will get easier though and I'm not telling you to call off the wedding. The two of you love each other and Lily has already bought a beautiful dress, but maybe don't rush into finding the nearest possible date. Give yourself and Lily time to work through your problems first. Do you understand?"
"Yeah," Iain sighed deeply and fixated his eyes on a dirty spot on the carpet. "I think so."
The bedroom door creaked open and Gem silently popped her head round. Lily was still in bed, buried under the bulky duvet, but she was beginning to sir. She yawned and stretched, revealing her bandaged wrist to Gem. The reminder of last night brought tears to Gem's eyes, and she had to stop herself from running out of the room.
"Hey," Lily yawned, snuggling further down under the duvet. "What time is it?"
"Almost noon," Gem told her. "Iain wanted me to let him know when you were awake. Can I get you anything?"
Lily weakly got herself into an upright position and shakily took the glass of water from the bedside table. She had a couple of sips and set it back down on the table.
"Could you get my laptop, please?" She asked.
Gem nodded and picked up Lily's laptop from the floor. She sat down on the end of the bed and passed it across to her.
"Where's Iain?" Lily asked, as she opened the lid and logged on.
"He had to go and talk to Mrs Beauchamp," Gem informed her. "I wouldn't worry about it."
"I'm not worried," Lily mumbled. "I just wondered."
"I better text him anyway," Gem sighed and pulled her mobile out of her pocket. "Did you sleep well?"
"Not really," Lily said. "And I kind of want to just spend all day in bed."
"Iain will want you to have a shower and get dressed," Gem said. "Spending all day in bed won't help."
Lily shrugged her shoulders, as she logged onto her Facebook account. She had tonnes of notifications, all of people posting get well wishes on her wall. There was even a private message from her mum, telling her that she'd tried ringing and texting and wanted to come and see her. Lily didn't want to see her mum though, not when she was letting down the family.
"Can I get you anything to eat?" Gem asked, realising that she needed to try and help her.
"No, I'm not hungry," Lily said, her eyes fixated on her laptop screen.
"Lily," Gem warned her.
"I'll have something later," Lily snapped.
"Fine," Gem sighed. "But scrolling through Facebook isn't going to make you feel any better either. It'll only upset you."
"My mum just wants to see me," Lily whispered.
"Does she know what's happened?" Gem questioned her.
"I haven't spoken to her," Lily said and closed the laptop lid. "But I think Iain might have done. I didn't want any of my family to know, they'd only look down on me and turn on me."
"They're your family. They wouldn't do that," Gem said.
"You don't know my family." Lily rolled her eyes, placed her laptop to one side and hugged her knees to her chest. "None of them have ever had mental health problems."
"I'm sure they just care about you," Gem said. "You should talk to your mum. My mum might have been a bad parent and had alcohol issues and stuff, but I still love her and I'd give anything to talk to her. No matter how old you are, there is nothing like a heart to heart with your mum."
"I guess you're right," Lily whispered.
"I am right," Gem said. "I'll get you some painkillers for your wrist, alright?"
Lily nodded thankfully, as Gem left the bedroom. Lily let out a loud and heavy sigh and picked up the antidepressants from the table that Connie had prescribed for her. She emptied a couple onto her hand and popped them into her mouth, tears springing her eyes as she did so. She hated the fact that she had to take tablets to make her smile, but she had no choice really.
As she waited for Gem to return with the painkillers, she lay back down and pulled the duvet over her head.