Congrats to Sophitz for being the 400th reviewer! :)

I love all the philosophical reviews I got about Fiyero leaving. I agree with the ones among you saying he's not stupid - especially ElphieNeedsAHug (as for that username, it's very true in this story right now, haha). You're right: in the musical, there's all this love and despair and desire that's been stewing for years and he acts before he thinks by going with Elphaba. Here, he has more time to think and Elphaba's been rubbing off on him a little, so maybe he thinks a little too much.

38. Abandoned

By Tuesday morning, Elphaba's food poisoning bug had disappeared from her system and her energy, appetite, and ability to work had returned. Unfortunately, the same could not be said for Fiyero.

That night, Oscar found her curled up on a corner of the couch in the living room, crying her heart out with a cushion clutched to her chest, and he wordlessly sat down beside her and put his arm around her. She buried her face in his shoulder, her entire body shaking.

"I shouldn't be crying," she hiccupped.

Oscar smiled a little. "It's okay to cry, you know, Elphaba."

"I know." She sniffled. "But even though the stitches were taken out weeks ago, the wound is still sore, and all the throwing up over the past few days didn't help, so now crying hurts. Literally." She heaved a shuddering sigh. "I just wish it hurt more than the reason I'm crying in the first place. Physical pain is always easier to handle."

"You don't get to choose that, sweetheart." Oscar stroked her hair. "As long as you realise it was his decision and you don't blame yourself."

"Of course I blame myself!" she cried. "Why would he feel that way if I hadn't somehow made him feel that way? Maybe not consciously, but still! Somewhere along the line I must have made him feel like he wasn't good enough for me… or maybe that's all just a farce." She sounded bitter now. "Maybe it's not really that he realised he's not good enough for me. Maybe he just finally saw that I am not good enough for him. In that case, I can't even blame him."

"Elphaba!" Oscar said, sounding shocked, but she knew he wasn't all that surprised. He knew her, after all, just like Galinda did. He sighed and pulled her closer, resting his chin on the top of her head. "I really thought you'd gotten over those insecurities," he said.

She shrugged listlessly. "Yeah, well, everyone just keeps proving them right," she muttered. "Duran, being in love with me and dying because of it. Fiyero leaving…"

"Neither of those things were your fault," her father said sternly. He pulled back to make her look at him. "Elphaba," he said gently. "Bad things happen in life. And I agree that you've had your fair share of bad things, but not everyone gets the same amount of heartbreak in their lives. Some people get lucky and are almost always happy. Some have lots of bad things thrown at them, but I believe that you wouldn't be forced to go through all them if you weren't strong enough to handle them."

She curled up against him again, squeezing her eyes shut. "I'm so tired of being strong," she whispered, more tears leaking from her eyes and onto her father's shirt. "It's easy to be strong when you have to, when you don't have a choice… when you're pregnant and all alone in a strange city, when your children depend on you, even when you have a stalker after you. Being strong is also much easier when you have a support network around you, because I know I could never have done it – raising Fawn and Xalo, I mean, or even handling that stalker – without you, Galinda, Cohvu…" She sobbed. "But what if part of that support network falls away? Where does it end, Dad?"

"It doesn't," he said, starting to stroke his daughter's long, raven hair again. "It never really ends, sweetheart, but it gets easier. Not everything in life is bad, you know. There have been a lot of wonderful things happening over the past ten years. You were happy you found me, weren't you? And that you could go to Shiz University, that you graduated at the top of your class, became deputy mayor, watched Fawn and Xalo grow up… For every bad thing, there's also a good thing. At least one."

She sat up, wiping her nose with the sleeve of her cardigan. "I just feel so stupid," she said, still sniffling. "That I fell for it again. That I let myself fall in love with a man who just walked out on me. He didn't even really give me a choice in the matter. He just left!"

"Don't compare Fiyero to Avaric," Oscar warned her. "Those two situations were completely different, Elphaba. Avaric was a jerk who took advantage of you and then went a little crazy in the head. Fiyero is just insecure, but he really did – does – love you."

She huffed a wry laugh. "Does it matter? If it's not enough to keep him here?" She shook her head. "Deep down, I always hoped someone else would come along," she admitted. "Someone who could be a father to Fawn and Xalo, someone I could love… and I thought I had that. I really did. How can I go back to doing everything on my own again?"

"You don't have to." Oscar put his arm around her and she leaned her head against his shoulder. "You have us. All of us. We're not going anywhere."

"I never thought I'd open up to anyone again," she murmured, fresh tears filling her eyes. "Not like this. Not enough to get hurt this badly again, this easily. I just never learn, do I?" She buried her face in her hands, her shoulders shaking. "I love him, Dad," she wept. "I really, really do."

"I know you do, sweetheart." Oscar pressed a kiss to her hair. It hurt to see his daughter like this. She seemed so much younger and more vulnerable now than she usually did and he didn't know what he could do to help her. "And he loves you, too. That's why he left. It has nothing to do with you, really, and everything with him and his own self-esteem issues. He hasn't had an easy life, either, but he feels like he hasn't accomplished as much as you have and that makes him feel insecure."

"But I'm not better off without him at all! Why would he get to make that decision for me?" she demanded.

Oscar shrugged. "He doesn't," he said. "So go after him."

She looked at him.

"Find him," he said. "We had the money to hire Oz's best bodyguard – we also have the money to hire Oz's best private detective. Find Fiyero, go after him, and talk to him."

Elphaba shook her head, sinking deeper into the couch. "I don't even know what I would say," she said hoarsely. "I've already said everything I wanted to say and it wasn't enough to keep him here. Why would he change his mind if I went after him and talked to him again? It'd only hurt more. I told him I understand why he felt like he had to leave and I do, I really do… I just wish he didn't feel like he had to."

Oscar sighed. "That's a choice you have to make for yourself, Elphaba."

She nodded and wiped her face clean, taking a deep breath. "Are the twins asleep?"

Her father shook his head. "They're waiting for you to come say good night," he said. "I don't think they'll be sleeping much in any case. Fiyero's departure hurt them, too."

For a moment, Oscar thought his daughter was going to cry again, but she simply said, "Of course it did," and left the room. He sighed, wishing there was something he could do for her.

Elphaba, in turn, wished there was more she could do for her children.

Fawn and Xalo were devastated about Fiyero's departure and they didn't understand. They were sombre, quiet, and withdrawn. They told Elphaba that Fiyero had come to them after visiting Elphaba that final time and that he'd told them he was leaving. Elphaba was glad he'd at least said good-bye to the twins, but they still didn't get why he had to leave at all and they missed him. Almost every evening, Elphaba crawled into bed with them; both of them had difficulty sleeping and Elphaba just couldn't bring herself to try to sleep in her own bed by herself. Even Cohvu and Galinda were quieter.

They tried to go on. Elphaba, Galinda, and Oscar worked; Cohvu taught the twins, who obediently learnt their lessons. They talked, but never about Fiyero. He wasn't coming back. Maybe she'd never see or talk to him again. That thought seemed to squeeze her throat shut until she could hardly breathe anymore, so she wouldn't let herself think it.

She still talked to Nessa on the phone a couple of times a week and when her sister heard what had happened, she made a decision. "Fabala, I'm coming to the Emerald City."

Elphaba spluttered. "Ness, you don't need to do that. Frex wouldn't let you, it's incredibly difficult for you to travel alone, and I wouldn't even have that much time for you," she protested. "I don't want you to just have to sit around in my living room while I work."

"I don't care, Elphaba," Nessa said firmly. "I wasn't there after you got shot or when Fiyero left. I'll be damned if I leave you alone now." That was quite strong language from her normally so proper sister and Elphaba opened and closed her mouth a few times, unsure of what to say.

Nessa wasn't finished yet, however. "I know you have Oscar, and Galinda and Cohvu, and the twins; but you're my sister and I want to be there for you. I'm coming. You'd better prepare your guest room, because I'll be in the City before the weekend and I'm planning on staying for at least a week – your birthday is in a few days, too, and I want to be there for that as well. I've already missed so much."

She stuck to her word, too; and even though Elphaba hated the thought of her sister going through so much trouble for her, she couldn't deny that she loved seeing Nessa again and that her sister's presence helped a lot. They shared a long hug the moment they laid eyes on one another and Nessa instantly started distracting the twins, suggesting they bake a lot of delicious things while she was here and asking them to explain their favourite video games to her, since Frex didn't have a TV or computer, so Nessa had never played video games before. Fawn and Xalo were only too happy to comply and Elphaba was relieved to see them smiling again, finally once more enthusiastic about something. They'd been so despondent before, she'd been starting to get worried. Apparently, having their aunt over for a visit helped them tremendously – and Elphaba instantly felt better, too.

She didn't want to celebrate her twenty-seventh birthday and her family and friends respected that, although they did have a small private party with just the young witch's closest circle: Fawn, Xalo, Oscar, Galinda, Cohvu, and Nessa. Elphaba mainly accepted this for the twins' sake, recognising it as another distraction. They were very proud of the birthday cake they'd made their mum, together with Auntie Nessa, and Elphaba acted appropriately surprised and delighted. The cake was delicious, but the green woman couldn't really enjoy it. She could only think about the one person she wished was here; the one person who was missing.

The Monday after Fiyero's departure, Galinda had her twenty-week ultrasound and she asked Elphaba to go with her along with Cohvu, hoping to distract her best friend a little from her grief over Fiyero by showing her her godchild. Elphaba agreed easily and the three of them made their way to the hospital that afternoon, Galinda chattering excitedly and Cohvu suspiciously quiet and pale.

Elphaba had to laugh a little at his face. "Breathe," she told him and he gave her a sheepish look.

"I'm just worried," he said to her in a whisper as they walked across the parking lot towards the hospital, Galinda a few paces in front of them. "She's so excited to find out the baby's gender, but what if something's wrong? She isn't at all prepared for that."

"You'll deal with that if it happens," Elphaba assured him. "If nothing was wrong so far, I'm sure everything is fine now."

Being back in a hospital was a little difficult for Elphaba – the smells, sounds, and sights all came back to her instantly and she couldn't help but think about Fiyero, too. She pushed those thoughts away, however. She wasn't here for herself now; she was here for Galinda, and the reason was a fun one, not a scary one. She'd be fine.

She forgot all about her fears and memories soon, as it turned out. Upon seeing the ultrasound of her godchild, a moving image of what was going on inside Galinda's stomach right at that moment, Elphaba found herself tearing up. She wasn't the only one, either – Galinda was full-on crying and even Cohvu looked suspiciously misty-eyed.

"Don't worry, everything is fine," the technician assured them, smiling. She was a brunette in her fifties who managed to put Galinda at ease quickly, for which Elphaba was grateful. "The baby looks healthy and he – or she – is growing well. Do you want to know the gender?"

"Yes!" Galinda almost shouted and the technician laughed.

"Let's see…" She moved around, trying to get a clear image on the screen. Galinda was almost literally holding her breath and Cohvu squeezed her hand. Elphaba smiled at the two of them together and took a deep breath, wiping her eyes.

Cohvu glanced at her and mouthed, "You okay?". She nodded and gave him a reassuring smile. This wasn't about her, anyway. It was about her best friends and their baby.

"You seem to have a little bit of a prude here, Galinda," the technician said with a chuckle. "Baby is firmly keeping me from seeing anything."

Galinda heaved a frustrated sigh and the technician laughed again. "Don't worry, I'll keep looking for a little while longer. As soon as he moves again… Ah, there we go." She peeked closer at the screen and then smiled. "Congratulations, Mummy," she said, beaming. "You're having a baby boy!"

Galinda and Elphaba simultaneously burst into tears at that, much to Cohvu's alarm. As he put an arm around his fiancée and tried to comfort her, he looked at Elphaba with wide eyes, but she waved him away.

"Sorry," she said, laughing through her tears. "It's just… I'm going to have a godson." She was beaming and Cohvu laughed, too, at that.

"You do," he agreed. "Congrats, Auntie Elphaba."

Elphaba chuckled tearfully. "No, you congrats, Daddy." She smiled a little. "This brings back so many memories."

Now it was Galinda's turn to giggle despite her tears. "Oh, Elphie, I so wish I could have been there when you were told you were carrying twins!" Suddenly, her eyes widened and she glanced at the technician. "Mine is only one baby… right?" she asked anxiously and the technician nodded, still smiling.

"Yes, Galinda, don't worry," she assured the blonde. "It's only the one boy."

"Good." Galinda looked relieved. "Because I don't know how you did it, Elphie, but I don't think I could handle two."

On their way back home, Galinda made Elphaba tell her all about the ultrasound appointment when she'd found out she was carrying twins and not just one baby and Elphaba obeyed, rolling her eyes.

"I was still on my own," she reminded the blonde. "I didn't know about Oscar yet, so I was working, all alone in the City, but I did get an ultrasound appointment." She chuckled. "I was all alone and then, suddenly, that woman said, "Oh, dear". You can imagine how scared I was."

Galinda shook her head. "That's just mean."

"So I asked what was wrong and she just said, "Look, here's one baby and there's the other. Congratulations, you're having twins.". I think I stared at her for at least a full minute." She smiled softly. "I found out their genders about eight weeks later – or, well, Xalo's gender. Fawn refused to be in the right position for us to see, so her gender remained a surprise until she was born." She looked at Galinda. "Xalo will be so thrillified to have a cousin," she said, a catch in her voice. "Oz, Glin, I can't believe I'm going to be a godmother."

Galinda giggled, tearing up again as well. "You're already a mother. How hard can it be?"

Elphaba hugged her – as well as she could, anyway, from the backseat of the car. "You'll be a fantastic mother, Glin. And you a wonderful father, Cohvu. I'm so happy for you both."

Galinda saw the sadness in her eyes, however, and it broke her heart. "Oh, Elphie…

"Don't," Elphaba said fiercely. "Don't make this about me. This is about you." She squeezed her friend's arm. "Just because I can't keep a guy, doesn't mean you two should feel guilty about it," she said lightly. "You found each other, you're happy together, you're having a son, and you're getting married. Just enjoy that."

Galinda frowned at her, but Elphaba glared back and her friend dropped the subject. They all missed Fiyero; and even though no-one missed him more than Elphaba did, life went on without him – for her as well.