Alright, here's what you've been waiting for. Nell's big secret. I'm hoping a few of you have it figured out, but I doubt it. ALSO, FFN has cut the shift8 glyph, which I used to separate parts of chapters.

I am not amused. I will go through the chapters when this fic is done, and replace them, now using – instead of the old mark. T_T I'm sad now.

Disclaimer : I own nothing.

Chapter Thirty Six : Seen

People are frightened by what they don't understand. ~ John Merrick, The Elephant Man.

Time passes slowly in silence. Silence on Earth was different than on the moon. No wind, no outside sound, nothing. There were no creaky boards to disperse it.

Starscream didn't like silence, but he had nothing to say. Nothing worthwhile, anyway. He and Sarah had been home, on the moon, for a few days. He avoided her like a virus. Even his arias had gone silent. His work, his special work for Project Icarus, lay half painted and sullen. The bright turquoise paint still shone brightly, the stencils he would use, had so wanted to use, lay stacked next to it.

Nothing.

He had far from abandoned Sarah, but he wasn't sure what to do with her anymore. Despite his dedication to the project, part of him didn't want to do it. Oh, he'd do it no matter what... but it wouldn't be worth it now if he had to force her. Oh well, time to feed the female. He stood, and left the work room. The walked into the main room, the throne room, the room where Sarah was kept. He glanced at her, but looked away when she looked up.

She put the tube in her mouth, and drank, eying him. He'd normally stay there, in the main room, this room, and watch her eat. He just walked away now. All he did was come in to turn on the feeding machine. Sarah frowned, glaring at him, hoping to burn holes in his wings or something, anything. "What is wrong with you?" she asked him, genuinely upset. He could feel it, her confusion, her concern. She didn't blink or look away.

Starscream curled his claws, teeth bared. He turned sharply to look back at Sarah. Why did she stare at him like that? Why did she have to give him that look?! "...slaggit!" he shrieked before punching a wall. He stood there, panting at the anger inside and the pain in his claws. There was so much he had to say, but he didn't want to look stupid in front of her. He rested his helm against the wall, optics closed in thought. What was he going to do?

"Starscream..." Sarah said from the tank. She walked to the barrier, and placed her hand on it. "What's going on?" after moments of rather frightening silence, Sarah whimpered. What was wrong with the bot she loved? "You haven't said anything in days! You won't even look at me anymore. Dammit, what's going on with you? Why don't you just tell me... please."

The seeker lifted his head, staring somberly at the wall. He whirred loudly, dragging his claws down the wall, peeling away what little remained of the dull purple paint, curls of metal falling to the floor with an ear-splitting screech. The new scratches would blend with the old eventually. As would the many dents. The magenta seeker straightened, and turned to his human. She was his, and no one would change that. No one, that is, but her. She wanted so badly to understand why he was acting this way? He'd tell her.

"You have to understand!" he said, raising his hands to the ceiling, looking at her as if asking for help. "You... belong to me... but only if you want to be mine." he sounded stupid to himself, but the seeker continued on with his rant. If he didn't say it now, he never would. It was better to look stupid than to never say a word. "If you want to go back to that wretched mud ball, then I'll take you there." he spun his back to her, looking at the ceiling. "If you want to... stay here with me... then... then that is what we'll do!" he turned back to her, one fist over his cockpit. "You give me the word, Sarah, and I will give you the world!" he said, holding his arms wide as if to show how much he meant it. "If it's what you want... I'll do it." and he meant it. Seekers were known for being protective of their mates, and Starscream was no exception. Only Sarah wasn't his mate, she was his test subject.

Sarah flushed, feeling a lump in her throat.. What the hell was he talking about? "What?"

"GRR! Idiot!" the magenta seeker growled loudly, slamming his palm into the side of his helm.

Sarah jumped, and yelled, "Don't do that!" he was messed up enough!

He blinked slowly, and brought his hand down. She looked so scared right then, but she was still lovely. He didn't know why he found her lovely, though. It certainly wasn't her looks that did it, she was not ugly, but not pretty. Plain, that was it. She had fire in her, and fight in her, and that was what mattered to him. The magenta seeker wasn't so confused anymore.

"Fine... okay, you know what I want, Starscream?" she asked quietly, trying to keep her voice from cracking. He drew close, lips parted. "I want to know what I am for you, okay? If I'm anything at all, what the hell do you feel when you look at a thing like me?" she was waiting, heart thundering in her sparse chest, for him to call her something nasty.

She wanted to... she didn't know? How could she not know! He had to remember that humans didn't express things the way seekers did. "What do I feel?" Starscream blinked, and reached into the tank, picking her up as carefully as he could. It was always an issue he had when picking her up that he may impale her on one of his claws. "I feel something where my Spark should be." he held her close to his face, looking at her with a strange, confident look. Finally, he knew what to say. "It's... uhm, it's..." he couldn't say it. The seeker didn't know why it was so hard to do, but it was! He was going crazy! "...love."

Sarah swallowed, looking out at him through her hair, her lungs too tight to breath. "...love?" she chocked out.

Starscream's optics widened, and he smiled, holding her with both hands. She did understand! She knew what he felt! She understood! "Yes!" he practically shrieked. "It's love, Sarah! That is what I feel when I look at you! I feel love! I look at you, and I feel it. That's why I've been so quiet... words tend to evade even me at times." his classic cocky tone returned, knowing he had finally found the right words.

The female was confused. "...what?" she asked, looking at him for the millionth time like he was insane.

"It may seem strange, but I do. I love you, Sarah. Believe me, I don't just go flying around, yelling that at any femme that floats by." he said, stroking her hair and back, feeling his circuits buzz from excitement.

Sarah felt ready to cry, but she bit the inside of her cheek instead. The seeker, seeming to sense her emotions, sat on his berth. "Is this what you want, too? To remain here with me? Do you want to go back to Earth, and leave me here on the Moon to find another human? Talk, Sarah, or I shall make the choice." he said with a little more anger than he meant. Why did he keep threatening her? It never did any good!

Sarah looked into his dark red optics, feeling her lip tremble. Her chest heaved, lungs realizing they were there again. "...keep me..." she said, half sobbing. "Keep me with you. I don't care what you end up doing with me just don't-" she sobbed into her hands, digging her nails into her scalp, hoping it would shut her up. "-don't put me back to that fucking planet." she cried, hiding her face in her hands. She'd die on that stupid planet. That stupid planet full of rapists and monsters.

Starscream, after a second or two of shock, nudged her with his nose. He loved her, and now she was crying? He didn't understand humans in the least, when he thought of it. He wrapped his hands around her shaking form, pulling her to his mouth. Why would he put her on that Primus-forsaken mud ball if she didn't want it? Didn't she understand? "Never again..." he mumbled, pressing his mouth to her wet cheek. "You won't be left there again, do you hear me?" the seeker whispered roughly. He slid his glossa carefully across her cheek and neck, hoping to sooth her. He hated the idea of his human being so upset. She seemed to calm down, although she still shook like mad.

Sarah reached out to him, putting her hand next to his mouth, touching his lower lip. "...you've... you've done sick things to me... but you've done more for me than any human has..." she said quietly. "I know I sound stupid, and I look ugly, and I'm always angry-" why did he love her anyway?

Starscream snorted, pulling back. "Oh, what, you say that like I'm some sort of god. I am, but that's not the point... We have far more things in common than you think, you and I," he muttered, touching her cheek with his thumb claw. "I know for a fact, my dear, that you are far from stupid," the seeker carefully curled her hair around a claw. "-and, so you don't yell at me like that last time we argued about your looks, I'll say this," he frowned slightly. "By human standards, you're plain. Not ugly by any means... but you aren't a stunner." he said, mouth a flat line. He then smiled, raising an eyebrow. "But since when do I go by human standards?"

Tears pooled in her eyes, and she wiped them away with the back of her hand. "I'm glad you don't go by stupid human standards."

He fiddled with her hair with a clawtip, smiling. "Seekers have the highest standards known to both Bot and Con alike. To say you've met them is an understatement."

She giggled quietly, stroking his claws and smiling. "Okay, you're overdoing it now."

"Oh, am I?" he was happy. Starscream was so happy now. Now, he had nothing to hide from her. She loved him, too, which was more than he had hoped for. He didn't deal with rejection at all, and this was... well it was certainly more than he expected! He had Sarah now, really had her, and had nothing more to hide!

Well, almost nothing. Perhaps, Project Icarus wasn't so impossible now.

This was the second time it happened, Nell going home with someone else. Prowl didn't mind, so long as she got home. Still... her being out of sight didn't really sit well with him. Oh well, it had been a while ago, and it was about midnight now. He had heard the news about Sentinel, about the twins, and about Jazz. He smiled. Jazz was an excellent teacher, and those two needed someone who knew what he was doing. He was still awake. He didn't need sleep like humans did; none of them did, really.

Maybe that was why Sari comming him wasn't that much of a shock. "Hello, Sari."

'Uh, hey, Prowl. You busy?'

"No. Do you need something?"

'Yeah, could you come out here for a minute? I gotta talk to you.'

"Alright." he walked out of his room, going to the main room. He hadn't expected to see Ratchet as well as Optimus in the room. Sari was on the concrete couch, next the the medic. Optimus stood behind the two, mouth crooked. "What... did you need?" this felt strange to him.

Sari swallowed, blinking. "I... well, there's something you need to know." The techno-teen winced, "You know how, uh... have you ever noticed that Nellie's voice gets deeper when she's upset?"

Prowl whirred. "I have."

Sari nodded. "Okay, and, you know how she's got... large hands and feet?" she asked, flexing her hands.

Prowl's visor narrowed a bit. What was Sari saying? "She also has wide shoulders for a human female. I don't see why you need to tell me what I already know."

Sari sighed, rubbing her forehead with her exposed hand. "But Prowl, that's the thing. You don't know."

The ninja bot stood still, visor rising a bit in the center. "I don't understand."

"Kid, you're gonna wanna sit down for this..." Ratchet said.

Prowl whirred, and sat down on a crate. "Ratchet, what's going on?"

The medibot sighed, not enjoying this. "Kid, what was Nellie's old name?"

"Her old name?" he thought about it, trying to remember. She had told him a long time ago. "Oh, Matilda. I don't know her middle name, though." he looked at Sari, who was looking at her lap. She was being strangely quiet. Optimus stood behind the couch, frowning. He didn't look happy with how this conversation was going. "Is... that wrong?"

Ratchet nodded, and frowned. "She lied to you about that, Prowl, but she didn't do it to hurt you. Her current name is Helena Calder Simon, but her birth name was Mathew Simon Grinder, not Matilda, like she said."

Prowl beeped. Mathew was a male name, but... wait a klick, no way... "What are you saying to me?"

The medibot sighed, and crossed his arms. "I'm saying that Nellie was born a male. She's what's known as a transsexual on this planet, meaning she had her gender changed from male to female, man to woman, or mech to femme if that makes things easier to understand. She got reformatted is what I'm tellin' ya."

The ninja bot beeped, and stared for a minute or so. When he thought about it, and he had to wonder how he didn't notice what was now obvious. Nell was trans-gender. His race was androgynous by definition. Mechs and femmes on his home world underwent something like that every day. It was common on his world. He hadn't known that it happened here. "That's it?"

Sari looked more than a little miffed at that. "What do you mean, 'that's it'?"

Prowl whirred, and looked at Sari calmly. "I understand what you and Ratchet are saying, but I don't see why it's an issue. It happens on Cybertron every day. Mechs becoming femmes, femmes becoming mechs. It doesn't change anything between Nell and I. I'll understand things better now, how her mind works, how she sees things." this was actually good that he knew. It would, hopefully, help him understand the woman he loved, which he wanted. He didn't see what the big deal was.

The red haired techno-teen growled in irritation. "It's not the same! On this planet, people who want to change their gender get judged and hurt all the time. Humans aren't as open minded as you guys are. You know how Nellie's so shy about her hip scars? Why do you think that guy hurt her?"

"He attacked her because she was... she was still a male?" he said, trying to hide his shock. Hurting someone who had been reformatted was unheard of. On his home world, reformatting was common, but here, on Earth... was it so rare that people hated it? Hated Nell for being what she was?

The teen nodded, eyes on the ground, mismatched hands balled into tight, shaking fists. "She wasn't even halfway through transitioning. He was an asshole. I was right there when he grabbed her. He called her a fagot, and he was so drunk he was aiming at her crotch. He tried to neuter her with a pocket knife! 'You want it that bad, fagot?' then he stabbed her!" the teen hid her face in her knees, Optimus scooping her up for a hug.

"On our planet, it's a part of life. On this planet, it's seen as wrong." Optimus said quietly. He looked at Prowl, hand on Sari's back to calm her. "I never pretend to understand how human's see things, but I don't want to know what makes anyone think they can justify something like that."

Prowl whirred. "You were there?" what else had they hidden from him?

"No," the Prime said quietly. "But I was at the hospital to see Nellie was alright. We talked for a long time about things. She made a deal with me. When she was reformatted and a full femme, she'd come visit us." he smiled a little. She had said it would be safer that way for Sari. "Fate's a funny thing. She knew us all, except for you. You were training, busy." he was right, fate was funny. "She didn't meet you until she was reformatted, and you brought her here." Optimus had never been a Primus loving mech, but he knew when things were more than coincidence.

Prowl frowned, and stood. "What do I tell her?" now that he knew, did he tell her he knew? Did he tell her it didn't matter that she was trans-gender? Did he avoid it? What was he supposed to do? It wasn't an issue back home, but here, on Earth... Primus, this was confusing!

Optimus whirred, setting Sari on his shoulder. She scooted toward his neck, resting her cheek on his antennae. "Wait until morning. It's late, she's probably asleep by now. You'll have time to think it over."

"Optimus," the dark bot whirred, visor rising in the center. "Is this the reason that you argued with me about Nell? Did... you think this would effect me badly?"

The Prime shrugged, smiling sadly. "I wouldn't say badly. I just wanted to hear it from you. You're a good bot, Prowl, but you don't have to prove it to me." he never had to prove it.

Ratchet stood up, stretching his arms over his helm. "He's got nothin' to prove to Nellie, either. She knows he's a good bot."

Prowl chirruped, and stood. "I'm glad that you told me about Nell, but I have to ask," he said, looking at the old medic. "Did Nell ask you to tell me?"

"Yep," he replied, heading to his room. "She ain't scared, she's shy. You know that, Prowl."

He nodded, and stood. "Is that all you need from me?"

Sari nodded from Optimus's shoulder. "Yeah."

"Come on, Sari, lets get to bed." he said, smiling at her. She was so cute when tired. He looked back at Prowl, and waved. "Have a good night, Prowl."

Prowl stood where he was for a moment, fully processing what he had been told. He walked back to his room, smiling a little. Nell, the woman he loved, was born a man. She had been reformatted, from a man to a woman, and was identified as such. Come to think of it, even if she wasn't fully formatted, he'd be fine with it. He didn't live by the narrow minds of humans. This was... interesting. No, more than interesting... mind opening.

The dark bot lay on the roof, looking at the moon, hands behind his helm. This wasn't what he had expected, but it didn't change how he felt about Nell. He loved her, and now that this was out in the open, he would find it easier to understand her. That made him smile, made his spark hum, made his circuits buzz a little. He decided to tell her when tomorrow came, about knowing Nell's reformatting, about how it didn't matter, and that he loved her. It all made him a bit nervous, but even so, he couldn't wait until the morning. "My Nell." and he went into a short recharge.

Well, there you have it. Nell's secret, and Starscream's secret. Both out in the open. NOW, I'm going to say this once. Idiotic, uneducated, narrow minded reviews will be reported, and you will be blocked. No exceptions. Opinions are welcome, stupidity is NOT.

Okay, R&R.