Sorry for late update: getting used to college. And this is really long, mushy romance part. Just to warn you. I probably won't have any chapter like this anymore. I mean, I was awkward writing it hahahaha.

"Ah, Jiraiya-sama?" Erika was surprised to see Jiraiya sitting alone on the bench He waved at her pleasantly and stared at her rather intensely. She was on her way home after dinner with Sasuke but something about Jiraiya's behavior made her uneasy.

"Uh, is there something wrong?" She tentatively asked. He just shook his head. She took couple steps to sit next to him, trying to lift up the awkward atmosphere. It was obvious that he was in deep thought, but she had no idea about what.

His eyes wandered in the sky until they rested on her again. She stared back at him rather awkwardly. "There is something you want to tell me, huh?"

"Well, you see…." He heavily opened his mouth. "How do you think about Kakashi?"

"EEEEHHH?!" She was utterly surprised at his blunt question. "What do you mean, how do I think about him? He's just a good teammate…"

"Just?" His eyes narrowed. She backed away from his scrutinizing gaze. She couldn't believe that he was giving her that kind of glare. The easy-going, old man was looking at her like an interrogator. She swallowed hard. He wasn't a Sannin for nothing, to give this kind of pressure even to her.

"What kind of answer are you expecting?"

"Well, I don't know. Don't you just think what he's doing might be just a little bit much more than what a teammate would do?"

"….What… What are you suggesting?!" Her face turned slightly pink as she followed where he was heading. But… But it was impossible! Then why was she blushing like this? No. No. No. She told herself.

"You're just trying to make me think like that and it's not going to work." She said defiantly, standing up.

"Oh really? And how do you plan to do that? You can't control how he feels. Or better, how you feel."

A cold chill ran down her spine. Could it be? As she thought about it more, a horrible realization seemed to materialize. Before it could form itself in her mind, she shook her head.

"No. It will just hurt me and him, I know. It's… it's better like this." She resorted out sadly. He could see that she wasn't lying. The pain and regret in her face was so great that he could even feel it by looking at her.

"You don't know until you give it a shot." He stood up and put a hand on her shoulder. But she shook her head.

"You don't understand. It's just…."

"Did this happen before?" Jiraiya's eyes grew in enlightenment. It made perfect sense. How she was determined that it wouldn't work; a decision, no, more like an oath, that she would not love another human being. Could it be that this exact thing happened before and she was afraid of the outcome?

"I… I don't know." Her words were feeble as if she was about to collapse. "I don't remember it ever happening. But something from inside of me is holding me back." She shook her head, her eyes with little tears. "Please don't do this." She begged. "If you tempt me even more, I will lose my control. I don't know why, but my brain is telling me that it's not going to be a good idea—that it will end up hurting not only me, but Kakashi as well."

Jiraiya smiled knowingly and somewhat sadly. So there was something going on between them after all. One was too dumb to realize it, while the other was too afraid to admit it.

"Something from inside of you, eh? Could it be your lost memory?"

Erika thought about the possibility. "But I can't see what kind of memory it would be…." Her face darkened as she finished her sentence. "Anyways, I'm sure it's not going to be a big deal. I mean, I will be gone pretty soon and he would rather want a normal person."

She tried to walk away, but he held his hand firmly on her shoulder. She turned around rather annoyingly. "Didn't I make my stand clear?" Jiraiya almost flinched at the changed atmosphere. No matter how humane she seemed, she was a different being after all. The presence and the authority in her voice turned the table completely. He managed to ask,

"Your lost memory… how long has it been?"

Erika stared at him with I-can't-believe-you're-asking-me-this look. "It's been almost a month and half." She was wondering how he could possibly connect this with what she had just said.

"And basically, the last two decades of your lost memory is the last piece?"

"It seems so." She casually, not even caring what he was trying to do.

"Well, how long has that memory stayed hidden?"

Her eyes became wide with shock. She still had no idea where he was going, but she did realize something unusual. But she had to answer his question first. "Three…. weeks."

"And that's the longest any memory has stayed hidden, correct?" She nodded her head. What he said was true. Her memory had been coming back in blocks of decade, usually two or three at once. At least once a week, she retrieved her memory from the very beginning, filling in the middle. But the last two decades, probably the last piece of her memory, hadn't been returned to her yet. It had been almost three weeks since she retrieved pieces of her memory. She didn't really put a worry into it, believing that it would come back eventually. But she was finally interested in what he was going to say.

"You said something from inside of you was holding you up, making you believe that this wouldn't work out. And incidentally, you have a memory which you can't seem to remember for pretty long time. That piece of memory is the culprit. Whatever happened around two decades ago is locking up your emotion towards Kakashi."

"But…" She said defensively. "How can I hold up my own memory? I want to get it all together!"

"Not quite. I heard this from Tsunade that when one loses their memory, their subconscious could have made a strong determination that they wouldn't want that piece of memory back—that they would never want to remember it." He scratched his head in curiosity. "I wonder what had happened in that memory of yours."

Erika didn't say anything. She couldn't. It was a lost memory after all. She couldn't remember even if she wanted to. She was devastated. Of course, two decades out of thousand years was not big in ratio, but it was her memory, part of her life. Whatever happened, she wanted to know. No matter how painful or disappointing it was, she still wanted to know.

"Do you know any way to make me remember?" Her eyes were set in determination. Jiraiya chuckled in sad reminder. When she was determined, she remarkably resembled Naruto—and… unavoidably his father as well. He was surprised that he could relate Erika to Minato.

"Well, all I know is that you need stronger trigger to remember it since you subconsciously blocked out that memory."

She scratched her head in deep thoughts. "But how do I know what would trigger my memory when I have no idea what that memory is?"

Jiraiya, instead of answer, put his arm around her, surprising her from deep thoughts. "Hey, let's not worry about that right now. I'm sure it will come back someday. How about Sake? Eh?" He held out a bottle joyously.

Erika smiled sheepishly. She normally didn't drink. In fact, she couldn't even remember the last time she drank. Oh well, she was sure that he would give up drinking anyway. In a way, she was younger.

Jiraiya smiled at the sleeping girl rather evilly. Sake that he had in his sac was no ordinary alcohol. It was concentrated with much more alcohol and normal Sake and it had a small dose of tweaked truth potion. She wouldn't babble at Kakashi about everything. How should he say? Her problem was that she was too afraid that she would be more.. honest about how she felt about him. Hopefully, that will teach the guy a lesson when she finally opened up with his help.

"Mmmmm… Jiraiya…sama?" Erika stirred with slow movements. Jiraiya flinched. The potion, after all, was still at trial stage. Of course, it wouldn't kill her or anything, but he couldn't tell if the potion worked or not. But to see that she was asleep was a good sign—after she awakes, she will be different.

"Wha… What is it?" Jiraiya tried to calm himself. He knew the potion had no problem, so he didn't need to fret about small things. It would take awhile before the potion fully kicked in, he thought.

"Where…. Where are you… going to be this time…?" She murmured, almost on the edge of oblivion called sleep.

Jiraiya shrugged. It wouldn't hurt to tell her, especially because she probably wouldn't remember this since she was half-asleep. But he didn't wish to disclose such sensitive matter to her. If she heard what he was really doing, she might snap out of the potion and that was the last thing he wanted. He might not be back this time, even though he assured Tsunade that he would. So before he left probably for the last time, he wanted to make sure that he saw those two happy, especially Kakashi. He watched the copy-nin for many years, and he knew that Kakashi had never really felt happy with companion with another. He knew if he came back here alive, he would be scolded for the rest of his life. But oh well, it was probably worth it.

"I will be going to Ame." He curtly answered and that was all she was going to get.

Slowly, she raised her head. Her eyes were glazed in daze, hair rather messy. She stumbled herself up. Her swept her hair away from her eyes, clearing her view. It looked as if she was fighting hard to clear her mind as well. She frowned and gave Jiraiya an apologetic glance.

"Sorry about this… It looks like… It's been a while since I drank Sake… Hahaha…"

Jiraya also made a nervous and guilty laugh. If Erika knew what he had done to her, she would kill her as soon as the potion's effect was over. At least he would be far away from Konoha by then. She staggered to the closet, almost tripping on the way. She clumsily opened the door. He didn't understand why she was persistently trying to find something. The drug was pretty strong. It was a miracle that she was still awake. But it did seem to be doing its trick. Her movements were becoming slower and clumsier, but she was still awake enough to pursue whatever it was that she wanted. Finally, she pulled out a small box and gave it to him. Then with a thud, her head nearly crashed onto the table while she sat back down.

"What is this?" He asked tentatively, unable to open the box.

"I don't know…" She murmured. "I don't remember the detail, but I.. give that to people who are going far away. I guess it's a good luck charm or something."

"Uhhh… Thanks." He thanked awkwardly and put the box in his sac carefully. He had no idea what it was and why the box didn't open, but he knew she was in no state to answer. She was already into a deep, deep dreamland. He smiled as he walked out of the house. Now, all was needed was Kakashi.

"Erika?" Kakashi entered the dark house cautiously. It was only eight in the evening, and there was no way that she would be asleep right now. But none of the lights were on and the window was open as well. He quickly backed against the wall and tried to feel the other's presence. Surprisingly, the only one he could feel was Erika's. Rather annoyingly, he flipped the lights on. He wasn't really in good mood after the talk with Jiraiya. He had no idea how he should face her, in fear that he might do something stupid in front of her.

It seemed that the talk with Jiraiya had an unexpected effect. He found her sleeping on table. He couldn't help his heart beating faster when he saw her defenseless like that. It was true that they were very close, but he always had a feeling that she had a fine barrier between them. To see her candid 

moment like this was… somewhat really exciting and enchanting to him. He glanced at the Sake bottle on the table, and recognizing that it was Jiraiya's, he frowned. He had no idea what kind of nonsense Jiraiya could have put in her mind. What if she detests him after what Jiraiya could have told her about him?

Anyways, she looked pretty much passed out from the drinks. He gently sat her up and shook her slightly. "Erika?" He called.

Her eyes fluttered and slowly opened. They were half-open and rather glazy, probably from alcohol. When she saw his face, her face brightened and she smiled sheepishly, sending a jolt down his spine. "Kakashi!" She happily called and clung to his neck.

Surprised by a totally different behavior, Kakashi backed, but she didn't let go. "Where are you going again?" She sulked. "I was waiting for you…" Then she passed out again.

Sighing in relief and still in shock, he picked her up in bridal style since she refused let go of him. He was astonished to find that her arms were still linked together, rather strongly, around his neck even when he put her down on the bed.

"E, Erika…!" He shook her again. Rather annoyingly, she opened her eyes again, frowning. "Whhhhaaaaattt?!" She nearly shouted.

"What are you doing?" Kakashi stammered, not knowing how to react to her strange behavior. If she only knew how her actions were making me feel, he dearly wished. Unfortunately, she didn't seem to possess the power of reading mind.

"You're always away, even when you're not busy. It's like…." She looked away. "You don't like me and you're trying to avoid me. Do you hate me?"

Kakashi couldn't believe how much effect those amber eyes had on him. He was about to lose control, but he couldn't let it. He finally realized the meaning of the conversation with Jiraiya. He did love her. He just never knew because… probably because he never felt what love was supposed to be like. He had no one who could tell him about it… He had no one to actually feel this attached to…

"No…" He could hardly continue his words. He had to do this before his emotions took control of himself. "I…." He hesitated. Was he ready? No, more like… Was she ready? He didn't care. He had to say it now. Or never.

"I love you." He blurted out. His face became instantly red when surprised eyes stared at his face. Without saying anything, she just hugged him tightly rather happily. She seemed to relax a bit and let out a long sigh.

"I… I don't know how long it has been since I heard those words…" She whispered. "In fact… I never thought I would hear those words again…"

The sadness embedded in her words broke the last straw in Kakashi's logic and before he could stop himself, he pulled himself away from her to give her the deepest kiss that he could ever give.

He could feel her flinch and squirm slightly under him, but he pressed on since she didn't seem to object. A moment later, she shyly started responding rather clumsily, probably due to the alcohol.

He finally pulled out when he couldn't hold his breath any longer. He felt dizzy, breathless, but amazing. He never knew that he could actually feel this way. Could she be the one?

She gazed at him dazed with pink flush from alcohol and her shallow breath from the deep, long kiss. But she looked happy. Really happy, he was glad to add. She smiled shyly.

"I love you." He whispered and pecked her lips. Now that he knew how he felt about her, and he somewhat knew how she felt about him, he wasn't afraid to say those words. No, it was rather intoxicating to say sweet words.

"I…." She hesitated a bit. Why? She thought. It was obvious how she felt about Kakashi, but somehow she was afraid to admit it. Especially in words. Why did she fear? She had no idea. But she couldn't hold it back anymore. Not when she knew that he felt the same way. She said the fateful words.

"I love you too……"

Things happened fast. She lost her sense of reality to the slideshow of pictures, dialogues, and memories. The last piece of memory that was refusing to come back to her. It came to her mind like a panorama, rushing into her brain with too much force that she couldn't even handle it.

And she knew. She finally knew. Why she couldn't love him, no matter how much she did.

She forcefully pushed him away. Kakashi was in utter confusion. She was frozen like she was having a seizure and now she was pushing him away like a criminal. Did she come to her senses after alcohol and hated him for what he had done?

"No.. No, no, no, no, NO…." She rested her head in her hands as if she were going to cry. He wanted to comfort her but he was afraid that he might be the reason for her despair. "I'm sor…"

"NO, this is not your fault." She stammered and slowly stood up. "I should have been more careful. Oh, why did this have to happen? Why…?" She quietly sobbed. "I'm so sorry, Kakashi. I never, ever meant this to happen. I love you so much but…." Tears were streaming from her eyes.

Kakashi didn't know what to say in response. The good thing was that she wasn't mad at him, but the bad thing was that he still had no idea why she was in hysterical. He stood up to get close to her, but before he even realized what happened, her arm darted forward to press the nerve point on his neck. Instantly, he was unconscious.

She gazed at him sadly as she put him down on the bed. "….but I can't…" She finally finished her sentence. She couldn't love him. No, not when she finally realized who she really was. It wasn't fair for him. He would want a better woman than her. He wouldn't want someone who was so tangled in the web of past that she couldn't get out. No, he didn't deserve that despair. She stroke his face gently. This would probably be the last time she would see him. For his sake.

She remembered the last conversation that she had with Jiraiya. Well, the potion was supposed to erase that part but she was somewhat immune to the effect, but not entirely. She remembered that he was heading somewhere for some reason and she needed to know where.

And she just exactly knew where she had to go for that.

"Goodbye." She sadly said her farewell. This would be her last farewell.