~I know I haven't posted chapter 36, I put up a memorial on 9-11 in its place, it doesn't mean I'm skipping it but my OCD will not let me put this chapter titled chapter 36 when the numbers put it as chapter 37 so chapter 37 is actually chapter 36 but I am renumbering, so, point being, this chapter will start where the last chapter ended, and if I'm not making any since blame it on the Nyquil~

This story contains mature themes and is not for minors. While I will try to stay true to Stephenie Meyers's characterization of Edward, Bella, and the rest of her characters, they will change some. Twilight character names belong to Stephanie Meyer. All plot lines, backgrounds and details belong to the respective author. No copyright infringement is intended on any and all material used.

Thanks to Michael (my hubby), Rose an amazing friend, who once again saved me and the story, and my Beta Sarah. If it weren't for y'all I would have never had the nerve or means to post my story!

Chapter 37: Daddy

BPOV

"Bella, what are you doing?" I heard Edward asking cautiously. When I looked down I was covered in blood and glass shards. I was looking for some more pictures of Charlie and me, some from all ages. I had gone into the hallway to look at the pictures in the frames hanging. When I saw the wedding picture of Charlie and Renee something in me snapped. I was trying to open the picture to get that damned picture out of the frame. She got to have a beautiful wedding and her dad was there. She had Charlie standing by her side, vowing to always love her and that's what he did, till the day he died. Her vows meant nothing to her. All I wanted was for Charlie to walk me down that aisle and give me away to the love of my life. Now that would never happen.

Edward made a move to come closer to me and tried to pry the glass from my hands that were now cutting into my palms. "Bella, please let me get the glass out, we need to get those cuts cleaned up and bandaged."

I looked up at Edward and I just became enraged "Why didn't you change him?" I screeched. "You could have changed him, and then I wouldn't be sitting her mourning the loss of my daddy. I could have had him with me forever but you didn't even try, did you? Why didn't you go to him first? You could have saved him and changed him!" As I was yelling at him I was pushing with all my force to get him away from me. "I don't want your help! Get the hell off of me! You didn't help him, why even bother with me? He's never coming back! I will never have my dad back!" I continued to push Edward away from me.

He refused to let me push him away. I was making a horrid mess with my blood and the glass but I didn't have it in me to care about that right now. I just wanted to fix the gaping hole in my chest. It just made everything that much worse for me right now because I knew that the hole in my chest, this time, wouldn't go away or be healed. Charlie would never be coming back. I pushed with all my force but it didn't help. I finally gave up, letting his scent and arms envelop me.

I sat cradled in his strong arms as he tried to calm me. Once I was somewhat calmed he carried me to the bathroom. Slowly and carefully he cleaned me up as I sat, dazed and involuntarily gasping for air as my chest ached. He had to wrap both hands with bandages but the cuts weren't too bad. He placed me on my bed and I grabbed Charlie's flannel shirt that I still had lying on the bed. Edward helped me wrap myself in it and I laid down as the darkness crept up on me.

Who am I if I'm not daddy's little girl anymore. I hoped one day I would find out but I was too tired to find out right now.

I must have dozed off because when I awoke I could smell bleach very strong and Edward had changed his clothes. He was sitting by me in the bed and was rubbing the back of my hand, placing kisses on it every so often. I opened my eyes to look Edward in the face "I'm so sorry Edward. I didn't mean any of that, I know if there were anything that you could have done you would have done it. Please forgive me, you don't deserve any of this and I don't deserve you." I spoke with a thick voice.

"I know you didn't mean it, its ok. There's nothing to forgive you of but if it will make you feel better, of course you are forgiven Love." he said as I sat up and wrapped my arms around his neck. I just sat like that for a while, breathing in all that was Edward.

I wasn't sure if I was making things worse for me by staying at Charlie's or not. I wanted to be close to him but his absence was everywhere. It hung in his gun belt in the hall way. It floated in the air with his cologne. It was there staring me in the face whenever I opened my eyes. It was everywhere.

Edward was helping in every way that he could. He made sure I didn't have to deal with everyone. Why do people insist on visiting when someone passes away? I just don't get it, people who have never been to your house show up with ass loads of food and want to "be there for you". I know people who are close to you want to support you but even those I don't want to see. I know Jake got upset when Edward told him I needed some time and didn't want visitors. I could hear most of the exchange; Jake wasn't very calm about it.

"Jake, I know you're family, she just…" he was cut off.

"I don't give a shit, I'm gonna be here for her! She can't push me away! I'm not gonna let that happen, not now, not after everything we've been through!" Jake exclaimed.

"I know, she just, I don't know … she doesn't even want to talk to Renee. She won't even let Carlisle do her checkups." Edward explained.

"Is she going to be there… at the service tomorrow?" Jake asked.

"Yeah, she asked Jasper to help her. It kills me I can't help her, it always seems like I'm helpless, when she needs me the most, I can't help" Edward sounded defeated.

"I'm sure your helping her more than you think. Hell, she's letting you help her, she needs you. I know it's not you that's keeping her away from me, it just hurts, ya know?"

Edward was trying to explain it all to Jacob after he left my room.

"So, I heard Mr. Biers funeral is the day after Charlie's, has she said anything about him, she does know he died doesn't she?" Jake asked Edward.

"Yes she knows, she'd just rather not talk about it…at all." Edward answered.

I spent some time with Jake. I didn't say anything, we just sat there and held hands or he would rub my arm. I know he needed to be here with me as much as I needed him but I was also tired. Tired of everything, my body, my mind, all of me was tired.

Edward came back upstairs with some fresh cut fruit that Esme had brought over earlier, and some peach lemonade, along with my meds. He walked in and laid the tray of my food on my dresser; he came over and wrapped me in his arms. I nuzzled into his neck taking in deep breaths of his scent, trying to let his smell take over and ease my mind and body. "Do you think you could try to eat a little something Love?" he asked.

I nodded to him and tried to show him that I loved him. I knew I needed to show him I was trying or Carlisle would step in and have to take over my care, maybe even put me back in the hospital and run I.V.s through me. That was the last thing I needed or wanted right now.

He placed my pills on my tongue and gave me a drink. Then I took the bowl of fruit and nibbled on a few pieces. Renee had brought home some greasy fried chicken and the smell of it just about made me sick.

The rest of the night was pretty uneventful. Jasper and Alice came over around 10:00 so Jasper could help me calm down to get some sleep, tomorrow would be rough. Alice tried to stay invisible but did come up and sit with me for a bit. She braided my hair in pigtails so tomorrow I would only have to pull it down to style it, it would fall in soft waves.

I could faintly hear Edward answering Jasper's unasked questions.

"Just take care of Bella I'll be fine, I don't want to exhaust you. I'll hold myself together. Just as long as she will be somewhat ok tomorrow I'll be fine."

"Yes, she doesn't want any kind of antidepressants, or anti anxiety meds, so thank you."

I drank in the feeling of calm and sleepiness that hit me once Jasper came through my door.

"Bella, Love, it's time to wake up, we need to get going." I could hear Edward trying to coax me into consciousness. Why was he treating me like I'm a damn child, like I'm going to break?

"I'm not a baby Edward please don't treat me like one." I snapped at him before I even opened my eyes.

"I…wh…ah…" was his brilliant response. I'm sure I was being hard to deal with but I can't help it, I just felt like I was going to snap. How could Edward, being sweet and loving, bother me?

I rolled over and pulled the blanket off of my head to see him looking hurt and confused. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap. I don't know why I did and can I go ahead and apologize, in advance, for anything else I will say or do today?" I asked him.

His face softened a bit but I could tell he was still hurt. "Sure Love, it's ok. I'm sorry I just thought it might make things a little better for you. That's all I'm trying to do but if it's getting on your nerves I'll back off. Just know that I'm here, for anything you want or need, ok Love?"

"No, it's not anything you're doing or have done. I'm just a little emotional right now…" I let my voice trail off.

"And you have every right to be. I just want to help but don't know how to" once again he sounded so defeated.

"I'm sorry, you've been great. Why don't you help me take my mind off of things?" I told him as I pulled myself over to him and somewhat on top of him. I leaned in for a kiss and wiggled a bit on his lap. I weaved my fingers through his hair so I could get to his mouth and neck better. I trailed kisses down his jaw to his neck. I felt him harden beneath me and there was no denying his excitement. But he was acting as if he wasn't into it right now, so I gave him a not so gentle bite on his neck and I heard him hiss and groan. He pulled back from me, pulling me off of his lap and looked into my eyes. I tried to climb back on him, which wasn't the easiest damn thing to do with my leg, but he wasn't having any of that. He placed his forehead to mine and took a calming breath.

"We need to get going, we have to leave soon."

"Fine!" I snapped and tried to jump off the bed to rush into the bathroom but came very close to crashing into the floor. Of course Edward was right there. He scooped me up and sat us on the floor as he cradled me. I broke down sobbing uncontrollably and trying to push him away from me, the same way he just did to me. Of course he wasn't having that. His grip just tightened as he chanted words of love and encouragement to me.

I soon felt a wave of calm but forlorn emotion take over me.

"Thank you Jasper" Edward said. It didn't surprise me that it was Jasper that just calmed me down and helped me think straight.

"My deepest apologies Bella, I thought we would be back before you awoke. I needed to replenish myself but I'll be with you all day now. Again, I am sorry. Last night was probably one of the most strenuous nights I've had but I know what I'm dealing with now. I shouldn't have doubted it though. Bella, you are one of the most passionate people I have ever known, nothing you do should surprise any of us by now."

I knew that today I would need the help of my loved ones and they needed me as well, so I would put my feelings off until tomorrow.

At the service, Damien and Alex both got up and told stories of how they looked up to Charlie and how he was a father figure to the both of them. They shared stories about Charlie and the many different things they learned from him. Next was Ben, he had just started training at the beginning of the summer, right after graduation. He wanted to get some experience before going off to college in the fall. He was studying to become a forensics investigator. He spoke of how he rode with Charlie on many occasions and how it was very strange to be riding in front of the curser while his friends would be in the back. There were many people who told fond stories of Charlie. There were even a few that did not hold such fond memories but Charlie had touched their lives none the less. At the end, the color guard folded the flag and presented it to me. We then wrapped up inside and made it outside to finish the service. Taps were played and then the 21 gun salute ended the procession.

Throughout the service not one tear fell from my eyes. I wasn't sure if I was cried out or if it was due to Jasper. There was no doubt that Jazz was helping me, he sat right behind me with a hand on my shoulder the whole time. I didn't hear most of what was said and I didn't even look at all the faces. It was all a blur of red, white, and blue flowers, red rimmed eyes, sniffles and worried glances. I just wanted this all to be over.

Of course everything was beautiful and had been taken care of beforehand. Charlie's ashes were placed in an urn. It was made out of one of his prized fishes that were mounted on the wall in the house until yesterday. Alice had read all of his wishes and he had everything ready down to the T. Being a cop, that was one of his top priorities. He didn't want me to have to deal with any of this when he was gone. He knew it would be hard enough for me losing him without having to deal with any of the specifics. I think at one point Edward had asked if he could keep some of the ashes…it was a little odd but I put no thought into it.

I was grateful to have everyone but I just couldn't think about having to entertain anyone. So after the service, we finally left. I asked Edward to take me back to Charlie's. I couldn't take one more person hugging me, telling me they knew how I felt, they are so sorry, and that time can heal your wounds. I just wished they would all shut the fuck up!

Edward made my wishes known that I needed some alone time now and to please respect it. For the most part people understood but for people like Renee, Jake, and even Alice it was hard but they respected my wishes, for now. I looked at Edward with pleading red rimmed eyes and he knew just what I needed. I fell into his arms and the blackness over took me...

:'-( RIP Charlie www(dot)you tube(dot)com/watch?v=lW21kUUjZr0

I know I did it again, made ya cry and left ya hangin, sorry.

If any of y'all make you tube videos I would love for some one to help me out, I want to put together a video about my story, maybe some Twilight pictures to the sound of "You're the reason I come home" (by Ron Pope)

www(dot)you tube(dot)com/watch?v=mCLoQnolBt4

Thanks for reading, hope y'all enjoyed! If you did enjoy it, click on review and send me some love! Your reviews are very important and welcomed, I love to hear what you liked and what you didn't, and any ideas that you may have, thanks to you all who do review!