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CHAPTER 37

"Alexandria Kom Trikru!" Her name rang out loudly across the throne room. Lexa approached slowly and bent down onto one knee in front of the previous commanders who all sat upon identical thrones around to room. She set her jaw and looked at each one of them in turn. Lexa always hated being in their presence but being the current commander she now possessed the "flame" an entity that allowed her to have access to the previous leaders of her people.

"Your decisions are becoming wild and ridiculous girl. SkaiKru should have burned!" One shouted across, she looked up to find that it was Grutus Kom Trikru the Commander she had succeeded who spoke. The room was filled with jeers and taunts as the others agreed with him. Lexa stood tall, anger immediately flaring within her. "You are wrong! As I have advised my council, we have much to learn from those who fell from the Sky, they are now my people." Her comment was met with snorts as they continued to look down at her. Before long she was bombarded with arguments across the room.

"You want us to learn from these people? They think us savages!"

"We do not recognise their ways! Technology should be feared and destroyed!"

"This will lead to the deaths of our people!"

"Lay waste to Arkadia!"

Feeling her blood boil Lexa tensed as she listened to the narrow minded remarks being thrown her way. She locked eyes with all of them and she could feel her nostrils flare as she tried to keep her voice even.

"We have kept our people alive for a hundred years, but we need to change. We need to evolve from the existence we have now. Technology will bring an end to our primitive ways. Clarke has promised her peoples loyalty and devotion."

"Foolish child! You change a hundred years worth of tradition for these people? For that Skai girl?" Lexa stepped forward, baring her teeth she looked to the leader who now addressed her. She was used to being chastised and ridiculed by her elders and she often listened to their council however the mention of Clarke was a mark of disrespect that she would not allow.

"I am the longest reigning Commander! I have brought peace to all our people! War was all of your legacies! And look where you now sit." She glared at every one of them and they all sat in silence.

"The Skai girl does not make me weak, I listen to what she has to say because she is also working towards a New Future for our people. There are more changes to come Commanders. And I urge you to change your way of thinking or you are not going to like what's coming." Her voice had settled into its usual low stern tone and she was no longer shouting.

"You threaten us?" They screamed in outrage and they all stood baring down on her. "You think things will be different with this one? You got the other girl killed Alexandria Kom Trikru. Think of Costia!" Grutus threw something large and heavy towards her and Lexa had to step back to avoid it, peering down her throat closed up at the image of Costia's severed head that rolled to a stop at her feet. The image was the same as the one that haunted her every day. The same one that put a black mark on her heart from the day she opened the box from Azgeda that housed her lovers head. Completely stricken at their cruelty Lexa closed her eyes and searched hard for the impending darkness.

Lexa sat bolt upright with a gasp, her eyes were wide and she looked around the room slightly frantic for a moment forgetting where she was. In a heartbeat she felt Clarke's arms encompass around her and the blonde's worried face came in close to hers. "Hey, hey its ok, you're ok." It took Lexa several seconds to ground herself and she forced herself to take some slow deep breaths. Flicking between worlds in her mind could be disorientating for her, especially if she transitioned while she was sleeping instead of meditation. She placed her head in her hands and leant her elbows on her knees, tears came to her eyes as she sobbed. The image of Costia's head came flooding back to her and she wept for her lost loved one. "Lex its ok, it was just a nightmare."

"No Clarke you don't understand. It was not just a nightmare." She managed between sobs. Lexa was mortified that she was once again crying in the presence of the Skai girl. She had barely cried in six years now it seemed to be a daily occurrence and what was worse was it wasn't only in her own company.

She calmed herself down and wiped her eyes and nose before she allowed herself to look at Clarke. "I'm alright now." She said with a sniff. "You were right, just a bad dream." Clarke's eyes narrowed as she watched the woman in front of her.

"What's going on Lexa?" The older of the two blew out her cheeks trying to think where to begin.

"You have heard me mention the spirit of the Commander and the 'flame'?" Clarke nodded and shuffled in closer placing a gentle kiss to Lexa's tattooed arm. "Well the flame is an entity only the current Commander and the Flamekeeper know about, it is placed within the newly ascended Commander right after the conclave. It allows the Commander to access the spirits of the previous leaders, all those who have ever possessed the flame live on within me." Clarke's brow creased a little but she said nothing allowing Lexa to carry on. "I cannot access them when I am conscious. I either have to be asleep or in deep meditation. This is generally why I don't sleep so well. They can give me a hard time." She said with a slight humourless chuckle.

"So if these are you previous leaders why are they upsetting you instead of helping you?" Clarke asked annoyed at the situation trying to understand the best she could.

"Well in all honesty they are getting worse. I have always found them trying but last night they showed me just how much they disagree with my decisions as leader." Lexa avoided eye contact with Clarke and played with the furs on the bed.

"It's ok, you don't have to go through it if you don't want to. I am sorry thy torment you so much. Is there no way you can remove it?" Lexa smiled and bowed her head gracefully removing her luscious brown locks away from her neck. No revealing a long thin scar at the back of her neck that was covered by a beautifully delicate infinity symbol permanently tattooed over it. Clarke's eyes widened as she gently traced the scar then the tattoo with her finger. The touch caused Lexa's skin to tingle and the hairs to stand up at the pleasurable caress. "Oh my god, Lexa how did I not see this before? So the flame is in there?" she lifted her head reluctantly and nodded.

"No one has ever survived its removal from a live host before, it was said that seventy years ago a commander tried to prise it free and died during the process." Clarke placed a hand to her mouth gently taking in everything she was being told. Lexa watched her expression and enjoyed the little crinkle that appeared between Clarke's eyes when she frowned. "But anyway, that is why the Commander has to be from the nightblood line, only those that possess black blood can carry the flame. Anyone else would die during the ritual." Still sporting the cute confused frown Clarke asked a few more questions to gain clarity on the subject and finished off with. "Why the infinity symbol?"

This time it was Lexa's turn to look confused. "Infinity?"

"Yeah the mark you have over the surgical scar on your neck. It's an infinity symbol. You know like a number that's unquantifiable or something that means forever." Lexa cocked her head as she regarded Clarke's answer, it made sense she concluded.

"To our people it is the sacred symbol. The symbol of the Commander. I suppose that is why it was chosen, the Commander's spirit will live on forever within the flame."

They sat quietly for some time, and Lexa enjoyed laying in Clarke's arms, her head rested gently on her chest and she closed her eyes concentrating solely on the delicate rhythm of the other girl's heartbeat. She tried to take a mental picture of this exact moment, so she would never forget this feeling of sheer happiness. It had been so long, it was difficult for Lexa to allow herself to enjoy this much happiness as thoughts of Costia often made their way back to her.

Lexa couldn't help but feel overwhelmed with guilt at times. Guilt for allowing Costia to die, guilt because she refused to remember her or think about her, guilt that she had now found someone that she could possibly love more. For so many years Lexa believed that she never deserved happiness, and led a life of solitude and despair. She felt that this was a life more deserving for someone like her. But deep down Lexa knew she wasn't cold and heartless, though she had spent years trying to convince herself that was the only way she could be, for her people's sake.

This was all now so complicated. Her feelings were so complex, they flurried around her like a constant vortex, allowing herself to feel again made Lexa think she would explode.

She scrunched her eyes tighter trying her best to rid the thousand thoughts and feelings rising inside her and she tried to take herself back to a place in her mind that would bring her peace. This place she transported herself to was the one space untouched by anything from the outside. Lexa had mastered the art of meditation at a young age, it was taught so that the Commander would be able to escape their crippling responsibilities for just a moment to keep their mind clear and strong. Titus understood that such a life of responsibility could make the mind unwell, this teaching promoted strength.

Lexa's place of meditation took her to a life of her choosing, a life where she never was or never would be Commander. She enjoyed the peace it brought her as she imagined living without Nightblood or the responsibility of leading millions of people and fretting about their entire existence.

She imagined herself leading a simple life that did not involve her being an accomplished warrior but perhaps a skilled carpenter or blacksmith who had people travel miles just to commission her work. She would have a fine house on the outskirts of Trikru, not a small tin hut often seen in Ton DC, but a strong spacious building constructed with only the finest Oak trees in the forest.

Of course her family would live a short distance away, Irena and her six children would visit often and her mother and farther would come by on Sundays. Lexa rarely included Adriana for obvious reasons but in her dream world she loved to think that she was happy somewhere, accomplished in whatever endeavor she attempted.

And for the first time in her perfect life Lexa allowed herself to look up from the intricate woodwork she was carving, to see her beautiful blonde wife walking out of their home with their newly adopted babe folded neatly in her arms. Clarke's stunning smile reached her eyes as she walked over with their daughter and Lexa's heart filled with a pure white light as she watched the sight in front of her unfold.

Lexa could not control the smile spreading across her face and the gentle tear form in her eye. She wrapped her arms around Clarke as she allowed herself back in the room. She looked up into the crystal blue eyes in front of her and she spoke the words in barely more than a whisper that she had denied for so long.

"Clarke, I love you."