Author's Note: Still I dont own Twilight sadly *sniffles* Sorry that its been so long since the last update....I am not feeling the greatest so I will probably be posting more untl I get better since I have all these new ideas hehe! Anyways, hope you guys enjoy this chapter. Read, Enjoy, and Review!
Chapter 36: Better Left Unsaid
" Make a wish and place it in your heart. Anything you want, everything you want. Do you have it? Good. Now believe it can come true. You never know where the next miracle is gonna come from, the next smile, the next wish come true. But if you believe that it's right around the corner, and you open your heart and mind to the possibility of it, to the certainty of it. You just might get the thing you're wishing for. The world is full of magic. You just have to believe in it. So make your wish. Do you have it? Good. Now believe in it. With all your heart."-Quoted from One Tree Hill, season 5 episode 13.
I walk excitedly from my final class. Mid-terms are finally over and I feel pretty good about it. Despite all of the distractions I have run into over the last few months, Jasper being the big one, I think I pulled this one off. Walking through the courtyard I stop and stare in amazement when big puffy snowflakes start falling. My first white Christmas ever, and I am so excited. Though the phone call to my mom telling her that I wouldn't be coming home for Christmas was heartbreaking, I think she understood, at least I hope she did.
" Hey you," Jade says, slinging her arm around my shoulder carelessly.
" Hey," I say back smiling.
" How crazy is this snow?" she asks, and I smile.
" I love it," I say, skipping forward giggling like a kid set free in a candy shop. Unfortunately my gracefulness is slim to none and I slip and fall landing hard on my bum. I start laughing hysterically.
" You okay?" someone asks and I look up through streaming eyes to see Jasper holding his hand out to mine. I take it hesitantly and let him help me to my feet.
" Yeah. Got a little too over excited," I say prying my fingers from his wiping my hand on the back of my damp jeans.
" So what do you girls have planned now that break has officially begun?" Jasper asks falling in step with us.
" Christmas shopping," Jade says with a groan. I squeal excitedly. If there is one thing in this world that I love its Christmas, but what I love even more is shopping for presents and all the pomp and circumstance that goes with it.
" Ahh, yes, Rosalie said something about that," Jasper says off-handedly. I look at him for a moment and try and read what's behind his eyes, but like always he is well guarded.
" Can't I just give coupons or something?" Jade asks, walking slower.
" Coupons?" I ask stopping dead in my tracks. " Your kidding right?"
" No," she says seriously.
" How we are friends I will never understand, I have yet to meet someone who has such an aversion to shopping as you," I say linking my arms with her laughing as we make our way home.
" Okay, so I had a great idea that I wanted to run by you guys," Rosalie says from the couch. I smile as I pull my knees up to my chest, snuggling deeply into my sweater. I always love Rosalie's ideas, she has yet to have a bad one.
" Okay, so what is it?" Alice asks, looking blandly at the wall.
" Well its kind of a multi-step idea. First, for a gift for my parents, and the Cullen's. Well, actually I already bought the present, you all just have to hand over the money," Rosalie says, and I look up shaking myself from my day dreams.
" What did you get them?" I ask curiously.
" Well I know that my parents, as well as Carlisle and Esme have been wanting to go back to Paris, so I went ahead and booked them a two week trip, and before anyone asks about how I managed to schedule it without them knowing, don't bother. A girl never tells all of her secrets," she answers, smirking to herself.
" That's my baby," Emmett says proudly pulling her into a bone crushing, breath taking kiss. I smile at them, and turn my head waiting to hear the rest of what Rosalie has to say.
" Okay you two, can you save sucking each other's faces off for later?" Alice asks, and Emmett and Rosalie pull away from each other, smiling sheepishly.
" Sorry, where was I? Oh right, so I was thinking since we are sending our respective and honorary parents off for the holiday, that maybe we spend the break in Forks. I mean the Cullen House is surely big enough, and that way we give these two California girls a white Christmas they will never forget," Rosalie says and I have to say that I am quiet excited about the plan.
" Well that's all fine and dandy Rose, but do you honestly think Mom and Dad are going to let us use the house for the holiday? Especially after what happened the last time?" Edward asks, sounding slightly annoyed.
" Oh come on that was years ago, and I am sure that they will be more than willing once they have the tickets for Paris in their hands," she says sounding just as annoyed that not everyone is falling right into line with her idea.
" Wait I have to know, what happened years ago?" Jade asks a mischievous light in her eyes.
" Nothing," everyone in the room save for me and Jade, answers in unison.
" Come on now we have to know," I say my curiosity peaked.
" We promised to never speak a word of that night," Emmett says glowing red. I stare in disbelief. I have seen Emmett be everything but embarrassed.
" Aww come on Emmy you have to tell me. How many embarrassing stories have you heard about me?" I ask pouting slightly, trying my best to look sad and hurt.
" Fine, but I swear this ever comes up again, I will never speak to any of you," Emmett says, running hand over his hair.
" Cross my heart," Jade and I say in unison.
" Okay, so one weekend sophomore year our parents were going out of town, so we decided to throw a party. Only a few friends, that's what it was supposed to be, but of course in high school word travels fast. So about two hundred people show up, and the party is in full swing, when someone decides that a good old game of truth or dare is needed. Well, Jasper, Edward, and I were dared," Emmett trails off turning the brightest shade of red that I have ever seen, and Rosalie and Alice cover their mouths trying to hold back the laughter.
" You three were dared to what? I swear if you guys had to kiss or something I will never kiss you again," Jade says bumping Edward with her shoulder.
" Oh God no, nothing that gross. We were dared to put on our moms underwear," Emmett says signaling to him and Edward.
" Okay what so bad about that?" I ask. I have been dared many a time to put on someone else underwear. You just slip them on over your clothes, prance around, dare done.
" You don't get it, we were dared to wear ONLY her underwear," Jasper adds in, putting emphasis on the Only part. I start laughing hysterically picturing the three of them in Esme's underwear.
" That isn't all," Edward says, and I choke back the laughter.
" Please do tell," I say wiping the tears of sheer laughter from my face.
" What Emmett forgot to add in is that we were all pretty drunk, okay I take that back, we were so drunk I don't even know how we managed to get the underwear on. So we put the clothes on, and start prancing around, dancing to the music, roars of laughter surrounding us, when Jasper here started throwing up all over the place. In turn starting a chain reaction. So Emmett and I start heaving just in time for our parents to walk in, having come home from their weekend away because our dad got called in for an emergency procedure," Edward says, slouching into his seat. Jade and I all but collapse to the floor laughing hysterically at the pure shock that must have been on the elder Cullen's faces when they walked in to see the boys not only wearing women's underwear but puking everywhere too.
" Glad that amuses you all so much," Jasper says grudgingly from his seat.
" It is entertaining, definitely made my day, no my week," I say laughing harder, " Now I know if ever my underwear goes missing its one of you guys that took them."
" Oh ha ha, Ana, ha ha," Emmett says throwing a pillow across the room at me with perfect precision, as it knocks me in the face sending me into an even louder bout of laughter.
" Okay seriously, back to business," Rosalie says, wiping her own eyes, chuckling. " So what I was thinking is that we will do our shopping tomorrow, leave tomorrow night, surprise the Parentals on Sunday, and then the house is ours. Now in this hat," she says pulling a hat from behind her shaking it. " There are all of our names, everyone pick one. That name is the person that you are shopping for, for Sunday. Now this doesn't mean that you cant buy more gifts for Christmas day, this is just so that the parents can see us opening presents before they leave." I swear, Rosalie has to be a genius. She thinks of everything, its ridiculous. I watch as everyone else pulls their slips of paper from the hat. A few people with groans, others with soft smiles on their faces. I get handed the hat next to last, Jasper the only other one not knowing who he was shopping for.
' Please don't be Jasper, anyone but Jasper,' I plead internally and in answer Edward smirks. Damn it, sometimes I forget that he can intrude on my thoughts whenever the whim strikes him. I unfold the paper and groan. Jasper. Damn it. Sometime's I have to wonder if I am cursed.
A soft knock on the door interrupts Alice and me from giggling.
" Come in," I call out and Jade slips through the door closing it softly behind her.
" Hey," Jade whispers, creeping across the floor to join us on Alice's bed.
" Why are you whispering?" I whisper back theatrically.
" Edward didn't want me to come up here. He knows I was coming to find out who you guys drew for this gift exchange thingy," she says still whispering as she climbs over us to secure her spot against the wall. " So, who did you guys get?"
" I got Rosalie," Alice offers up easily smiling.
" I got Emmett," Jade says and it grows quiet. Jade and Alice stare at me expectedly waiting for me to say something.
" What?" I ask, wishing that something else would come up to distract them from this conversation.
" Well, who did you pick?" Jade asks, and I sigh heavily.
" Jasper," I say, groaning when they both laugh at me. " It isn't funny you guys. What am I going to do? I have barely spoken to him lately, and given our history, what in the world am I supposed to buy him?"
" Don't look at me girly this is all on you," Jade says laughing into a pillow.
" Thanks you guys, a big help you two are," I say, groaning as I lay back onto the bed. What do you get for the man that has your heart but doesn't want it?
" Up and at it sleepy heads," Rosalie's sing song voice calls out, waking me from a peaceful sleep. I open my eyes and see Jade's face a breath away from mine. I sit up slowly and look around. Apparently at some point Alice, Jade, and I all managed to fall asleep on the same bed.
" What time is it?" I ask stretching slowly.
" Seven forty five," Rosalie says smiling at me from my bed.
" Why are you waking us up so damn early?" I ask seriously considering laying back down.
" Because we have shopping to do, not to mention wrapping, and packing, all of which we want to try and get done before we leave tonight," she says and I groan at the idea.
" Fine, but you get to wake Jade up," I say, standing on the bed, bracing a hand against the wall as I step over Jade and Alice's sleeping forms.
" What, wait, no," Rosalie sputters, and I grin as I walk from the room ignoring her protests. Cant blame her, I have been responsible for waking Jade up enough in my lifetime to know that it isn't easy or is it fun. Poor Rosalie. Hopefully she comes out of this one alive.
" Ouch, damn it Jade," Rosalie's voice comes from my room and I laugh shutting the bathroom door quietly behind me.
I have been walking this mall for hours, my hands getting increasingly fuller by the second, and yet not one of them is for Jasper. I am in a tough spot. What am I to do? I can get him a present that says 'hey glad that I know you, even though you broke my heart you scummy Y chromosome holder,' or I could get him a gift that speaks of my heart. Either way I lose. Giving him something that isn't personal at all will tell him I don't care anymore although that is far from the truth, but what is the point of giving him something that tells him how I really feel, when not only does he already knows what I feel, but doesn't reciprocate said feelings? Ugh he even has me thinking in ways that confuse me, and they are my own thoughts. I sit on a bench dropping my bags at my feet, placing my head in my hands.
" Ana, you okay?" Emmett's voice makes me jump and I look up at him trying to muster a smile.
" Yeah, well no, just confused," I say as he sits next to me.
" About what?" he asks, looking at me through shining eyes.
" I got Jasper for the gift exchange, and I have no idea what to get him," I say, blushing as I realize how foolish that sounds.
" Well, do you have any sort of ideas?" he asks, and I shake my head.
" On the one hand I am thinking something impersonal, but on the other hand I want to give it one last shot. Get him something that will make him finally realize that I am serious about what I feel for him," I say groaning into my hands.
" Well, I cant tell you what to do Ana, all I can do is offer you some advice. Jasper has always been a hard person to get close to. Not because he wants it to be that way, its more of a self-preservation thing. With his ability he feels too much and its painful for him sometimes. That isn't an excuse, but I have to say this. I have seen the way that he looks at you, especially when he thinks nobody is watching, and he loves you Ana. So if you want my opinion, give it that one last try," he says and I smile slightly. He's right. I have to give it one more chance, I cant give up. Its time to go for what I wish for. I sit contemplating this for a minute when it clicks in my head.
" I got it," I say suddenly excited and rejuvenated by the idea racing through my head.
" You do? Well what is it?" he asks and I just smile standing up grabbing my bags and his hands dragging him with me.
" You'll find out, after all your going to help me," I say dragging him as quickly as I can behind me.
" Come on Ana, lets go," Jade yells impatiently up the stairs. I stuff the last few things that I need into my duffel bag and zip it quickly.
" I'm coming geeze, keep your panties on," I yell back lifting my bag onto my shoulder. Thankfully all of the presents have been packed away in Edwards trunk. I walk slowly down the stairs running the list of things that I have to make sure that I didn't forget anything.
" About time woman," Jade says and I roll my eyes at her.
" Where is everybody?" I ask and Jade gestures to the door.
" Waiting for you," she says opening the door for me. I walk out into the cold December air and shiver.
" Hey wait," Jade says grabbing my elbow to stop me.
" What?" I ask, looking at her.
" You going to be okay, driving with Jasper?" she asks and I smile at her.
" Yeah I'll be okay," I say hugging her quickly.
" Okay, then we will see you there," she says climbing into Edwards car with Alice and Edward behind her.
" The last official road trip of 2008, last one there has to do all the cooking," Emmett yells through the night. I laugh as I throw my bag into the backseat of the Explorer.
" You sure you don't want to drive?" Jasper asks, climbing behind the wheel of my car.
" Yeah. I haven't driven in snow before, so I figure you will have a better handle on it than I will," I say clicking my seat belt in place. I lay my seat all the way back closing my eyes slowly, drifting away into my own thoughts.
" You aren't falling asleep on me already are you?" Jaspers voice intrudes my thoughts and I cant help but to smile slightly.
" Sorry, its been a long day," I say on a yawn.
" I know, I was just hoping that we would get the chance to talk," he says seriously. I sit up instinctively, something inside of me shuddering with fear. Fear that what I am about to hear is going to shatter any hope I have left.
" Well then lets talk," I say pulling my legs up to sit cross legged.
" I never got the chance to apologize for what happened with Alice," he starts saying and I shake my head immediately.
" Don't, its okay. I understand what happened, Alice told me all about it. You have nothing to apologize for, you were just being a good friend," I say running my fingers through my hair.
" I know but Ana you need to know something. I didn't feel anything when she kissed me. Before you, I wished that she would kiss me like that, just one more time, so that I could feel what I used to feel with her, but then you came into the picture and when she kissed me it was nothing," he says and I can feel myself sinking into his words.
" Jasper, please just don't do this," I say, my voice shaking over the words.
" Why? I have to make you understand," he says looking over at me.
" Jasper, drop it," I say turning away from him.
" No, you have to hear me out," he says, his voice frustrated.
" Just stop," I say, my throat thickening with tears.
" Ana," he says his voice soft.
" What more do you want from me Jasper? Do you want me to sit here and listen while you tell me that you love me, but don't want to be with me? Do you want me to tell you that I understand, that its okay? I cant do that. Because I don't understand, and its not okay. How can it be, when I live everyday pretending I'm all right? I have to see you every day, and every time I do see you, I'm reminded that you said no, that you chose to walk away. I should be over it, and I should get over you, and every time that I try to forget about you, its like I cant breathe. Do you know how hard it is to have only one wish in this world and know that, that wish isn't going to come true?" I ask, turning to look at him with tear filled eyes.
" Ana if you would just listen," he starts saying but I shake my head furiously.
" I'm done listening. I'm done trying. I love you Jasper, and nothing is going to change that, but I have to walk away this time, because if I don't, my heart wont make it out of this one," I say, unbuckling my seat belt climbing into the backseat of the car. I lay facing the seat, eyes shut tight as my I-pod blasts music at me, drowning out the pain.
" Ana," someone calls out to me. Its almost a dream like voice, a voice that takes away the pain, and the worry. " Ana, wake up, we're here." I open my eyes slowly, blinking away the haze of sleep, and stare into Jasper's eyes. I sit up slowly and look around, and immediately I am rendered breathless. The beauty of Forks in fall was one thing, but seeing it now, seeing it blanketed in white has cast the small town into somewhat of a fairy tale. I step out of the car and immediately slip, and would have fallen face first into the cold snow had Jasper not caught me in his warm arms.
" Thanks," I say blushing deeply, as he sets me upright on my feet.
" Ana," he says, but the sound of cars pulling up interrupts whatever he is about to say.
" Hey guys how was the ride?" Emmett asks bounding out of the car.
" Great, just great," I say grabbing my bag from the backseat.
" Don't sound so thrilled," Jade says looking at me over Edwards car. I smile at her trying to make it seem real. She flashes a bright smile back at me before I walk into the house. This was going to be one very long Christmas break.