XXXVIII.
Abandoned
It wasn't like she actually left… he let her go.
He let her go and she took the opportunity; in all respect, she deserved the choice to choose between which one she wanted. And in the end, that was her own decision; there wasn't anything he could do about it. Well, technically he could but… making her stay by force wasn't the best kind of solution and it would've erupted into even greater problems.
If he could just convince himself that it was for the best, that this decision would make things easier and more bearable… then it would be fine. But he couldn't. Shit, he just… couldn't even lie to himself about it.
And the more he thought about it… the more he was losing.
He was losing his grip on everything.
But this was how things used to be; this was how he used to live out every day. So why was it so difficult to go back to that? Why did one little change, one little appearance suddenly break apart the world he had created for himself? He just wanted to go back to the world he had once known… so why was it gone now? Did she really make that much of an impact on him?
He was supposed to act the part of the crazy, mentally-unstable scientist; the one who was far too engulfed in studying and dissecting to even be viewed as normal any more; the one who couldn't be left alone without supervision for too long… the one who mutilated his own body for the sake of finding out something new, just for the hell of it.
Okay well… he wasn't quite that extensive or at least… he wasn't at that level just yet.
The thought was becoming unwillingly appealing though.
She was gone.
He could accept that.
Unfortunately, he was losing himself too.