Well, as of this writing, we're at 90 reviews. I don't mean to try to artificially inflate this number (okay, maybe I do), but I've made it a habit on other sites to celebrate the very roundy-est numbers with a Mai ship. Which do you guys want when we hit 100? Maitara? Tomai? Maikka? (I recommend against that one, as I think it will be better if we wait a bit.) Let me know in your reviews!
Mai on... Smellershot!
"Outside of the main cast, few of the participants in Avatar: The Last Airbender were lucky enough to achieve an unambiguously happy romantic ending, but the mysterious pairing that seems to have captured the most underground interest is the strange relationship between the Freedom Fighters Smellerbee and Longshot.
"The Freedom Fighters are a rather mysterious group in and of themselves because the only things we really know about them are that they all had some kind of horrible Fire Nation related tragedy somewhere in their unknown backstories BUT THEN EVERYONE AROUND HERE IS LIKE THAT EVEN THE FIRE NATION'S PRETTIEST AND MOST ACCOMPLISHED WARRIORS PLUS ME and then subsequently found employment with the world's youngest and most incompetent and creepiest terrorist ever who was only known by the rather unimaginative alias OR MAYBE HIS PARENTS WERE CLOSET AIRBENDERS AND LIKED PLANES OR SOMETHING of 'Jet'.
"Smellerbee despite her appearance is the only member of Jet's Freedom Fighters AT LEAST AMONGST THOSE WHO HAVE NAMES AND THAT WE SUPPOSEDLY CARE ABOUT BUT I CAN ALREADY FEEL MY ATTENTION WANDERING who can claim to be a girl and so of course she became the intersection for all romantic possibilities but Other than that no one knows anything about her so it's time to trot out my tired old friend NO NOT TY LEE the ever popular SPECULATION so that I have something to talk about and we may as well start with Smellerbee's rather unlikely gender. She looks even more masculine than Toph OR MYSELF IN THE RIGHT LIGHTING IF YOU DON'T GO FOR MY GLOOMY TYPE especially with that hair that looks like she cuts it with a broadsword but perhaps she purposely cultivates that look UNLIKE TOPH WHO HAS A RATHER FRIGID RELATIONSHIP WITH MIRRORS AND MYSELF BECAUSE I ACTUALLY THOUGHT I LOOKED NICE UNTIL EVERYONE AND TY LEE CLUED ME IN as a method of fitting in with the guys or perhaps she suffered some kind of childhood trauma related to her femininity like being chased around the gardens by boys holding bugs in her face or maybe the guys she likes just go for that kind of masculine look with all the unpleasant implications that come to mind. She seems to also have a thing for bladed weapons but then so do pretty much all non-benders I MEAN EVEN SUKI IS SMART ENOUGH TO CARRY A SWORD AROUND EVEN IF SHE HAS NO IDEA HOW TO USE IT and I find myself unable to criticize or ridicule Smellerbee for it because then I'd just seem like a hypocrite and I try to limit that to only twice a month. Smellerbee's last notable feature OOH I THINK THAT'S AN INSULT OF SOME KIND is her silly striped face paints which seem to be unique in the world because I didn't notice any similar patterns that time Zuko took me to visit the Sun Warriors BUT THEN THEY ALL WALK AROUND HALF NAKED SO I ADMIT MY EYES WEREN'T ON THEIR FACES ALL THE TIME and as far as I know none of the past Avatars favored such face paint so she can't be just another fangirl and the Yu Yan archers also go for a completely different kind of facial marking so it seems that the look is a Smellerbee original.
"Speaking of the Yu Yan the Freedom Fighter who seemed to be closest to Smellerbee was the silent MORE OR LESS archer Longshot but he didn't wear any kind of facial markings so the comparison the Yu Yan is really based only on their collective weapon of choice THE BOW AND ARROW WHICH GETS GREAT RANGE BUT IS A LITTLE AWKWARD TO CARRY AROUND OR USE IN A CLOSET and uncanny WELL THAT'S FROM THE REST OF THE WORLD'S PERSPECTIVE FROM MINE IT'S MORE LIKE 'BARELY ADEQUATE' accuracy with that weapon. If Smellerbee seems like something a cipher then Longshot is even worse because one of his main defining characteristics is that he doesn't talk at all except when the situation is really dramatic and he's sure everyone will pay attention to him. This might seem really inconvenient because like certain knife-wielding Fire Nation girls with unappreciated looks and idiots for friends Longshot spent a lot of his time hanging out with a pair of said idiot friends who really needed him to run their lives and tell them not let old womanizers get them down or don't barge into public teahouses to beat up any old womanizers without a lawyer for backup AZULA USED TO KEEP A LEGAL COUNSELOR ON RETAINER FOR ALL OF OUR VISITS TO EMBER ISLAND AND BELIEVE ME IT REALLY PAID OFF ONCE OR TWICE but it's really hard to give advice without actually saying the advice out loud but for some reason that didn't seem to inconvenience Longshot in the slightest because his friends somehow knew what he was thinking without Longshot needing to say it OOH THE DAMAGE I COULD DO WITH THAT POWER.
"Considering the low intelligence of said friends I MEAN IF SMELLERBEE KNEW WHAT PEOPLE THOUGHT OF HER LOOKS SHE'D PROBABLY CLEAN UP A LITTLE AND JET AS WE ALL KNOW NEVER SETTLED FOR A GOOD PLAN WHEN SOME BLATANT IDIOCY WOULD DO I think we can rule out their having any kind of psychic powers but considering Longshot's lack of a verifiable past and a mysterious grudge he has against the Fire Nation and his fantastic archery abilities just like a certain elite unit of Fire Nation archers I think it's safe to conclude that the boy is the result of some kind of top-secret Fire Nation Super Solider program that was trying to create a psychic long-range killer using genetic material from the greatest of our living archers but due to systematic incompetence that we could probably trace back to Fire Lord Ozai IF WE WANTED TO TAKE THE TIME BUT HONESTLY I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING BETTER TO DO wound up with a mute with no taste in friends instead who they let run off and reported it as a loss on the tax forms. Or he's the son of a Yu Yan archer or something and is just shy. Whichever.
"As unlikely as it may seem this duo WITH SOME DUBIOUS ASSISTANCE FROM JET actually managed to perpetrate IF YOU BELIEVE THE RUMORS AND CHEERS FROM PEOPLE WITH TOO MUCH TIME ON THEIR HANDS one of the more complicated love triangles of the Hundred Years War ACTUALLY MAKE THAT THE ONLY LOVE TRIANGLE BECAUSE THE TRUTH IS THAT ZUKO AND KATARA HAD NOTHING GOING ON BEHIND MY BACK AND ANYONE WHO SAYS OTHERWISE HAS ACHIEVED NEW DISTURBING HEIGHTS WHEN IT COMES TO HAVING TOO MUCH TIME AND NOT ENOUGH TO DO. You see it's been noticed that Smellerbee was VERY loyal to Jet even to the point of following him into exile after he got his butt kicked by an UNTRAINED girl and lost the respect of his other Freedom Fighters and even in this sorry state he still seemed to receive not just Smellerbee's company but a great deal of her concern and respect and when he was released from Juvenile lockup she even went so far as to visit on his unwashed body an intense tackle hug or whatever you call it when you run at someone and then use them as a means of deceleration AT LEAST TY LEE HOLDS STILL WHEN SHE'S HUGGING.
"Longshot on the other hand didn't show any great reverence for his supposed leader and actually spent most of his time giving silent pep talks to Smellerbee when people insulted her looks and romantic preferences YOU GET WHAT I'M IMPLYING EVEN THOUGH IT MAKES NO SENSE GIVEN WHAT WE'VE ALREADY ESTABLISHED and backing her up when she told Jet that he had a problem and the drinking had to stop OR WHATEVER HE WAS DOING IN THAT TEASHOP and following her to certain death when she wanted to provide some backup firepower when Jet and the Avatar went to go pick a fight with the most powerful politician in the Earth Kingdom and staying behind with her in the lair of the most powerful secret police force in the Earth Kingdom to cry over the body of their HARDLY LAMENTED leader Jet as he was dying. Actually despite his talking problems and big nose he sounds like a really loyal and supportive guy UNLIKE SOME BOYFRIENDS WHO RUN AWAY AT THE FIRST SIGN OF THE END OF THE WORLD and he doesn't seem to have any makeup-addicted past loves coming out of the woodwork and he most certainly wasn't at all CONFUSED as to who he wants to spend his time with so really Smellerbee could do quite well with him considering her hideousness but of course she had to be stupid and throw her life away on a bad boy with lice in his hair. If the pair somehow managed to survive against all odds PROBABLY MORE THANKS TO THE GUY WHO HELD ON TO HIS WEAPON AS OPPOSED TO THE GIRL WHO DROPPED HERS TO GO CRY OVER A DEAD THUG Longshot might work up the will to actually speak of whatever feelings he harbors for Smellerbee and Ms Bumblebee in turn might finally notice the good thing she's had ready and waiting right under her nose but she's a little young for that yet and will probably have to cycle through a few more jerks before she really gets what this game is about.
"Dumb girls don't realize it when they have a good guy. I'm smart, so I seized the first one I found and keep a backup list in case he fades on me."