Chapter 35

Marian blushed as she very covertly pointed out a tall, sandy-brown haired boy with warm hazel eyes and a noble cleft in his chin.

"That's him," she whispered to Leah.

"Him? You mean Gray?"

Marian nodded in reply and lowered her eyes as they passed him. Gray reminded Leah of a boy she knew growing up and remembered fondly. They were good friends, and if Gray was anything like him, she knew he would be a good match for Marian.

"Very nice, Mare," Leah said, looking sly. "So, do you ever talk to him? Does he know you exist?"

"I think so. We have Astronomy together. I'm always trying not to stare at him when we're out on the tower in the moonlight." Marian sighed.

"Hmmm…do you ever have to partner up for anything in class?"

"Oh, no! Leah, I couldn't."

"Sure you could. Let me think on it and I'll work out a strategy."

Marian looked terrified, but mildly hopeful.

The week passed quickly with Leah spending much of her time daydreaming about all the fantastic places in the castle that she and Severus could be sneaking away to when he came around, and it before she knew it, it was Saturday morning.

"Ready?" she asked Kingsley when he met her just outside the front door on a sunny, fall day.

"You know it," he said, flashing an energetic smile.

As they ran in silence, Leah thought how nice it was to have an adult friend; even if she couldn't open all the way up to Kingsley, it was nice to know that he was there if she needed him. Although, she would have much rather been with Severus. What she would have given for just a kind look from him. But, back in reality, she was busy being grateful for Kingsley.

"So, I didn't ask you last week. Are you coming to the Ball in costume?" she inquired.

"I wondered when you would ask, but I'm afraid I can't tell you my secret either. It's a surprise," he said with a smirk.

"That's fine. I like surprises, too. Will all the professors be coming in costume?"

Kingsley nodded. "Your aunt requested us to. She put up a notice on the board in the staff room."

Leah immediately wondered what Severus would be, and she had to hold in her laugh as she tried to imagine what an "asshole" costume would look like.

"Kingsley, I want to ask you something, but I need you to promise that it will stay just between us, OK?"

"Sure. What is it?"

"Do you know Gray Rushton?"

"Yes," he said slowly, eyeing her strangely.

Leah sighed, irritated. "Not for me!"

"Oh! You had me worried there for a minute."

Leah rolled her eyes. "I had a dream that Marian and I were getting ready for the Ball and he was her date, at least I think he was. I was telling her that he wouldn't be able to take his eyes off her, but I guess that doesn't necessarily mean that he was her date, does it?"

"Not really, but you never know. Maybe you should leave it alone and let things happen on their own."

"Where's the fun in that?" Leah asked. But she thought that maybe he was right in this case.

'He's out with her again!' Severus thought as he watched Leah and Kingsley approach the castle; he was nearly vibrating with a mix of jealousy and rage. 'How could she parade herself about the grounds in clothing that tight?!'
The following week, Leah was once again asked to stay after class by Professor Snape. When everyone filed out of the classroom and they stood facing each other, she asked impatiently, "What is it this time?"

"Another note. Don't want to be late for Kingsley's class, hmmm?"

"Man, he makes you that jealous? Whatever, Severus," Leah replied trying to sound bored. "So, I hear that professors will be at the Ball in costume. You know, if you're looking for suggestions, I think you'd make an excellent Dr. Frankenfurter. Ever seen The Rocky Horror Picture Show?"

A particularly nasty smile spread across his face. "It may astonish you to know that I understand what you're trying to say, Miss Manning, although it doesn't really surprise me. You seem to be attracted to men with certain…preferences. Unfortunately for you, I do not fit into that category."

"You fucking bastard! How dare you say that to me?!" she said, lunging forward in an attempt to strike him.

Severus caught her by the wrists and jerked her to him. His grip was ruthless, and Leah struggled out of instinct despite the heady pleasure it gave her.

"Take care, Miss Manning. Best to keep your claws in or you might find yourself in trouble," he hissed.

"Perhaps you should be careful…a girl could get used to this," she replied before biting her bottom lip. Hard. A drop of blood, more eloquent than words, navigated it's way to her chin. Leah's eyes bore into him, cutting through his strongest defenses with a Siren's call, and all at once, she saw something in his eyes that she had never seen before, something that terrified her. Hate.

Her face flooded with realization and horror. "How could you be so beautiful and so cruel at the same time? Who are you? Where is my Severus?"

He saw her tears starting to form and released her wrists like hot coals, turning his back on her and crossing his arms. Severus could not look at her any longer; he couldn't bear to see such hurt in her face knowing that he was the cause. He heard her footsteps and sobs echoing off the stone as she sprinted out of the dungeons, trying to get away from him as fast as she could.

Leah ran straight to her room. There was no way she could face class or Kingsley in such a state.

'How could I love a man who could be so cruel? Why can't I hate him?!'

Leah was frustrated and angry with herself for letting him affect her so much. Severus cut her to the bone, but she knew she couldn't show him any more weakness than she already had. She would not let him win.

'I was an idiot to think this would work. He was right. I am only torturing us. But the dress? I have to try…it's the last chance. If it doesn't work, I'm going to have to give him up,' Leah thought, tears stinging her eyes. 'How will I ever be able to let go of him?'

Severus was in a similar state, pondering his cruelty. He sat at his desk, attempting to focus on parchments that needed grading, unable to blink without seeing Leah's face filled with the pain caused by his lack of self control. The hate she saw was not for her, never for her. Severus' self loathing had always been useful to him; it told him what he could and could not have, what he did and did not deserve. But with Leah, it turned on him like a jealous lover, threatening and demanding he cut loose the competition. The problem was that he was in love with the competition, and the other woman smelled the stench of approaching defeat. Hell hath no fury.

'I cannot be alone with her again. Every time I am, I lose control of my emotions. I will not allow myself to hurt her any more.'

He put his face in his hands and allowed himself to be comforted by the memory of their first kiss on the balcony at the Jasmine Courtyard Hotel. Severus could almost feel the warm summer breeze and his hands on her bare back if he concentrated hard enough.

The rest of the week passed with Marian nearly jumping out of her skin every time anyone said the word 'gray'. Leah did her best to bolster her roommate's confidence, but was not encouraged by Marian's lack of courage when it came to romance.

'Maybe my failure is rubbing off onto her,' she thought.

Consequently, Leah was shocked when Marian burst through the door on a rainy Sunday afternoon and began to dance around their room.

"How did he ask you?" Leah inquired, putting down the book she was studying.

"Leah, it was wonderful! I was leaving the library when I heard him call after me in the corridor. He was studying with Sam Jenkins at a table with his back to me the whole time I was in there, so I don't know how he saw when I left, but there he was, in the corridor, calling my name." Marian sighed dreamily. "He and I were alone and he asked me if I had a date for the Ball yet. Of course I said no. And then he said it."

"Said what? Don't leave me hanging!"

"Gray Rushton looked into my eyes and said, 'Marian, would you come to the Halloween Ball with me?' I couldn't speak, so I nodded." More sighing ensued.

"Did y'all talk about what you're going to go as?" Leah asked.

"No, Gray said we could talk about it in Astronomy this week. Can you believe it, Leah?"

"Yes. I absolutely can."

'Thank God that's done!' Leah thought as Marian looked out the window in a romantic trance. She was thrilled for her friend, but wished she could have been having the same thoughts about Severus. She missed her dark horse.

Hurrying to the front doors of the castle to meet Kingsley for their last run before the Ball, Leah passed Penelope Wilder, who shot her a nasty look. Leah returned fire with her sweetest barbed wire smile.

"Sorry I'm late."

"No problem, Leah. I wouldn't have left you, not on our last run before the Ball."

"You know, we could still run on Saturdays after the Ball," Leah offered.

"I wasn't sure if you'd still want to with no dress to fit into."

"Kingsley, you're just about my only grown up friend here. I would miss you too much to quit. Come on, let's hit it."

Running along silently, Kingsley was happy as usual to be with Leah, but her words sent him to the moon. 'I would miss you too much to quit,' he repeated in his mind.

From a small window low on the castle wall, Severus watched in agony as his beloved went for her weekly run with Kingsley. He didn't fault Kingsley for what he obviously felt for Leah, as he had also fallen so easily under her spell.

Severus knew all too well the lure of her unrestrained kindness and fierce passion, her white hot anger and her hopeful forgiveness; to be with Leah was to be comforted and challenged at the same time. She was everything he always dreamed her to be and was ashamed that he drove her away with his coldness and cruelty. The mask that protected him for so long had now become obsolete; it would no longer shelter him in its dark embrace.

Severus wished with every ounce of grace he had left for another chance with her, for her to be his Leah again.

Soundtrack Entry #20 – Rocket Queen – Guns N' Roses

Author's Note: I'm back! I'll post three chapters this week, and then it's back to two per week. This chapter is one of my favorites...hope you enjoy it:) MK