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She's holding a blanket over her shoulders to cover herself as she sits, legs wrapped in said blanket and thrown over his. His chest is bare, and he takes the mug when she's done drinking, holding it in front of her, but she shakes her head.

"The pee journey is too difficult."

Smiling, Edward puts her mug on the carpet. She shifts closer, sitting between his hip and the back of the couch, letting her knees lean against his chest. She wraps them both in the blanket. He touches her neck with his lips, breathing against it for a long moment as he finds her fingers and intertwines them with his.

"Are you sleepy?" he asks, wrapping an arm around her. His touch might as well set her skin on fire.

"No," she whispers. "You?"

He shakes his head, squeezing her. He rests his forehead against the side of her jaw before he nudges her head to make her look up. Staring at her, he seems too scared to smile but too happy to do otherwise. Suddenly, he presses a hot, quick kiss on her cold lips, smiling sheepishly as he pulls her closer, still. He hums against her temple. Cherishing his warmth, she waits.

"It was Emmett, at first," Edward says. "He had friends over and I walked in on him telling them how he thought I'd rather shoot pigeons outside Wal-Mart than enter the store with him. His friends thought he was hilarious. I stood in the hallway, leaned against the wall, and listened. He'd noticed I'd grown fond of you, and he started making fun of how out of my league you were, how educated and lively you were compared to me, and how I was the most naïve guy he'd ever met. I didn't stay to listen. I found my foam earplugs, went for a walk and… bumped into you. You ditched your friends for me just to walk in silence next to the Red Cedar River."

"I remember that. I—you gave me your earplugs to walk with them. We barely talked, but it was wonderful." She squeezes his hand. "But Emmett is not like that. Maybe you misunderstood."

"I didn't. The guy thought you could do no wrong, and I could do nothing right. I guess he treated us accordingly. And your friends… always gushing about how incredible you were and those who caught on that I liked you made sure I knew how out of your league I was. Just... a comment here, a comment there. That's how it went."

"What the hell, Edward," Bella replies, turning her head to see his eyes. "You never told me. Why did you never tell me? I would've told them to shove their opinions where the sun doesn't shine."

The edge of Edward's mouth rises.

"But if you felt at least something, why did you—" His chest shakes next to her cheek, and she lifts her chin. "What?"

"At least something is definitely not how I felt," he mutters, smiling shyly. "At least everything is more like it."

Bella blinks, pressing her cold lips against his neck because that's all she can reach. "Alright." She smiles. "So, if you felt… how you felt, why did you reject me? Was it just Emmett? It's so hard to believe he'd behave like that. He's better than that."

"Bella," he replies, not quite scolding but not too patient-sounding, either. "He never wanted me to stay at their place."

"That's not true."

"You better believe it. They argued over it all the time, at least in the end. Rosalie wanted to get to know me because she's kind of like me, you know? Not many living relatives she knows about. But Emmett… I get it. He was finally back in the US to spend time with his girlfriend and then there was this strange guy stealing her time or just hovering in the background. I think… the word he used might've been… cockblocker? Is that a word?"

"Yes." Bella stifles a snicker, watching his innocent-looking eyes. "It's used for a person who prevents someone else from having sex."

"Oh," he replies, squeezing her, averting his eyes. "How apt."

She laughs, pressing her cheek against his chest to get warm. "But please continue."

He takes a breath, looking embarrassed. "That night we went out, I didn't realize you thought it was a date. I wanted it to be, but… we'd been out before, and why was that night going to be any different? So when my co-workers joined me, I didn't think of refusing them. Jasper spent the hour prior to your arrival telling me how it was just your style to take pity on some guy and ask them out but ditch them when things got serious. It just about killed me, but it made perfect sense given what you'd told me about how much you hated it when guys only saw you as wife-material. But then you—"

"Fucking Jasper." She closes her eyes. "I should've known. What did he tell you?"

Edward sighs. "Nothing I didn't already know, really. Told me how to make sure I didn't become one of those guys you pitied, stuff like that. I thought he was helping me. I thought he wanted to prevent my heartbreak. I thought he… I didn't know him as well as I thought. I was stupid. He gave me a play by play of how you'd react, and he seemed to know you so well I didn't… I didn't want you to be with me out of pity, and all he did was confirm my fears. So I reacted how he told me I should. I knew you wanted casual, and I don't know if you've noticed, but I'm everything but casual."

"Fuck," Bella says, pressing her forehead against her knees. "Fuck."

Edward pales and runs his fingers through her hair. "I'm sorry. Please forget I said that. I didn't mean to scare you."

"No. It's not that. It's just… Jasper. Fucking Jasper, I should've known."

He hesitates before cupping the back of her head and turning it to face him, but despite doing it, he focuses on a spot on her shoulder. His voice is flat. "Where you guys together, once?"

Her laughter is short-lived. "Why, were you jealous?"

He squeezes her, voice low but serious. "Immensely. When I caught you guys outside, I thought—I considered that he'd lied to me to get you to himself."

"No, no. It was never like that with him." Edward relaxes, letting out a breath next to her ear when he lets his head fall closer to her. But instead of leaning into him, she smacks her forehead against her knees and groans.

"Shit," she says.

"What? What's wrong?"

She lifts her head, and her eyes are wide. His gaze lingers before he brushes his lips against her forehead.

"What's wrong?" he whispers.

"After you, you know… rejected me, I went outside, and I was kind of… heartbroken, so I bit into my fist and cried and… you get the idea. But then—"

"I made you cry?" Edward asks, horrified. He holds the back of her neck and presses her against him, hugging her with all he has. "I had no idea," he whispers. "I'm sorry."

"What did you think, that you'd reject me and I'd just go home happy holly jolly? I was so in love with you, I'm surprised I held it in for as long as I did. Anyway—"

"Bella…"

"Apologies later, okay? I have them, too. Let's talk first."

He nods, but he's reluctant to do so.

"Anyway, when I got outside, Jasper said something about you rejecting me—before I'd even said anything. How did I not notice? Ugh. I would've cornered him on the spot."

"What do you mean?"

"There's no way he could've known the reason for my crying unless he'd talked to you first. Unless he knew you had rejected me. Unless he made sure you would. God, how didn't I notice? I would've kicked him in the balls and squeezed the reason for your moodiness out of you. And he—Jesus. He must've done it before, too, because he emphasized that you rejected me without his influence." Bella groans. "I feel like an idiot."

Edward kisses her eyelids, squeezing her. "Now, let's not mistake which one of us is the idiot here," he says, starting to trail lines on her back with his calloused fingertips. She shivers, but it's not from cold.

"Our kids are going to have a hell of a challenging childhood with two idiots as parents," Bella says without thinking, but then she blinks, blushes all over, and presses her face against his chest. "Pretend you didn't hear that," she mutters, and even though her voice is muffled, Edward squeezes her, kissing the top of her head.

"If it makes you feel better," he replies, but she's never heard him sound so light-hearted. They stare at the glowing embers before Bella speaks.

"I get it that you weren't that acquainted with dating, or maybe you were too gullible, but I still… it still hurts. Couldn't you have known and trusted me not to ask you out out of guilt? At least enough to bring it up. I just—it hurts you believed Jasper's words to be true so easily."

"But it wasn't about that, Bella," he replies. "Don't you get it? It never was. This was not about me believing whether or not you'd date me out of pity, this was about my insecurities. My own. It was about whether or not I believed myself to deserve anything other than your pity. And at the time, I didn't. You were going out of your way to spend nights with me and show me the culture you grew up with, and of course you must've felt sorry for me. The poor bloke who knew fuck about life. I was—"

"But I never pitied you. Please trust me enough to believe me. I find you endlessly fascinating."

"I know, Bella," Edward says softly, gripping her hair. He kisses her temple. "I know it now. But as I said, it's easy to believe a lie when it supports every insecurity you have. I was too—too different to believe myself to deserve someone as lively and worldly as you. Because… I don't know how to explain it. You know how the world works, okay? You're sociable and brave in social interactions, and I'm just… not. What's normal for you is brave for me. I wouldn't have been able to handle having you for myself for a few weeks or a month only to see you realize just how serious I was about you and… lose you. I was terrified. So intimidated by the most insignificant stuff, so over-whelmed by the power you had over me just by being in the same room. Just like I had no experience with manipulation or hidden motives, I had none with love. And I… I couldn't even label it as such, and I didn't even know what it was that I wanted. I just knew I wanted it with you."

Bella tilts her head back, and grasps the back of his head with both hands. He lets his head fall so that their noses touch. "Believing you felt nothing supported my insecurities, so it made more sense to believe you felt nothing for me. Then I saw your face after I'd rejected you, and… fuck. He told me you'd make yourself look hurt, something like that, but you were genuinely wounded and I… I caused it. I couldn't believe I had that power. I don't know anything powerful enough to make up for it, but you have to let me try."

There's a lot she still wants to clarify, so many questions she wants to ask, but he'd finally let her in, and she wants to remember the moment. She nudges his nose with hers, smiling, letting his hot breath blow on her face.

"Is your yearly quota of talking filled now? Am I going to wait until January next year to hear you speak again?"

Edward laughs, holds her jaw in his hand and presses his lips against hers. There's so much left to be said, by both of them, but it feels incredible for him to reciprocate her feelings, so she lets herself enjoy the moment. It's prickly, kissing him, but she wouldn't have it any other way. She'd imagined it, but she'd always assumed him to be just as introverted showing his feelings as he was conversing, but to her surprise (and delight) he holds nothing back, and she feels particularly precious to be privy to his passion. By the time they've pulled back to breathe, Edward has pinned her under him as he hovers above her, his knees on either side of her hips and face above hers.

"Pee break," she whispers against his lips.

He laughs, pressing a chaste kiss on her mouth before he gets up. "Peeing in a snowdrift with my girl? Just the kind of romance I'm looking for."