Judgement: Chapter 36

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He placed the palms of his hands against the coolness of the window glass, his forehead touching it between them as he stared out at the dark street below. It was too early for joggers, but there were a few people about and he wondered what mission had them out so very early in the day. He had come awake suddenly from a nightmare and had gotten up quickly, afraid he would wake Kensi who lay lost in sleep on his bed, her arms askew over her head and the blankets bunched around her body except for one leg that lay tantalizingly bare. He turned to look at her in the dim light, remembering her refusal to let him go last night after their late supper together. She had clung to him as they rode the elevator up to his room, so quiet and unlike herself that he tried to recall if he had done something to upset her at dinner. She was shy with him as they made love and had held him tightly afterwards before kissing him gently again and again, stroking his chest absently as they lay facing each other. He had fallen asleep before he'd had a chance to ask her what was wrong and now he questioned again what had made her so tentative with him. Realizing it was probably his disappearing act the day before that had upset her, he moved slowly toward the bed and sat down, running his hand along her bare leg until he saw her eyes open and her mouth break into a sleepy smile.

"I couldn't help myself," he said softly with a grin. "You know what your bare skin does to me."

She didn't speak, she just reached for his arms and pulled him down beside her, running her fingers solemnly through his hair as she searched his face. Her eyes suddenly swam with tears and he pulled her to his chest, shushing her as if she were a small child as she buried her head in his neck. He brushed her hair back, before lifting her face to kiss her softly on the mouth.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"I should have stayed yesterday," she whispered sadly. "I was a coward. I let you relive all of that alone and I am so very sorry."

"Kensi," he said, kissing her eyes gently. "I'm glad you left. I didn't want you to see me like that. It was embarrassing."

She pulled back quickly and stared at him.

"You have nothing to be embarrassed about," she said. "Why would you say that?"

"I know it doesn't make sense," he answered as he rolled over on his back. "But, before yesterday, it was private, something that happened between me and Lee Chao. Hearing your own screams is hard enough the first time, but in front of a room full of strangers, it was embarrassing. I lost my privacy yesterday, Kens. It's why I ran. I couldn't bear the pity in everyone's eyes. I hated it."

She reached over and gently ran her thumb across his lips and then his cheek, before leaning over to kiss him on the forehead.

"I'm glad you left Kens," he said again as he stared back toward the window. "I don't want to see pity in your eyes, too."

"The only thing you'll see in my eyes is love," she whispered, kissing him softly.

He pulled her onto his chest and they held each other as the room slowly lightened. Eventually the sounds from the street below signaled it was time to prepare for the hearing and as reluctant as he was to return to that room, he rose with a new resolve and again began to mentally strip away all of his emotions, steeling himself for whatever came, be it good or bad. He was determined not to respond in the way Granger was counting on.

He closed his eyes and called up the image of The Wall and the names he'd read in the dark last night, men and women unknown to him, but each important and loved by someone. Then he took a deep breath as images of the men who had died in the final assault on Lee Chao's cargo ship floated before him. Some he had worked with briefly, a few he had spoken to, most were unknown to him, but all had been willing to give their lives to stop a madman who liked to blow people up. Today he would speak for them, because they deserved the truth to be spoken about what they did and why they died. That determination steadied him and calmed him as he stared at his face in the mirror, finally prepared to do battle before a room full of strangers and a few stalwart friends.

"You ready?" Kensi asked.

"I'm good to go," he replied.

...

He felt different as he entered the hearing room, no longer naive, no longer unsure, having been baptized in yesterday's fire. Today, he shook hands with the men who offered and looked steadily into the eyes of the people who greeted him. He talked easily with James McLoughlan, his boss and with the man from the CIA who had sat next to him the day before, introducing himself and chatting until Hetty had interrupted, leading him over to a group of familiar faces. He became shy as he approached Callen and Joe and especially Sam, looking down several times, biting his lip until finally clearing his throat, signaling he had something to say.

"I want to apologize for running out on all of you after the hearing yesterday," Deeks said softly, his eyes searching their faces for anger and resentment. "You stood by me and I want to thank you for that. It meant a lot to me. I shouldn't have run off without telling you that."

"You done?" Sam asked.

"Yeah," Deeks said, waiting for the dressing down he felt he deserved.

"Good," he replied. "You're welcome."

Then Sam pulled him into a quick hug that shut off the air to his lungs and when he was finally able to breathe he looked over to see a look of understanding and acceptance in Callen's eyes. Joe slapped him sharply on the back as Kensi joined them and he fought against the emotion threatening to spoil his plan.

"Hope you enjoyed the many attractions of the city last night, Mr. Deeks," Hetty said with a small and very brief smile. "You needed the break."

"I bet them you wouldn't show today," Joe said. "You cost me some money, dumb-ass."

"Why wouldn't I come back, Joe?" Deeks said, a crooked grin flitting quickly across his face. "It was so much fun yesterday. Besides, I don't think it's in my best interests to skip out on a Congressional hearing."

The sound of the banging gavel cut off any further conversation as the hearing was called to order. Deeks walked quietly toward his place at the witness table, but found his way blocked by Granger. They stared at each other, Granger smirking with cold, dark eyes, and Deeks staring back solemnly with no emotion whatsoever. He saw a shade of doubt flit across Granger's features and a hint of a smile trembled on his own lips as he shoved past the man. He knew in that instant that if Granger remained with NCIS after this hearing, he would never be able to return to that agency. He quickly locked down his emotional response to that thought, knowing he had to focus on today's proceedings. He would deal with the aftermath later.

"This morning's session will deal with what went wrong during the final assault on Lee Chao's base of operations," Chairman Wilson began. "It is our understanding that the cargo ship, 'Year of the Snake', was being used by Lee Chao and other Chinese agents to conduct various operations on the west coast. It is equipped with highly sophisticated equipment and has produced a wealth of information about the Chinese intelligence service. Several caches of stolen military weapons were recovered from the ship, including the long-range rocket launchers stolen from Edwards Air Force Base. Of course, the Chinese government is denying any connection to Lee Chao or the ship. As badly as this operation ended, we are fortunate that this ship is now in our hands and that a dangerous foreign operative has been eliminated."

"Mr. Granger, is it your contention that Deeks and Atwood ignored the plan for the assault and charged in early, before the lights were out," Senator Hoskins said loftily. "Is that what caused this operation to go sour?"

"I thought it was Mr. Granger's assertion that Mr. Deeks gave up sensitive information while being tortured by Lee Chao," Senator Ryan interrupted. "That was proven wrong yesterday. Now you want us to believe it was because Deeks and Atwood went in early. Seems as though Mr. Granger's finger only points in one direction, Senator Hoskins."

"Let Mr. Granger answer, Senator Ryan," Hoskins said angrily. "He was there."

"So were a lot of other people, Senator," Ryan responded. "And I'd like to hear from some of them. It's a known fact that one of the squads went in before the go order, but which one did is in question. Mr. Foster, you were the CIA observer that night. Tell us what you saw."

The man Deeks had been sitting next to pulled the microphone closer and then looked briefly at him before answering.

"Two squads actually went in before the go order was given," Foster said. "The first was a team of four and had on NCIS vests. The second was a team of two and were FBI."

"Did the first team go on their own?" Ryan asked.

"No sir. Assistant Director Granger ordered Agent Scott's team in first." Foster answered.

"And how would you know that, Mr. Foster?" Senator Hoskins asked gruffly.

"I was standing right next to him when he gave the order," Foster replied calmly. "He had a private comm set up with that particular team."

"Is that true, Mr. Granger?" Senator Wilson asked.

"Yes and I had my reasons," Granger said. "I disagreed with the plan for Deeks and Atwood to arrest Lee Chao. Agent Scott's team was better trained and stronger and I felt they would have the best chance of bringing a Chinese agent down then one undercover cop and an FBI agent. It was my call, Senator."

"So, Mr. Granger, you were the one who broke protocol," Senator Michaels voice cut in angrily. "And your so-called highly trained team was spotted, leading to their deaths as well as the death of five others and the wounding of six. If that was your call, it wasn't a very good one and the losses are totally unacceptable."

"There has to be more to this, Granger," Ryan said. "What did you hope to gain by your team being the one to arrest Lee Chao? Sounds like you had your own agenda on this op."

"Nonsense," Granger replied.

"This is an official inquiry, Assistant Director," the chairman said loudly. "Our questions and concerns are not nonsense."

"Sir, if I may, I might be able to cast some light on Mr. Granger's agenda," a voice interjected.

"Introduce yourself, please," Wilson said.

"John W. Fellers, Defense Intelligence Agency," the man said quietly. "Mr. Granger was in contact with me and my department before the final operation took place. He inquired about switching agencies if he was able to secure Lee Chao."

"I spoke with you in strictest confidence," Granger growled. "And my interest in switching agencies had nothing to do with this operation."

"Are you calling me a liar, Mr. Granger?" Fellers asked coldly as he turned to stare at the man.

"Please, gentlemen, let's keep this civil," the chairman said calmly.

"We're getting off task here, Mr. Chairman," Senator Hoskins said. "This is about a field operation, not political gamesmanship between the agencies of the intelligence community."

"Agreed, Senator," Wilson said, banging his gavel.

"Well, Mr. Chairman, I would like to know exactly what happened on that ship," Senator Michaels said calmly. "Men died out there that night and I would like to know why."

"Agent Deeks, take us through that night as you remember it," Senator Ryan said.

Deeks was still trying to process the information he'd just heard, and took a moment to collect himself before beginning. He closed his eyes to focus on that deadly night and after taking a deep breath, he began his report. He took them through each step, admitting that he and Joe had taken off running toward the ship after seeing Scott's team illuminated by the security lights on the dock.

"I knew they would be spotted and I needed to warn them," he said.

"Why did you think that," Ryan asked.

"I'd had Lee Chao under surveillance off and on for almost a month, and I knew he always had men watching his back," Deeks replied. "And if Scott had been spotted then Lee Chao would kill them and as many of the rest of us as he could."

"Tell us what happened when you got on board," Ryan said softly.

Deeks returned to his narrative, doing as Joe had told him to do days ago when they had still been in Wyoming. He helped the committee feel what it was like to be there. He described the panic he felt when he saw Lee Chao's men lined up and firing on the unsuspecting agents below and how he and Joe had tried to take them out. He told them how he had yelled out a warning to the agents on the dock and how sick and angry he'd felt when he heard the screams of the wounded.

"Joe saved my life when I went down," He said quietly. "Then I told him to go find the four-man team we'd seen go early. I knew they'd be in trouble."

"This was an experienced squad," Hoskins said with a disbelieving grunt. "Why did you think they would need your help?"

"Senator, I had already experienced a firefight with Lee Chao," Deeks answered. "He not only dealt in missiles and RPGs, he loved to shoot them at people. He was a sadistic madman, sir, who enjoyed blowing people up. I knew he wouldn't hesitate to kill those men, so I sent Joe to warn them, but he was too late. If Scott hadn't pushed him away, Joe would have been killed along with the others."

"Couldn't you have warned Agent Scott's team through your comm?" Ryan asked.

"I tried when we first ran toward the ship, but there was no response," Deeks answered.

"They weren't on the normal channel, sir," the CIA man interjected. "Scott was only in contact with Granger."

"So, Mr. Granger, you were operating outside the Task Force," Chairman Wilson said quietly.

"It was my opinion that it was the best way to take down Lee Chao," Granger said smugly. "I had no faith in Deeks whatsoever. He was just a cop and physically and mentally compromised. I disagreed with the Task Force plan to send him in, so I did what I thought was best and sent my highly trained team in first."

"That didn't work out so well, did it Mr. Granger?" Senator Ryan asked softly.

Granger remained silent.

"Before we break for lunch, I want the committee to view the security footage from the ship of the final firefight," Senator Ryan said. "I think it will give us all the information we need to make a decision concerning this operation."

Deeks felt a strong hand grip his shoulder and he turned to look into the piercing blue eyes of Callen.

"Don't react, Deeks," he said quietly.

"This video is quite violent and graphic, so be forewarned," Senator Ryan commented as the video began.

The grainy, black and white images played silently in the darkened room. The only sound coming from those watching as men were seen falling, their bodies jerking with the impact of multiple bullets. He gripped Joe's arm tightly as the video showed the scattered bodies on the dock below the ship. The video then showed footage of Lee Chao's men shooting at the agents and Deeks heard a small grunt from Kensi as she saw him take a bullet in the leg. He rubbed the healed wound unconsciously as he watched Joe cover his body with his own and fire on Lee Chao's men. Deeks was then seen pushing Joe away and pointing toward the bridge, with Joe reluctantly leaving to go and warn the four-man team. Deeks watched himself struggle to follow and this time he felt Sam's hand on his shoulder.

Suddenly the video switched to a view from a camera positioned close to the bridge. The four-man team led by Agent Scott was tightly grouped as they made their way toward the stairs before being interrupted by Joe. The argument between the two men showed Joe's desperate attempt to reason with Scott. Deeks shook his head as he watched, remembering how stubborn and arrogant the man had been. Joe was shown trying to pull the man away from the stairs to the bridge before Scott violently shoved him back with both hands. Then the screen flashed with a brilliant explosion, obliterating all images and causing gasps from the audience. When the screen returned to normal, people turned away in horror from the image on the screen. The deck of the ship was ripped and ruptured, still smoking from the blast. Little was left of the men who had been standing there moments before. Joe's body could be seen lying crumpled against the side of the ship, his body limp and bleeding and covered in shrapnel.

Deeks looked quickly at his partner. Joe's hands were shaking as he watched and Deeks reached out to him.

"Shit, man," Joe mumbled. "How did I survive that?"

"FBI guys are tough, Joe," Deeks said softly. "You told me that yourself."

Then Joe pointed at the screen and Deeks looked back to see himself crawling through fire and body parts to reach his partner and he felt Sam's hand once again on his shoulder. The image of him pulling Joe's body into his arms and frantically trying to stop the bleeding was intimate, showing the anguish on his face as he talked to his unconscious partner.

"Deeks?" Joe whispered.

He turned in his chair to see Joe staring at the screen, his face rigid, fighting to keep his composure. Deeks turned back to the video and saw himself confronted by Lee Chao. He swallowed hard as he watched himself bring Joe's gun up and empty the clip into the man until be fell backwards into the cargo hole. Murmurs of approval filled the room, before they were silenced as the video showed Deeks pass out and go limp.

As he sat quietly at the witness table, he let his breath ease out, thinking the video was finally over, but it continued to run and his eyebrows creased with questions.

He saw Granger approach them as they lay unconscious on the deck of the ship and he sucked in his breath. Granger stood in shock over the remains of his team before turning toward the two wounded men. He reached down suddenly, his face raw with rage and grabbed Joe by his bloody vest, yanking him up before throwing him viciously aside, face down on the deck, kicking his legs out of his way as he reached for Deeks, slapping him hard across the face before trying to shake him awake.

Deeks sat in shock as people murmured around him. Then he felt Joe rise from his chair and he turned toward him.

"You fucking sonofabitch!" Joe screamed and lunged toward Granger. Deeks leaped up, knocking his chair over as he quickly wrapped his arms around his raging partner, trying to keep him from reaching Granger. Joe struggled mightily against him, screaming curses and Deeks wasn't sure he could hold him until Callen and Sam joined in restraining him.

"Let it go, Joe," Deeks said softly as tears streamed down his partner's face. "He's not worth the paperwork, remember? You told me that once. He's a coward and an asshole, Joe. He's not worth it, man. He's not worth it."

Joe suddenly collapsed into his chair as the sound of a pounding gavel finally reached the small group of friends. The silence in the room hung heavily around them as people, stunned by what they had just seen, filed out of the hearing room.

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