Allons-y Impossible Girl

Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who

Chapter 35

"So" he said across the console room "And now you?"

Clara tried to smile but the tears escaped. "I think we've reached the end"

The Doctor's hearts broke on his face as he took a step towards her. She wasn't crying properly, but the tears were shining on her cheeks and her face was sketched with sadness. "Why?" He whispered in a small voice, fighting back the tears.

"I'm dying" she said, with a funny laugh. "I'm going to die Doctor. Nothing can save me now." She said the words so lightly, as though she were merely stating the weather, but still they hung in the air between them. She had a desperate urge to be near him, to feel him, smell him, breathe him and be absolutely sure it was all real before she lost him forever.

"That freeze I put on you, shutting down the Dalek" he desperately came to her side and took her small hands in his own, pleading. "We can extend it. Find a way to make it permanent. It can be okay" but Clara shook her head, placing her hand on his cheek. He stared into her eyes, which were the golden brown they'd been when her met her. "Please" he said in a small broken voice "I need you. I can't" he broke off with a sort of strangled sob "I've murdered you"

Clara shook her head, tears pouring completely freely. "No" she said "Never. It's not the Dalek. I'm dying anyway. This body can't survive."

He looked at her, his eyes burning. Clara stared back, unsure of what to do or say. But there was nothing either of them could've said to make the pain numb slightly. Then he pulled her towards him and kissed her. Clara felt the world fall beneath her feet and stars dance before her eyes and all the love he felt for her, the guilt he felt for her sacrifices and the eternal gratitude for them.

They eventually pulled apart and Clara tried to smile. "Please" he whispered, stroking some of her hair behind her ear. "I don't want you to leave me"

"Hush now" she said, stroking the side of his face. "I'll never be too far away. I'll always be near, always be watching. I always have been." He pulled her close and she buried her face in his shoulder and he rested his chin on her head. "Besides" she said as she looked up at him "I'm coming. So soon. In a long time but a lot sooner then you think. And yes I'll be a little different. But I'll still be Clara Oswald. Well" she laughed "after a while I will be."

"But I don't want her" the Doctor mumbled "I want you"

"I know" she sobbed "and I want you. I want to stay forever in this snog box and I want to see every star, every planet, every galaxy" he gently wiped away a tear on her cheek with his thumb.

"Then please" he whispered again.

"But we can't" Clara choked "we can't. We never could. We never... We never should have." He would have recoiled in horror at these words if he wasn't so desperate to cling to her, to not lose her. "Because if you don't leave me, and go meet the real Clara Oswald, then I won't ever have existed. And you'll be destroyed"

"Time can be rewritten" the Doctor insisted desperately, cupping her face.

"No" Clara shook her head "Not this. Not all of your time. Like River said, don't you dare."

He kissed her again, clinging to the precious final moments he had with her. Because he would make them feel endless, if they would really be his last. He looked down at her face, her beautiful face and whispered her name, pressing his forehead to hers. Searing her in both his hearts. And she whispered his own name, his true name, and for a moment they let go of everything, where they were and who they were and what they had done. And for a shining second she let him remember, that they were children together long ago, chasing carelessly through the red grass on Gallifrey the mountains shining above her.

There wasn't really anything left for them to say. They just wanted to freeze time. Stay together, in love.

Clara felt the time stream pull at her, and reluctantly dragged them from their moment. She looked at him, and realised she'd have to hurt him more, for a few final minutes

"I love you" he whispered. And she nodded, unable to say anything. "I don't know how I'll- I need you Clara. I can't keep going without you"

She swallowed, summoned all her strength and will power and somehow managed to say it. "Well, you won't have to"

He looked at her, uncertainty and dread in his eyes. "Why not?" He asked slowly. Clara took a step back and a deep breath. She fought back the tears and sealed her heart.

"You and me should never have done this. Travelled together. We've screwed up the timelines" the Doctor narrowed his eyes as she spoke. "And now I have to fix it. Time can't be rewritten but it can be restored. I used the TARDIS to do it. Nobody-" she choked on the words "nobody remembers me anymore"

"What?" The Doctor asked. "Clara no-"

"And now it's just you. I just have to change your memory." Clara cut him off, unable to look into his eyes.

"No" he breathed. Then he shouted "I won't let you" his voice lost its strength as he said "I won't let you"

"It's okay. Painless" Clara couldn't stop the tears now "it will be like I never existed. I'll make it so you went back for Rose Tyler. Until you lost her in the parallel universe. Then just you and Martha and you and Donna. No me. Nothing to lose. No pain"

"I'd sooner feel the pain then forget you" the Doctor spat. And Clara smiled.

"It's okay." She said between her tears and sobs, the sound of three hearts breaking filling the silent and empty console room. "It's going to be okay"

The Doctor tried to fight it as she brought her fingers to his temples. She stopped for a moment, just to stare at him. And he stared back. His eyes betrayed the hundreds of years he'd lived, the horror of the time war, the pain. And every wonderful star, planet and galaxy he had ever been to, all the incredible things he had seen and the amazing people had met. And in her eyes shone every life she had lived, millions of different versions of herself throughout all of time and space, each one slightly different but all of them her. It would always be her. She would always be there, he just wouldn't remember.

Although he hated it with every fibre of himself, the Doctor knew he had to forget. Or he would always be searching for her. Desperate to save her and protect her. He would always owe it too her. For a moment it had seemed as though she was the only one in the universe capable of promising him forever. But she had been stolen from him, because no matter how much he gave to the universe they could never give him that in return. She was the only one in the universe impossible for him to save.

"It will still be real" she promised in a broken whisper as she drew all her remaining courage "No one will remember, but it will all still have happened. Everything we did"

He smiled softly and stole one last kiss from her. She smelt faintly of cherries and she tasted slightly salty from her tears. But she was his. And he couldn't bare to let her go.

Then she dove into his memory.

He felt it, all their adventures they'd had, her being taken from them, so it was just him and Donna and just him and Martha. They changed, insignificantly, but still they changed as she faded from them. Then the earlier ones, she disappeared and knew memories formed, falling in love with softer pink and yellow girl, losing her in the Battle of Canary Warf. Clara Oswald faded from them all, until all that was left was a blurry night in a bar on Christmas night, where that witty, beautiful, Impossible Girl had told him to get a grip and go join Rose Tyler and her family for Christmas dinner. It was tucked away at the back of his mind, buried and forgotten in its considered unimportance.

Then the others. Memories they'd made together that couldn't be changed, that she wouldn't change to include someone else. Because they were their's, and Clara wouldn't have him share them with anybody else. The frosted planet, dancing at Derillium, twirling around and kissing in the console room. Every stupid, shining special moment they had ever shared she stole from him, no matter how much it hurt her.

Until finally there was nothing left. She held her fingers to his temples and he looked down at her, with no memories or ideas of who this girl was or where she had come from, only the ache in his chest telling him that he loved her more then anything in the universe. And before she took that from him. Before she took the love and pain away she looked up at her with a sad smile and murmured

"Run." She considered the next part of the sentence, wondering if it was wise considering, but decided if she were to have any hope, then she had to. "Run you clever boy. And remember me"

Then the Doctor felt the overwhelmingly strong and confusing emotions leave him, and the Impossible Girl dissolved into golden energy and returned to the time-stream, where she belonged.

The Doctor slumped forwards, thankfully managing to catch himself on the console. He straightened, waiting for the room to come back into focus, before looking around him in confusion. He felt strange. Like he was missing something blatantly obvious that should be right in front of him, but he couldn't think for the life of him what it was. There was also a lingering sadness in his chest, that he couldn't quite place. But nothing had made sense today. It hadn't been a good day

"Donna Noble" he sighed, setting the TARDIS into flight "God how I miss you already"

It didn't seem to quite explain it, but it had been a long day, and he didn't feel like dwelling on it. So he pushed it to the back of his mind, and set off to travel alone.

Please Review! This is not the end. I'm going to go on to do the Clara episodes right up to the Day of the Doctor. I'm not sure if I'll have him ever remember though. Tell me your thoughts, try not to hate me.