"I'm sorry that I hurt you

It's something I must live with everyday

And all the pain I put you through

I wish that I could take it all away

And be the one who catches all your tears

That's why I need you to hear

I found a reason to show

A side of me you didn't know

A reason for all that I do

And the reason is you"

The Reason – Hoobastank

The revelation of Garrus' death sent Shepard into a tailspin. She'd been grappling with fluctuating emotional states since the moment she'd awoken – joy at being alive, colored with a healthy dose of survivor's guilt; grief for the ones who'd been lost; disbelief that they'd actually accomplished the impossible; concern for the allies who were now trapped in this foreign star system; fear for their unborn child and the unfamiliar world of parenthood that awaited her. She and Joker had discussed all of this, and more, during the unending hours of tedium that constituted her hospital confinement, but he and the others had managed to keep her from the lowest lows by providing a plethora of distractions. However, after the news of Garrus' demise, she withdrew so deeply into herself that nothing seemed to reach her.

Or, nothing that Joker did, anyway. There were occasions when he arrived at the hospital to find her and James engaged in murmured conversations, but they quickly dwindled to silence in his presence. After several days of stilted exchanges, he pled his case once more.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you about Garrus. I never meant to hide it, and it certainly wasn't my intention to hurt you. I just wanted to wait for the right time…which, I now realize, was never going to come."

"I believe you."

"Please don't be mad."

"I'm not mad," Shepard replied, and the apathy behind the words supported their truth, but failed to make him feel any better.

"You hid the pregnancy from me," Joker blurted, defensively.

Shepard raised expressionless eyes to his. "So, this was retaliation?"

"No, of course not! You know that's not what I meant."

"I don't know what you want from me, Jeff. I'm not angry with you. I'm not punishing you. And I really don't want to talk about it anymore."

Joker hung his head, feeling miserable. He suddenly wished that she would yell, or curse, or rant at him. This detached disillusionment was far worse.

There was a soft tap on the door, and Chakwas stuck her head in. "Can I come in?"

"Of course," Shepard told her.

The doctor approached the bedside and inquired, "How are you feeling?"

"Okay."

Chakwas raised an eyebrow. "I heard that your blood pressure has been a bit high, and you've been having headaches?"

Joker looked at her. She'd mentioned a headache the other evening, but he hadn't known that they'd been recurring. Shepard shrugged, indifferently.

"I'm okay," she repeated.

"Mmm. Well, I'm going to stop by and check on you for the next few days, if that's all right with you?"

Shepard merely shrugged again.

"Right. I'll be seeing you soon, then." Chakwas shot Joker a meaningful glance as she turned for the door.

"I'll be right back," Joker told Shepard as he moved to follow, but he received no response.

In the corridor, the doctor said, "Is everything okay?"

"Not really."

Chakwas studied his hangdog expression. "I heard about Garrus."

"Oh, I'm sure that you did," Joker responded, bitterly. "Everyone's pissed off that I kept it a secret, but I was just trying to protect Shepard. Now they all hate me."

"They don't hate you, Jeff. They're grieving, and angry, and you're a convenient target for those emotions."

"It's not even the others that I'm worried about," Joker said, although that wasn't entirely true. They just weren't his primary concern. "But Shepard…"

Chakwas put a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Trust is a fragile thing, and once damaged, takes time to repair. Have some patience."

Joker scoffed. "Yeah, I have very few virtues, Doc, and that's not one of them."

Chakwas smiled indulgently. "It'll work itself out. You'll see."

Joker wasn't so certain, but he turned his attention to the reason for her visit. "Is something wrong with Shepard, or the baby?"

Her responding frown set his nerves further on edge. "Nothing major, but the obstetrician has been slightly concerned about her blood pressure. That, combined with the headaches, can be an indication of preeclampsia."

"Pre-what?"

"Preeclampsia. It's a complication that can lead to premature detachment of the placenta from the uterus." At his blank expression, Chakwas said, "We just want to monitor her. If it progresses, the baby may have to be delivered early."

"That's not good, right?"

"Forty weeks is a normal term. Shepard is almost 30 weeks now. The closer she can get to full term, the better, of course, but that has to be balanced with the health of the mother and fetus. They've both been through a lot – the doctors have been expecting complications, to be honest."

"But you'll be keeping an eye on them?" So many doctors had passed through Shepard's door – neurologists, surgeons, and obstetricians, just to name a few – that Joker couldn't even keep track of them all. And he trusted Chakwas to do what was best for Shepard, regardless of the circumstances.

"Of course."

Reassured, Joker said, "Okay. Thanks, Doc."

"Have you been taking care of yourself? Taking your meds?"

"Uh…"

"That's what I thought."

"I'm fine. Really."

"Of course you are. Not that you'd ever admit it if you weren't. You and the commander are two of a kind. I'm going to be keeping an eye on you, too, Lieutenant. Got it?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"All right. I'll see you tomorrow." Chakwas retreated down the hall as Joker turned back to Shepard's door. But when he pushed it open, he saw that she'd already fallen asleep. Slipping silently into the room, he observed the gentle rise and fall of her chest, eyes roaming over the growing baby bump hidden by the blankets. Lying in that bed were his past, present and future – everything that he was, and everything that he'd ever wanted to be. When he'd proposed to Shari at age 18, it'd been more out of a desire to hold onto her than to be a husband or father. When he'd enlisted, it'd been more out of a longing to have adventures and see the galaxy than from any kind of calling to serve and protect. But being stationed on the Normandy, and meeting Shepard, had given his life real meaning. Her missions had become his missions, and he'd believed in them, because he believed in her. He'd demonstrated his worth as a pilot. Now, he wanted to prove that he could be a good husband, and father – but mostly, he wanted to show Shepard that she hadn't made a mistake when she'd chosen him. And he wanted to convince himself, as well.

But Chakwas was right about them – he and Shepard could both be unreasonably stubborn. They were self-protective, and didn't always communicate as well as they should. It wasn't due to a lack of love, or trust. It was habit, and old scars that would never quite fully heal. The truth was that they had to try harder and do better. Too many wounds, no matter how unintentional, would grow into a sea of resentment. They'd fought too hard and come too far to let it all fall apart now. And if the doctors were right, their battles weren't over yet.

Joker crept to the bed and pressed his lips gently to her brow. "I love you, Shepard," he whispered. "It's going to be okay." She didn't stir, and as he retreated from the room, he repeated the words to himself. "It's going to be okay."

Jeff,

I'm sorry to hear that things are rough between you and Sam right now. I don't think that you should have kept the news of her friend's death from her, but I understand why you did it. I'm sure that she will, too, once she gets over the initial shock. Yes, I know what preeclampsia is…I've never had it, but I've known people who have. Usually, it just requires monitoring, but on rare occasions, it can be serious. Keep me updated on how she's doing, okay?

We're about a month away from D-Day (delivery day) here, and I'm as big as a house, and totally useless! With so much work to be done, it's pretty frustrating, but Brian makes sure I don't overdo it. I'm ready for her to just come out, already! Why couldn't pregnancy last 4 months instead of 9?

Love you,

Jules

A week or so later, as Joker got off the elevator onto the fifth floor maternity ward, he spotted Vega seated in the waiting room, posture slumped, elbows on knees. His head hung down so that Joker couldn't see the expression on his face. Approaching the big man carefully, Joker said, "Hey, Vega. You okay?"

At the sound of his voice, James straightened with a wince. "Oh, hey, Ace. Yeah, I'm okay. Just a long therapy session today…kicked my ass."

Joker settled tentatively beside him. "Yeah, I know a thing or two about that."

James eyed him, speculatively. "Yeah, I guess you do, huh? I keep forgetting about that." At Joker's raised eyebrow, the soldier said, "I mean, you're the guy that flies the ship, and Shepard's boy toy. I don't always think about the other stuff."

"Um, thanks, I think?"

Vega leaned back, huffing out a sigh. "Never thought I'd be learning to walk again at my age. Lance says I'm overcompensating by trying to let my good leg take the extra weight rather than trusting the prosthesis. It's throwing everything out of whack."

"I went through the same thing after they put the rods in my legs. You have to alter your stride; your gait; your posture. It's excruciating, and humiliating. I was also trying to impress my therapist at the time, and I was determined that she wouldn't see me break." What he didn't tell James was that he hadn't been entirely successful – luckily for him, Shari hadn't been completely repulsed by his inevitable tears of pain and frustration.

"Damn."

"Yeah. Except for maybe the first time, nobody throws you a parade for learning to walk. But it's a hell of a lot more difficult the second or third time around."

"You got that right, amigo." James extended his artificial limb with another wince, rubbing absently at the knee. "You know, I didn't like you much when we first met, but it turns out that you're not so bad, Ace."

"Yeah, well, I didn't like you, either, Vega."

James gave him a sly look. "You thought I was putting the moves on Lola."

Joker flushed, but didn't flinch. "You were putting the moves on her."

Vega laughed. "Nah. Not really. I may not be the smartest guy, but I know my limitations. Lola is an amazing woman, but she's also a force of nature, my friend. More than a guy like me can handle. I admire the hell out of you, but I'm not sure that I envy you."

"Shepard can be…intense," Joker admitted, and Vega laughed again. After a moment, Joker joined in, acknowledging the vast understatement. "But it's worth it, man. Believe me. It's all worth it."

"Oh, I believe you, Ace. Just sayin' that you're a stronger man than I." James looked him in the eye, and said, in a more serious tone, "In a lot of ways."

Joker felt a rush of pride. To have the respect of a guy like Vega, the typical macho marine, was something that he'd striven for his entire career. But then again, maybe James wasn't quite as common as he'd assumed. Joker cleared his throat and said, "Thanks, man." He hesitated. "You're not still pissed at me about the whole Garrus thing?"

James shrugged. "You did a dumbass thing. We've all been there. Figure you're paying the price now, anyhow."

"Yeah," Joker said, morosely.

"She really isn't mad at you, you know. She's just…" James trailed off. "Well, you probably know better than me."

"Yeah. I know. I just wish I could fix it, ya know?"

"Sure. But sometimes, people just have to work through things for themselves."

"I guess." Joker didn't know how to explain to the other man that seeing Shepard in pain was agonizing for him. Those rare occasions when nothing he said or did was able to make things better cut him to the core. But he suspected that James probably understood that, already.

"So, you on your way to see the lovely Lola?"

"Yeah," Joker said, standing, recognizing that he was being dismissed. "You gonna come by?"

"In a little bit."

"Okay. See you in a bit." Joker started for the entry, but James called after him, "Hey, Gimpy?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for the talk."

"Anytime, Stumpy. You know where to find me." With a wave over his shoulder, Joker took his leave.

Jules,

Not much new to report. Things remain the same with Shepard – cold silences and medical ambiguity. No one's said that she's worse, so I guess no news is good news? I'm with you on the whole pregnancy thing – I think we're both ready for this to be over.

Listen to your husband, and take care of yourself, woman! (I know that's not gonna work, but I had to try.) You're almost to the finish line now. Then you can get back to cooking and cleaning like you should be! (I'm going to pay for that one, aren't I?)

Love you,

Jeff

Weeks passed with little to distinguish them. Joker continued working with Sergeant Meyers' team, doing outreach work. He visited Shepard daily, although she remained largely uncommunicative. He saw James and Steve often, since he worked with Cortez, and lived upstairs from both of them. Lance, the physical therapist, had become a regular topic of conversation, and Joker surmised from Steve's happy glow that things were going well with the new couple. Traynor was ensconced in a building nearby, and the Alliance had put her to work gathering intelligence. The position seemed to suit her well. Daniels and Donnelly were shacking up together and assisting in the repair of ships that had been damaged during the final battle so that their allies would be able to make the trip home, when the time came. Joker communicated with Liara less frequently now that Shepard was capable of doing so herself, but they still exchanged the occasional message. The scientists were making progress with their research, but there was still no definitive time frame for making the relays operational. Tali spent most of her time with the fleet, coordinating the efforts to keep the dextro-based turians and quarians adequately nourished. Joker assumed that Shepard spoke to her occasionally, but she rarely mentioned it.

Joker submitted an official missing person's report for his mother and father, but there were hundreds of thousands of similar forms filed in the aftermath of the war. Their only real purpose was to send an alert to the report's initiator if any activity was detected on behalf of the missing person – any credit or bank account activity; any legal proceedings (such as loans, leases, or licenses) or any official reports by the authorities (such as arrests or hospitalizations.) No such actions had been recorded for either one of his parents, and Joker was prepared to accept that they had not survived the Reaper's initial attack.

One evening, about a month after the news about Garrus had broken, Joker was alone with Shepard in her hospital room. It'd been one of those rare occasions without other visitors, and Shepard had been even more subdued than usual. In response to several benign inquiries, he'd received nothing but a bewildered stare, as if she were having difficulty processing the words. He was considering leaving early, since he had a hop scheduled for the morning, when Shepard let out a hiss of pain and clutched at her right side.

Joker was out of his chair instantly. "Shep? Are you okay?"

Before she could respond, one of the monitors started flashing, and Joker could see the number on the display rising incrementally…140, 141, 142. A nurse burst into the room a moment later.

"Commander Shepard? Are you all right?"

"She grabbed at her side right before you came in," Joker offered.

"Are you having abdominal pain?"

Shepard nodded, grimacing.

"Are you experiencing any head pain, as well?" the nurse asked, shining a light in Shepard's eyes. She squeezed her eyes shut in response and nodded again.

The nurse spoke into the comm that went to the main nursing station. "Holly, page Doctor Martin to room 509, please."

"What's going on?" Joker asked, worry infusing his voice.

"Her blood pressure's spiking. Along with the abdominal pain and headaches, that's cause for concern. Did she seem confused or disoriented at all this evening?"

"Yes, a little, but…"

A doctor that Joker recognized as the obstetrician burst into the room. "What's happening?"

"Blood pressure is rising…150/95. Patient reports abdominal pain and headaches. Husband reports that patient seemed mildly disoriented earlier."

"Commander Shepard," the doctor said calmly, "can you describe the abdominal pain for me?"

Shepard just shook her head, still gripping her side.

"Is it here, along your ribs?" Martin gently moved Shepard's hands aside to palpate the area, and she gasped. Joker flinched, panic starting to rise. Shepard had a pretty high pain threshold. If she was in significant discomfort, there was something seriously wrong.

"Blood pressure 155/100," the nurse reported.

The doctor turned to her and said softly, "Get the OR prepared for an emergency c-section." The nurse nodded and hustled from the room. Martin turned back to Shepard. "Commander, I think that we need to get that baby out of you sooner rather than later. Do we have your permission to perform a c-section?" When Shepard didn't immediately respond, the doctor said, "Commander Shepard?"

"No," Shepard mumbled. "Too soon."

"It is early, but both you and the baby are in distress. We can better treat both of you once she's outside of the womb, understand?"

Shepard looked confused by this and when she failed to reply promptly, the obstetrician turned to Joker. "I'm not sure she fully understands what's going on right now. If she can't give informed consent, are you prepared to do so?"

"Me? But…I'm the baby's father, but we're not married! Can I do that?"

"In this situation, under these conditions, we can grant you emergency medical proxy. Will you give us permission to treat her?"

Joker's dismayed gaze shifted from the doctor to where Shepard lay, eyes clenched tight against the pain. She didn't seem to be aware of what was happening around her. "But…she's right. The baby's only 33 weeks. Will she be okay?"

"I can't guarantee you anything, but as things are now, they're both in extreme danger. Left untreated, preeclampsia can lead to coma, brain damage or death, for both of them."

The nurse appeared in the doorway. "We're ready for you, Doctor."

"Lieutenant Moreau?"

"Okay," Joker said, praying he was making the right decision. "I give my permission."

"Let's get her prepped!" the doctor ordered, and two orderlies appeared from out of nowhere to whisk Shepard away. Dr. Martin hurried out behind them. The nurse said to Joker, "Hospital policy is that bystanders aren't allowed in the OR during emergent cases, but you're welcome to wait here, if you'd like. I'll make sure someone keeps you informed."

"Yeah, okay," Joker said, numbly.

He sat for a moment after she left, wondering what to do next, when inspiration struck. He pinged Chakwas' omni-tool, and when she answered, Joker asked, "Are you in the hospital?"

"No, Greg and I are having dinner. What's the matter?"

"They just took Shepard for an emergency c-section." Joker explained what had happened. "I don't know if I did the right thing or not!"

"It sounds to me like you did, Jeff. She's preterm, but not exceedingly so. If the delivery goes smoothly, they should both be just fine."

"Yeah?" Joker desperately wanted to believe that.

"Absolutely. But I'm on my way over now, and I'll see if I can get any additional information."

"Oh. No, you don't have to do that. I didn't mean to interrupt your evening."

"Don't be ridiculous! Just try to relax. I'll be there as soon as I can." Chakwas clicked off without waiting for a response.

Chakwas appeared approximately twenty minutes later. "They just got her prepped and into the OR. The procedure should only take thirty minutes or so if everything goes smoothly, and the staff promised to keep us informed."

"Thanks, Doc," Joker said, gratefully, and she gave him a comforting hug, which he willingly accepted.

"I know it's overwhelming in the heat of the moment, but this kind of complication is common enough. Conditions are aggravated by Shepard's recent injuries, but I would still expect that they'll both be fine."

"I hope you're right."

About forty-five minutes passed before a nurse arrived. "The baby is in the NICU, doing well. Mom is in recovery and won't be able to have visitors for a little while. If you want to go down and see your daughter, you can."

Joker shared a relieved grin with Chakwas. "Let's go," she said.

They made their way to the NICU, where a nurse greeted them, warmly. "Are you our newest daddy?"

"Yeah, I guess I am."

"Well, your beautiful little girl is right over here. And is this grandma?"

Chakwas looked like she was going to demure, but Joker interrupted. "Close enough," he said, meeting her eyes, which misted up before she quickly glanced away, clearing her throat.

"Great! We just need to get you two suited up," the nurse said, offering them sterile gowns and masks. They quickly slipped them on and bathed their hands with antibacterial gel. She led them to an incubator, where Joker got his first look at his daughter. He gazed at the infant in awe as the nurse continued, "She was born 1905 grams and 42 centimeters. We've got her on oxygen right now, and a feeding tube, but she's doing great, Dad."

"Can I touch her?"

"Of course! You're not only allowed to touch, we encourage it."

Joker slipped his hand through the small opening and stroked her arm, tenderly. Her skin was unbelievably soft, and he couldn't get over how tiny she was! A thin thatch of dark hair blanketed her scalp, and her skin was pale and mottled. She lay in a frog-like pose, the bottoms of her feet pressed together. Her eyes were closed, so he wasn't able to determine their color, but she was still the most amazing thing he'd ever seen.

"She's perfect, isn't she?" Joker said to Chakwas, who was beaming down at the newborn, as well.

"The most perfect baby I've ever seen," she confirmed, moisture gathering in her eyes again.

"Have you chosen a name?" the nurse inquired. "We'll label her bassinet, if you have."

Since he and Shepard had both agreed upon this without any dissent, Joker replied without hesitation, pride and joy filling his heart. "Her name is Hope Shepard-Moreau."

A/N: Posting early since tomorrow is a holiday. I did quite a bit of research for this chapter to get the medical stuff as realistic as possible, but I'm sure there's still plenty of stuff I got wrong, and things that I intentionally changed for the purpose of drama. Please forgive any glaring errors.

We have only two more (long) chapters to go, people! So please, show me and the story some love before we have to bid you adieu! And, as always, thank you for reading!