Hell Hath No Fury

by Chronicleofabutterfly

Detectives defy the NYPD in search of their Son and his kidnapper, will one detective go too far and loose everything, or will their marriage sustain them as Olivia's past seeks to dystroy their future one last time.

35. Chapter 35 It's Time Redone

Hell Hath No Fury

Chapter 35 It's time

She watched him, knew he was angry and knew she was the direct cause of it. He was so happy when he came home. His voice was bright and relieved and she trampled it. She scolded herself for not simply taking a step back and trying to figure this out logically. She wondered if he could sense her like Sam could. She knew he could but she wondered if he would actually want to, now, after all she has done to hurt him. After the cheap shot she took.

"Sit with me." He whispered to her, the back of the chair to her. He'd sensed her, and in spite of the fact that she knew she had a lot of apologizing and eating crow to do, she smiled softly in relief that he hadn't shut off all things 'Olivia'.

She made her way to her chair to sit opposite him. Bracing herself to feel his heavy stare, to see the hurt in his eyes, the sadness that she'd put there and wasn't sure she'd be able to get back, at least not tonight.

"No." he shook his head. She nodded silently and turned to leave as he'd requested.

"Olivia? Where are you going?" he asked softly and it almost broke her heart to hear the gentleness in his voice in spite of her having just obliterated his ego and sexual prowess" all in one sentence.

She closed her eyes, chewed her lip to keep from crying, "You said," her voice came out raspy, "you didn't want me."

He raised his head to her and extended his hand waiting for her to place hers within his, "That's not what I said… I said I wanted you to sit with me."

She shook her head in confusion, "That's what I was tryi-"

"No," he shook his head again, "I didn't say, sit over there, I said, sit with me." He whispered and gently pulled her into his lap.

She couldn't understand, couldn't fathom how he could be so gentle with her after what she'd said to him. He wrapped his arms around her waist and guided her head to the crook of his neck, "Are you cold?" he whispered, and she heard it, a faint crack in his voice that let her know he was fighting tears, fighting emotion that she caused.

"I'm sorry." She whispered into his neck, "I'm so incredibly sorry, for accusing you."

"Are you cold?" he asked again closing his eyes tightly to hold back the tears.

She kept her face hidden in the crook of his neck, unwilling to look at him. Her shame would keep her hidden and she knew that if she could never lay eyes on him again, if she could never feel his body against hers, her mouth against her lips, she would deserve it, "Please… I'm sorry."

He held her tightly in an effort not to sob into her hair. He reached up and touched her cheek tucked her hair behind her ear as she rested on his chest, "Please, answer me." He whispered "Are you cold?"

"Yes." She whispered against his chest. She wanted to tell him that not only was she physically cold, she was cold hearted as well. "Elli-"

"Let me warm you." He told her softly and slipped his hand up the front of her shirt, rubbing her belly softly and soothingly as his other arm wrapped around her back and enveloped her in the heat of his body.

She felt his hands shake against her, she felt his struggle to control them from doing so, but they continued to shake and she continued to let them, knowing that in this situation after what she has accused him of, she has no power to sooth him.

His shoulders didn't heave, his breath didn't hitch, he didn't struggle for breath, but she felt it, felt his silent tear fall from his cheek onto hers, she didn't move to wipe it, she deserved to feel what shed just put him through. How proud he must have been to have passed that test, only to have her mar this occasion with accusation and malice.

"Tell me," he whispered nearly twenty minutes later after neither had moved, "something you've never told me before."

"El… we need to talk th-"

He squeezed her tighter, "Please tell me." He whispered, "Anything, please."

"I considered Mr. Gethering like my father." She whispered against him and smiled sadly, "I don't think I've ever told anyone that."

"Why don't you ever talk about him?"

She knows what he's doing. He's asking questions, staying as close to her as possible so he can't be angry at her, so he can find a common ground with her.

"I… was… devastated when my mom left him." She confessed.

He remained silent again and she had to bite her lip to keep from asking him for his forgiveness, for his pardon for his kiss. "I'm sorry, Elliot." She whispered against his chest.

He rested his lips over her hair and stared at the photo of her and him nuzzling their noses together, with smiles as bright as sunshine. She was magnificent. Is magnificent. "Will you forgive me, El?" she asked softly, "Will you forgive me for being a complete and total jerk?"

He remained silent unable to say anything for fear of yelling and doing more damage than what has already been done. He loves her unconditionally but this has stung more than anything else could have. This has hurt and in order for him to not end up clutching the body of a beer bottle, he clutches desperately to his wife, who is ultimately still his safety net, his life line. Without her he's nothing but he doesn't know how to get her to believe that.

"When will you trust my love?" he asked several minutes after she'd started to fight sleep.

She's ashamed and she knows she should be. He's offered her unconditional love and she's drug him through the mud on more than one occasion.

"When will you understand that I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere?" he asked against her hair, "I waited patiently for you to date me, I waited for you to trust me enough to hold my hand, to kiss you, I waited to make love to you. I've waited for you all my life Liv… do you really think I'd walk away from you?"

She sniffled into his chest, "It all fit." She said wiping at her tears, "I… El… why did you lie to me, I mean… what was I suppose to think?"

He cupped her face, made her look up at him, "That your husband loves you unconditionally and would probably rather die a thousand painful deaths than to walk away from you… Liv, you're my life line, I don't know how many times I've got to tell you that for you to believe it, but I'm nothing with out you right next to me."

She furrowed her brows holding back tears and she ran her palm over his chest, "That's not true… you've always been a good man."

"Only because I've had you behind me every step of the way… Liv… I'm so insanely in love with you that I don't even like to go to work without you… I couldn't imagine coming home to a house that didn't smell like you or you're cooking. I couldn't sleep in a bed that didn't have those ridiculous flower prints on the sheets that you like."

She let out a half laugh half sob and cupped his face, "I'm so sorry, El."

"Liv, I need to tell you someth-" He furrowed his brow at the sound of the phone, "It's pretty late, can they call back?"

Olivia retrieved the phone from its cradle and looked at the caller I.D. and then her watch producing a furrowed brow and confusion, "its Robert's cell."

Elliot motioned for her to answer it. He was just as confused as Olivia was, "Stabler's residence this is Liv." She sniffled wiping her nose with her hand.

"You guys okay over there?" Robert asked with a voice so laced in concern Olivia stalled in reply, "Olivia, Sam just called me, he said he tried Al and the Novak's, he's scared to death, what's going on? Are you hurt, are you in labor."

"Robert," Olivia shook her head softly and slipped off of Elliot's lap, "what are you talking about? Sam is asleep in his room." She said hoping that was true, but when she left the office still talking on the phone and peered down the hall to the boys room, she had to catch her breath when she'd seen the door open, light off, but Isaac's blanket and pajama bottoms strewn down the hall, "Robert!" Olivia bolted as fast as her heavy body would let her, "Robert, where did he call you from?" she asked flipping on the light to see the room empty.

"Liv-" Elliot joined her in the room and furrowed his brows at his missing son's, "What's going on?"

"Olivia," Robert spoke her name in confusion, "he called me and said he took Isaac and hid because something was wrong in the house, are you okay?"

"Yes." Olivia countered quickly, "We're… we had an argument, he must have heard, Robert, please… did he say where he went?"

"I'm not sure but I heard a sound like a honk… I think, it sounded like he was outside."

"Thank you." She practically yelled into the phone as she cut it off and dropped it on Isaac's bed, "Outside!" she told Elliot as they quickly made there way out of the house and down the steps, "Sam!" Olivia yelled into the chilly night then stopped and shook her head, "Isaac doesn't have pajamas or a diaper on." She said running her hands through her hair in frustration.

Elliot kneeled and picked up a small sneaker, "Isaac's." He whispered and looked toward the road, "No." he stood slowly, "No… Sam's walking him out of here." He bolted immediately running barefoot down the driveway.

Olivia pushed her body to keep up with him, she was cramping and she hadn't felt well for the last three days. Too much was happening, but she pushed to find her sons, "SAM! ISSAC!" She yelled and watched Elliot trip and fall to the ground.

She was at his side as he struggled back to his bare feet. "The phone." Elliot groaned holding the living room's cordless in his hand. Broken beyond repair. They darted down the road further until dirt became asphalt.

"SAM. ANSWER!" she screeched.

"There!" Elliot hollered as soon as he saw the small shadow in the distance.

Olivia and Elliot ran as fast as they could. She remembered the last time Sam came out into the road. He'd gotten disoriented and almost got hit. She ran faster.

"Sam! Isaac!" Elliot yelled watching in abject horror as Isaac turned and tried to wiggle out of his brothers arms forcing Sam to take a step into the street, "NO!" Elliot commanded, "Stay on the dirt!" he pleaded and then groaned when he took another step and landed squarely on a nail.

"Elliot!" Olivia yelled panting as she came upon him. She looked up and saw Sam put Isaac down and pull him behind him, offering his body as a shield for his little brother.

"Get them." He moaned feeling for the nail in the dark, "Get them away form the street, Liv!"

"Samuel." She called short of breath, "Honey, what's happening? Why are you outside with your brother?"

He remained silent and kept a firm hold on Isaac who simply obeyed and waited in curiosity as he locked eyes with his dad who seemed to be in pain. "Dada!" he squealed and waved 'hi' innocent of the dangers of the situation.

"Samuel." Elliot groaned pulling the short nail out of his foot, "Sam, come here." He said as soft as he could, given the situation. Elliot reached out and touched his shoulder. Sam reacted slapping his arm away at the joint at soon as he felt it and throwing a random kick that connected with his knee. His mother had taught him well. Elliot yelped and almost collapsed to his knees at the sensation of his son's tennis shoe against his bear leg.

"Samuel." Olivia kneeled slowly, surprised when Elliot offered his hand for support and pulled her gently down to his side, "Honey, what's wrong? Why are you so scared?"

"We just want you inside Sam." Elliot whispered, finally regaining his composer.

"Mommies and Daddies do bad things to their boys after they yell."

"Sam-" Elliot reached out slowly in an effort to grab Isaac who was too close to the road for his comfort.

Sam pulled Isaac back and offered his own body as a shield for his brother as Tripod finally joined the scene out of breath but picking up on Sam's nervousness and instantly growling and bowing to Elliot.

Olivia wanted to yell at the dog and tell him to beat feet back to the house, but she knew that if she raised her voice, Sam would crumble and she wasn't so sure how he would react. "I'm his brother." Sam swallowed standing firm with Isaac behind him, "You can't hurt him… I'm not scared of you, Dad."

Elliot raised his brows in shock of the implied accusation. How had it come to be that he was the villain? Sam remained standing with Isaac protectively behind him, if it weren't for his shaking body and the silent tears coating his cheeks, Elliot would have believed that this little boy, who, in this moment, clearly acted as a man, wasn't afraid of him.

"Samuel." Elliot's voice broke, "Son… I don't want you to be afraid of me, why are you out here with Isaac?"

"So you don't hurt him… you can hurt me, cause I'm already no good, but you can't hurt him just 'cause your mad, Dad… you too, Mom."

"I would never hurt either of you." She whispered through tears, "Why would you think that, Baby."

He shook his head and swallowed, "So loud." He whispered and wiped his nose with the back of his hand.

A car passed them, the horn blaring, reminding them of the severity of their location, "Sam, please come inside."

"No!" he barked and took a step back forcing Isaac back as Tripod snapped and growled.

"Cease!" Elliot snapped his fingers at the dog who reluctantly replied but stayed between the children and their parents.

Another car passed them, the headlights blinding Olivia who Elliot instantly pulled closer to him. "Sam." Elliot warned, "This is very dangerous, someone is going to get hurt, go inside, we won't even touch you but… you need to go inside, now."

Sam waited all of five seconds to reply, "No… he's my brother."

And as if on cue Isaac peered around Sam's body and grinned, "Boo!"

Sam was slightly startled at the sound of a new voice, he turned in the direction of Isaac's voice only for a second but that was all it took.

Olivia reached out as fast as she could and pulled Sam quickly into her lap, his back against her as he fought and squirmed, "No!"

Elliot grabbed Isaac who had started to cry at the sudden shift in movement, the absence of his brother's hand, the yelp of Tripod when Sam's foot accidentally stepped on his tail. Elliot tucked his son in his lap, wrapped his arms completely around his body and sobbed into him, finally giving up on the notion of him redeeming himself and being the man Olivia thought she married. He sobbed uncontrollably into young blond hair and rocked his son.

Olivia struggled with Sam, pressed her hand against his forehead and held him against her chest, "Shh, Son… it's just me."

"No," he cried, "Isaac!" he sobbed holding his arms out in a desperate attempt to locate his brother, "Isaac!" he shrieked.

"Shh," Olivia whispered in his ear, "Your Father has him Sam, and he's holding him and rocking him. He's okay, Baby, your daddy isn't hurting him, I promise you."

"NO YELLING!" He suddenly screeched in frustration letting his body collapse against her as he pulled at his hair, "ITS TOO LONG!" he screamed and sobbed finally lowering his voice, "Isaac?" he hiccupped and relaxed against her.

"I'm going to let you go so you can go with your dad and Isaac, but if you hit, there will be consequences that don't involve spanking or yelling… understand?"

He sniffled and wiped his face, "Yeah."

She released him slowly; completely when she was satisfied he would be gentle, "To your left baby."

He moved and as soon as his hands met with Isaac's body, Isaac smiled looking into his brother's eyes, unaware that Sam would never be able to look into his. Elliot pulled Sam into his lap and wept bitterly over his sons. He broke. Olivia saw it, wasn't expecting it, knew there was more to his secrecy than this simple admission of an advancement test, and this confirmed it. It had nothing to do with appearances of an affair, that wasn't what made him sob guiltily as he held his sons in his arms; it wasn't her accusations that broke him. He was already broke, she just didn't see it, and then it dawns on her.

That's what the problem is.

She forgot about the fact that she was kneeling on the side of the road in dirt. She positioned herself next to her husband, touched his back and felt him tense at her touch instantly. She withdrew until he looked at her as he rested his temple on Sam's forehead. She touched him again, rested her forehead against his and held her family of boys.

"You yelled so loud Dad." Sam whispered as Isaac simply yawned and snuggled closer to his father.

"I'm sorry, Son." Elliot whispered stroking his back, "I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough to control it."

"Why did you yell so bad at Mom?" he asked against his chest and shivered in the cool of the night.

"Sam, come on Son, let's get insi-"

"I said something I shouldn't have." Olivia cut him off, "And I think I really hurt your Dad's feelings." She whispered to her son but kept eye contact with her husband, "I love your father Sam, and I know he loves me… we weren't respecting each other and that was the result. I'm sorry we scared you Sam, can you forgive us?" she asked softly as she held her gaze with Elliot's glassy eyes.

He understood that she was asking for his forgiveness through Sam. He closed his eyes; let the tears remain as he squeezed Sam and Isaac deeper into his chest. "I'm sorry boys." Elliot whispered gruffly, "I didn't… I was frustrated but I shouldn't have yelled at you're mom and I'm so sorry I scared you, forgive me Sam." He said with a sniffle that seemed to simply trigger another unashamed sob.

Olivia kept her palm on his back, felt his labored breaths as he struggled to find his composure. She saw Sam's face furrow in thought but before she could suggest that they all go inside, Sam spoke up again, "Dad… what did you cheat on?" he asked innocently.

Elliot slammed his eyes shut at the sound of his voice, the innocence in the question, at the situation that was unfolding. He shook his head softly letting his lips graze Sam's hair. He didn't know how to respond without feeling his heart rip in two. Yes, he'd lied, but she still doesn't understand why and he's not so sure he's brave enough to go there with her. Not now.

"'Because Alex says if you cheat, you don't respect yourself." He said pulling back and resting his forehead against Elliot's chin as he shivered again.

"I didn't cheat, Son." Elliot whispered, "I didn't cheat, I swear it to you, I'd never set that example for you." He whispered blinking out fresh tears and kissing his hair gently.

Sam pulled completely back and Olivia watched as Isaac stared up at the interaction between his brother and father, "Dad… you're crying real hard… like mom did, why?"

He pulled his son close again, "Because… I really… messed up Sam."

"You hurt her Dad." Sam whispered, "I felt her heart break… you have to fix it now."

"Honey," Olivia stepped in, not sure how much more of Councilor Sam that Elliot could take, "come on Son, get you're grumpy Dog and lets go inside and get you washed, we need to look at Dad's foot and get Isaac into warm clothes."

"But," Sam furrowed his brow, "Why did you think he cheated Mom? What did Dad cheat on? Did he try to beat you in chess?" he asked reaching out and sliding into her lap, " 'Cause that's just Dad, I really have to memorize the pieces 'cause he likes to tease me and move them… maybe he was teasing you? Maybe he wasn't really cheating and it just looked that way."

Olivia smiled softly, "We weren't playing chess, but, I think that might have been what happened, Honey. Don't worry about me and your dad… we'll get it figured out." She said reaching for Elliot's hand and lacing her fingers with his, "We always do."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Please stop, that's hurts." Elliot groaned trying to pull his foot away from Olivia's hand.

"It has to be clean El." She whispered holding his ankle tight, "It has to be cleaned or I take you to get tetanus… your choice."

"Was the nail rusty?"

"No, it was one of those shorties. I think it came from the telephone pole."

"Okay." He whispered and flinched when she packed the small wound with ointment, "I'm sorry."

"It's okay, it'll just be sore for a while." He said slightly out of breath.

She wrapped his foot carefully and watched him equally as careful. He draped his forearm over his eyes and she wondered if it was from exhaustion or if he was simply tired of looking at her. "While you where in the shower," she cleared the nerves from her throat, "I um…left a message for…Vivian to squeeze us in if at all possible."

He lowered his forearm and looked at her, exhaling, he pulled her down to the bed next to him, "You want to go to Vivian's?"

"Elliot… I think we need to." She whispered, "You and I… we're just gonna keep fighting on this I don't understand why you lied to me and I know you don't understand how I came to the conclusion that I did."

"Liv-"

She shook her head softly and covered his lips with her fingers, "Please El, we can't afford to be stubborn here… not on this one."

"Dad?"

Both Elliot and Olivia turned to see Sam standing at the door, "Come in." Olivia called back softly and stood, "I'm gonna shower."

"Please stay." Elliot whispered tightening his grip on her and pulling her back to him, "Please?" he whispered.

She nodded softly, "I'd like that."

He laced his fingers with hers as they drew their attention to their son, "What brings you out of bed? It's past your bedtime, son." Elliot said softly.

"I think," Sam tilted his head, "Well, I was thinking… and I think… I think that I know how to help you fix Mom… and maybe you too."

"Oh yeah?" Elliot smiled softly, "How's that Little Man?"

"Like this." Sam whispered and hooked his hand at the back of Elliot's neck forcing him to turn to Olivia, "and then, Mom, like this." He said turning her face to look at Elliot, "And then you kiss her so it makes her all better and it fixes her heart…and if Mom is happy then you are happy… that's what you said, remember?"

"Samuel." Elliot whispered starring at Olivia, "I don't know if you're Mom, wants me to kiss her, and it's not always a good idea to kiss a woman who doesn't want to be kissed."

"Ask her then." Sam suggested.

"Sam," Elliot's throat tightened, he wanted to kiss her, wanted to make all of this go away but ultimately he knew that this was his fault.

"Yeah," Olivia whispered cutting him off and placing her hand on his thigh, "Ask me."

"Ask her! Don't be a wuss." Sam said impatiently, "Come on, Dad."

Elliot cupped her face softly, his eyes turning to liquid glass as soon as his fingertips touched her skin, "Do you want me to k-"

"I do." She nodded as her chin began to quiver.

He leaned in, bringing her lips to his, gently. "Can I kiss y-"

She cut him off, her hands on his face as tears streamed her own, she pressed her lips against his, savored a touch she thought she may have lost. He rested his forehead against hers, nuzzled her nose gently and kissed her lips again. She took hold of his bottom lip, sucked softly before timidly touching her tongue to his lips, silently asking for permission to be let in. She felt his reluctance, felt his hand squeeze hers for a spilt second before opening his mouth to her and kissing her.

They knew they weren't going to solve everything with a simple kiss, but it was a start, it was a shot of forgiveness laced with a little bit of healing.

Forgetting about Sam standing near, Elliot let out a small moan of appreciation for her letting him kiss her. It's starting to set in… what he's done to her, what she must have went through seeing him embrace another woman, hear him lie about that woman. But he still doesn't understand why she didn't ask. Why she accused.

"Hey!" Sam giggled, "I said kiss her, not go all gross." He chuckled pushing his Father back by his shoulder, he felt Olivia's arms still stretched out to him and grinned, "Oh gross." He shook his head and lowered her arm from Elliot's body effectively giving them the hint to break away.

"Thank you." She whispered kissing the corner of his mouth.

"I think I should be thanking you."

"No," Sam interjected innocently, "I thought of it, so, I think you should thank me, right?"

She laughed and laughed harder when she heard Elliot chuckle, "Come here." Olivia whispered and pulled Sam close, a kiss on the cheek, "I love you."

He pulled her neck down to him, and whispered in her ear, "All better now, Mom?"

She pulled back and looked at him, "Not all better… but we're gonna be."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Don't you girls want to come out of there?" Olivia chuckled rubbing her belly as the shower water cascaded over her body, "If you come before the third you'll make it in time for your brothers birthday, he's two, but for us it's his first." She smiled softly. "You all will have November birthdays." She chuckled then frowned wishing Elliot was behind her to wrap his hands around her and talk to her about nothing, just as they've done countless times in the shower. She wondered briefly if she'd ever have the right to ask him to do something like that again. She found herself torn between being angry at him or lying, and being angry at her self for not trusting him.

She exhaled, the night had been too long, too painful, the argument with Elliot, chasing Sam and Isaac. She reached for her shampoo, and then let her arm bypass it allowing her palm to rest against the tile of the shower wall. She hung her head and sobbed.

It was the cool air that suddenly caressed her body that made her straighten quickly and paw at her tears, stepping into the stream to cover any evidence of hurt.

"Can… I join you?" Elliot asked softly, "We don't have to talk or anything, I just… want to be next to you."

She turned her face away from the stream, "If you want." She whispered, "I know you already showered so…" The bottom line was she wanted desperately for him to be in that shower with her but she can't figure out her own emotions and she doesn't know what to so, except protect herself at all costs.

He took a breath, her voice was cold. Hurt. He stepped in, avoided the pain that shot through his foot as the warm water seeped into the wound, "Can I hold you?" he asked knowing he really didn't have a right to.

Yes! Please hold me. She said nothing but took a step backwards and imperceptibly raised her arms for him to snake his around her, "Do you… think the boys will come soon?" he whispered into her neck grasping for anything, struggling to keep afloat.

"I'm not sure," she swallowed, "I was this far along when I had Isaac, so… I'm not sure what the rest is supposed to feel like, other than just uncomfortable."

They remained silent, his chin resting on her shoulder as he held her, her hands covering hers, he kissed her shoulder tenderly, "I hate that I've made you cry, that I've made you upset."

"It's not a big deal." She whispered.

"It is. I'm sorry." He whispered again.

"It… really… hurts, El." She confessed, "Bad actually… but… I know I've hurt you too."

He embraced her tighter, "I'm so sorry, Olivia."

"Don't be… we'll get it figured out." She assured him, "I'm still so angry with you though, and I know you're upset with me and I don't want to go to bed angry, but I know we can't talk this out on our own, we're just gonna fight and get nowhere fast."

"I know you're angry, we both are… let's call a truce for tonight? We wont go to bed angry, but we'll fight this out tomorrow with Vivian? I'll give you your space tonight and I'll sleep on the couch... my olive branch to you."

She reached behind him, caressed his face, "Truce."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

He still helped her into bed, pulled the blankets up to her chest but avoided giving her a kiss. He had no right. Not now. He wanted to tell her he loved her, but he didn't want to make anything worse that it already was. Instead, he cupped her face, traced her jaw and finally rested his hand on her belly, "Sleep well, Olivia." He turned and left, blaming himself.

She watched him leave and her heart felt as though it had plummeted a thousand stories and shattered all over again. There hadn't been a day that they were married and in the same house that he hadn't given her a kiss goodnight that he hadn't been in the bed next to her. She doesn't like this, but feels as if she has no right to ask him, not after her accusation, not after her cheap shots. She shut her eyes for sleep, and blamed herself.

Olivia found herself wide awake and starring at the ceiling whishing he'd come and lay next to her. She doesn't care that their angry with one another, she just wants to feel him next to her but she knows she has not right to ask him, he'd have to come on his own. After allowing several minutes to go by, right along with two trips to the bathroom, she decided she needed him more than she needed this 'space' he spoke of. Screw the olive branch; she wanted him next to her.

She padded lightly out into the living room, the glow of the television her only guide. She stopped seeing him sitting motionless on the couch. Shoulders hunched, head bowed. His sniffle the only indication of him being awake, crying.

"Elliot?" She whispered stepping into his territory and praying she didn't get bit.

He startled, looked away to blink back tears and then back at her, "Yeah?" He tried to sound normal; they were after all in a truce. "You okay?" he asked standing to his feet and checking his watch, "It's two in the morning, are you sick? Are yo-"

"Keep asking what I am and I won't be able to tell you." She said softly, the vaguest hint of a smile playing on her lips.

He bowed his head, "I'm sorry."

She tipped his chin up, "Come to bed with me? I don't like this part of the truce… I need you to sleep with me."

He shook his head, "You know what Vivian said, we can't make love just to make up from a fight, we have to work through it."

She smiled softly, and hooked her fingers into his waistband, "I'm glad you actually listen in there… but, I don't want to make love tonight. I just want you next to me, this isn't us." She motioned to the make shift bed atop of the couch, "It's not." She said again.

"I don't… want to smother you and force you into not being angry… you have a right to be angry."

"I know I do." She said softly, "And you do too… but… this isn't us. I want you next to me, and I want my kiss goodnight." She smiled weakly, "Come to bed with me? Please?"

He furrowed his brow, pulled her closer to him and touched her cheek, touched his lips to hers and applied tender pressure before sipping on her lower lip and pulling away, "It killed me when I was setting up this bed."

"It's not your bed." She whispered, "You belong next to me, I belong next to you."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The truce was apparently over by the time they'd arrived at Vivian's. They had managed to save the fighting until after they dropped Sam off at Crystal's house for a day of play and Isaac off at Casey's for what Olivia knew would be law review. She knew what had started this mornings round of hostilities. She'd woken up in his arms, her face buried in his neck. She found herself wanting to make love to him as the sun came up. But when she shifted and he pulled her closer, and she felt his erection. Both of them stopped kissing the other. The reality of the situation setting in. Anger and frustration ensuing. More frustration than anything else. They blamed themselves, but more devastatingly they blamed one another.

"Well," Vivian smirked sarcastically. She was a ballsy older lady who was knowledgeable, insightful and completely unorthodox in her professionalism. Okay, she had no bedside manner. Olivia and Elliot liked it, until she had to put her foot down with them. It had shocked them, but ultimately made them more confident in her abilities to help them through. "I see you two have had a wonderfully miserable last couple of weeks, huh?"

Elliot exhaled and slouched in his seat.

Olivia folded her arms and looked away.

"I'll take that as a 'hell yes'" Vivian sighed, "You two seemed to be doing incredibly well the last time I saw you,… what happened that has you two unable to look at one another?"

Both opened their mouths to place blame until Vivian raised her hand in interruption, "No. That's not how we communicate in here… one at a time, who's first? Come, on. Who's talking?"

Olivia turned to Elliot and glared, "Guilty party goes first."

"Nice Liv." He retorted, "If that's the case then, by all means, the floors yours." He said coldly.

"Oh, stick a sock in it Elliot." She snapped.

"You know what?" he sat up and stared at her, "Why don't you-"

"Both shut up." Vivian finished his sentence. Elliot and Olivia gave each other one final hard look until they both turned and stared straight ahead. "Elliot," Vivian began, "we normally start with Olivia… let's start with you today. What happened?"

"I don't know." He whispered leaning forward on his knees, "I thought… I thought I was doing a good thing… for my family," he shook his head and inhaled as he stood, "and I came home to tell her and she accused me of having an affair."

"Were you?" Vivian asked, "Were you having an affair?"

Elliot spun around in anger, leveled his finger at the older woman, "I did not. Cheat. On my wife!" he spat and shook his head softly, "I would never do that to her."

Vivian turned her attention to Olivia, "Do you believe him?"

"Yeah… yes, I do."

"Vivian arched her brow, "Yet you found reason to ask if he was? Do I understand you correctly?"

Olivia chewed her lip and nodded.

"Can you tell me the reasons?"

"Yeah." Eliot scoffed, "Tell her 'cause I'd sure like to know how me doing something so I can spend more time with you warranted an accusation of an affair."

Olivia gestured wildly with her hands, "Elliot! What else was I suppose to think? You didn't want me but you could get off just fine masturbating on the floor of our bath-"

Suddenly infuriated he yelled, "THAT DOESN'T MEAN I DON'T WANT YOU!" His yell was so forceful that Olivia had taken it as a challenge, an invite to yell back.

She stood to her feet, "Then tell me what it means!" She pleaded, "Tell me Damnit, because I don't understand how you can want me and choose that over me!"

Normally, Vivian would have cut in and stopped two yelling clients but these two were truly dynamic. Even in yelling you could still feel their passion for one another. She leaned back in her chair and observed the communication between the two.

"I told you!" he shouted stepping closer to her, "Why won't you listen? You're so damn stubborn sometimes!" she made motion to argue back but he plowed through, "Why don't you listen to me when I tell you that I want you? I don't know why I couldn't!"

Vivian eyed the clock, knew she was going to have to clear her morning schedule to get these two through the rough patch and she's fine with that. She picked up the phone as they continued to yell at each other oblivious to her voice asking the receptionist to cancel the rest of the morning. She hung up the phone listening to them tare away at each other; she knew they'd forgotten she was even there.

"El-"

"Olivia!" he pointed at her and walked away, "Just because I couldn't make love to you doesn't mean I was having an affair!"

She matched his temper with her own, "DAMNIT!" she yelled out running her hands through her hair, "Elliot! I told you I believe you!"

"Then why are we here!" he yelled taking another step to her.

"Because!" She screeched flexing the chords of her neck, "It's about you lying to me! Why didn't you just tell me!"

He bowed his head and placed his hands on his hips, "I didn't know how." He said softly.

"Elliot," She spoke softer but couldn't cover her irritation, "I don't know what that means, please… what are you saying?"

"Nothing." He whispered, "I'm done." He said picking up his jacket and walking past her.

She reached for him, spun him around to look at him in the eyes, "No. You're not leaving."

"Liv-"

"Stay here and fight this out or this wound isn't gonna heal… I'm tired of bleeding Elliot." She pleaded.

"I have to go." He whispered.

"You're not leaving." She told him sinking her fingers into his arm.

He spun back around and stood inches from her face, his gaze intense and angry. Hurt. She almost thought he was going to yell. She braced herself for his wrath. He moved even closer and knocked the wind out of her when he responded coolly, "No. That's your job."

"So, we're back to that?" She whispered trying to hold her tears at bay, "You still think I left you." She locked eyes with him as he remained silent. She reached out, grabbed his jacket and angrily ripped it from his hand, "Sit down." She breathed.

"I'm leaving."

In pure anger and fury she grabbed a wad of his tie and shirt in her hands and shoved him into his chair, quickly sitting down and sliding her chair in front of him so their knees met, "I said. You're not leaving."

He lean forward and looked at her defiantly before standing, "I'm leaving."

She shoved him back down again, "Let me tell you something you obstinate sonovabitch, I'm pregnant, I'm grumpy and I'm hurting and I know I hurt you, but…. I'm also completely in love with you and I'm willing to war this out with you, but I swear, if you turn tail and run I will never be able to love you with all of me… not with this between us."

He clenched his jaw; let her words soak over him. He reached out and slowly touched her belly, "I don't want to hurt you anymore."

"Then talk to me." She whispered, "This isn't all of my fault El… it's both of ours… why did you lie to me?" He bowed his head, she tipped his chin up, "Look at me and tell me."

"I… didn't…. I thought, I would loose…"

"Me?" She shook her head, "Over a test? El-"

"No." He whispered gruffly and swallowed, "I thought…. Respect," he shook his head, "I'm a man… leader." His eyes watered as he tried to clear his throat of emotion.

She furrowed her brows putting the pieces together, "You thought I wouldn't respect you?"

He nodded, "Yes."

She exhaled and smiled sadly, "Do you have any idea how confused I am right now?"

He leaned closer to her, rested his forehead against hers, his hands on her thighs, "I know it's stupid, Liv… I just… we're the best damn cops there… we're a team, you and me."

She framed his face with her hands, "I'm sorry… I don't understand what you're saying."

"I thought… I… wanted to make lieutenant so I could pull a desk job and spend more time at home with the kids."

She smiled softly, "Why didn't you just tell me that?"

"I didn't know if I could pass it, I've taken is four times since my last promotion and I never pass it."

She furrowed her brow, "You've been taking this test all of this time?"

"Since I found out you were pregnant with Isaac." He smiled, "I didn't want to miss anything," he said letting his smile fall, "I never passed it though… Cragen suggested this tutor and I nailed it, Liv."

"El," she shook her head, "Why would I not respect you?"

He swallowed and looked away, "We're cops, Liv… you and me, we're with the victims."

"El, just because you have you're bars doesn't mean you won't make a difference." She assured him.

"We won't work together." He said softly, "I will have walked away from our partnership… I don't want you to not respect me for that."

She framed his face and grinned, "El, you're such a dork."

He pulled back shocked, but relieved at the play in her face, "Excuse me?"

"Elliot, I know how much you love being a cop, I know it runs in your veins, I know what that gold shield means to you, and to know that you would give that up for our boys and for me… that makes you even more honorable. It makes me respect you even more." She assured him, "You are a man… a good man, and you're the head of our home, you've got to stop doubting that."

Vivian arched her brows in pleasant surprise. She'd never condone yelling at one another but these two always seemed to make a u-turn and find their way back to gentleness. It surprised her. She'd never had a pair like these two. They we're beautiful in their own respect. Rough, but beautiful.

He closed his eyes against her words, "I don't know how, Liv… I'm so lost."

She pulled back slightly and looked at him, there was still more he wasn't saying, more that he was holding onto, "El… you've got to get it out, whatever this is, it's been eating at you for months and I hate seeing you like this… please… talk to me."

He kissed her forehead gently and it felt good to feel his lips against her, to feel her skin against him, "It's not important." He whispered.

"Elliot!" she snapped sitting back in the chair, "It is important! It is, because it's eating at you and it's affecting you… tell me something… all of this time, you having trouble in bed with me, has it been me, or is it whatever you keep holding onto."

"Liv." He growled her name in warning, digging into her thighs, "Stop."

"Tell me." She whispered touching his face, "Tell me El." She pleaded and blinked out tears, "It hurts me more than you could understand for you not to trust me to confi-"

"Trust?" He pulled back sharply, "Trust?" He asked incredulously and stood to his feet narrowing his vision at her, "You can't even trust me in bed with you, Olivia!"

"What?" She shook her head in confusion, "What are you talking about? Why are you angry again?" she asked looking to Vivian for guidance who simply kept watching. They were doing a good job of getting the information out, even if there were gonna be some hurt feelings and bruised egos.

He stepped back and eyed her, pointing at her and grinding his words out, "You keep telling me to trust you with my rage, and you can't even trust me with my love!"

Olivia furrowed her brow and shook her head, "Okay, I'm not sure what I just stepped in."

"Yes you are!" he shouted pointing at her in exasperation, bordering between anger and the need to simply hide in his wife's embrace and sob like Sam or Isaac would.

"No… I don't." She said softly and stood.

"Don't come over here." He warned, shaking his head.

She disobeyed and walked confidently within inches of him, "Why? You wont hit me and I'm not afraid of you're rage. Why can't I be this close to you?"

He swallowed and pushed past her, "Nothing is wrong."

"Clearly, there is." She said folding her arms over her chest, "Elliot, it's just me what is going on?"

Before he could stop himself, before he could decide on the right phrasing he spun around and pointed, yelling with all strength that he had, "I HATE YOU!"

She wondered if this was what the rapture that the pastor spoke of was. She wondered if it was the deadening silence, save, for her heart beat pounding in her ears. The city streets suddenly contained no sounds, no honking horns, angry vendors or screeching tires. Nothing, save, the tears that fell painfully from her eyes. The room was spinning and she couldn't seem to get a breath, couldn't let one out either. She stood shocked. Numbed.

"Liv." He whispered stepping closer to her and reaching out to bring her into a hold. That wasn't what he was trying to say. It had come out wrong. Completely backwards, upside down and inside out.

She fought his embrace but needed his arms just to stay on her feet. He'd knocked the air out of her. He'd momentarily stopped her heart's beat and it seemed as though it wouldn't regulate. He grabbed her forearms as she turned her face from him, pushing at him, "Don't touch me." She whispered opening her mouth to let out a sob and finding she had no air to do so. This raspy utterance as if she were taking her last breath was all that escaped her.

"Liv… it's not what I meant." He whispered pulling her into a tight hug, almost floored when her arms wrapped around his neck and she sobbed into his chest.

"Why would you say that?" she cried and when it hit her again, fresh for the second time, she straightened and pulled away shoving him hard into his shoulders, "Don't touch me!"

"Liv," he took a step closer to her when he regained his balance, "Liv, that's not true, I love you so mu-"

She'd slapped him. His face had flung back with the intense sting. She'd never slapped him before. Punched, yes. Slapped, no. There was a difference; a punch was anger, a slap was hurt. At least that's what he thought. He looked back at her, she was silent, tears streaming her face as she held eye contact with him, he was right. Hurt was written all over her face. A different hurt that he'd never seen before, one more intense than the hurt he'd seen when she found out about her father, more intense than finding out about her brother and the hurt she held the day Isaac went missing paled in comparison to what was written on her face in this moment.

"Olivia." He whispered willing himself to take another step to her, "I'm sorry."

"I love you." She whispered shaking her head and taking a step back, rage and hurt suddenly overriding her system, "Well you know what Elliot!" she suddenly yelled, "If this is what you want… fine! You want to live in anger and frustration… you want to keep things from me and make me worry and stress out over you? Fine!" she stepped forward and shoved him again in his chest, "But don't you dare, I mean don't you dare, stand there and tell me you hate me when I know that you love me! Don't you dare lie to me again!"

He was poised to pounce, "Oli-" he suddenly stopped feeling a stream of water hit his face then watching as Olivia flinched when water struck hers. They both turned to see Vivian staring at them, brow raised, water bottle in hand.

"Haven't had to use that technique since grad school." She smiled.

Olivia growled wiping her face, "We're not kids!"

Vivian smirked, "Then sit your beautiful asses down and stop acting like one." She said calmly and motioned back to the chairs.

Olivia shook her head, so much hurt and frustration. They were supposed to be happy when they got Isaac back. She's not sure what the hell Elliot is talking about but to hear him say he hated her… broke her like nothing else had before.

"So," Vivian shrugged, "How'd that little shouting match work for ya?"

Both stared at her in misery, Olivia rubbing her belly to sooth babies that were responding to her stress with kicks that hurt. She double checked the Ipod buds, hoped they were covering the sounds of her yelling. "Isn't our time up?" Olivia asked, "I'd like to go home."

"I have until twelve, if you want the time, but if you want to go home and walk out on your marriage, then, well, don't let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya." She shrugged.

Olivia narrowed her eyes in anger, "You're accusing me of wanting out of my marriage?"

"I'm not accusing you of anything, I said if you wanted to, to watch the door on you're way out." Vivian corrected.

Elliot turned and spoke softly, "Oliv-"

Olivia pointed at him in anger and shouted almost coming out of her seat, "DO NOT. TALK TO ME!"

He exhaled and sat back staring at the floor.

Vivian pulled two envelopes out of their session file and walked around her desk to lean against it and stand in front of them, "Position you're chairs like you had them, Olivia, please?" she said softly.

"No." Olivia shook her head, "No… this… this is too much, I give up… you win, El. Do what you need to do, do what ever you want." She bowed her head and sobbed into her hands. She startled when she felt her chair move. She looked up, opened her eyes to see that Elliot was pulling her chair to his so that their knees met again.

"This… this Liv, is what I want to do." He whispered.

"Take this." Vivian interjected just as soon as Olivia was going to put up another fight.

Olivia looked at the envelope noticed it was her 'love letter' to him. Vivian handed Elliot his and he smiled softly at his wife. She looked away in shame. To hear your husband say he hates you… can someone actually recover from that? She's not sure.

"Alright," Vivian clapped her hand and reclaimed her seat behind her desk, "whose reading first?"

"I will." Elliot whispered tipping her chin up to face him; "If you'll listen?" he asked gently knowing he definitely didn't deserve it now.

She pulled her chin away from his touch but locked eyes with him silently giving her consent. He unfolded the paper and let out a nervous chuckle, "I didn't know… that I'd have to read this out loud to you… you know I'm not really good at this type of stuff… I'm not… the words never come out right and this is typical male writing short and t-"

"Just read it." Olivia whispered, "Just read it… I want to go home… let's get this over with, I can't do this anymore."

Elliot swallowed unsure of what she meant; can't be here in Vivian's office anymore today, or can't be his wife anymore?

"Liv-"

She snapped and sobbed at once, "Just read the damn paper!"

He nodded bowing his head, "Okay," he choked back tears wondering if he'd just lost his wife because he was so much of an idiot in one week than he'd ever been in his life. He unfolded the paper and cleared the emotion from his throat, "I think that ah the assignment was to write how I feel being around you and how it feels to make love to you… so… here it goes," he whispered and started to read, "Dear Liv, Vivian asked me to write this letter to you and I'm not sure why. I don't think it's really a letter at all because it's not long enough. Not because I don't love you but because it's just too simple. When I'm with you the Earth sits a little stronger on its axis and when I make love to you, when I touch you, I feel that same earth move through my hands. I love you more than you know, Elliot." He whispered folding the paper back to its form.

Typical male. Five sentences. She almost smiled. Almost.

"Look at your wife." Vivian encouraged him softly.

He looked up slowly not wanting to see the hurt in her face. He was surprised to see her lips pressed together in an effort to not cry. She leaned forward put her hands about his neck and pulled him to her, her forehead against his as she wept. After a short time she chuckled out a sob, "You sonovabitch." She sniffled and kissed him on his mouth before letting him go.

He smiled at her softly, "You keep saying that."

She laughed albeit pained and pushed her head against his again, "I love you so much."

"I know that I've hurt you so much, Olivia, and I swear to you I never meant this to happen… but you've got to believe me," he said framing her face and looking intently into her eyes, "you've got to believe that I love you."

She pressed her lips tighter, shook her head in understanding and wrapped her arms around his neck desperate for him to hold her and tell her that they would be okay, that they would get through this. That he didn't mean what he said. That he loved her.

"I love you so much, Baby." Elliot whispered into her ear, "You've got to know that."

She held onto him and only after Vivian interrupted the embrace several minutes later, did she let go, "Olivia, do you want to give him you're letter?"

She looked down at the paper, looked back at him. She knew he loved her, but to hear the opposite fly out of his mouth had shaken her confidence, "No." she whispered folding it and tucking it into her pocket, "Maybe later."

"And that's fine." Vivian said in understanding.

Elliot understood. Didn't like it, but understood.

"So," Vivian exhaled, "We've got a lot to talk about, huh?"

Elliot and Olivia glanced cautiously at one another and shook their heads softly.

"Well then, should you pick something to start with or should I?"

"Let us." Elliot whispered.

"Okay." Vivian shrugged, "But, if I hear anymore yelling I will step in this time." She cautioned, "Touch her while you talk to her, hold her hand touch her leg, do something to let her know that you want to be connected with her.

He rested his palm on her knee motioned to her hand with her his fingertips, "Can I?"

She cautiously laced her fingers with his and smiled sadly at him.

"I didn't have an affair Liv."

She sniffled shaking her head, "I know… really I know, and I believe you."

His lips curled into the barest resemblance of a smile, "And truly, I'm sorry for not telling you about the studying… I didn't… I didn't want you to think, that I was… less of a man, or a cop or even your partner for wanting a desk job. I love you and having your respect… it's important to me in ways that I can't explain… it keeps me grounded and makes me want to be better."

"El," she whispered touching his face, "you're already the best… you've got nothing to prove to me… just… I want you talk to me, I want you to tell me why you've been so angry the last several months, why you've ignored our fi-"

"Hold on, Olivia." Vivian interrupted softly, "Let him get everything out and then you can ask you're questions."

Olivia nodded, "okay."

"I need you to trust that I'll never hurt you, Liv, I'd never hurt you while I make love to you." He held her gently.

"Elliot, what are you talking about?"

"You know Liv… you can't stand for me to hold your hips and thrust into you, you even admitted it when we went through our books together, and that time, you had me be so rough with you, you put my hands on your hips, and I'm so confused… I want you to be uninhibited and confident."

"Do you wish you had someone else?" She asked tilting her head to the side.

"No." He told her honestly, "But I wish you would trust my touch… why did you have me go so rough that night? Why we're you punishing yourself?"

"Elliot." She shook her head, "I… I told you about that, in confidence."

"I know." He cupped her face, "And I'm sorry if you're feeling blindsided right now, but, Honey, we've got to get you passed it, why are you so scared of it? Why we're you punishing yourself?"

"We're not here for this." She shook her head looking away.

"He's making an effort to communicate with you Olivia… try to answer him, this is a safe place for you, try." Vivian encouraged.

"We… had just had an argument, not really an argument but it had to do with Ganzner telling you he had sex with me."

"I remember." Elliot whispered.

She stared into nothingness as if relieving that night, "I… I felt like such… a whore. I knew that I didn't deserve for you to… make love to me so tenderly." She pawed at a stray tear, "Wow, this is really hard for me."

"I'm right here." Elliot smiled softly and wiped away the remaining moisture with his thumb.

"I thought…if I could… make my mind relive something bad, then everything would be right. I didn't deserve to be made love to, so… I tried to make it horrible so I didn't think of it as having been made love to."

He pulled her to his chest and hugged her, "Liv… I'll always be gentle with you."

She nodded against him and whispered "I know."

"Then… why can't I touch your hips when we make love, why can't I pull you over me like that?" he asked gently, "I mean, I know I can touch them, but I can't… you know, put you in certain positions… why?"

"Because." She swallowed, "It feels like him… it reminds me of him, and I hate it."

"Would you be willing to work on it?" Vivian asked softly still in awe that after all the vicious things these two have said to each other since they walked into her office, they are still so tender with each other. They find their U-turn every time.

"I'm scared too… Elliot and I tried something new once, and… I sort of freaked out."

"Okay." Vivian exhaled, "We'll cross that bridge later… Elliot? Anything else?"

He kissed her forehead, "I didn't mean to say I hated you."

"It was pretty clear." She whispered, "It really hurt."

"I know it was… and I know it did, but you have to believe me that I didn't mean it Liv."

She pulled back and looked at him resting her hand on his chest, "Tell me what you meant, El…please? I need to know what's going on with you."

"I…" he looked away clenching his jaw, "I hate that they love you so much… he's my son too you know?" he whispered.

"This is about our boys?" she asked almost shocked, "I thought… I mean, Sam is getting pretty confidant with you and Isaac calls you Dada… I thought that was what you wanted."

"I'm not… it's not the boys." He exhaled rubbing the back of his neck, "Isaac was my son too and I don't think anyone cared that it destroyed me to see our friends digging up his grave…no one asked me if I was okay… but everyone asked you, everyone is so in love with you."

"El," She shook her head, "They love you, I think… I think that they truly see us as one person and the apologies we got we're for both of us."

He shook his head, "When you left… no one came around… no one stopped to see how I was dealing with Isaac's death… no one cared. They came to get your clothes and to beat me into reality," he smiled softly, "But ultimately… they didn't care just to sit with me and honestly… that's all I wanted."

"El-"

"I think the more I thought about it the angrier I got and eventually I started to make you out to be the bad guy-"

"You're angry at me for our friends loving me?" she asked in confusion.

"No. I'm jealous of you because they love you so much… when it comes to me… they think I'm some sort of thug cop, like I'm LAPD or something." He shook his head, and rested his chin on her shoulder as he held her "If they knew that I didn't see it as you being away from me for 'just two months', if they knew that I felt you away from me for one-thousand-four-hundred and forty hours…I lost you for eighty-six-thousand-four-hundred, excruciating minutes… five-million-one-hundred and eighty-four-thousand lonely seconds… if they knew, would they have finally understood that I just needed someone to carry me too?"

She kissed his cheek softly and caressed his face, "Elliot… the other day I was talking with Casey… she loves you, they feel that you've put up a wall, they want you back, we all do…why didn't you tell me this before? Why did you let it fester?" she asked softly.

"I just," he closed his eyes and thought carefully, "I just thought… I feel like I'm failing you as a man, as the man you married."

She smiled softly, "Elliot, the man I married is the same man sitting in front of me, only this man," she said rubbing his chest, "has lost his confidence for some reason… when did that happen?"

He swallowed and shook his head, "When… when I realized you could live without me and do just fine for your self."

She scoffed, "Well, I don't know who told you that, but they're sorely mistaken… I can't function without you, Elliot… I couldn't even stand that you weren't in bed next to me last night… believe me when I tell you, if you left me, I wouldn't make it and I certainly wouldn't be doing just fine for myself either." She kissed his lips softly, "I'm addicted to you." She smiled against him against and caressed his face.

"Olivia? Did you want to ask him anything else?" Vivian asked softly.

"I just need to know that this is it… that you're not hiding anything else, that this is the root of all your bitterness right now, that you'll at least tell me your working on a project in the future, you don't even have to tell me what it is, but… I just I think I deserve to know the truth, and you know I don't care if you pal around with other women, I see you with Casey and Alex and I know you love them like sisters, but yeah, if you ever lied to me about going out with them, I'd start to wonder… I'm a female detective Elliot, it's hardwired in me to ask questions and think the worse if things don't add up."

"That's all." He whispered, "I'm not hiding anything else… I promise you."

"I have one more thing," She whispered in all seriousness, "I really need an honest answer from you Elliot."

"I promise to give you one." He assured her.

"Is it me? Is something wrong with me that makes it hard for you… in bed?"

He cupped her face, kissed her forehead and smiled locking his eyes with hers, "It's absolutely, one hundred percent, not you… you'd fallen asleep and," he blushed, "I was thinking of you naked, after a few minutes, I was surprised that I got an erection. I wanted to wake you up and make love to you, but Liv… you've been so tired, so I… um… went to the restroom."

"It's not me?" she asked once more for clarification.

"No." He told her adamantly.

She exhaled and smiled softly, "Good to know."

"Good… can we please pick up our homework assignment and go home?" he asked gently.

She smiled softly, "Only if you can make me a promise?"

"What? Name it. It's done."

"Next time you find yourself in that position?"

"Yeah?" he asked with furrowed brows.

"Wake me up?"

He blushed and buried his face in her neck, "I promise."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Sam?" Olivia whispered walking into his room, "how was school?" she asked gently knowing that after she and Elliot fought, even after Sam had made the effort to have them make up, he'd grown quiet, kept an extremely close ear out for Isaac. She and Elliot talked it over and both agreed to let Olivia talk to him.

He simply shrugged his shoulders at her and turned on his bed putting on his earphones. She gently sat next to him and removed them, "Don't disrespect me, Son." She whispered and kissed his hair.

Softly, he replied "I don't want to talk to you."

"That's fair… but what happens if I want to talk to you?" She asked rubbing his back softly.

"I don't know." He shrugged again, "Maybe… maybe, I have to listen?"

She smiled and ran her hand through his hair, "Maybe."

"How is dad?" he whispered toeing off his sneakers and returning them to their proper position.

"He's better, and I'm better… but what about you?"

"I wasn't the one yelling." He whispered then suddenly stood, "Where's Isaac? I didn't… he… I… where is he?" he pleaded.

Gently, she pulled him back up on the bed, "You're brother is with you're fathe-"

"NO!" Sam screeched and slid off of the bed only to be returned to his mothers embrace, "Let me go."

"Shh." She whispered in his ear, "You're brother is fine, he's okay, I promise you son… why are you so worried? We're not going to hurt him, I promise." She assured him.

It took longer than usual but eventually he relaxed in her arms and sniffled. She bent her neck and kissed his hair, "I love you."

"I know." He managed and exhaled, "Are you sure Isaac is okay?"

"Absolutely sure." She smiled, "But, Sam, you've got to believe me… you haven't left him alone with me or your dad since that night outside… you've got to trust us with you and with him." She told him softly.

"But… he's my brother… if he gets hurt then-"

"Then it won't be by anyone in this house… I promise." She said resting her forehead against his, "do you believe me?"

He exhaled and ran his hands through his hair, "Maybe." He said softly, "I haven't decided yet."

"Oh." She smiled, "Can I help you in you're decision?"

He pressed his lips together and pulled back hair that was falling into his eyes, "Can you cut my hair? It's too long and you said you would do it, just as soon as I was better, and I'm better now."

She grinned, kissed his forehead, "I've put that off for too long huh?"

"Yeah." He agreed softly and smiled when she took his hand and helped him off of the bed.

"Let's go hunt down the clippers, then huh?"

"Yeah." He beamed and followed her down the hall, "Mom… does Isaac get haircuts?"

She paused in thought and smiled, "I've never cut his hair before, and little boys his age are too wiggly." She smiled, "But… maybe in a few months, huh? Don't you like how his hair is starting to curl?"

"It feels cool." He agreed and stopped when she did.

"Counter or toilet?" she asked pulling the clippers from the sink drawer.

"Umm, counter?"

"Deal, little jump." She smiled holding him under the arms and helping him up.

"Spider Man or Sponge Bob?"

"Spider Man." He grinned and waited anxiously for his hair cut as she draped the towel around his shoulders.

"Hold it, Baby… like this… there ya go." She assured him and waited until he was comfortable, "Water," She warned wetting his hair, "What will it be today, Sir?"

He giggled, "I don't know."

"Well, do you want a flat top? Shaved? Trim? Fade? Shaggy? Mohawk? Like you're dad? Like Fin?"

"What about Captain Cragen? What kind of hair does he have?"

She laughed deeply and kissed his cheek, "Believe me… you don't want that."

"What do I want?" he asked, "Do I want it like last time? Or do I want one of the ones you said?"

"You tell me." Olivia said softly still bothered that he couldn't make his own decisions when it came to personal likes, at least on some things.

"What's a Mohawk?"

Her eyebrows met her hairline, she'd been playing when she said it, "Um… it's a funny hair cut, that shaves the sides," she said placing his hands on the side of his head, "and it leaves a short strip right here." She informed him tracing the space with her hand.

"Oooh," he wiggled his brows, "Will Dad like that?"

"Yes, I would." Elliot smiled even as Olivia jumped.

"You scared me." She said softly, it been three days since their meeting with Vivian and she absolutely wanted him, but, they were slowly working back to their normalcy.

He smiled and stepped into the bathroom, "Really, I think we all need haircuts today… Isaac is sound asleep in his bed right now… think you could help this old man and his son out today Miss, Olivia?" he asked with a smiled running his fingertips over her bicep.

She blushed and was freely accepting of the embracement, glad he could still do it and glad she could still want it, "Yeah, I think I can pencil you in… you'll have to wait though." She smiled, "I've got a very important client I'm dealing with right now… big cheese type." She grinned at Elliot as she kissed Sam's head.

"Yeah," Sam laughed, "Really important."

"Deal." Elliot whispered and leaned to Sam's ear, "Get the Mohawk son, you'll be the ladies man."

"El!" she warned with a grin. He winked and turned to leave.

"Mohawk Mom!" Sam said anxiously.

"Nope." She smiled, "Let's get you something respectable."

He frowned, "But… I'm smart and I'm nice to people."

"Yep." She agreed combing through his hair that was indeed too long.

"Then… why do I need a respectful hair cut when I'm already a respectful boy? Why does it matter what my hair looks like?" he asked innocently.

She tried to give and excuse and came up empty handed, "Mohawk it is." She muttered and ran the first pass over his hair, "So… can I ask you a question, Son?"

"Um… will it hurt?"

"It may."

"Oh… I guess."

"The other day," she stopped the clippers and smoothed out a section of his hair, "when you were in the road… you said that you're already no good… what did you mean?" she asked using scissors to get the appropriate length of his Mohawk.

He shrugged, "I… I was already hurt, so I'm use to it, but Isaac… he's just a baby and I thought maybe… maybe, if you needed someone to hurt… you could hurt me instead of him."

"Sam." She whispered, stopping her actions and kissing his forehead, "I won't hurt either one of you and either will your father. That night… that night was really rough for me and your dad and we were upset with one another but we made it through without hitting anyone." She explained, "But, Son, you have to understand something… there might be other times when me and your daddy are disagreeing and we might get upset with each other but you've got to understand that it doesn't mean we're gonna hurt you or Isaac or each other… okay?"

"I don't like loud." He said softly.

"I know… and your dad and I have talked about it and we're gonna try really hard to keep our voices soft when we disagree, okay?"

He exhaled and shook his head in agreement, "Mom?"

"Yeah?" She asked resuming the cut.

"I believe you."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Sponge Bob or Barbie?" Olivia asked with a small smile as Elliot sat on the closed toilet.

"Barbie?" He frowned, "Why is there a Barbie towel here?"

"It's Crystal's… her mom packed it with her that time Sam and her played in the sprinklers."

"Oh." Elliot eyed the towel as if it were dangerous, "I'm manly… I'll take Sponge Bob."

She laughed and draped the towel around his shoulders, "I didn't know Sponge Bob was the epitome of masculinity."

"Oh yeah." Elliot grinned and raised his hands to hold her waist before remembering that they still weren't exactly on the same page. But they'd gotten better, immediately after Vivian's session, they were at least in the same book together. But he wanted to touch her and he was still a little unsure of himself. He lowered his hands and picked a spot to stare at her maternity shirt.

"Do it." She whispered looking down at him.

"Excuse me?" he furrowed his brow.

She picked up the clippers and searched his face, "Do it… touch me, I want you to." She assured him and placed one of his hands at her waist with her free hand. He touched her and grinned when both hands were on her body, "Thank you." She whispered to him.

"Thank you." He whispered back, kissing her belly gently and straightening up for the cut, "I'll take a Mohawk, please."

"Yeah, 'cause Cragen will let that fly." She smiled resting her hand on his shoulder and gazing down at him. She wanted to kiss him but wonders if maybe she shouldn't, if maybe she might be pushing him to fast.

He looks up at her, recognized that look in an instant and rubbed his thumbs over the cloth of her waist, "Do it." He whispered.

She grinned and leaned down, kissing him tenderly on the mouth. Simple, uncomplicated, I love you.

"So," he smiled over her lips, "no Mohawk huh?"

"No… but our son… he looks really cute."

"Cute?" Elliot repeated with raised brows.

"I mean… he looks very manly and handsome… the kid is reeking of masculinity." She laughed and shook her head, "Want the same fade?"

"Yep." He grinned and sat still while his wife tended to him.

Several minutes later she found herself smiling as she handed him the scissors, "I'll take the Barbie towel please."

"Excuse me?" he asked in confusion.

"I need a trim, my hair is insanely long… you seem to know what you're doing… help me out?"

He almost laughed, "You're asking me to trim your hair?"

"Yep."

"I had to beg last time."

"Details." She shrugged and draped the towel over her shoulders, "You did a really nice job last time… I thought you might be able to pull it off again." She said with a smile.

He grinned realizing what she was doing. It was her way of trying to get them both on the same page, and then once there the same paragraph and sentence until they became one word and eventually one sound again.

He trimmed her hair with concentration. She watched him with a smile.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Boo! Dada!" Isaac screeched at his sleeping father, when there was no response from Elliot Isaac simply proceeded to smack him in the face as he laughed, "Boo! Wakie!"

"Dad!" Sam shook him, "Dad, it's wake time!" he said excitedly.

Elliot opened one eye and saw two dressed and ready to go little boys, "Where's you're mother?" he asked groggily once he noticed she wasn't in the bed with him.

"Smell that dad?" Sam asked softly as Isaac grunted to climb on the bed.

Elliot concentrated on the smell as he lifted Isaac up, who promptly sat next to him and pulled off his tiny shoes in happiness, "Wow!" Elliot smiled, "How long has you're mom been up?"

"Don't know… I got up 'cause it smelled good, Mom said she made your favorite breakfast." Sam informed him.

"Really?" Elliot grinned and helped his boys off of the bed, "then why are we still in this bedroom?" he asked rhetorically.

"Um… 'cause you wouldn't wake up." Sam told him matter of fact.

Elliot laughed at the remark then stopped "Wow, Sam… that Mohawk is awesome!"

He grinned and ran his hand over it, "Mom kept it short, see? She said I could have the Mohawk but I can't spike it."

"Yep, I see… but I like it, it's cool." Elliot laughed lowering Isaac to the floor and watching him scurry down the hall.

"Sam?" Elliot took him by the hand.

"Yeah?"

"I love you, Son." Elliot whispered cupping his face, "I didn't mean for those things to happen that night… do you forgive me?"

Sam beamed, "Of course, you're my Dad!" he said but frowned slightly, "But dad?"

"Yeah?"

"I don't so much like the yelling and I don't so much like it when you and mom hurt each other."

"Me neither… Me and your mom are trying really hard right now… I love you, Sam, we both do."

He giggled, "I'm hungry."

Elliot grinned and kissed his cheek, "Let's eat." He chuckled and walked with Sam down the hall only to find Isaac's sweater discarded halfway down, "He's gonna freeze, it's the beginning of November." Elliot muttered.

"ISAAC!" Olivia screeched, Elliot trotted down the hall to see Olivia laughing and pointing to Isaac who stood naked with the refrigerator door open sipping from his sippie cup.

"Isaac!" Elliot groaned scooping him up, "Where's your pamper?" he laughed.

Isaac simply laughed and wiggled to be let down.

"Morning." Olivia smiled softly wanting to reach out and wrap her arms around Elliot.

"Good Morning." He grinned looking at the breakfast table and patting his gut, "A very good morning."

"I thought… you might want to eat real breakfast food. I know you've been pulling more than your share of the house work around here and I know that the pop tarts and coffee can't be hitting the spot, so uh… omelet." She said motioning to the kitchen table.

He watched as Sam helped his brother into his highchair, "little jump." Sam smiled and plopped him in, "You need to wear clothes," Sam scolded, "You're gonna get sick."

"Sam Sam!" Isaac squealed as Sam draped a towel over his legs and brought down the tray like his mother had shown him.

Elliot looked back at his wife and the food on the table and smiled bashfully as he made his way to her. He wrapped his arm around her waist and kissed the corner of her mouth, "Thank you… for doing all of this." He whispered.

"I thought," she breathed as he sipped her bottom lip and let go, "I thought… I called Sam in sick to school… I thought we could go out… do something, all four of us?"

He rubbed his hands up and down her back in a soothing motion as he looked at her expectant eyes, "I'd like that." He smiled, "Can I kiss you?"

She blushed, looked away and then brought her gaze back to him, "I'd like that."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Olivia beamed feeling Elliot's arms wrap around her over grown belly, "Thank you." She smiled watching Sam and Isaac tumble in a pile of freshly fallen autumn leaves.

"How are your ankles?"

"Still very much swollen." She chuckled and tightened his hands over her body, "He's fallen in love with Isaac." She whispered leaning back into him as Sam continued to wrestle with his brother, tossing leaves so that they showered the toddler.

"Look at how he keeps touching Isaac, he digs his little brother." Elliot smiled against him.

"Yeah." Olivia laughed, "I think that's his way of knowing where he is… otherwise he can't smoother him in leaves."

"I like your laugh." He whispered kissing her neck, "I didn't like not hearing it the past few days… I missed it."

She rubbed her hands over his, "I missed this… I missed us."

"Dad!" Sam yelled out near the teeter-totter, "Dad, what is this?"

Elliot grinned and kissed Olivia gently on the neck before sidestepping her and taking her hand to walk to their boys, "It's a teeter totter." He laughed and squeezed Olivia's hand, "Maybe you me and Isaac can balance out your mom?"

"Elliot!" She laughed slapping his arm, happy he felt comfortable enough to tease her.

He laughed and kissed her cheek as Sam continued to yell out, "Dad… how do we do it? Help us!"

"I don't think I can fit on that thing." Olivia groaned.

"Na," Elliot agreed, "We'll just hold them and make sure they don't crack their skulls." He smiled and released her to take Isaac up in her arms.

"Get on, Sam." Elliot encouraged.

"You too." Sam said pulling on his hand.

"I can't… you're brother doesn't weigh enough… we need something heavy."

"Get mom!" Sam said waiting excitedly on the seat, "She's heavy."

Elliot laughed as Olivia raised her brows in shock, "Hey Mister!"

"Get on, mom!" Sam encouraged, "Come on guys, Pleeeeaaassseee?"

Olivia rolled her eyes and grinned as Elliot got on the teeter totter and adjusted Sam so he could level the seat for Olivia.

"Yeah, right!" Olivia laughed, "I'm eight and half months pregnant!"

"Exactly!" Elliot grinned, "You're heavy… get on!"

"Yeah Mom!"

"Unbelievable." She muttered through a grin and carefully straddled the seat, "A little help!" she laughed when she couldn't quite get her leg over. Elliot went up on his tippie toes lowering her side so she could slide on and adjust Isaac.

"You're mother looks gorgeous, Sam." Elliot whispered into his ear, "Absolutely gorgeous."

Olivia watched Elliot as they slowly rose up and down, "Your father is amazing, Isaac… in case you didn't already know."

"Hey Liv?" Elliot yelled across the way, "You up for bumpies?"

She laughed, "Only if you want me to have these babies right now."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Neither of them we're fooled into thinking that the session with Vivian would magically heal them. Especially not after some of the words that were thrown out, but they'd worked on it consistently, they set aside time after the boys went to sleep to talk themselves through it, to figure out where they stood with one another, and while some nights brought laughter and clarity some brought excruciating pain for both of them. Neither dared instigate love making. Egos were still too fragile and hearts were still mending, they were happy to simply fall asleep in each others arms. They had been on the verge of tearing one another apart yet they found their U-turn and managed to come out on top.

She wrapped her arm around Elliot's waist and watched her two year old son stand on the kitchen chair and grin down at his cake. Friends all gathered around the table in support of Isaac's second birthday. His first party but his second birthday. She laughed as he dug his hand into the cake and thrust it to his brother, "Sam Sam!" he squealed and rubbed it into Sam's mouth. She took the picture.

Sam grinned and giggled as Chloe reached for a napkin and gently wiped his face as Isaac continued to laugh. "He's two." Elliot whispered into Olivia's ear, "Our son is two today."

"He is." She smiled and hugged him tighter as she watched their friends smoother her son in kisses, hugs and gifts that, while Elliot and Olivia had asked that there be none, the clan brought them knowing that they still hadn't been able to do extensive shopping for Isaac and winter was just around the corner.

"When are you gonna let those two go, Olivia?" Mac grinned resting his hand on her belly.

"If I had it my way, I would have let them go last week, but I still have three more weeks before my due date. Twins, so I'd say any day is possible, but they better not be procrastinators, they have until my due date and then it's forced eviction." She chuckled feeling Elliot rub the small of her back softly. He knew it killed her to stand for long periods, he knew her back had been sore all day, he knew she needed a gentle rub, but he also knew he just wanted to touch her.

"Hey, Elliot?" Robert grinned as Sam stole a piggy back ride from him.

"Yeah?" Elliot smiled watching his boy enjoy their friends. His friends.

"Paul and I are going fishing this weekend… want to join us?"

"Oh," Elliot groaned, "I'd like to but." He pointed to Olivia's bulging stomach, "I'd better stay close."

"No." Olivia grinned touching Elliot's forearm and smiling at Robert, "He'll be there, just tell him when and where."

"My house, meet us Friday morning around three?"

"Are you sure?" He asked looking at Olivia.

"Yep… just make sure your cell is on if I do decide to go into labor."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"It says to have a picture that you focus on." Olivia said rubbing her belly and wincing slightly.

"You okay?" Elliot asked putting her favorite pajamas in her pregnancy bag.

"Um… yeah, I think so." She said with a smile.

"You sure? Cramps? Sick?"

"Cramps, but not like I've ever felt… they're probably jocking for space in there." She chuckled and grinned looking up, "Can you get the picture of you and me off of my desk in the office? I'd like to use that one."

"Of us nuzzling?"

"Yeah." She grinned, "I like that photo."

"It's my favorite too; you're really hot in it."

She laughed shaking her head, "It says CD's"

"Check." He smiled holding up a selection and tossing it in the bag.

"Always keep the cars above half a tank?"

"Check."

"Socks? My feet freeze in the hospital."

"Check… I know you like the back of my hand." He said sitting next to her "I got everything you need in that bag."

She smiled, "You'll be so excited you'll drive off without me."

He laughed, "Possibility, I'm very excited about these two boys."

"Girls."

"If that helps you sleep at night." He shrugged playfully.

She laughed and exhaled, "We've come along way, huh?"

"Yep… we have." He whispered kissing her hand, "We need to make a decision about my promotion though, I need to tell the brass if I'm leaving SVU and accepting the promotion."

"I know," she nodded, "But, can we not do it tonight… it's been such a good day for both of us, I don't want to get into the serious stuff, not today, not on his birthday."

"Okay." Elliot smiled and kissed her again, "But, be thinking about it?"

"Yeah." She agreed, "Did the boys go down okay?"

"Like downed aircraft, I'm surprised Isaac isn't puking." Elliot laughed helping her into her pajama shirt, "that little boy ate his weight in cake."

She laughed and leaned back into Elliot as he button her shirt from behind, "You're really pretty tonight." He whispered kissing her neck, "I just wanted to tell you that."

She smiled, "Thank you… you were pretty hot yourself, I liked that shirt you wore tonight, and I think you did it to tease me."

"Yup." He grinned then grew serious, "But… um… I'm not trying to make lo-… I.. I'm… I don't have the guts yet Liv, I'm sorry."

"Don't be." She smiled, "I wasn't asking for anything, I just wanted to tell you that I thought you were hot and I knew you were teasing me."

He chuckled and kissed her neck again before pulling the blankets back and helping her into bed. He slid in next to her and smiled as she immediately gravitated to him and spooned tightly, his arms resting on her swollen belly, his lips kissing the back of her head softly, "Look at me, Liv." He whispered.

She twisted around to look at him, "He kissed her softly on the mouth and separated with a boyish grin, "Good night, I love you." He whispered and drew her back into his arms.

She reached up and back caressing his face, "I love you too."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Elliot's eyes shot open for the fourth time feeling the bed move as Olivia struggled to get her overweight body up and out of it, "Need help?" he asked groggily they'd spent the last two days since Isaac's birthday, waking up almost every hour for her to go to the restroom. It was almost comical. Almost.

"No, no." She whispered touching his arms softly, "Go back to bed… the girls are just camped out on my bladder tonight, I didn't mean to wake you up."

"It's fine." He assured her and moved to help her sit up anyway, "You're so beautiful." He smiled.

She rolled her eyes gaining her equilibrium, "I'm a beached whale, El." She chuckled, "Let's face the facts."

He kissed her. Kissed her full on the mouth, one hand about her face, the other at her hips, sipping softly of her top lip before setting her free, "Yeah," he whispered playfully, "But you're my beached whale."

She chuckled and made her way to the restroom. She rubbed a cool cloth over her face after finding that she didn't have to go to the restroom, after all. Again. She looked at herself in the mirror, caught a glimpse of the wedding ring on her hand and then frowned remembering how she'd run from him. She'd always put him in the most precarious situations, always made him out to be the bad guy. She didn't even realize it until Vivian casually pointed it out to her in her personal session.

'Is it possible, Olivia that you've married a good man? One that is extremely patient with you and loves you unconditionally?'

'It's not just possible, it's the truth.' Olivia smiled, 'He's a good man.'

'Then why are you so harsh to him? Why don't you treat him like the man you've just described?'

'Excuse me?' Olivia furrowed her brow, 'Harsh?'

'You don't see it?' Vivian asked softly.

Olivia bowed her head, and whispered, 'Sometimes.'

'You plannin' on fixin' it some time soon?'

Olivia exhaled standing and walking to peer out the window, 'I don't even know where to start,' she whispered, 'every time; I try to be there for him… I end up turning it around and making it about me… it's not my intention, I love him with every part of me, but… I always feel like I have to justify why I acted a certain way, and he's so damn understanding that the end of the conversation always ends up about me and I'm not so sure he gets a lot out of it.' She exhaled and tossed her head back in frustration, 'I feel like I'm a bad wife… and see what I'm saying, I just made it all about me again.' She shook her head and reclaimed her seat, defeated.

Vivian smiled, 'Olivia, you're not a bad wife or mother and Elliot isn't a bad husband or father but, you two are both bad communicators.' She chuckled lightly, 'Have you told him any of the things you've told me in our sessions? Have you told him about the rape? You're insecurities? You're fears of bringing you're babies into the world?'

'No' she shook her head, 'I've stressed him out so much with the accusations and just the normal wear and tear that I put him through that, I don't see a need to add to it right now.'

'Why don't you want to talk to him about it? Admit to him that you've been selfish and uncaring."

Olivia snapped in offense and glared at Vivian, 'I love my husband, and I care deeply for him… I just… don't always know how to show it.'

Vivian smiled softly, 'That wasn't exactly what I meant. I simply want you to admit to yourself and to him the things you've admitted to me… that you're selfish at times… believe me when I tell you that's more than likely all he wants to hear, he'll probably be just as 'damn understanding' as you say he is, but ultimately he'll know that you realize it and that you want to fix it…so why don't you want to talk to him?'

Olivia closed her eyes against the woman and exhaled sharply, 'because I don't know where to start… and… I'm a coward.'

'Have you ever apologized to him? You've told me how bad you felt for leaving the house while he was drinking?'

'Yes.' Olivia shook her head, 'I have, we talked on Christmas when I came back home.'

'Without offering an explanation?'

'Excuse me?'

Vivian leaned forward and prodded her gently, 'Have you ever apologized without giving an explanation for your actions?'

She took one last look at herself in the mirror and then looked at Elliot who seemed to have fallen back to sleep relatively easy. She padded over to the bed and slipped in behind him careful not to touch him, knowing her body had already chilled and touching someone with cold feet was just wrong.

She pulled the blankets up to her chest and rolled to her side wincing at the uncomfortable position and struggling for a pillow.

"What's wrong?" Elliot asked sleepily and reached out touching the curve of her hip, "You're cold?"

"Yeah… go back to sleep-"

"No, come here." He whispered pulling his extra pillow from behind and helping her tuck it under her belly as she lay on her side, "Better?"

"So much." She whispered and smiled as he laced his fingers with hers, "I want you to do me two favors."

"Please let one of them involve sleep." He chuckled tucking her hair behind her ear.

"No, it doesn't." She said softly searching his face intently.

He propped his head up on his elbow, "What's up? You look so serious."

She reached out to him and touched his face, softly tracing its contours before leaning in and kissing him gently on the mouth, "I want you to do what you want to do about your promotion." She whispered over his lips.

He furrowed his brow, "I thought we were going to talk about it?"

She shook her head softly, "I want you to do what you decide to do, I don't want you to make this decision for anyone else but yourself, not the boys and most importantly not me… can you do that?" she asked softly.

"I don't understand. Why… why don't you want a say in this? Why can't I do it for you?"

"You've put your self on the back burner for me too long now, El… I need you to do this for your self… it's your decision, but I want you to know I'll support you in whatever you decide."

"Liv-"

"You can't do it for me." She reiterated softly, "You've got to do this one for yourself."

"But-"

She covered his lips lightly with her finger and arched her brows, "For your self." She whispered and timidly pressed her lips against his, closing her eyes at the contact. He tried to pull away, to ask her something, she sensed opportunity and flicked her tongue out to his, coaxing him into a gentle caress of lips and soft moans, "I love you." She whispered, finally giving him his release.

He smiled softly, "I take it you had an interesting session with Vivian today?"

She smiled and blushed, "Enlightening."

He watched her, almost humored at her sudden seriousness, "What's the second favor?"

"I need to talk to you." She said, squeezing his hand softly, "I need to tell you something and I need you to listen before I chicken out."

"O-Okay." He stammered not sure of where this was going, "Lay it on me." He smiled nervously.

She stared at him, deep in thought on how to construct her words, she watched him, watched the worry lines that had become so evident on his forehead, the gray that seemed more prominent in his hair. She'd put him through hell, unintentionally, but hell just the same.

"Liv?"

"I'm sorry." She whispered.

"Sorry?" He furrowed his brow, "For what?"

She cast her eyes to the mattress, he cupped her face and brought her back to him, her eyes shinning with tears in the pale light of the room, "For… not seeing that you we're hurting… for hurting you… for turning everything around on you… I'm sorry, Elliot."

"You have noth-"

She covered his lips with her palm, "Don't say I have nothing to be sorry about, I have so much to be sorry about, I wasn't innocent in all of this, Elliot… I know that I've hurt you so badly by leaving the house and I'm not going to sit here and offer you any justification for what I did, but… I will tell you that I'm sorry for doing it, I'm sorry I put you through that misery, I'm sorry our friends kept you at a distance… I'm sorry I didn't see how much you we're truly hurting, I saw the alcohol and I reacted, and I'm sorry." She whispered finally lowering her hand from his lips.

"Liv," he curled his lips in understanding and ran his knuckle over her cheek, "You're mother was an alch-"

"No." She wrapped her hand around his neck and rested her forehead against his shaking hers softly, "No. This can't be about me. Not this. It has to be about you Elliot, I'm sorry for what I've done to you."

He closed his eyes soaking in her admission; truly it had been all he'd wanted to hear. Her confession that she was sorry for running him through the mud. He'd happily go through the mud for her any day of the week, but to hear her offer an unjustified apology was what he needed to hear.

"I'm sorry, that I made you feel… less of the man I married." She whispered splaying her hand over his cheek and kissing him softly, sucking gently on his lip, "You're the perfect man for me and for our kids." She whispered rubbing his bicep softly, "I'd be so lost without you next to me… I'm sorry I was wallowing in my own misery and I didn't notice yours, I'm so sorry Elliot."

"Oliv-"

"No. Let me finish." She said shaking her head and licking her lips, "I did a horrible thing Elliot, accusing you of an affair, even with what I thought was clear evidence, I still should have just asked you… I'm sorry… I'm sorry that I questioned your love for me, questioned the vows you took… I'm sorry."

"Olivia? Where is all of this coming from?" He asked softly.

She nodded and sniffled, "Please don't ask me to explain myself."

"Why?"

"I just needed… I needed to tell you that, sometimes I'm arrogant of your love…. I'm… I don't mean to be that way… and I really don't mean to come across like I'm perfect."

He smiled, tipped her head up, "Liv," he whispered her name and she was confused with the sparkle in his eye, "I don't think either of us is perfect, we've both been broken more than once over the last few years… I don't see you as perfect, I see you as… Olivia." He assured her kissing her lips softly, "We're both insanely stubborn, and I confess," he whispered touching her belly, "I could have saved my pregnant wife a lot of stress if I would have just told her that I was feeling jealous of her and our friends, if I would have told her that I wanted to pull lieutenant."

"Please," she pleaded softly, "Don't… don't make me out to be good, I just… I needed to tell you that I love you, that I know leaving the house crushed you and… I'm sorry."

He grinned brightly and touched her face softly, "You are so amazing." He whispered.

She broke and sobbed into his chest, "Why do you always want me to know that? I'm not good El, I'm not… I'm… I-"

"You're amazing." He whispered again and kissed her mouth.

"El," She shook her head, "Please… I need you to not say those things to me right now… I need you to know that, I'm sorry I've paid lip service to your wounds, tha-"

"Who told you that?" he asked tilting his head, "Who told you such an incredible lie?"

She wiped her nose with her hand and frowned, "You-you don't believe that?"

"No." he smiled softly, "Liv… I know that you were asking and begging me to open up to you, I know I had opportunity to talk to you, I know that. I was just too stubborn and prideful to do it… I didn't want you to think I was less of a man."

She propped her head up, extended her feet to his and tangled them together under the comforter, "El… do you know, I mean, do you truly know, that I don't think you're any less of the man I married? Do you know that?"

"I doubted it for awhile," he confessed and tangled his hand with hers holding the set between them, "but… I'm seeing things a little more clearly tonight."

"Tonight?"

"I love you unconditionally Liv, but… I needed to hear what you've told me… I needed to hear it come from you."

She pressed her lips together and blinked out her tears, "I'm sorry I was too much of a wuss to tell you sooner."

"Why?" he asked gently, "Why couldn't you tell me things before?"

"El… I don't want to justify what I'm saying… I don't want to tell you I'm sorry and then turn this around so you take care of me, you put me before yourself too much, and I'm guilty for letting you do it… could you please, maybe just accept an unexplained apology?"

He cupped his hand around her neck, pulled her gently to him and kissed her forehead, "I don't know what Vivian told you today… I don't know what you've talked about, but hearing the things you've told me tonight… I think I've fallen in love with you all over again."

She let out a half sob and play slapped his chest, "Why are you so good to me?"

"Because no matter what we go though, Liv… we always come out on top… why would I not want to be good to you?"

She grinned through her tears and buried her face in his neck, a gentle kiss and nuzzle with her nose, "I love you."

"I love you too." He whispered and kissed the top of her head softly, "Did we get stuffing for the turkey?"

She laughed hard into his body, pulling him closer, "Nice change of subject… yep, we did, and everyone else is bringing food, so we're good. Thanksgiving is gonna be good this year, El."

He smiled softly as he rubbed her belly, the silk of her skin against his fingertips having positive effects on his body, "Liv?" he whispered in her ear.

"Yeah?" she smiled against him.

"Can I… make love to you?"

She grinned and pulled back, "You want to make love to me? With me being this insanely large?"

He pulled her leg close to him; let his forming erection rub against her thigh. Her breath hitched, her eyes closed and he grinned, "Hmm, if I didn't know any better… I'd say you wanted to make love to me too."

She opened her eyes, leveled her gaze at him and slowly began to unbutton her flannel top with one hand, "You have no idea how much I've wanted to make love to you."

He raised his brows and grinned, "Did I keep you waiting long?"

"Maybe we needed it." She whispered covering his hand and placing it on her naked breast, "But… I don't want to wait any longer."

He smiled, "Should we? Can we with you so far along?"

She laughed and kissed his mouth, "Book says nothing deep or crazy… I'm sure we can manage something."

His face was serious and she realized what he was asking for, to reconnect with her, to be inside of her and near her. He attempted to help her to her side, she groaned. "What?" he furrowed his brow, "Did I hurt you?"

"No." She smiled, "I just… I miss making love to you face to face."

He smiled and kissed her shoulder, "I stole your Kama Sutra."

She grinned and turned to face him, "Yeah? Find anything interesting?"

He chuckled, "Oh… you'd be amazed at what I found, but alas," he whispered standing to his feet, "it wasn't very pregnant friendly."

"Oh." She frowned, "I don't mind the other posi-" she stopped when he dropped his flannel pants releasing a beautiful erection that had Olivia smiling and covering her face with her hand.

He kneeled on the bed, crawled over her body starting at her swollen ankle and kissing her leg, a soft trail to her inner thigh and panties, "I like these." He smiled, "but… they've got to go." He whispered and gladly helped her out of them letting them fall to the floor before kissing her belly button that was currently an 'outie' due to her pregnancy. He kissed her belly, draped himself over her, careful not to rest his weight on hers.

"Elliot?"

"Yeah?" he whispered kissing the curve of her breast.

"Not… uh… I just… can we take it slow later? I want you inside of me."

He grinned, "Sit up?"

"Huh?"

"Sit up." He said again and helped her up as he stood to his feet and gently pushed her shirt off of her shoulders, "I had something crazy in mind but-"

"What was it?" She asked looking up at him with a devious smile.

"Well," he smirked laying her down so her feet touched the floor, "I was gonna ask you how you feel about make love on the kitchen table?"

She laughed out loud and covered her face to hide her blush, "I'd break it."

"It's real wood." He protested.

"I'd break it!" she laughed again and then looked up at him growing serious, "Make love to me… please? We can file the kitchen table under things to do, but… I want you."

He grinned and stepped between her legs, "I read about this… it's suppose to be easier for you." He whispered lacing his hands with hers and lowering his stance as he stood.

"No more talking." She told him anxiously and wrapped her legs around him, "Just… let me have you?"

He grinned at her and locked his gaze with hers pushing slowly into her. She sucked in a sharp breath and groaned.

"What?"

She shook her head, "Just feels… different… full."

"Want to st-"

"No!" she shook her head touching his chest, "Don't even think it." She smiled and locked her legs behind his, drawing him further into her, tossing her head back as he pinned her hands on either side of her and moved slowly inside of her.

They held each others gazes as they moved in the cool of night, they moved because they needed one another, because they had one another and because they wanted one another. They moved because together they would get through anything, they would conquer anything and they would take on anything.

He watched her eyes dilate as he produced perfect figure eights with his hips, felt her fingernails dig into his hands as her breath shuddered and he gently pushed her over the edge, catching her softly as she sailed back into her own body and he groaned his release into her shoulder. She watched him gasp, his body tired from the position he was in, she pulled him up to be next to her and smiled as she looked at him. He grinned.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"I got fish!" Elliot laughed stepping into the bedroom and flipping on the light only to find his wife not there.

"Liv?" he called looking at his watch and noticing the late hour, "Liv… where ya at?"

"Here." She called back from the restroom.

He entered slowly and found her bracing herself over the sink, "I got fish… what's wrong?"

"How was the trip?" She smiled holding out her hand to him. He took it and tipped her chin to him.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing… just… um, like cramps." She breathed out.

"Cramps or labor?" He asked turning her to face him.

"Ehh, cramps I think." She smiled, "I don't know what labor feels like, remember?" she chuckled, "The girls… I think that they're just… getting situated for the night."

"It's one in the morning." He said softly, "Want to try the water again?"

"I think it calms them." She said shaking her head, "Would you mind? I know it's cold."

"I don't mind." He assured her and started to strip down to his boxers and turn the shower water on to warm. He helped her out of her pajamas and chuckled, "Geeze…you must have gained ten pounds!"

"Bite me!" she laughed and winced, "Please… please help me."

"Okay." He smiled at adjusted the shower stream to hit the right spot, he sat on the side of the tub and helped her onto his lap allowing the stream to massage her belly, "Better?"

"No." She shook her head, "But… maybe a few more minutes?"

"Okay." He grinned and kissed her shoulder.

"El."

"Yeah?"

"You smell like fish." She chuckled.

"I caught four, Robert and Paul came up with zilch and I think Mac tried to sabotage my pole." He laughed rubbing her belly soothingly.

"So… you had a good time with them?" She asked taking a slow breath.

"Yeah… it was… it was needed." He whispered, "Thank you for letting me go."

"Letting you?" She laughed, "No… It wasn't about letting… I just knew you needed it."

"I talked to them."

"Really?" She asked almost shocked at the confession.

"Yeah," he smiled against her, "I told them how I felt… in a manly way of course."

"Of course." She grinned relaxing against him.

"They let me know I was full of crap and they love me." He laughed, "Got to love the male communication factor, huh?"

She laughed, "Yeah… you feeling better?"

He wrapped his arms around her nuzzled her ear with his nose and grinned, "Yeah, I've got you… I'm good."

"It has nothing to do with me… I want to know, are you good for you?"

"Yeah… yeah I am."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

She woke up, barely minutes after she'd fallen asleep to insane pain in her belly. She groaned slightly and padded her way to the bathroom, "Come on girls." She whispered, "This is bathroom trip number six tonight." She laughed lowering her self to the toilet and groaning, it was the same result each time. The intense feeling of having to pee only to get to the restroom and find out she didn't really have to.

She shook her head washing her hands and rinsing. Groaning as more pain shot through her belly. She'd never experienced it before, it was so much different from the cramps she was use too. She dropped the towel when she felt another sharp and uncomfortable pain rip through her side.

Slowly, she made her way back to the bed, "Elliot." She whispered shaking his body softly, "El, wake up."

He turned and looked at her blinking his eyes, "Hey," he smiled softly, "What is it? You okay?"

"It's time."