AN: Once again, as I did with Jamie's, I am adjusting dates for Phillip's birthday party since it was mentioned in "Fearless Dotty" that the party was on Saturday and the episode aired March 26th. While Phillip's specific birth date is never given, one assumes his birthday is between the airdate of the 26th and the following Saturday, the 31st.
February 27, 1984
Amanda sat in her car outside Lee's new apartment, trying to blink back the tears that had formed in her eyes. She wouldn't have believed it if she hadn't seen it herself. Fred was right. Lee had sold out. Just when she thought they were starting to get closer too. He'd taken her to that party the other night as his actual date. Of course, it hadn't lasted long because she'd been so sick, having caught her mother's cold, but it had led to other opportunities. Since she felt responsible for him catching it too, she'd taken him some homemade chicken soup to help him feel better and they'd spent a little time together just relaxing. Of course, he was a grumpy patient, but he'd seemed to perk up when she arrived. She was actually the most comfortable that she'd ever been at his place now that she was no longer with Dean and she knew he was single too. It had been nice, despite his grumpiness.
But now it was different, he had a new place, a new job and an unfortunate new attitude. Even his new place was different. While messy, his old place had had something of a comfortable, homey feel to it and even more so on the days that he was amiable enough to allow her to do some cleaning up for him. This new place felt...well, uncomfortable...hollow and shallow, the perfect definition of a swinging bachelor pad. Even more uncomfortable was his behavior toward her. She couldn't understand it. He'd acted almost...angry with her for caring about what he was doing with his life. He'd been dismissive of her as if they'd never meant anything to each other. And what was up with him telling her to turn her back while he changed? It wasn't as if she hadn't seen him naked before. She wondered what was going on with him. She was jolted out of her thoughts by a tapping on her passenger window. Was it Lee?
She turned quickly to see who it was and it turned out to be a man that she didn't know. She leaned over and cautiously rolled the window down just enough to see what he wanted. "Yes?" she questioned warily. She hoped this man wasn't one of Lee's new 'friends.'
The man pointed and warned her, "Your meter's about to run out."
"Oh, well, I won't be needing the space much longer anyway," she replied and was about to roll the window back up when the man stopped her.
"Wait," he said. "Listen, I could use a little help. My car is stalled." He gestured to the car parked behind hers.
Watching for oncoming traffic, she slid out of her car. "Oh my gosh! Are you okay?" She glanced at the beautiful car parked behind hers and the smoke pouring out of it.
"I'm fine," he answered. "The real question is are you okay, Miss?"
"Misses," she corrected. "King. Amanda King. And I'm fine, why do you ask?"
"Well, when I knocked on your window you looked like you were a million miles away. I couldn't help thinking that you looked a little sad."
"Sad?" She quickly brushed away the remnants of her tears. "No, no, no. I'm not sad. I was just, you know, lost in thought about, you know...life. In fact, I...uh...I have to go. I have a life I have to get back to."
He reached for her hand. "Please don't." He smiled at her as he dug into his pocket and dropped a coin in the parking meter for her. "I could use some company while I wait for the car club."
"Sure. I...uh...I guess I could do that." She did feel a bit bad for wallowing in her own troubles and leaving someone stranded.
"Do you...uh...need a lift somewhere?" she offered, but then cringed a bit that she'd been so bold. After all, she didn't yet know who this man was. For all she knew, he could be working the unsavory characters that Lee had now aligned himself with."
"Oh, no," he answered. "But thank you kindly. As I said, I've already called the car club from a payphone down the street and they should be here anytime. I'm sure I can get a lift with them."
Amanda nodded. "Of course." She breathed a sigh of relief that he hadn't accepted her offer, but the more she talked to him, the more she felt that he couldn't be a part of whatever it was that Lee was involved with.
"So, is it your husband?" he inquired.
"What?" she asked a bit startled. "My h-h-husband?"
"That's making you sad," he probed.
"Oh, no, I-' She glanced up to the window of Lee's apartment and the thought struck her that he could have been her husband if only she hadn't been so stubborn about marrying Joe in her youth. She reflected back on the question he'd asked about if she'd have married him if Joe hadn't been involved. With his bizarre behavior today, she wasn't entirely sure that if she had married him then that she wouldn't have found herself in exactly the same state she was in now, a divorced mother raising her children alone. She shook off that thought and smiled slightly back at the man. "I'm divorced. In fact, he's...um...out of the country."
"Well, listen if you ever want to get a cup of coffee and talk about it. Why it is that you're not sad, maybe I could give you a call. I'm Alan...Squires," he introduced himself.
"Nice to meet you," she greeted him pleasantly. "And I'm not really sad. I just...I have a-a-" What was Lee to her these days? "A friend that I'm just, you know, a little worried about. He's just...um...not acting like himself." Or maybe he was, Amanda thought morosely. She had to admit that there had been many times over the years when he'd just distanced himself from her and sometimes vanishing without a trace. Was this another of those times? Would she even know where he was now if Fred hadn't told her? Would he even have confided in her? The obvious answer was no. She found that more than making her sad, it was also making her a bit angry. Despite their torrid past, weren't they at least supposed to be friends?
"Well, he's lucky to have you as a friend. I only wish I could be so lucky."
Amanda pondered his words along with how Lee had just dismissed her...again. Alan was being so nice while Lee had been such a jerk. She thought about the vast difference between the behavior of the two men and made a decision. She dug through her purse for a notepad and scribbled down her number. "Maybe you could be," she told him in a flirty tone.
"Oh, looks like they're here," he nodded to the wrecker that had just arrived.
"But I'll call you." He held up the paper she'd given him, smiled once more at her and then left to deal with the car club.
Amanda got back into her car and as she drove home, her thoughts were in a whirl, mostly over the suddenness of Lee's departure from the Agency. What would possess him to do such a thing? She knew him better than that or so she thought. She never thought he'd be the type to work for the other side. He prided himself on putting guys like that away. And then to add salt to the wound, there was Francine's glee when she'd informed her bluntly that they wouldn't be seeing her around the Agency anymore since Lee was no longer there for her to work with, just like she had when Lee had 'died.'" However, Mr. Melrose had still said that he'd call if he needed her.
But did she really want to work there without Lee? While she'd been truthful with Mr. Melrose from the beginning that she'd already been looking for work when he hired her, she'd partially taken this particular job because Lee was there. Truth be told, she liked having him in her life again even if it was just as a friend. But were they really friends? Wouldn't a real friend have told her he was leaving the Agency and not only that, but moving? The longer she thought about it, the angrier she grew. Didn't he owe it to her as a partner to tell her that he was quitting his job and that they would no longer be partners?
February 28, 1984
Trying to catch her breath after her harrowing experience trying to help Lee defuse the bomb, she laughed ironically and gasped, "I...wonder...why everybody...ran away."
Lee joined her in her laughter and quipped, "I don't know. Something we said, you think?"
Amanda whimpered slightly while Lee howled with laughter and patted Amanda's arm. She looked away from him at the dust that was just settling from the rapid departure of the other agents. "So, Lee?"
"Hmmm?"
She looked back at him and hesitantly asked, "So, did you...um...did you mean what you said? You know, that we're...uh...friends?"
"Sure, I meant it. We are..." When he looked at her and saw the doubt in her eyes, his tone changed. "...Aren't we?" Had he screwed up so badly by keeping her in the dark that she no longer wanted to be his friend?
"Well, gee, I don't know," she answered as she stood up to distance herself from him a bit. Being near him was just too...distracting. "You see, I've always believed that friends share things with each other. You know, like you did when you were dead, but you weren't really dead. Or like when you told me the truth about Eva and your feelings on marriage or-"
"I see where this is going..." He interrupted as he rose and reached for her hands.
"Don't!" She barked as she yanked her hands out of his reach. She wasn't going to let him cajole his way out of this with his seemingly sweet charm the way she had in the past. Besides, she knew if she let him touch her right now, she'd lose all her resolve to give him a piece of her mind. Just the simple touch of his hand on hers had had that effect on her far too many times and made her lose sight of all rational thought. She took a deep breath and started anew, "Now, I get that some things that you do are classified and above my security level, but you stood there quietly and let me make a fool of myself...with you...with Mr...Mr...Ballard and you never said a word. A real friend wouldn't do that. You never even told me you moved!"
"Because the move was all part of the cover," he tried to defend himself against the venom her heard in her voice. "I couldn't tell you."
"Why not? Aren't I supposed to be your partner?"
"Now, partner is a very strong term. I don't know that I'd go that far."
"Then what are we to each other?" she demanded. When Lee didn't answer right away, she became more insistent in her tone, "Come on, Lee! What are we to each other really?"
"I told you, we're...we're friends," he stammered as he ran both hands through his hair. The truth was that he wanted much more than friendship with her. He wanted everything with her, but that wasn't likely to ever happen. He'd hated every second that he'd been forced to lie to her, but it was necessary. Billy had wanted her in the loop, but Lee had insisted on doing things alone. She was the mother of his child and this kind of investigation was just too dangerous for her to be involved with. He had needed to keep her safe. With him not a part of Phillip's life and Joe off God knows where, she was the only parent his son had. It had only just occurred to him now that in shutting her out, she'd only become that much more determined to be let in. He mentally kicked himself for not thinking of that sooner. He should have known that about her and acted accordingly. Maybe if he had and had at least informed her that he was undercover, she wouldn't have gotten herself mixed up in it. Who are you kidding, an inner voice taunted him. Amanda could no more stay away from him than he could her. They were too...connected.
"No, I don't think we are. We can't be friends if you can't be honest." She stalked to the driver's door of her car and yanked it open.
"Amanda, wait! I need a ride!" he called after her in a panic. Was she really just going to leave him there after he'd risked his own life to let her know what was really going on?
She leaned on the door. "Hmmm...you know that seems to me to be the kind of thing a friend would do, give another friend a ride. I don't think so." She slipped into the driver's seat and closed the door.
"I'm sorry, okay! I'm sorry I lied to you!"
"Are you now?" She saw the pleading look in his eyes, so much like the one she'd seen when he'd been begging for her help at the train station, but deep down she knew he was only apologizing out of fear. She knew him well enough to know that, but still she didn't really have the heart to leave him stranded. "Oh, get in!" she snapped in irritation, partially at herself for caving in, but mostly at him for his deception. She thought back to the timeframe she'd mentioned when he'd had to pretend to be dead and it hit her that that was another time that he'd only let her in on the secret out of desperation because he'd needed her help. That thought only served to make her madder.
Lee breathed a sigh of relief as he got in, but it was short-lived because as soon as he closed the door, she added, "But don't think this makes us even! Not even close!"
Amanda fumed as she drove them out of there. A part of her understood that Lee had been undercover, but another part of her was just so angry with him for not trusting her enough to let her in on it. Billy had said when he first hired her that they were supposed to be partners, yet Lee still refused to acknowledge that even now months later. What the hell was wrong with him? Then he'd said she was a good friend, but like she'd told him, she just didn't think they could be that good of friends if he had treated her like he had all in the name of protecting his cover. If she'd known what his cover was, she could have acted accordingly instead of trying to convince him that he was making a mistake. He must have been laughing at her the whole time. Every time that she thought she was on the verge of rationalizing his actions and calming herself down, another thought occurred to her that just made her angry with him all over again.
"Are we gonna' talk about this," he questioned warily.
"I think we've said it all," she responded in a clipped tone, but as her ire got the better of her, she found that she did have more to say. "There's really nothing more to talk about. You say we're friends, but your actions say otherwise. You didn't trust me."
"It wasn't a matter of not trusting you. You know yourself now that Ballard was dangerous. I was just trying to protect you."
"Protect me? Ha! That's a laugh. If you really wanted to protect me, you should've told me the truth. Then maybe I wouldn't have trusted Ballard and ended up hauling a bomb in my damn car!"
"Well, technically it's not in your car," he joked in a weak attempt to diffuse her ire.
"That's not funny! That really isn't funny! You know very well what I mean! And to make matters worse, you treated me as if I meant nothing to you when I was only trying to help you!"
"I know you were trying to help me and I appreciate-"
"No, you don't. You only included me at the last minute because you knew you had no choice!" They'd finally reached the Agency and she pulled the station wagon into the underground parking garage. "Well, there you are." She indicated for him to get out.
"Amanda, you have to come in there with me."
"Why? You made it quite clear that I'm not your partner...or anything else to you, so why should I?"
"Because you still have a job to do, pissed at me or not. Billy will need to know everything you know about Ballard." He then gestured to the trailer housing the bomb. "Besides, while we're there talking to Billy, Leatherneck can unhitch this for you. You don't really want to go home with a bomb still attached to your car, do you? How would you explain that one to your mother?" he teased.
"Okay, you're right," she conceded. "But that doesn't mean I'm not still mad at you."
"Fair enough."
"Good."
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Later that night after she'd told Billy everything she knew and had turned in the film of the pictures she'd taken, she finally collapsed on her sofa and wearily leaned her head back.
"So, how did everything turn out with your friend?" Dotty inquired.
Amanda sat up and shook her head. The last thing she wanted to talk about right now was Lee. "Fine. He went back to his old job and everything's fine," she replied half-heartedly since she knew everything was not fine.
Dotty smiled. "I figured it might be when he called today while you were out."
Amanda perked up. "He called?" When had Lee had time to call? She'd just left the office. He had to know that she wouldn't be home yet. Maybe that was why he'd called when he did, to avoid another confrontation. Or maybe he'd called to apologize, knowing she wouldn't be able to argue with him witl her mother right there hanging on every word. That would be a very Lee thing to do.
"Yes. Here, he left a message," her mother informed her as she handed her a note from the message pad they kept by the phone.
Amanda's heart sank when she read the message and realized that is was from Alan, not Lee. "Oh," she sighed in disappointment.
"He said he wanted to know if you were still interested in getting a cup of coffee with him."
"Oh, I don't know about that one," Amanda responded. She didn't even have a way to call him back. While she'd given him her number, he'd never provided his.
"So, this isn't the same man who's been having the trouble?" Dotty prodded.
"Oh, no, Mother, this man, Alan, is a...a very new friend. I just met him when his car broke down and he asked me to wait for the car club with him."
"Was it a nice car? You know, you can always tell a lot about a man by the kind of car they drive."
"Oh, it was nice alright. A Rolls Royce convertible."
"Well, that's wonderful! And you're single now that you've ended things with Dean, so why shouldn't you go?" She still wondered just why that had happened and her daughter was no longer with Dean. After last week, when Amanda had adamantly refused to tell her who she'd gone out with, she'd begun to have a sneaking suspicion that it had to do with this man who kept drifting in and out Amanda's life and who'd fathered her eldest, but her daughter kept denying it. Sure, she'd teased her about fooling around with their married neighbor, but that had been in the hopes that Amanda would get so riled up at the accusation that she would admit to the truth.
"Oh, I don't know. I just..."
"Plus he sounded very nice on the phone. He sounded so disappointed that you weren't home. He said he'd try again at 8."
"At 8, huh?" She lightly fingered the note her mother had written as she thought about it. Her mother did make a good point. She was single and it wasn't as if things were going anywhere with Lee as she'd hoped they would once she'd said goodbye to Dean. In fact, now that Lee knew she was free again, he seemed to have backed off on that side of things. So why shouldn't she go have a cup of coffee with a nice man?
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March 7, 1984
"He did not give you a phone number," Billy inquired.
"No, he didn't give me a phone number, he always called me."
"And that didn't tip you off?" Lee snapped angrily. "Oh, come on, Amanda, married guys and weirdoes. They don't give you phone numbers!" This whole thing with this guy had been pissing him off ever since he'd seen Amanda wearing that ring. Yet another man's ring that wasn't his and a concubine ring to boot. What was she playing at?
"He is not married!" she protested loudly, but then it occurred to her that she just didn't know. "At least, I don't think he is. And he didn't seem like a weirdo! He seemed nice, and he had a Rolls-Royce with French license plates on it and impeccable manners!" Lee and Billy exchanged glances while Amanda tried to defend herself, Billy giving Lee a reproachful look for shouting at Amanda. "I mean, he had the most impeccable manners..."
"Ah, a slick guy in a Rolls convertible gives you a ring and a great line and you go for it! Just terrific!" he snarled at her. All the times that he'd poured his heart out to her over the years and she was giving it up for this sleazeball while at the same time treating him like Public Enemy Number One. He'd noticed how she'd balked at helping him with the job a PWAC and tried to blow him off. Now, he knew why.
Amanda sighed and looked away. Didn't he see that she'd only dated Alan because of how shabbily he'd been treating her? She'd never have given Alan her number if it hadn't been for the way Lee had rebuffed her. She had to admit at least to herself that felt a tiny bit of guilt she'd partially lied to Lee about how she met Alan in telling him she'd met him while shopping. The car club part had been true. Just not the location. She was just still so upset with Lee for treating her like a fool last week that she didn't want to make herself appear even more foolish by letting him know that she had been sitting in her car crying over him when she met Alan.
March 8, 1984
"Your poor jaw," Amand crooned sympathetically. "I feel really terrible. You didn't have to take me out tonight. And especially, we didn't have to come here. This is very expensive."
"Expense? That's the least of my problems." He gestured to his swollen lip as he cleared his throat and tried to figure out how to eat his soup around it.
"Would you like a straw?" Amanda suggested.
He lowered the spoon and answered, "Uh, no. No, a straw wouldn't look right with soup."
"You know, I-I mean, I can't sit here and eat a steak and watch you while you're in such pain." Although, she had to admit that she was getting a bit of a kick out of it. She felt a bit guilty for feeling that way, but he'd behaved so boorishly again...for two weeks now and she couldn't help thinking on some level that he deserved a little punishment.
When he was finally able to sip a little, Amanda changed the subject to what was really on her mind. It had occurred to her that just like the Embassy party had been an apology date for dragging her out of the first one so soon, this date was too.
After a few minutes of back and forth, Lee finally sighed and confessed, "Okay, if you want to put it like that, yes. It was an apology."
"Thank you." Amanda beamed. She took a deep breath and admitted, "I'm sorry too. I've been shutting you out lately." She didn't know how to really express to him that she was so happy that he was a regular part of her life now.
"I have to admit, I kind of deserved it. I was shutting you out before then, so I-" He sighed again. How could he tell her why he'd really been shutting her out without pissing her off again? It meant so much to him that they now saw each other at work every day and he didn't want to blow it again. "I can see why you'd want...I don't know, a little payback, I guess."
"Like you at our reunion?" she questioned. "That was payback, wasn't it?"
"Amanda, I-" He looked at her and found her questioning eyes boring into him and couldn't help nodding. "I guess it was."
She shifted uncomfortably, pulled her gaze from his and told him, "We don't have to talk about it anymore if you don't want to."
"Is that what dating this Alan guy was? Was he payback too?"
"Yes, I suppose he was," she confessed guiltily. She sighed and looked back at him. "So, I guess we're both pretty stupid, huh?" She reached for his hand. "I mean, we've been...um...involved and...um..." She flushed as she thought of just how involved they'd been. "Yet, we still sometimes treat each other like strangers."
Lee nodded in acknowledgement. "Yeah...stupid. But I think you and I both know that there's just so much between us...you've hurt me. I've hurt you and we-"
"Yeah," Amanda agreed. He didn't have to finish his sentence for her to know what was on his mind. She was just glad that they were at least starting to clear the air a bit.
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March 29, 1984
"Look, I know you don't like me, but you owe me!" Lee yelled at his uncle through the phone.
"I owe you?" Robert Clayton questioned. "What exactly is it that you think I owe you that I haven't already given you? I did my duty by you and raised you."
Lee snorted. "That's all you've ever cared about, isn't it? Doing your duty. I don't suppose it ever occurred to you to treat a scared, lonely kid with a little compassion! That's what you owe me! I've never asked anything from you! But this is my kid we're talking about here! The same kid you bitched at me about not taking care of!"
"I still don't see how this is my problem," his uncle argued. "You made your bed!"
Lee sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Would you just listen to me for once and try to understand where I'm coming from? Phillip's party is in two days and this stupid action figure thing is the only thing he specifically asked for as a birthday gift and they're sold out all over town and across the whole damn state of Virginia! I got in touch with the manufacturer in Taiwan and they've still got them. All I need is a little help getting it here. I've got arrangements made to get it as far as Guam through my Navy contacts, but that's the best they could do. If we could just get it to Bolling, I can take care of the rest."
"And since Uncle Bob's in Guam, you thought I could pull some strings for you to get it to Bolling," he surmised with a sarcastic edge in his voice.
"It's not as if you don't have the connections to do it. You're a Colonel for God's sake! You've got access to Air Force planes at the tips of your fingers."
"Hmmm..." Robert mused thoughtfully. "You know I'd be violating protocol."
"Please? I'm desperate," Lee pleaded.
"Well, I suppose it is a good thing to see you stepping up to make your son happy for his birthday. I'll do it. Protocol be damned."
"Thank you." Lee breathed a sigh of relief.
"On one condition," his uncle added.
Oh crap! Lee thought. He was afraid to ask, but knew he had to do it anyway. "What?"
"Well, if I'm going to all this trouble to get a present to your son, I expect to hear how it turns out and I want a picture."
"Done," Lee readily agreed. He didn't know how he'd get a picture of Phillip with the toy yet, but he'd figure out a way. It wouldn't be so bad. After all, the last picture he had of Phillip was from when he was five years old.
March 31, 1984
Lee found that all the trouble he'd gone to was well worth the effort when he'd seen Amanda's excited face. "Captain Galaxy!" she exclaimed.
He grinned at her happiness, feeling immensely proud of himself. "I said I would."
"Yeah, how'd you do it?"
"Well, the manufacturers are in Taiwan, so it was just a matter of getting one of these to the naval air station in Guam, an air force transport brought it to the Bolling Air Base, and the rest was easy." He wasn't about to tell her that he'd sold his soul to the devil to get it to Bolling, but he was happy he'd done it all the same. "Oh...and...uh..." He handed her the smaller package.
"Sky Chief Rides Again," they said in unison.
Lee laughed a bit awkwardly while Amanda glanced at the door. She felt really bad now that he couldn't be invited to the party when he'd gone to so much trouble to make their son's birthday special. "I wish I could invite you in for a piece of cake," she told him sincerely.
He nodded in understanding. "Well, just save me a piece," he suggested, hinting that he planned to stick around for a while.
They chatted for a bit longer, including him complimenting her on her work before the ongoing party drew her back inside again. He let out a sigh as he watched through the French doors. He knew that it was now his own fault and no longer Amanda's, that he wasn't a real part of his son's life, but these days it was more important to keep him safe than to spend time with him. It hurt, but what else could he do?
He reached for the camera bag he'd brought with him from where he'd left it on Amanda's picnic table and extracted the camera from it, one of the Agency's finest complete with zoom lens. He'd get his uncle that picture if it killed him and the Colonel never needed to know that he hadn't attended the party himself. He watched as his now eleven-year-old son opened his presents with his mother by his side gleefully watching him tear into them. He captured a few shots, one in particular that he thought was perfect of Phillip's ecstatic face as he showed his mother the Captain Galaxy doll.
He paused in his picture-taking and set the camera aside when he saw Amanda leave the den and wondered where she was going. He glanced back through the doors and saw that the kids were all occupied with Phillip's birthday haul and was just watching them at play with a wistful smile on his face when he was startled by a voice at his side.
"Here you go," Amanda said as she held out a plate and fork to him with good-sized slice of her homemade birthday cake.
"Thanks." He beamed at her as he took the plate from her. He nodded to the party through the doors. "He sure looks happy, doesn't he?"
Amanda nodded. "Well, he's a pretty happy kid," she told him.
"Good."
She lightly squeezed his hand. "I know this whole situation is weird and for what it's worth, I'm really sorry."
"Yeah, me too," he said sadly. "But it's good to know that he's happy."
"You know, he's a lot like his father."
"Yeah?" he questioned hopefully, hoping she meant him and not Joe.
Amanda looked him in the eye and answered, "Yeah, he really is. I just thought you should know." She kissed him on the cheek, thanked him once more and went back into the party.
"Good." He nodded with a grin as he dug into his cake. Once he'd taken a bite, he repeated, "Good." He turned his glance back to the party and wondered if there weren't some way to work things out better so he could be a bigger part of Phillip's life even if the boy never knew that he was his father. He just couldn't see any easy solution, so for now he'd be content with this...looking after him from the shadows.