Chapter 36:
With smacking a secret button under his desk, Bender's liquor cabinet had turned inside out to reveal some crank-charged laser pistols. For his former friends turned future crew, their lives laid in those lacklustre arms, especially compared to the firepower required to conquer these deadly, pissed-off robots.
Hell, Mayfield had originally planned to eradicate Leela with one of his own, before settling for shooting off her hand. Save for a sharp shock, it wasn't the shot that hurt...
"Now remember, you can crank all the way and kill 'em in one shot, or keep returning fire and kill them in several… Whatever you all think is necessary, got it?" Leela made clear.
"Got it!"
Sadly no time for repeats; as those words left the crew's lips, three ordinary robots had burst the door to splinters and began blasting lasers everywhere, forcing them all to take cover. Even with avoiding the barrage, a few stray lasers had ended up grazing skin.
"Just like those cargo thieves, Thomas… You've got this." he chanted to himself. Over and over.
Ah, who was he fooling... Charging, setting the fire mode & shooting a gun with no training, AND his weak arm to boot, was a horrible idea that went nowhere. Even holding it in his legs to charge, re-adjust & shoot as required wasn't much better, as when he finally got his full charge locked and loaded, he found the three assailants in short circuit, and everyone else glaring down at him.
"Nice of you to join us, for once!" Leela yelled.
"Well, hate to nitpick Captain, but I've got fuck-all hope with this weapon! How 'bout one with auto-reload?"
"Here, take this. Proven slow to reload, but it's better than nothing. Seriously Bender, you didn't have better firearms available?"
"Give me a break, bossy boots! I never thought I needed any of these until now!"
"Hey, once you two are done… Yeah Leela, this weapon will do. Let's go!"
Aside from piss-poor pistols and a fleeting idea of the resistance to follow, they were practically defenceless. Fifty stories, full of ferocious, full-firing adversaries… Was going to prove an ugly, bloody massacre, to say nothing of the scores of soldiers outside being slain in seconds. Zapp's army, overwhelmed, by the citizens and their 'surprising' shockwave.
Battle of the Octillian System, all over again.
Forced to fight, knowing their chances to escape or take other options were good as gone, the drama on deck had ramped everyone into panic mode. They had the cream, they could feasibly join in the fight… But with no indication or warning—especially in the bedlam to follow—as to when their powers would vanish, they knew they could've been killed at any conceivable moment.
Leela, fearful of her fury as she constantly hung up on Zapp, felt her sapphire eye glow a great ruby while addressing her pants-crapping crew.
"Gods damn that fat idiot. we were home free & happy! Of all the times to try and get involved, even when I've explicitly told him no…"
"So what the hell do we do now?!" Mayfield panicked. "Mother-f... Of all the stunts he had to pull!"
"Listen crew, via camera, keep close eyes on everything & continue shooting. When I speak the signal, turn them autonomous, get your creams out and start lathering up. Our personalities should be violent enough, but they won't hold those bots back for long."
In fact, back at the Mayor's Quarters, it was only Leela's unreal triple-shot capabilities (a gun in each hand, one on her foot) that had helped them survive such deep strife for now. Not that it mattered, as they had only crept down a couple of floors at best.
Mayfield, back on deck, had grown beyond panic, into full-blown anxiety.
Though Leela was dropping bodies left & right, and even Mayfield & Amy scored some shortened circuits themselves, those guards were getting smarter, stronger and more lethal, much more quickly. To make matters much worse, Bender had proven that nothing had changed in the year he'd been gone. Still so selfish & spineless; quickly getting behind bodies, and quicker still at using those clones as human shields.
Soon after, they were shoving Bender off as often as shooting lasers, and Leela even threatened to shut him down. For facing far greater risks of fatality than figured, they were fast losing focus.
Mayfield was sweating and swearing, as he turned to Leela, trying to measure himself as best as possible:
"Listen Leela, thanks to that dickhead robot on deck, we're already at an extreme disadvantage! If we've got creams on bridge, now's the time to get down there and help. If all these miracle abilities ARE really worth a damn, then let's help that pathetic waste and thin out those numbers!"
Leela had gripped his shoulders, incredulous. "Do I have suicidal written on my forehead, Thomas?! Clearly you think I do, to think I'm going anywhere down there. You think I outfitted cameras to our clones for the priceless memories? No, did so to find hiding spots, and there's not a one. If you want to be a superhero one moment, and shoved into a grave the next, you be my guest!"
"What other ideas do we have, Captain? I'd have asked for some volunteer soldiers as back-up, but they're dropping in droves thanks to that shit-witted, silk-pantied General of theirs!"
"Hate to say this, but he might have a point, ma'am." Amy gritted. "Moulded from us or not, I can't expect our small change Build-A-Bot clones to last much longer… Forget the infiltration, that ship has sailed now!"
"Alright, alright!" Leela shrieked. "But first of all, we wait and plan our next move… If we suspect any signs of trouble, flick the A.I. on, coat yourself with cream, and get ready to fight, or run, for your life!"
Even in struggling against Bender's game, where he played with their lives, hell only came to a head on the 42nd floor. The four on that floor were now facing bots equal to entire armies, facing the full brunt of laser machine guns, thick armour plating, relentless attack style, and rare cluster grenades to get 'em dancing.
Certainly a relief to know of one big flaw… Being on wheels, they couldn't climb staircases.
Facing the double-down prospect of doom; caught in robot & human crossfire and causing unintended casualties, or losing their only back-ups, the crew had begun rubbing tubes of cream on their bodies—Mayfield with certain struggle. Powering up shortly after, Leela placed their hands on both their shoulders.
"Well, if we die thanks to Zapp, and those robots he's gone and angered, I'd just like everyone to know that it's been a privilege & honour serving as your captain."
"Hear, hear!" Mayfield saluted. Though how 'bout we forget about what could be happening, in place of what IS happening?"
"Seconded, ma'am!" Amy shouted urgently. "Now let's secure Bender & get the hell off this planet!
Pelting forth & kicking up dust leaving the ship, they cleared those immense walls with an entirely new plan for their 'friend' and his freedom… Avoid the crowd, enter the quarters by any means, get to business, and escape. To hell with heroism or pride, survival meant more right now.
While near-impossible to avoid the obvious danger zones, the ship's crew had found themselves leaping and landing lithely among the lots that dotted the city. Leela and Amy had soon burst through the 30th floor—Mayfield following with great hesitation—before their speed helped them disarm and kill those powerful guards.
Could've cruised up those stairs and killed the assailants, with their new speed and power, but there were several flaws to stop them.
First, that time was of the essence. Even rubbing more cream in case they ran out left them wide open for attack. Second, those robots weren't stupid. Fears of losing too many fighters too quickly would've had them calling for reinforcements. Finally, they needed their cream to make the huge leap back without killing themselves.
Obviously, they knew they couldn't last like this. Cutting corners where they could was crucial.
"Don't know about you guys, but screw the stairs!" Mayfield yelled in the mess. Think we can make a few holes through these ceilings... Might be able to skip a couple floors each time!"
Having bored those holes with diamond-tipped heads, it wasn't long before they bore witness to the sizzling mass of wires and circuits, formerly themselves, and Bender, standing all alone and crapping enough for a house. True to his past deeds, he had been saving his own ass with the frequent use of theirs, and the clones had fatally suffered for it.
Leela, the real deal Leela, had soon stepped in to slap Bender about, berating him and trying to override, even knock sense, into what were called his conscientious objection protocols… His cowardice program, as he referred to them.
"Bender, you idiot! Don't you realise that the more you hold us back, the more you guarantee your quick death? Your murder of their Mayor only slid because you did a better job… Now you're running with saboteurs! Unless you want to be mowed down or mauled to shreds, grab a gun and shoot these blueprint bitches down!"
"Leela?! Leela Leela?! You've come all this way to help? But, you'll get yourself killed 'round here!"
"If it weren't for you, you brick-shitting baby, we could've had a better plan in mind!"
"You still think I'm worth risking your own life over? Didn't matter whether those clones died, but you for real..."
"After all the lessons you taught me, the adventures we had, the bonds we forged? Of course…"
Leela gripped his shoulders and stared deep into his square pupils, intent on making one point utterly clear.
"Because even in my consuming anger, both back then and now, I still cared for you. I cannot help it, cannot just forget and cast aside all our years of memories… Not after all the wonderful times we shared."
Bender, for perhaps the first time in a year, was now paying strict attention to another's words.
"Listen to me, we intended to give you much more time to mull things over. But since Captain Commando forced our hand and you led our clones to die, we can't afford to. Listen from this tongue, remember these words… We can't know nor make promises that Fry's back for good, but it's the closest we've ever come to finding out. Please, help us realise that dream of reunion again."
Bender surveyed the room, with his friends (and Mayfield), knowing that his actions had forsaken them, and technically killed them, once before. Then and there, he visualised his second chance to do things right.
If he didn't take it now, he'd never have it again.
Bucking up with a resolute stare, he rolled back his sleeves, pulled out the Bender Special—a blinged-up laser gun—from his compartment, and lit a cigar in his mouth.
"Time to give my comrades their 'do svidaniyas', for good."
In a complete about-face, he found himself leading the charge, a real fire burning under his ass as he began tearing those deadly enforcers apart like wet paper. For reflexes severely out of date, he had made up for it with how well he knew his quarters.
A new plan had formulated then and there.
The humans would rub cream on themselves, and speed around carrying Bender, who'd put those robots out-of-commission before they even realised. One would scout ahead, give an all-clear or some other signal, and then move while Bender & crew ripped them right apart.
Truly a do-or-die situation now… Like a torrent of gushing lava, they blazed down those stairs before consuming enforcer after enforcer in their wake.
For what it was worth, it looked like the plan would go off without issue...
That was, until Mayfield felt his powers run out right at the stairs for the 35th floor. Stopping himself short and swiping his brow, he requested some more cream, just a minute or two to power back up and continue their lovely killing spree.
But Bender, tasting the blood of his brethren and enjoying it, was hardly in the mood to wait.
"Let's go tubestick! I've got places to go, packages to bend, and bad bots to kill!"
With his limb he shoved him right down the stairs, sending him tumbling towards a sentry bot. By the time his screams reached out upstairs, the machine had grabbed its chance to air him out. By the time it was dispatched, and the floor had been cleared, Mayfield had become a human Swiss cheese.
Leela had damn near slapped his head off. "Bender, you brainless bag of bolts!"
Tried repairing his skin, or helping him with anything, but not a chance at all.
Aside from the city of Cologne being in a crappy state, the worms couldn't properly work when any wrong step meant that they'd burn to death, reproductions or no. After quick, panicked arguments, they agreed on going into survival mode; repairing what they could reach of organ damage, stemming or limiting any bleeds, and praying that he got to a medical facility or bric-a-brac store.
Micro-droids couldn't really harm them… Deadly big lasers most certainly could.
Without new materials, would still take a little time to naturally repair that structural damage. Only then could they generate the required resources needed to put out the fires, prevent the blood loss, repair all those organs, and let the new blood run its course through his body.
Far as Mayfield was concerned however, it wasn't a bad way to go out. An epic fight & struggle to save someone's friend, even in 'sacrifice' to save his shiny ass, was a MUCH better look on a tombstone than sliding around on chunks of vomit.
He gave his gun away and the ladies, despite their growing concerns, kept pressing forward.
As his vision faded to black, what happened now, to both life & body… was left in the hands of fate.
Or with Leela, who after chastising Bender, had grabbed Mayfield to help stuff and punch him inside her buddy's Compartment of Mystery. Quite reluctant to accept, but forced to nonetheless, Bender then re-hoisted those ladies on his shoulders and continued mowing down all the bots bearing before them.
Until they got back to the 30th floor they burst through to enter.
Ready to take the leap, they had soon found themselves surrounded on all sides. At least seven robots, charging up their fire, and if their chassis meant any indication, only a minute left before they began shooting. To make matters worse, the cream's effects had vanished.
"Get these creams on, NOW!" yelled Leela.
45 seconds of haphazard slapping followed, and grabbing Bender onto their shoulders, the cream took effect right as the countdown reached zero. Leaping like long jumpers, only the tremendous crescendos of laser fire were left to give their farewell.
If only barely, true to form they cleared the gap, and Bender had chosen to waste time becoming a self-made bridge... Even though they just leapt the distance without a sweat.
Leela was rather unimpressed. "What the hell was the point of that, Bender? Much as we appreciate the bridge, we've got the Miracle Cream on board, remember?"
Bender mimicked her nagging like a child, as all three climbed into the ship, hoping to get going.
As the robot dragged Mayfield out of his body, he still looked to suffer from serious laser burns, and now painful injuries from being forcibly constricted in that cramped compartment of his.
It once again looked like his miracles had run out. How the hell would he escape THIS time?
"Amy, Bender, get some cream on him, and get him to the Med-Bay, RIGHT NOW! Hook him up to the new nano-machines, I'll begin take-off and pray we escape these mechanical menaces. Any issues, send a line, but just expect to wait." Leela commanded.
"Wait, whoa, could you please…" Amy began.
"What are you two standing around for? Get going, damn it! I've already lost one crewman, and while I occupy this chair, I will NOT lose another!"
Point made, they rubbed him down and raced off for the second deck, trying desperately to get him hooked up. Leela revved the engines, launched straight up and spun expertly around in her attempt to avoid gunfire. Caused quite the chaotic ride; Amy had flung backward, Bender had grabbed her leg, and Mayfield nearly cracked his head open as he lurched forward into Bender's own chest.
But after what might've been the hardest five-minute ride of her life, Leela, with everyone aboard, had escaped.
A few scalds & scores across the ship's hull, but otherwise, the mission was a success. The absolute unthinkable was done, though seemingly not without sacrifice.
Leela knew that this could've, hell, it SHOULD'VE, gone smoother. And right at that point, she remembered the words she overheard Zapp say to Mayfield, back at that charity gala.
"The very MINUTE you falter, for any reason… I'll be on her…"
As she got ready to send the hailing frequency to that big grey shark of space, which coincidentally took off moments after she did, she got busy formulating plans to, for the first time she could remember, take the fight to that dastardly, doughy Zookeeper.
But before all that, she imagined that she'd be paying an unsanctioned visit to the Nimbus, just for a little 'clarification' on Zapp's words. Not that she knew him as a hero by any stretch, but she had found herself suspecting that The General had started this war NOT for the noblest of reasons.
If that were true… Maybe she had to open up a can of self-styled chunky Casanova, with added whoop-ass…