Marvellous G: Hello again, people! Sorry for the considerable hiatus, I have no excuse. I'm just lazy. And so much for finishing before Xmas, eh? Anyway, here's the continuation of Fight, Fight!
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Chapter Thirty Seven: Stepping Doom Sure Can Step
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Cake sprinted out of Gothy Chav as it imploded around him, spluttering as every poorly placed explosive went off near to him. He saw guards supporting each other as they desperately tried to escape, and felt sadistic. He ran up to one pair, and shot them in the knees.
"AUGH!" One cried, looking up at Cake with horror.
"Oh, sorry! Did I hurt you?" Cake said sarcastically, before cackling and kicking the guy in the face. But then he heard a familiar voice yelling at him.
"Cake! What are you doing?" Eva rushed up to the downed guards, and helped them up. "You're evil!" She half-screamed, half-laughed.
"Well, after all I've been through, aren't I allowed a small bit of evil?" Cake asked forlornly.
"Oh, I don't care, let's just get out of here," Eva said hurriedly, and the two set off towards her bike. As they sped off, they both heard an ominous rumbling sound comng from inside the doomed Gothy Chav.
"Someone had beans for lunch," Cake sniggered, before his expression changed to one of horror beyond comprehension. Eva turned around and gasped as she saw it too. Stepping Doom had punched a hole in Gothy Chav's wall, and who was now piloting it towards them? Yes, in a shcoking revelation, it was none other than Molting!
"How did it survive?" Cake asked, as Eva really put her foot down.
"Well, technically it was never alive, as it is an entirely man made machine and we are living in an era where living organisms cannot yet be manufactured..." Eva began, and rambled on for a while. By the time she was done, Cake had shot about fifty more guards in the knees while she wasn't looking.
"...so, in short, it survived because it was never really alive." Eva finished. "Now, where was I? AAARGH!"
"Now do you see how close it is?" Cake huffed, as the enormous nuclear tank performed a legal but unpleasant intimidating driving manoeuvre. Driving up their backside.
"I'm going to go through this conveniently positioned tunnel!" Eva roared above Steping Doom's noise. "It's too tall to go under!"
"But if it can't go under, won't it just go thr-" Cake began, as the Stepping Doom simply demolished the tunnel they were in. And to make things worse, both of our heroes had now noticed Cat-Man driving up behind them too, in his own slightly less fashionable Harley.
"CAKE!" He yelled.
"Yeah?" Cake said, spinning round before remembering he and Cat-Man were enemies again. "Umm, Eva?" He asked meekly.
"Yes, what Cake?" Eva said irritably, as she performed a series of evasive manoeuvres to avoid being squished by Stepping Doom and shot up by Cat-Man.
"I think Cat-Man's got a gun... Oh yeah, he definitely does, he's aiming it at you now. Oh, wait... DUCK!" Cake yelled, as Cat-Man confirmed Cake's suspicion and fired right where Eva's head... had been a second ago. Thanks to Cake's yell, she had managed to duck, but her head had hit the wheel as she did so. The bike spun out of control, and the Stepping Doom was unable to stop and keep pace with them. As it went shooting off into the distance, Cat-Man fired a few more times.
"I hate that guy..." Cake maoned.
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Eva and Cake were soon back, speeding towards the bridge, and their escape. They had managed to escape Cat-Man without being shot, thanks to some suppressing fire from Cake, but he was still hot on their... wheels! (Arf!) Anyway, bad puns aside, the two bikes were speeding along inside one of the many flaming Gothy Chav wings, as Cake saw yet another thing that was about to kill him.
"Rubble" He yelled, and Eva began to perform a sliding stop. Cat-Man attempted the same movement, but both bikes were going too fast to stop, but not fast enough to get under the falling ceiling in time... But, as all hope was seemingly lost, Cake finally displayed some evidence that he did, in fact, have a brain. He fired his RPG at the rubble, and he and Eva shot underneath it like a carrot being thrown like a really good shotputter. (late entry for best simile ever, that) Cat-Man hadn't seen Cake's cunning quick enough, however (or had just not believed his eyes: Cake wasn't clever in any way, shape or form) and skidded to a stop just beyond the rubble. As Eva and Cake sped off into the distance, Stepping Doom now back on their trail, Cat-Man dusted himself off after yet another defeat at the hands of Cake.
"DAMMIT!" He screamed, and kicked the bike. And stubbed his toe.
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Cake and Eva were on course to reach the bridge with enough time to spare to set off the C3 and kill Stepping Doom, but there was still the small problem of lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of GRU soldiers on bikes trying to kill them. Cake whipped out the ol' RPG again (which, inexplicably, had infinite ammo now) and got to work on some Russian ass. Several dead soldiers later, Stepping Doom was approaching fast, with Molting mowing down any unfortunate soldiers, ally or not, in his way.
Cake turned round and gave the nuclear tank the finger.
"Your mum is so fat... that she could have you!" He yelled, not realising that a) his insult was awful and b) tanks were made by production lines, not the humans. That said, this still made Molting angrier, and he stepped on whatever makes tanks go forward (anyone know? Pedals, like cars?) and zoomed, again, way past our heroes. This gave them time to drive over the bridge, and crouch into dramatic poses on the opposite end of it.
"Right, Cake, there are four spots of C3. Shoot them all, and we should get rid of Stepping Doom and Molting once and for all!"
"Okay, enough with the cheese..." Cake mumbled, unholstering his SVD sniper rifle. They waited for the considerable time it took for Stepping Doom to turn and get back to the bridge, and then readied themselves for action. As Cake placed his crosshairs over each C3 block perfectly, Eva somehow knew and yelled "Now!" The pair repeated this process four times, and Stepping Doom and Molting fell into the river, never to be seen again... Cake and Eva looked at each other, and immediately pulled each other into a passionate, heart-warming hug.
"We... did it..." Eva said, sounding shell-shocked and happy at the same time.
"We sure did," Cake said in his impossibly cool gravelly voice. Not wanting to ruin the moment for them, no passing evil Russian guards pointed out the enormous, Steping Doom-shaped sillhouette shooting up from the ruined bridge and landing behind them...
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Marvellous G: Man, it feels good to update again! I'll try and update more regularly, although I can't promise anything. But rest assured, I will finish this Fanfic! So, please review if you're still sticking with Cake Eater, and look forward to the next chap! Ciao!