Disclaimer: If I did own Harry Potter, I would have had enough time to finish this sucker years ago.

You broke the bonds
And you loosed the chains.
Carried the cross of my shame,
Oh my shame, you know I believe it.

But I still haven't found what I'm looking for.

Dumbledore came and went the following morning. The spell to cast the Fidelius Charm was horribly complex and draining, but the Headmaster seemed convinced that they could manage. All three adults had been exhausted after Dumbledore had left – as he wasn't the Secret Keeper, he couldn't be present when the actual charm was cast – so they had decided to wait until after dinner to cast the spell. James would be performing the brunt of the magic, so he had gone off to rest after the meal had finished. Lily had taken Harry off for bed, leaving Sirius with the dishes. Not that he minded; he needed the time to straighten out his thoughts.

More and more since Dumbledore had first come to them, Sirius had felt that something was wrong with their plan. It was certainly their best course of action, but that also made it the most predictable. He hated that they were doing exactly as Voldemort would expect them to. It made it all the easier for him to get around the Fidelius, if such a thing was possible. If anyone could find a hole in the most powerful protective spell known to wizards, it was him.

There had to be some other thing they could do, one more barrier they could place before the Dark Lord. James and Lily were doing all they could; it was them he was gunning for, after all. Their only duty was to let the spell work its magic and protect them and their boy. But surely there was more Sirius could be doing to keep his family safe.

It was a given that he would be the Secret Keeper. He was the only member of the family that was not being directly targeted, and there was absolutely nothing the Death Eaters could do that would make him give the others up. But even that didn't seem to be enough. Who knew what would happen if he were captured and killed? No, too much lay in hoping that Voldemort didn't act on the obvious. But what to do?

James stuck his head in as Sirius finished drying the last dish. "Sirius? Mate, it's time."

As he put the plate away, Sirius realized he couldn't be the Secret Keeper.

James put his arm around Sirius as they exited the kitchen. All the while Sirius' mind was racing. Of course they would need to bring in a second party to be the Secret Keeper. Voldemort himself trusted no one; it would never occur to him that they would turn to someone outside the family. It was perfect. But who could they ask to help them? Who could they burden with safeguarding them?

Lily was leaning over Harry's crib when James led her husband into the nursery, her dark red hair cascading over her shoulder. Merlin, but she was beautiful. She glanced up at them, her eyes meeting Sirius' over the railing of Harry's crib. They were grim but determined. She closed them and reached into the crib to grasp the sleeping infant's hand.

James drew his wand and walked over to the two of them. He took both of their hands in his. Lily looked up at Sirius expectantly.

He needed more time to think. They couldn't put off casting the spell much longer, but the other three would be all the safer with someone else. If only he could think of someone they could trust implicitly…

"Sirius," James said quietly.

Lily looked at him with worried eyes. "Darling, what is it?"

He looked between the two of them, these two people he loved more than anyone before them. He looked at their son, who was very nearly his son as well. He would give them anything, even his life.

"I'm sorry. I can't do it."

"What?" James nearly cried, as Lily breathed an, "Oh, thank God!" She ran around the crib and threw herself into Sirius' arms. "Thank God," she said again for good measure.

James was less enthusiastic. "Sirius, what are you talking about? We've got to get this over with."

"I know that, James," he replied as he wrapped his arms around Lily. "But I'm not the man for this."

"We trust you more than anyone. You're our family, Padfoot."

"Exactly. Voldemort'll reckon I'm the Secret Keeper and come after me. The Fidelius will protect you three and the house, but I'll be fair game and I can't defend you three if I'm dead. There are people who know I'm here, people he could get it out of. It needs to be someone he'd never suspect."

"Who could we ask?"

"That's what I've been trying to figure out."

"Sirius, the longer we wait the more vulnerable we are. We've wasted enough time as it is. We've given him a three day head start on us."

"I know that, James. Help me think."

"Sirius?" He looked down at his wife, who had tilted her head up from where it lay against his chest to meet his eyes. God, how he would die for her. "If you're not the Secret Keeper, then what will happen to you after we've done the charm? Will you be hidden, too?"

He swallowed and tried his best to keep his face from falling. "No, Lily. It can't work like that. Not if we want to keep Harry as safe as possible. I'll have to make it look like I'm protecting the three of you after all."

She stepped back from him, her little hands gripping his upper arms the way a hippogriff clutches its prey between its talons. A blazing gleam shown in her emerald eyes. Ah, here was the girl he had married.

"I knew it," she all but hissed. "I knew you would try to pull some noble crap."

"It makes more sense this way, Lil."

"I don't care. You are not going out there like some kind of martyr because you think it's your job to sacrifice yourself for us."

It was his job, but he didn't dare say that to her. It would be the cruelest thing he ever did to willfully convince his wife that he might very well make her a widow before everything was said and done.

"These are all moot points," James piped up, "because we've got no one else to stand up for us. Unless we come up with someone tonight, we're going to have to go ahead with the original plan."

Lily glared at the both of them. Sirius felt for her; she was forced to either stand back while he made himself a blatant target in the name of their family's safety or allow him to continue to put himself at risk while saddling someone else with their liability. She had put up with it for so long when he had been training as an Auror. Lily had been so strong for all of this, and while he hated not being able to ensure their future together, he could at least make sure she had one.

But who could they turn to? Merlin, what had happened to all their friends, their comrades?

That was it – comrades. Who had always been by their side no matter what? Who had they trusted even before they had joined the Order?

"Peter."

"Peter?" James' face contorted. "I know he's our friend, but really, Sirius."

"But that's it exactly!" Sirius almost couldn't see straight, he was so overwhelmed at the brilliance of it. "Peter would make for a terrible Secret Keeper."

"Sirius, what are you talking about?" Lily's nose crinkled as she tried to make sense of him. "I don't understand; why is it great that Peter's not an option?"

"Because that makes him the best option!"

"Wha—" James' expression transformed into one of epiphany. "Oh! Oh, I see. Padfoot, you're a genius."

"What are you two on about?" Lily looked between the two of them, utterly bewildered.

Sirius grasped her by the upper arms. "Don't you see, Lil? No one would ever pick Wormtail to be their Secret Keeper. Not when they had wizard like me ready and willing to do it. No one would think to pick him."

Her green eyes widened. "Oh, you're right. And he wouldn't even be a target. Voldemort would never entertain the idea that we would ask a – forgive me, you know I adore him – but a subpar wizard to keep us safe. You're right, it's brilliant."

"This could actually work," James said, rubbing his hands together.

"But could we really ask him to do this?" Sirius suddenly wondered aloud. "I mean, is it right for us to ask our friend to put himself in even more danger just so that we can be safe?"

"It's not just about the three of us," James answered. "If it were, I would be ashamed to pull Wormtail into this kind of trouble. But this is about Harry more than anything else, and there isn't anything we won't do to keep him safe."

Sirius looked to Lily, whose arms he still held. She nodded her affirmation. "I agree. If this is what will protect Harry best, then we have to do it."

It was a sign of the times to be sure, but Sirius was glad for their support in figuratively throwing their oldest friend to the wolves. "Alright," he said. "We'll ask him. I'll ask him now, even."

James stepped forward to shake his hand and clasp his shoulder. "Thank you, Padfoot. Be careful out there."

Sirius spared a glance at the sleeping baby before leaving the room. Lily followed behind him down the stairs, finally reaching out to grip his elbow when he reached the back door.

"Sirius," she breathed, "what will you do? Once Peter's the Secret Keeper, I mean. If I know you, Sir, you've got some terribly valiant and ridiculous plan."

He signed and ran his hand through his now dreadfully long hair. "You're not going to like it, Lil."

"No, I don't think I will."

He took her by the shoulders again, briefly moving to cup her cheeks before resting his hands on the curves of her arms. "Voldemort is going to think you've used me, right? So he'll try to hunt me down."

"That's what I don't understand, though. How can he hurt you if you're here with us the whole time? Isn't that the point of all this?"

He sighed again and pulled her closer. "I'm going to have to lead him on, Lily. For Peter's sake and only enough so that Voldemort'll think he has a chance of getting me."

Her eyes took a loathsome gleam. "I am not okay with this. Not in the least."

He squeezed her arms. "It wouldn't be very often that I'd go out. I'll have to keep an eye on Peter anyhow; I'll just make an appearance somewhere very populous while I'm away."

Lily moved even closer to rest her head against his chest. He wound his arms around her once again. When had she gotten so sickeningly thin again?

"I still don't like this. I've always hated it when you went out courting trouble."

Sirius snorted and traced the edge of her jaw with the tips of his fingers. "But I always came out alright on the other side." He sobered and took her face in his hands, pushing her back to look into her eyes. "I've got to get going, Lil." He kissed her softly. "I'll be home soon."

"I'll be waiting."

He kissed her once more and left. On the back steps he was quick to transform into the large, now rather shaggy black dog and ran off into the woods. Ah, he had forgotten how refreshing it was to think and feel as a hound, what with the wind blowing through his fur and the hard earth beneath his paws.

Precisely one-quarter mile northeast of the shed in which he kept his flying motorcycle, the designated Apparition spot, Sirius returned to his human form and hurriedly Apparated to the corresponding place on Wormtail's fire escape. He rapped on the windowsill four times with his wand,whispered the password, Animagus, and crawled in through the bathroom window.

The wards had been set up on Peter's mother's apartment months before, when he had once again moved back in with her. That, however, was not enough of a reassurance for Sirius to lower his wand as he entered the living room. Mrs. Pettigrew was asleep in an armchair, a quarter of a bottle of sherry and a muted television in front of her. It was funny; for a woman who disliked Muggles as much as she, Peter's mother sure did live like one.

Sirius looked up when Peter entered from the kitchen. Both raised their wands to each other and went through the passphrase formalities before engaging in a brief hug.

"Padfoot, what are you doing here?" Peter squeaked.

Sirius leaned down to grip his friend's shoulders, more sternly than he had just done with his wife. "Wormtail, what would you do to help me protect my family?"

"What?"

"What would you be willing to do to keep Lily, Harry, and James safe?"

"Well," Peter paused to think very briefly. "Well, Sirius, I guess I would do just about anything."

Sirius' stomach turned. Poor Peter was so trusting, so eager. It was almost too cruel to ask him, but they really had no choice. Wormtail was their safest option.

So Sirius asked him, explained the Fidelius and all the uncertainty that came with it, explained how both men would be putting themselves at risk. He assured his friend that he would protect him, and finally Wormtail agreed.

They left his mother where she was and Apparated together from the fire escape. Once in the woods, they both changed into their Animagus forms. Wormatil scurried off in the direction of the house, while Padfoot remained curled up in the shadow of a tree.

Sirius was grateful he able to spend the time that followed in a dog's state of mind. A dog could be anxious or afraid to be sure, but it wasn't the tempestuous muddle that Sirius had become accustomed to feeling as a man. Time was vaguer as well, meaning that he had no clue as to how long Wormtail had been away. From one minute to the next, Peter had been gone for ages or only just left. It was nerve-racking, but manageable.

Finally, Sirius heard the telltale signs of a rat scampering through the brush, and just as he stood up and walked to the Apparition spot Wormtail appeared from behind a tree.

"Hello, Padfoot," he said and held up a slip of parchment as Sirius transformed back into a man. "James told me I should write this up for you."

Sirius looked at the note, which read:

James and Harry Potter and Lily Black can be found at #7 Lyon Rd., Godric's Hollow

and promptly burned it with his wand. He turned to Wormtail and grasped his hand firmly.

"Peter, I can never thank you enough. I know we haven't always treated you fairly, magic-wise, you know, but, Wormtail, you've bloody well saved us."

Peter shrugged uncomfortably. "You'd do the same for me."

"Yes, I would. But you didn't ask this of me. I brought it down upon you. So thank you, Peter. I am in your debt."

Wormtail looked stranger still. He patted Sirius on the shoulder and stepped back. "I should go," he said. "I need to be back by the time my mum wakes up."

Sirius thanked him again, shook his hand once more, and watched as he disappeared from sight. Turning on his heels, he changed back into the dog and raced back to the house. Initially, there was no house to be found. He doubled back to the edge of the woods and returned to see the structure materializing before him. Interesting. He ran to the back stoop and became a man once more.

Lily flung the door open before him and threw her arms around him. He walked them both into the kitchen and shut the door behind them with his foot, his arms never leaving her. They stood there for a while, Sirius breathing heavily from the run and Lily shaking. After several minutes, she took his hand and led him into the living room, where an open bottle of firewhiskey sat on the coffee table. Gracious, they must have been freaking out, considering Lily had hidden all the alcohol right after Vanessa had died.

She curled into a sofa cushion like a cat as he took a generous gulp from the bottle. "James is upstairs with Harry," she whispered as the last of the fire trickled down his throat. "He's so tired."

Sirius looked down at his wife. She appeared gaunt and lifeless, as though all the energy had been sucked from her body. There was a waxen look about her face that he hadn't seen since right after the battle at the Ministry. Her eyes stared up at him, steadfast yet uncertain. The spell had been hard on her, too.

He sunk down heavily beside her and wrapped an arm around her trembling shoulders. Lily uncurled enough to wind an arm and a leg around his body. She buried her face against the side of his shirt.

"What now?" she asked as he worked his free hand through her hair.

"Now we wait."

Hello again. I'm rather proud of this two week turnaround, if I do say so myself. We're barreling towards the end now, so I how you all will enjoy how plotty these last few chapters will be. I'm sorry Peter's not in this one more, but any conversation he had with Sirius would have just been a rehash of the ones at the beginning of the chapter. Still, I hope I got everyone's opinions of him right.

The chapter title is I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For by, of course, U2. Or rather, it would be if FFN would grant me the space to include the I. Our relationship still does, occasionally, have its problems. Hopefully we'll be able to work through them.

On another note, this fic has now passed one-hundred-thousand words! I consider this a milestone, so I would like to thank all of you, my dear readers, for sticking around for this admittedly long ride. I really did think I would have had this thing finished at least a year ago, but I'm going to have ask all of you to hold on for just a little while longer. We're almost there, I promise.

Thank you for the review last chapter. I say review because there was just the one. I don't mean to sound snippy or passive aggressive, but at this point in the game, with so many readers, I would like to think that you all are capable of more feedback than that. So please review. I would very much like to break 200 before the end.

'Til Next Time!