Disclaimer as said by Alis: "Fuck ya'll, we don't own none of this shit."
~Fic Start!~
*Ryoko, Mateus, and Light have bought the door hinge Ryoko needed to fix the door to their bedroom from the local store and they've headed home. Inside the apartment, Firion and Aria are setting up a table in the center of the living room.*
Firion: "So what are we hooking up?"
Alis: "You guys still have a PS2?"
Aria: "Like I'd ever have a reason to part with it."
Alis: "Point taken. Hook that shit up."
Aria: *gets a devilish smile* "I know what I'm putting in there."
*Aria's phone rings*
Aria: "Yo, get that."
Firion: "Aria's BBQ, you kill 'em, we grill 'em!"
Voice on the phone: "You grill malboros? I got a metric fuckton of dead ass malboros."
Firion: "The FUCK?"
Voice on the phone: "I'm just shittin' you, bro."
Firion: "Oh, BRO! It's been forever! Where you at, nigga?"
Alis: "And here I thought Firion had a bit of class."
Aria: "Nah, that would be Light. Every now and then, Firion let's his lower class side show."
Alis: "Did he grow up in a ghetto?"
Aria: "I... don't really know..."
*they start imagining what Fynn looked like. Instead of being a village with a few shops and a big building where Hilda led the rebellion... it's a small, fenced-in cramped place between two apartment buildings that go up 100 stories and gangs own whole floors of it. The camera zooms in to show that Hilda's a crack whore and Firion is stuck running her errands between him and the top floor of one of the buildings where Mateus is a pimp-king wearing nothing but zebra print bikini briefs*
Aria: "Wait a minute. That's not how FF2 went..."
Alis: "I dunno, never played it, myself."
Firion: "S'cool, bro, you comin' for X-mas?"
Voice on the phone: "FO SHO, BITCH."
Firion: "Damn, dat's tight, dawg. What's yo' ETA?"
Voice on the phone: "Tomorrow, bro. We'll be here tomorrow."
Firion: "Who the fuck is coming with you?"
Voice on the phone: "My homegirl."
Firion: "You got cherself a girl? Fuck yeah!"
Voice on the phone: "Fuck yeah I did."
Firion: "We'll be waitin' on yo' deadbeat asses." *he hangs up* "Hey, baby, that was Onion. He'll be here tomorrow."
Alis: "I think you just flipped personalities..."
Firion: "I have lots of other talents, too."
Aria: "And now you're starting to sound like Mateus."
Firion: "DON'T COMPARE ME TO HIM-"
*the front door opens*
Ryoko: "...to who?"
Firion: "You're back!"
Alis: "That was quick."
Ryoko: "Did you expect less? I'm not going to go shopping out with that hideous music playing until New Year's."
Alis: "But... I have this GameGo gift card right here in my purse."
Ryoko: *starts to walk away* "I'm not interested."
Alis: "And they're having a sale on handheld RPGs."
Ryoko: *stops* "They're... what?!"
Alis: "So, you wanna go shopping with me?"
Ryoko: *nods*
Alis: "Then go put the hinge away and come shopping with me."
*Ryoko runs at light speed, putting the hinge away then snatching Alis and running out the door*
Firion: "HA! What what do you know?! It did work."
Aria: "Well they have known each other all their lives."
Light: "What just happened here?"
Firion: "A trap has been sprung."
Mateus: "Where has that wench taken my little samurai?! We have an emergency!"
Aria: "Which is?"
Light & Mateus: "Ryoko is CURSED!"
Firion: "...I knew Mateus was a screwball, but you, too, Dad?"
Mateus: "Excuse me, Firionel-"
Light: "Based on what she told us about hating Christmas, I think it's very possible that she is cursed."
Aria: "Boys, boys. You're overreacting. No one can be cursed to hate Christmas."
Mateus: "You lying witch, you know why she hates the holiday and you refuse to tell me!"
Aria: "It's not my place to tell you why she is the way she is. If she loves you, she'll come out and tell you. But all this 'based on what she told us' crap? You guys don't know ANYTHING about a girl's code."
Light: "A girl's code?"
Mateus: "I'm inexperienced with women, you know this."
Firion: "Guys, what she means is that women speak in code. They don't always tell you exactly what's on their minds. They'll tell you complete lies sometimes just to throw you off."
Aria: "We're not liars."
Firion: "I beg to differ." *looks at Mateus and Light* "I think the two of you have been duped. Tell us what she told you. We'll translate."
Aria: "I don't blab my friend's secrets."
Firion: "Fine, I'll help translate it. Somehow."
*meanwhile, at GameGo*
Ryoko: "...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAALIS."
Alis: "What's up?"
Ryoko: "You said they were having a SALE! A SALE on handheld RPGs."
Alis: "Yeah, I did."
Ryoko: "Then why the HELL is every version of Yggdrasil's Labyrinth FIFTY THOUSAND GODDAMN GIL?!"
Alis: "Well, maybe it isn't handheld."
Ryoko: "THEY'RE FOR THE DS!"
Alis: "Sis."
Ryoko: "YOU LIED TO ME."
Alis: "My dear sister, I needed to get you out here. I needed a chance to talk to you without either of your boyfriends getting at me."
Ryoko: "...about what?"
Alis: "About... you! That's what."
Ryoko: "Are you mad about me having two boyfriends?"
Alis: "Hardly. I've done worse."
Ryoko: "...oh."
Alis: "But that does lead me to something important. Princess, I'm worried about you."
Ryoko: "Tell me something I don't know."
Alis: "I'm worried that Mateus is with you for the wrong reasons."
Ryoko: "But... he fought of Sephiroth in my honor!"
Alis: "After it was revealed that you are the pillar."
Ryoko: "You didn't like Light at first, either."
Alis: "Light is a gentleman who only wishes to see you safe and happy. I can approve of that. Mateus used to be an evil emperor bent on controlling the world. Who's to say he's not after the same goal here in Ivalice? Wasn't he the one who trapped you when you were fighting the Awkward Cloud?"
Ryoko: "Yes, we didn't start on the right foot, but..."
Alis: "But what?"
Ryoko: "Hell, YOU were the one who suggested that we become a threesome. So we did."
Alis: "...fair enough."
Ryoko: "It's incredibly selfish of me, I know that. It's not right to Mateus OR to Light. I've been carrying this weight in my heart, knowing that it's selfish to do this to both of them but-"
Alis: *puts her hand over Ryoko's mouth* "Stop. If they understand that you can't choose between them, then it's not an issue."
Ryoko: "I love them both."
Alis: "It's okay."
*Ryoko turns away from the game shelves and looks outside. It's started to snow*
Ryoko: "...I guess... Christmas isn't so bad."
Alis: "Wait. Did I just hear you say...?"
Ryoko: "I just hate that fucking bastard, and this time of year... always reminds me of back then."
Alis: "Then you should come out with it and tell someone."
Ryoko: "It hurts to talk about it."
Alis: "This is a wound that white magic cannot heal, my dear sister."
Ryoko: "I know that."
Alis: "You know, I think the fact that you're the pillar is taking its toll on you, too. This is a highly emotional time of year for everyone in this world. You inevitiably feel it."
Ryoko: "I don't want to be the pillar anymore."
Alis: "You've said that before."
Ryoko: "Because if I wasn't the pillar... I'd be able to roam freely. I'd know who's around me because they want to be, not because they feel they have to be."
Alis: "Do you think our bond would change? I don't care for you because I'm your bodyguard. I do value you like a sister. To me, you ARE my sister."
Ryoko: "Stop it."
Alis: "But-"
Ryoko: "I don't want to hear your pleas. I want to see your actions after I find a way to give up this power. Listen, I don't want to tell anyone until after I've figured it out."
Alis: "Princess, there's only one way to get rid of the power and it will cost you your life."
Ryoko: "You have phoenix downs and the Life spell, right?
Alis: "No. If you do what it takes to get the power out of your body, then it will kill you. It will literally kill you."
Ryoko: "...I'm with a man who has dominion in the afterlife, you know."
Alis: "What makes you think that he'd-"
Ryoko: "It would prove... without a shadow of a doubt... if he loves me or not."
Alis: "You wouldn't DARE."
Ryoko: "Yes! YES, I would! To be rid of this power and have insurmountable proof of his affection to put you and everyone else who questions him to fucking rest?! yes, YES I WOULD!"
Alis: "And once the ruler of both heaven and hell has you to himself, on a level that none of us can even get to you... what makes you think he would let you come back to life?! Mateus does not WANT to share you, even if he does love you. He's a man, and men are territorial as fuck about what is there's. You know this for a fact, don't tell me you don't."
Ryoko: "You will tell no one about my plan, Alis."
~BACK AT THE APARTMENT IN IGROS!~
Firion: "It sounds like Ryoko wants to make you think that a family member ruined Christmas for her."
Light: "He says that it's someone she loves, but she refers to him as a 'bastard'."
Aria: "...sounds about right."
Light: "Stop doing that! You said you weren't gonna go blabbering secrets, remember?"
Mateus: "Seriously, either help or don't."
Aria: *shrugs* "This is a CHRISTMAS special. This should be about CHRISTMAS."
Mateus: "But this IS about Christmas! We want Ryoko to enjoy the holiday."
Light: "And we want her to heal from past emotional wounds."
Mateus: "Yes, that, too."
Aria: *sigh* "If you want her to heal, and that's an honest desire..." *looks out the window* "Then... go to the graveyard!"
Light: "I'm not planning on dying!"
Mateus: "That's not what she means. This person died, right?"
Light: "Her father died on Thanksgiving, I remember that."
Aria: "Haaa. Her father didn't celebrate Christmas. This isn't about him."
Firion: "Are you saying they really should, when Alis actually sprung a trap properly?"
Aria: *shakes head* "Hell no, that's not what I mean at all! Go to the graveyard!" *points* "That's where Ryoko is right now. Look!"
*they all look out the window. The graveyard is right next door to the Ivalice Swim Team's practice pool and across the street from Setzer's used airship lot. Ryoko is standing in the graveyard with a sword in her hand. Pointed at herself.*
Mateus: "Where in the Seven Layers of Hell is Alis?!"
Light: "Forget that, I'm jumping out the window!" Firion: "...dad, don't be stupid. Take the elevator."
*they go out to the graveyard*
Light: "My love, what are you doing?"
Mateus: "Little samurai, I realize the holidays are terrible for you, but it must not drive you to this point..."
Aria: "Just tackle her!"
Light: "that works, too."
*Light rushes at her, but Ryoko steps to the side and trips him*
Light: "...what?"
Mateus: "If you will not listen to your knight, perhaps you will obey your master! Put your sword away!"
Ryoko: "No."
Mateus: "Wh... WHAT?!"
Ryoko: "Light. Mateus. Forgive me for what I've done to you."
Aria: "Firion! Tackle her!"
Firion: "I'm on it!"
*Firion rushes at Ryoko, but she taps into hidden strength from her pillar powers and stops him with only her empty right hand*
Firion: "When did you aquire such strength?"
Ryoko: "I don't want the powers of the pillar anymore."
Mateus: "Do not do this. If you die, I will follow you."
Ryoko: "Will you? If I die, then I will lose the power of the pillar. There won't be anything left for you to lust after then."
Mateus: "You think that my love for you is because of your powers?! I loved you before I knew anything about you! I never forgot you after the Dissidia war! I missed you when you were gone. I've always been in love with you..."
Ryoko: "Words are empty, no?"
Aria: "I've had enough!"
*Aria rushes in, her martial arts abilities kicking in. She and Ryoko have a fight that blasts the whole graveyard away and leaves craters all over the ground around them. It's like in DBZ but without the energy blasts.*
Aria: "There's no way in hell any of us would ever let you kill yourself! Alis would behead us all if we let it happen!"
Ryoko: "You don't understand anything, Aria!"
Aria: "I'd understand more if you'd let me in on it!"
*their battle auras intensify and the battle continues. Whole buildings fall. Firion is extremely turned on at this point*
Firion: "Who knew she was so strong?!"
Light: "I know, she usually looks like a frail little princess..."
Firion: "I was talking about Aria."
Light: "...oh."
Mateus: "Stop this foolishness, Princess! I will not be spending my Christmas break rebuilding the housing of peasants!"
Firion: "That would be quite noble of you, though."
Mateus: "Fuck you, rebel."
Firion: "Fuck you, mass murderer."
Mateus: "That was in the past.
Firion: "Oh please."
*they have their discussion while the very heated battle rages in the background. Both Ryoko and Aria are covered in bruises and have blood coming out from places it shouldn't be*
Mateus: "Firionel, what can I do to earn your trust after all the wrongs I have committed against you?!"
Firion: "Um... you can die. I think that might do it."
Mateus: "Kill two birds with one stone, then."
Firion: "What do you mean?"
Mateus: "I realize that I've done terrible things, but no one is willing to forgive me. All I want to do is live in peace with Ryoko. and... the rest of you are the only family I've ever had. You're wonderful people. I... I'm thankful you let me into your home. Your life." *smiles. the smile is actually genuine* "Merry Christmas, Firionel."
Firion: "Whoa. Th... thanks, Mateus."
*they have a manly handshake*
Light: "One family issue solved. Now would someone STOP RYOKO from killing herself?!"
Mateus: "Right!" *he calls his staff to his side and starts casting magic* "I'll capture her in a magic bubble..."
Light: "...if she'd hold still."
Mateus: "Fuck it!" *unleashes his angel wings and flies up in the crossfire* "Now, you will listen to me-"
*Aria punches Mateus in the nose as hard as possible, sending him falling back on the ground*
Mateus: "...d...damn it."
Firion: ROFLMAO Light: "Yeah, that was totally helpful, wasn't it?"
Firion: "Totally."
Mateus: "...shut the fuck up and heal me."
Light: *throws an X-potion at Mateus* "There."
Mateus: *stands up* "Thank you, kindly, sir knight."
Light: "Whatever."
Mateus: "Who would have thought that ARIA was that strong?"
Firion: "Wait. Wasn't it established at some point that Ryoko is a catalyst for battle abilities?"
Light: "Yes. It's why Alis can warp reality."
Firion: "Then perhaps Aria is tapping into that power?"
Mateus: "what if I were to tap into it? Then I could stop this brutal display."
Light: "Yeah, if you can harness it."
Mateus: "I am the emperor of Heaven and Hell! There is no power beyond my own!"
Light: "Uh huh."
Firion: "Yeah sure."
Mateus: *concentrates his aura* "I feel it!" *evil laugh* "So THIS is the power of the true heir of Ivalice! THIS is the power I need to take over all worlds!"
~ON TOP OF A NEARBY BUILDING~
Alis: "I KNEW IT! That two-timing double-crossing asshole!" *raises her staff*
~BACK IN THE GRAVEYARD~
Mateus: "Come, Princess, we've much to conquer!" *casts a spell that disrupts the fight, knocking Aria into the ground and leaves Ryoko suspended in the air* "You cannot DIE, then this power would go to such a WASTE!"
Light: "WHAT."
Firion: "I thought you LOVED her!?"
Mateus: "Oh, I do. And now none of you can stop me from taking her as my bride!"
Ryoko: *lands on her feet* "Mateus?"
Mateus: "Princess?!"
Ryoko: "So... this is what you wanted, was it? You came to be a part of our family just to have access to this power?" *she sniffles* "Thanks... for revealing your true colors."
Mateus: *shakes his head* "Bu... but I..."
Ryoko: "I'm not going to live in a world where everyone befriends me for my power. Goodbye, Mateus."
Mateus: "No! NO! This is not what I wanted! It was not me! The demon that lives in my head. It was the demon that took control of me the moment he felt your power in its raw state. HE wants to take over all layers of the world, it is not MY desire. All I want is..."
Ryoko: "Spare me your empty lies." *takes her sword and shoves it through her neck. She falls dead on the ground*
Light: "NO! NOOOOO!" *falls to his knees* "RYYYYYYYYYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOKOOO OOOOOOOOOOO!"
Aria: *throws all the phoenix downs in her inventory at Ryoko* "THE FUCK HAPPENED?!"
Firion: "It was MATEUS."
Mateus: "I did not do it of my own accord! Believe me!"
Alis: *warps in* "I have to get used to not having her power to rely on..." *looks at Mateus* "Well, well, look what we have here. A TRAITOR."
Mateus: "I didn't do this!"
Aria: "Oh I beg to differ."
Mateus: "I can fix this, and I will. Heavens take me instead, I've no need for a world without Ryoko." *he picks up Ryoko's blade* "My little samurai... I will come to you!" *he chops off his own head*
Alis: "Huh... I didn't think he'd actually do it."
Light: "What do you mean?"
Alis: "You know, she's a better trapmaster than all of you."
Firion: "Say what?!"
Alis: "You've been had."
Light: "Explain!"
Aria: "Yeah!"
Alis: "Wait a few minutes. I was given explicit orders not to tell you what was going on."
~UP IN HEAVEN~
*Ryoko is lying on a cloud. She's an angel now. She's crying her eyes out.*
Mateus' voice: "Little samurai, what were you thinking? You know people who commit suicide aren't allowed in Heaven... But I could never condemn my beloved to the bowels of the Seven Layers of Hell."
Ryoko: "You love me? BAH. I heard you."
Mateus' voice: "I told you. There is another me that lives within my body, controlled by the demon that wishes to take over all of reality and every world in it. Just... just like there is another me, who has the grace and tenderness of Heaven itself."
Ryoko: "I'm dead now. What's it matter?"
Mateus' voice: "You're not dead. I will not allow you to die and be reincarnated."
Ryoko: "With my death, Ivalice must be crumbling."
Mateus' voice: "Actually, no. You weren't there when Cosmos died in the Dissidia war, but her power did not fade away. The world no longer had a body to contain the power, so it placed that power into crystals. Crystals are formed when the pillar of a world dies."
Ryoko: "I see."
Mateus' voice: "To tell you the truth, I don't want my powers, either."
Ryoko: "What?"
Mateus' voice: "I killed myself to follow after you."
*Mateus-angel walks in.*
Ryoko: "You... did?"
Mateus: "And by dying, I'm no longer controlled by the spirits of an angel and a demon. I am just myself.
Ryoko: "But then you won't be able to go back, if you're not carrying those powers."
Mateus: "Watch this." *raises his hand*
*A horrible horned demon appears on his left side. A perfect shining angel with silver hair appears on his right. He, as a blonde human wearing yellow and purple clothes, stands in the center.*
Mateus: "Chaos will not summon me and put me back together."
Ryoko: "You'd give up all of your power?"
Mateus: "To be with you, yes. Yes, I would."
Ryoko: *runs into his arms*
~DOWN ON EARTH~
Light: "I hope the bastard is happy, getting to keep her all to himself like that."
Firion: "Worst. Christmas. ever."
Aria: *can't stop crying*
Alis: "Just give it time."
Light: "THEY AREN'T COMING BACK! SHUT UP, ALIS!"
Alis: *shakes her head* "Dammit. Have a little faith, would ya?"
*two beams of light fall from the sky and land on Ryoko and Mateus' bodies*
Alis: "Right on time! I was about to wonder."
*Mateus stands up first and slowly opens his eyes. Everyone notices that his eyes are no longer purple, but blue, and his horns are completely gone. He has a peaceful smile on his face.*
Mateus: "Merry Christmas, for I have risen again!"
Aria: "This isn't EASTER, you fuckwit."
Mateus: "Forgive me, holidays are a new thing to me."
Light: "The hell just happened?"
Mateus: "I gave up everything... to prove to all of you..." *he grabs the crown from his head and throws it on the ground, crunching it beneath his boots* "...that I do love Ryoko."
Firion: "So, you're no longer the Emperor?"
Mateus: "Exactly. I can't be controlled by any supernatural forces if I'm going to protect a princess. It's too risky."
*Ryoko stands up, very very slowly. She appears much weaker than she used to be. She looks the same, except it's very clear that she doesn't have any strength.*
Ryoko: "Sorry I worried you."
Light: *glomps her*
Aria: "YOU DAMN RIGHT YOU WORRIED US."
Firion: "It took an incredible amount of faith to actually go through with something like that."
Ryoko: "It was worth it, to be rid of the pillar powers AND to prove to you that Mateus isn't... well, you know, evil."
Alis: "And I had to keep my trap shut while these guys were planning your funeral. Shows how little faith THEY had."
Ryoko: "Well, they aren't used to trusting someone who used to commit mass murder and try to take over the world repeatedly."
Mateus: "Isn't that the truth?"
Light: "I suppose I should apologize."
Mateus: "You don't have to. I should be working to earn your trust."
Ryoko: *walks between them* "A team of three, we will always be, for eternity."
Light: "Yes."
~THE NEXT MORNING! AT THE APARTMENT~
*Alis is sitting on the couch with Onion and Lynn*
Alis: "And that's how the OT3 saved Christmas."
Onion: "Fuck, this is why being late sucks ass. I missed all of that!"
Lynn: "So, is it true that Mateus gave up his powers to prove his love for Ryoko?!"
Alis: "Yes."
Lynn: "Then how did they come back to life if Mateus gave up his powers?"
Alis: "Hell if I know."
Mateus: *is opening a present* "Aww, Fuzzy yellow slippers! How cute! Thank you, Onion!"
Onion: *makes a devilish smile* "You're welcome, Uncle Matty."