Chapter 38

Author's note: Anyone else gonna do nanowrimo? I just signed up and I'm planning to use the time to write the next book for Fur and Fangs! If anyone else wants to do it with me, I wouldn't mind doing a private cabin with the readers? Just think it might be fun. Check it out, and message me on my tumblr if you wanna join.

As always my tumblr is: hopefulbadgerjunara or

"Lexa."

"No! I'm not going to pack up my alpha's things for her just because… No! No! I'm just not doing it!"

"Lexa. Please."

"No this is absurd!"

Octavia slammed one of Clarke's suitcases down on Lexa's bed. "Lexa!"

"No! I did what was right! It doesn't matter if she keeps the child if she is dead Octavia!"

"You are right."

"Thank you!"

"You are right." Octavia repeated, placing the order her hands on Lexa's shoulders.

"Good. Now let's put the suitcase away and go back to my alpha!"

"No. Just because you are right… it doesn't mean what you did wasn't wrong. It doesn't mean what you did didn't hurt."

"O…"

"I know. I know why you did it. But Clarke doesn't."

Lexa grabbed the suitcase, wanting to throw it, to toss it in anger, to rip apart the room that she and her alpha had made their own. It felt like a lie, that if it could all be torn down by her attempts to protect Clarke, then what was the point! If it was so easily destroyed then it was never as special as she believed. If it could so easily be torn down then it couldn't have really been love from the first place!

"Don't. If you can't move forward… Clarke will never give you the chance she should." Octavia placed her hand on Lexa's forearm trying to calm her.

Lexa just screamed, picking up the suitcase and throwing it back down on the bed, needing anything to get out even a hint of the terrifying tumult of fear, anger, frustration, and loss that had become her life.

"You done?"

"Yes." Lexa pouted.

"You know why."

"Yes!" Lexa huffed, already beginning to pack for Clarke.

"I know this is hard for-"

"But it is so much worse for Clarke. She woke up to learn her alpha had made such a huge decision without her! Yes, I know!" Lexa complained.

"And she needs time to process."

"So do I!"

"I know. And Clarke knows that too. But she feels betrayed."

"For her alpha trying to keep her alive!?" Lexa screamed and cried, haphazardly throwing things in the case.

"Yes. I know that is hard, but yes. But on the bright side, I'm fairly certain she knows she is overreacting, that you did your best, what you thought was right."

"What else could I have done!? Just let them both keep bleeding till she died!? Or have them put on all of a fucking band-aid just for it to happen again in a month?!"

"I know Lexa. I know. But Clarke doesn't. All she can see right now is the choice that was taken from her. Her child Lexa."

"She was my child too!" Lexa screamed, panting as heavy sobs came, unrelenting emotions taking out her knees sending her toppling down only to be saved by the edge of her bed.

"I'm sorry Lexa." Octavia knelt down to hug her friend. "I'm sorry because I know no words will ever truly help, nothing can fix what you lost."

Lexa's sobbing continued as she moved into Octavia's embrace, needing her alpha, but willing to accept Octavia as a substitute.

"Breathe. It will be ok."

"How! Clarke won't even look at me!"

"Lexa I know it is hard. But Clarke needs to feel any control right now. If that means she wants you to pack for her, then we need to do it. Because once things start to feel normal for her again she will actually be able to start talking to you again. We just need to do what she asked, and give her some time?" Octavia strived to comfort Lexa, knowing how desperately she needed it.

"But what if she doesn't. What if she-"

"I know it is hard, but you did what was best. Just give her time and she will see that." Raven patted Lexa and allowed her to cry onto her shoulder for as long as the fellow alpha needed.

Even once the alpha had stopped crying she was still understandably far from calm. Despite this Lexa soldiered on with Octavia's help. The two stripped the room of anything that once made it a loving home. It was a stunning and stark emptiness when all that remained was what Lexa had kept after she lost Costia. What still remained was barely more than pictures and a few sparse books which once filled the holes better Clarke's.

"Just give it a couple days." Octavia patted Lexa on the back. "Just you wait, we'll be undoing all out hard work as soon as Clarke gets home."

"I really hope you are right O."

"I am. Now relax. It will be ok."

"What do we do?"

"Now? We sit down on the couch and watch whatever you want, romance, comedy, rom-com, horror, action, anything."

"I want to watch my alpha come home."

"I know. But Raven texted me, they are holding her for another couple days to make sure nothing else goes wrong."

Lexa's head dropped.

"Hey, this is good news!" Even Octavia knew her attempt to spin this into a positive was so thin it was beyond see through.

Lexa gave Octavia an appropriately dubious look.

"She is safe. They are watching over her, ensuring nothing goes wrong." Octavia could see Lexa derive some comfort from the knowledge. "And it gives her some extra time to process."

"Yeah." Lexa nodded longing for her mate.

"Look. Raven won't leave her side. So as long as you don't have your mate I won't either."

"Ok."

"So what's it gonna be? Cause we are having something hilarious disgusting, I dono, seven meat pizza or something, two tubs of ice cream, cause bitch I'm not sharing, and a slew of movies of your choice Lexa!"

"Thanks Octavia."

"No prob, now I want three movies in a queue on the living room TV by the time I get home."

"Yeah." Lexa smiled.

"Good."

End of Chapter 38