A/N: Thanks to everyone who's followed/favorited and/or is reading but not reviewing:)
Ladyleo145-Thank YOU for the compliments:) I'm happy you like my writing:)
Olivia O'Neil-Thank you:) Yes and no...it has more to do with her mental/emotional state than literal power.
FluffyKitten-Kolfinnia's fine:) And Elsa can always spoil her rotten, too. Lol, angry Elsa is, let's just say, NOT GOOD for anyone, herself included. I think because she does not get angry very often in the first place, when she does get mad...she's really mad. Okay, Meri is sort of Merida but not...she still has her three little brothers and the like but her backstory isn't exactly the same. More on her later.:) Elsa is somewhat close to being an ice master, but she has to actually work on that. She isn't just going to "happen" to become one without trying.
IndyGirl89-Well, Elsa's magic won't do that ordinarily...she forced it to do so.:)
Elsa Tomago-I left the note ambiguous so you can interpret what it said however you want. But in my mind they were threatening to hurt Anna. You're right, Dark Elsa isn't evil, she's just...angry. And more on what Elsa's magic did soon:) Also right...it wasn't Elsa's or Anna's fault at all.:/ Elsa is capable of extreme emotions-while that does make her hypersensitive, which weakens her in some situations, she's also able to make herself do things that are helpful, too:)
raven678-Elsa will be okay-just give her a few chapters here.:) She;s still not entirely herself yet. That's very true-she's going to realize things aren't quite right...
On to the story!
Elsa was quiet on the way home. She tried her best to remember everything from the night before, but try as she might, it didn't seem to help much. At least not beyond decreasing the remaining pain in her head. Part of her was worried that she could not remember simply because some subconscious part of her didn't want to. What if she had done something horrible? Pabbie had said her dark side had done something she wouldn't do ordinarily. Anna is clearly fine, but…what if I hurt someone else? Or worse, killed someone, like one of the bad people?
Elsa shuddered when she felt a faint "reply" in her thoughts. So what are you going to do if you did? If they kidnapped Anna, they deserved what they got. Maybe capital punishment isn't all bad. Did you forget you have absolute power anyways? You can do whatever you like and no one can do a thing about it. Nice thought, isn't it, the voice deadpanned. Felt good too, didn't it? I am you too, you know. Not just that little pathetic frightened girl you think you are.
"Elsa, don't worry about whatever it is you're trying to think about. You need to just rest," Anna said quietly. She'd felt Elsa tense up beside her and easily known at least sort of what was bothering her. What if there's still a bit of that serum in her? Anna thought worriedly. She still wasn't the least bit scared that Elsa might hurt her, despite what had happened the night before, but she was worried for Elsa, in more ways than one. Anna frowned as she put her arm around Elsa, who immediately put her head on Anna's shoulder and closed her eyes. "Does your head still hurt?" Anna asked.
Elsa didn't reply for a minute and eventually just said, "A little." That was true; mostly she was just frightened and wanted Anna's warm hug. She kept her hands held close pointed towards herself, unwilling to risk hurting anyone, at least not that way. I thought about hurting Anna, she thought miserably all of a sudden. Obviously I didn't, but I thought it. How could I have done that?
Maybe she said something that set you off, the 'other' Elsa said.
Anna wouldn't do that!
Not on purpose, of course, but she says things without thinking, you know. That would mean it wasn't your fault at all AND not really hers, either. Just more her fault than yours. "An…Anna, did you s-say something that set me off? L…last night?" Elsa asked in a flat voice. That would prove whether the 'other' Elsa was right or not, wouldn't it? What am I even thinking? Even if Anna did say something that set me off, that's no excuse. I thought about hurting her. That makes me a bad person.
Anna hesitated. If she said yes, she had a sick feeling that would somehow be validating whatever bits of Dark Elsa that were still there. If she said no, that was a flat-out lie. I can't lie to her. I just can't. It's just…if Elsa can't remember anyway, maybe not telling her wouldn't hurt her. Might even help. "No," she muttered finally, not meeting Elsa's eyes.
Anna, what the…? Kristoff frowned; he clearly remembered exactly what had happened, and in his mind, Anna had definitely set Elsa off, albeit innocently. Lying to Elsa-or being misleading to her-could only cause trouble. Elsa would find out simply because she was good at reading people. "What Anna didn't say is that you misinterpreted something she said as something you two's dumb father told you," Kristoff said from the front of the sled-wagon. "It was neither yours nor Anna's fault, Elsa." He stopped Sven and turned around to face the girls. "Elsa, you did think about hurting Anna, which is obviously wrong, but you decided not to on your own without any prodding from anyone. You used the magic on yourself instead. That's how your head got hurt. I don't know what you remember or what you think you remember from yesterday, but dark-you did nothing outright evil. Nothing."
"Did…did I kill the bad people?" Elsa asked, her blue eyes bright with tears.
Kristoff looked her right in the eyes as he answered her. "I don't know, Elsa, but if you did, that is still not evil. They would have killed Anna and me eventually to make you react. You rescued us. You were more violent with your rescue methods than you probably would have been otherwise, but you were doing a good thing. They were poking a sleeping bear, and you know it." He paused before adding, "You know, you could use this whole mess to grow stronger inside rather than letting Dark Elsa do something bad and then freaking out and picking on yourself because of it. You still aren't Normal Elsa yet, and I think you know that already. You already know you can control Dark Elsa, so maybe you can throw out the bad parts of both Dark Elsa and Normal Elsa and use the good parts of both." Come on, Elsa, please understand. I know you can.
To Kristoff's great relief, Elsa actually smiled…and it was a genuine, confident smile rather than Dark Elsa's smirk or Normal Elsa's hesitant, shy smile she usually made. I can do that. I may not be able to do so on my own, but I have people with me that care about me and are willing to help. So there. She quickly fell asleep for the rest of the trip back.
"Anna, you wanted to help Elsa…I think I have a few ideas that ought to help her," Kristoff said quietly once they had arrived back to the castle stables. He glanced at Elsa to be sure she was still sleeping before continuing.
"Ok, what are they?" Anna asked curiously.
"Well, first of all, make her rest for at least the rest of today. You're the only one she might listen to on that. Number two, I've been thinking what issue or issues Grand Pabbie meant when he said Elsa had some big decision to make, and I'll bet her magic did something outside Arendelle that we don't know about. Remember right after I brought the gloves back? Elsa said her magic had done something, but she didn't know what and she hadn't made a mess in her room, either." Kristoff paused, trying to figure out how to explain his logic for what he wanted to say next. Oh, I'll just say it. Can't hurt. "Anna, Dark Elsa isn't gone. Even after the serum is a hundred percent out of Elsa's system, her dark side will still be a part of her, because it's part of who she is. Just like you or I have a dark side too. I think in Elsa's case she's so frightened of being even remotely near her dark side that it's holding her back somehow. Does that make sense?"
Anna scowled. That's not Elsa at all. She hasn't got a dark side, she's too sweet for that. "No. Kristoff, Elsa's just…Elsa. I don't think she's really got a dark side. That's silly. She isn't like that." She looked down at the sleeping girl in her arms and made a face. "Look at her. Does that really look like someone with a 'dark side'?"
Kristoff tried his best not to roll his eyes. "Um, well, yeah. She's human, she has a dark side," he said flatly. "We saw said dark side yesterday. Anna, she came very close to hurting you, whether you want to believe it or not. That's Elsa's dark side if anything is. Everyone has some kind of dark desires that any decent person won't act on. Example…for you, I'll bet one of yours would be to get back at your parents for what they did to Elsa. For Elsa, one of those darkest desires is to be ridiculously powerful so no one can say she isn't good enough. Normal Elsa most likely doesn't even know that is something she sort of wants…or if she does, she's frightened of what getting that entails. That fear is what keeps her from acting on it."
"Isn't that a good thing? I don't want Elsa turning into some crazy power-hungry tyrant!"
"Well, sure, but only in a healthy amount," Kristoff replied as he put Sven in a stall and gave him a carrot. He hesitated, unsure how Anna would react to what he had to say next. "Anna, I've seen the way your sister acts sometimes. It isn't that she's scared of her magic in of itself…it's that she's terrified of just what she's capable of. Just how strong she could be. She's constantly holding herself back, unless she's defending someone else perhaps, and I bet she isn't even consciously choosing to do so. The only time she truly let her magic go for herself was when she made her ice palace, and that was before she ever practiced using said magic. Can you imagine what she could do now, nearly a year later, if she practiced? Elsa is almost twenty-two years old. She could probably be an ice master already if she was really trying to be."
Anna sighed. I remember Elsa saying something sort of like that recently, actually. Something that being different wasn't the problem-it was just how strong her magic was. "So…what's your point?" And I bet Elsa not being an ice master yet has to do with her trying to make up for thirteen years of suppressing her magic…
"My point is that if all of us help Elsa-but mostly just you-maybe Elsa can use her dark side to banish the unhealthy part of that fear away," Kristoff said carefully. "Nobody should be frightened of their own abilities. Even if they have goddess-level powers."
"But…" Anna wasn't sure what to say. Part of her didn't want Elsa to be that powerful. When she looked at Elsa, she couldn't see anything but her sweet big sister that needed protecting and lots of TLC. She didn't see the Snow Queen with the goddess-level ice powers. Just Elsa and her magic. "Thinking of Elsa like that just makes her seem even more different than she does already," she said finally. "She's still just a human girl, same as me. You make it sound like she's so different that she's not even a regular girl."
"Elsa is different, and she should embrace that. It's part of who she is," Kristoff said matter-of-factly.
"Wouldn't embracing godlike powers make her snobby and power-hungry?"
"Nope, because Elsa's morals won't let her. Because of her background and her natural personality, she can use a crazy level of power like that for good. Seeing what even Dark Elsa wanted only proves that. Those parts of Elsa that she-and everyone else-would call damaged or broken, the parts of her that make her so hypersensitive and whatnot allow for that. And I think you know that and so does Elsa," Kristoff explained. "Look, neither you nor anybody else is going to get any sympathy from me trying to make Elsa even remotely 'normal', because she just plain isn't. My family is the trolls, remember. 'Normal' is boring. Let's bring magic back to the world instead of making it a feared secret. Your sister can do that." Pause. "You heal Elsa's mental and emotional state, because I am no good with such things, and if you'll let me, I'll try to help her heal the way she thinks of her magic and get her to embrace it more."
Anna smiled a bit as she hugged Elsa closer. She nodded. "Deal." Look out, Elsa, you're going to get loads of help whether you want it or not. You're going to be fine.
"Anna, one more thing. You lied to her on the way back here, and I think we all know how much Elsa values trust in the people closest to her. You'd best hope she doesn't remember or realize what you said," Kristoff said quietly. "Otherwise we're all in trouble."
"I just didn't want to validate Dark Elsa's thought process, that's all," Anna protested.
"Yeah, but real-Elsa will be either mad or really, really upset if she thinks you lied to her."
Elsa didn't wake up until hours later, and then she immediately tried to get up, only for Anna to push her back against the pillows. "Anna, let me up," she protested. "I want to m-make sure Kolfinnia is okay now."
Anna grinned. "Already knew you would ask that, so I brought her in here." She plopped the little cat down right on Elsa's tummy, and the older girl instantly smiled and began petting the cat gently. "Seriously, Elsa, you are staying in bed 'til tomorrow if I have to sit on you to make you stay there. You have to rest. Tomorrow we can start figuring out what to do next."
"I could always drop s-snow down your back," Elsa teased. "Come on, Anna, at least l-let me sit up, please." Anna relented, but she fluffed Elsa's pillows and wouldn't let her sit up on her own, either. Elsa frowned as she looked at Kolfinnia's big green eyes. The little cat wasn't acting any different than she usually did, but Elsa caught something different in her eyes; Kolfinnia looked slightly scared to her. Elsa just hugged her pet close. She didn't want Kolfinnia to feel like that. So there. I'm going to spoil you rotten, Kolfinnia, Elsa thought to herself. And I will find out who hurt you. They will not be doing that again. I won't let them. Rapunzel had healed Kolfinnia's leg, but like Elsa herself, Rapunzel hadn't been able to heal her inside. At least Kolfinnia seemed mostly okay. A kitty wouldn't end up with panic attacks like me anyways. And I think Kolfinnia is all right mostly…she just needs to be spoiled for a little while.
"Elsa, if you spoil that cat she's going to start scratching things up and making messes," Anna warned, but she knew Elsa wasn't listening. "She might pee on your bed," Anna went on, figuring that would get Elsa's attention.
Elsa just giggled at that and held Kolfinnia closer, and the cat yowled in protest at being squished. Kolfinnia batted Elsa's hand in warning and wiggled out of her arms and curled up beside her instead. Elsa glanced at the pile of black-and-white fur beside her and just smiled at Anna. "Kolfinnia won't do that. She has a litter box d-downstairs and Gerda lets her out to do her business, too," she pointed out.
Anna rolled her eyes; she knew Elsa loved animals just as much as she did, if not more, and if spoiling Kolfinnia made Elsa happy, Anna was not going to stop her. "So, Kai came and told me all of those bad people you tossed over the castle wall are in the dungeon," Anna said carefully. "I thought maybe I could help you figure out what you're going to say to them tomorrow. That way you can still stay in bed and rest, and get something important done too." She decided to leave out that Kai had told her that some of them were injured, although Elsa hadn't actually killed any of them.
"Are any of them…d-dead?" Elsa asked hesitantly. I threw them over the castle wall? Wait…yes, I did. I choked the leader on purpose. I yelled at them for hurting Anna, too. She still couldn't remember the exact details very well, but she did remember a sick feeling of raw power coursing through her. She hadn't even had to try very hard to neutralize the threat to her precious baby sister. I can keep Anna safe all by myself, Elsa thought, pleased.
She crossed her arms and looked at Anna. "I hope they aren't dead, but I'm glad I protected you. My m-magic was happy. The power f-felt good," Elsa said flatly. What am I saying? I don't want to be like that. I could have just frozen them in place…not choked one and thrown them all over the wall. But… Elsa's blue eyes welled with tears. "It…it felt…good to not be…helpless like…like in that cave. Or…or ignored. They can't ignore me if I use my magic t-to fight back. I…I want t-to be strong like you. Please don't hate me." Elsa, you sound pathetic. If you want to be strong, this is not how to do it. You're nothing but a defective pile of raw nerves. You should let me take over. I'm you too, you know.
That is NOT me! Stop it!
What for? You liked being powerful. It felt good, didn't it? And, Elsa's inner voice seemed to abruptly change its tune, and you hurt people. You were bad. Gerda said you weren't, but you were. You should be punished for that.
Elsa's body had grown deathly cold all over, and Kolfinnia moved down to the end of the bed, not particularly perturbed since she knew "her" human got like that sometimes. Anna just grabbed a blanket from Elsa's closet, wrapped it around Elsa, and then just held her close. "It's all right, Elsa. I do not hate you," Anna said firmly. She hugged the older girl tightly, trying to keep her from shaking. Elsa didn't seem to be panicking, but she was shaking all over all the same. I knew that serum wasn't all gone. Elsa's fighting with herself again, Anna thought. "Elsa, who is 'they'?" she asked curiously.
Elsa didn't answer; she didn't know how to explain herself. She could feel her magic stirring inside, wanting her to let it out. She closed her eyes and forced it to stay in where she felt it belonged. Magic, you will listen to me. I will not risk hurting Anna just because I am angry and hurt. So there.
"What's wrong exactly?" Anna asked now. Elsa's all tense. She does that when she's…not happy. I got to know what's wrong so I can help her.
"My magic wants out," Elsa said truthfully. She couldn't help being surprised when Anna gently pushed her away and just took her hands…her dangerous, trouble-causing hands…instead. Anna still isn't scared of me? Even though I thought about hurting her yesterday?
Anna just gave her sister a reassuring smile. "So let it out, Elsa," she suggested quietly, remembering what Kristoff had said earlier. "You can control it. You're doing that right this second by making it stay in. You can let it out, too. Control means practice anyways, remember? And don't look so surprised, you stinker. I told you I wasn't scared of you, and I meant it."
Elsa's face scrunched up worriedly. "It might do s-something bad," she mumbled.
Anna frowned. "Maybe, but I don't think so," she told Elsa, trying to be truthful. "How much magic 'wants out'? Maybe you've gotta consciously choose to do something of equal energy level to make it quiet down."
Elsa looked away, her cheeks red. She could feel frost crawling up her arms, and she tried to pull her hands away from Anna, but Anna held on stubbornly and refused to let go. "My powers like dark-me, b-because she's willing to throw them around willy-nilly," she said softly, hoping Anna would understand. Does that make me a bad person? Elsa wondered.
"Which is why I told you to consciously choose to do something of equal energy level," Anna replied matter-of-factly. "Look, Elsa, you are so-called 'losing control' right this second and you are not hurting me. You're making my hands feel really cold, sure, but you aren't freezing or hurting me." Anna held up their clasped hands and gave Elsa another reassuring smile.
"Power is work divided by time…work is force times displacement…force is mass times acceleration…" Elsa muttered to herself. She looked down at her hands and then at Anna, her blue eyes twinkling. "I think I have an idea."
"What the heck, Elsa?! That is crazy!" Anna protested a few minutes later. "How on earth could you have that much power inside you?! You must've calculated something wrong."
Elsa shook her head. "No, I didn't. That's how much water is in the fjord and all of these calculations are right. It's 5,800,000,000,000,000 joules. And I checked my formulas in this physics book from the library. Now, obviously I can't do that all the time since that was my magic all pent-up for so long, but I bet we can do some experiments ourselves. Watch." Elsa waited until the clock's second hand was exactly on the twelve and then stamped her foot. Instantly her room's floor was covered with ice. "Okay, it's about, oh, two seconds so for my magic's energy output to do that completely and then stop, but it's still near instantaneous. I can sense rough estimates for some of our formulas, too…This is so cool!" Somewhere deep inside, Elsa could still feel both Dark Elsa and the scared bits of her complaining about what she was doing, but this felt…right. Dark Elsa was mad at her for not using her magic on those bad people downstairs in the dungeon, and the scared bits of her were just terrified of being far more powerful than anything she had ever heard of before. But this felt right. She could let her magic out without harming anyone or anything. I feel so much better now.
"There's just one problem," Elsa added a moment later, frowning. "There is no s-scientific explanation or formula for dissolving my own ice."
Anna giggled at that. "Elsa, you haven't got to make everything scientific. You do have magic, after all. You aren't a machine. Maybe you kind of absorb it or something? Change its state?"
"No, I'd know if I did that. The things I m-make literally dissolve into nothing when I make them go a-away." Elsa scowled. "That disobeys everything. You can't create or destroy matter."
"Maybe you can," Anna said, pointing at a page in Elsa's book. "What's this antimatter thing?"
"Papa said antimatter didn't exist."
Anna huffed angrily. "Elsa, he's been wrong about loads of other things; he's probably wrong about this too. He lied to both of us, and…never mind. Anyways. Everything else in this book appears to be right…right?" She frowned as she looked at Elsa, who was now just looking down at the floor, her hands clasped behind her back. "Elsa, please don't be-"
"You lied to me," Elsa interrupted suddenly, her voice soft. Anna said 'no' on the way home when I asked if she'd said something that set me off, and Kristoff explained what had really happened. I know she did. Why would Anna do that? She slowly lifted her head, tears running down her pale cheeks. "Anna…why? Why did you do that?"
Anna hesitated, unsure what to say. This was exactly what Kristoff had been worried would happen. Elsa was crying, but Anna could see a hint of anger in Elsa's big blue eyes. She was hurt, and didn't understand. Anna decided to just tell Elsa the truth, come what may. "I just didn't want to validate dark-you's thought process," Anna told her. "I did set you off, and, well…I thought Dark Elsa probably blamed me, and I'm not afraid of you, but I was afraid dark-you might do something, and…Elsa, I don't know what to say. I'm sorry." She reached for Elsa's shoulder, but the older girl flinched away and backed up.
Elsa felt a wave of anger wash over her-how dare Anna take all of the blame away from herself?! that wasn't fair, either-but just as quickly the anger was gone, only leaving a broken, sad Elsa behind. Only two thoughts crashed through her head. Anna just said she was afraid of me…dark-me, but me all the same. I trusted Anna implicitly, and she lied to me. She turned away stiffly, suddenly not wanting Anna to see her tears. Anna had full reason to be scared of her, didn't she? It was just…Elsa found it so, so hard to trust anyone, and now Anna had lied to her. She did understand why Anna had done it, but she still felt betrayed somehow. That's stupid, Elsa. You were going to hurt her with your powers. Of course she was afraid what you might do if you thought it was her fault. Elsa felt ice crackling under her feet, but she didn't bother to try to hold it back. What was the point? Of course there's a point, Elsa. You love Anna and your country. You don't want to hurt them.
That's not angry ice. It's purple, Elsa thought miserably.
Sad ice can still hurt people, you idiot. Anna probably doesn't love you anymore, "said" Dark Elsa in a pained sort of way. So there is no point in trying to be strong or, heaven forbid, normal. Maybe you should obliterate all of the bad people and then yourself too. Anna can be queen and all of the bad people will be gone, so everything would be just fine. Use your powers, Elsa. Elsa looked down at her hands and then just stared out the window, her back ramrod straight. "D'you still love me?" she asked quietly. "Even though I…I almost h-hurt you?"
Anna had been just standing there awkwardly, not having any idea what to say. Now she felt herself beginning to cry. This is what I get for not thinking enough before I say stuff. I hurt her. I hurt Elsa. Again. Sensing that Elsa was probably too cold to touch at the moment even though she didn't appear to be panicking, Anna yanked the comforter off Elsa's bed and draped it around Elsa's tense shoulders before hugging her close. "Does this answer your question?"
Elsa only let out an involuntary whimper in response, but Anna's impulsive hug somehow did help the warring feelings roiling inside her. Maybe Anna had lied to her because she was worried about her, not because she was scared of her. That made more sense, really. She felt a warm hand gently stroking her hair, and she finally broke down entirely. Anna wouldn't touch her with her bare hand if she was scared of her. Of course Anna loved her, "damaged goods" and all. Anna had always loved her. She didn't need anything else from Anna.
Anna yelped in surprise when Elsa's legs collapsed under her, but she managed not to drop the older girl. At least Elsa was relaxed again. Elsa's crying, but she seems…relieved somehow. She isn't all scared and upset anymore. Anna thought about the way Elsa had asked her question. She was almost positive that Elsa had been making a decision of some kind based on whatever her response was. I don't even want to think about what Elsa would have done if I had said no-which of course I wouldn't do, but poor Elsa couldn't realize that on her own for some reason. "Elsa, what were you thinking about when you asked me that ridiculous question?" she asked curiously.
Elsa tensed up again, but she answered quickly. "That if you said no, I would l-let Dark Elsa take over and go obliterate all of the bad p-people. Then get rid of me, too, so Arendelle w-wouldn't be a target. You c-could be queen instead."
"Elsa!" Anna shouted instinctively, which made Elsa wince and put her hands over her ears. "Oh, I'm sorry, Elsa, I know your head probably still hurts a bit, but good grief, what were you thinking?!" she exclaimed, not quite so loud now. "Are you sure your dark side wanted you to do that?" Anna asked hesitantly. "Your dark side wanted you to commit…suicide?"
One look at Elsa's face told Anna all that she needed to know. "I've said before that I'm n-nothing without you. Well, it…it's true. Even Dark Elsa knows it," she whispered. "And Dark Elsa didn't mind me breaking my p-promise not to do…that…"
Anna scowled but said nothing. Why would Elsa's dark side, that wants to be powerful, want her to do something like that?
"I can't…that is, if you…I can't lose you, Anna. When I thought you might be s-scared of me, that you lied to me, I…I just…I can't. I can't. I'm so, so tired of trying a-and failing to be the big sister and queen I'm supposed to be. I keep messing up and getting us into trouble." You're never going to be 'all better' like Anna wants you to be. You can still be powerful and no one can hurt you, though, Elsa felt her dark-self say. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath before continuing in a flat voice, "Anna, I…I'm never going to be 'all better' like you want me to be. We both know that. It's going to have t-to be okay whether I or you or anyone else like it or n-not." There. She had said it. Somehow Elsa felt like a giant weight had been taken off her shoulders by outright admitting that. I actually feel okay about it, too.
Anna just found one of her sister's hands and gave her a comforting squeeze. "Sounds like Dark Elsa just said something helpful," she replied happily. Deep inside, Anna knew Elsa was right…her sweet big sister would never be completely 'all better' no matter what anyone did. As long as Elsa could genuinely live a happy life, that would be enough in Anna's mind, and Anna knew that was definitely possible. They just needed to have some peace and quiet politically! Elsa was already much, much better than she had been, and her control over her magic proved that.
"There's another thing, Anna," Elsa said now, completely serious. "I think Arendelle might be less of a t-target without me as reigning monarch," she said softly. "I'm considering abdicating the throne in f-favor of Papa, since…since you've told me lots of times y-you didn't want to be queen. I don't want t-to, but…" Elsa's voice trailed off.
Anna was horrified. "Elsa, you can't! I'd be scared you might…die or something. What if Dad took you away from me again? Or…or, I don't know, something else horrible. You do a good job yourself, Elsa. You don't need to do that."
Elsa held Anna's gaze, her blue eyes hard. "No one would respect m-me as queen if I didn't have ice powers, and y-you know it as well as I do. They may like me, but that's it. I'm too young, I'm a single girl, and I…people know I have issues, if you understand what I mean by that." She turned away and just looked out the window towards the North Mountain. "Elsa just wanted to be accepted, and she thought she had that," Elsa murmured wistfully, talking about herself in third person. "She's supposed t-to be okay with some people disliking her…supposed to be normal for a r-reigning monarch…"
Anna frowned. "What are you talking about?" she asked, not understanding what Elsa was talking about. It was obvious she wasn't really talking to Anna.
"I'm too weak and too strong at the s-same time," Elsa said, not completely to Anna. What is wrong with me? It's like…like dark-me is still there, but she's weakening. It feels like she's fading back into…into I-don't-know-what. She was right; as the serum was weakening its hold on her, Dark Elsa was retreating back into the recesses of Elsa's mind where she usually kept such things. And without her dark side being in control, Elsa was left feeling…fragile. Even her usual magic flow felt different and subdued to her. With Dark Elsa, her magic genuinely felt at home and a hundred percent happy with her. It felt stronger and more alive, and it made Elsa herself feel stronger, both inside and out. She hated feeling weak and broken, and after being able to not feel that way, she missed it. Am I a horrible person for thinking that way?
Elsa felt a gentle squeeze on her arm, and she turned back to face Anna's questioning look. "Elsa, I don't have any idea what exactly you're thinking about, but you can't abdicate," Anna said firmly. "You'll only be hurt yet again, and I don't want that to happen to you. Right now you have the authority to keep people like Dad from hurting you, and giving that up puts you in danger."
"That is precisely one of the reasons why I should. I have too much power as it is, and let me tell you, being able t-to exercise power like that? It feels good, Anna," Elsa said quietly. "Absolute power? Sickly satisfying. Especially to…to someone like m-me that's felt…weak a-and scared and powerless m-most of her life." What must Anna think of me? Why did I say that? She looked down at the floor and clasped her hands behind her back, much as she had done so many times in front of her father in front of this very window during all those years she had been stuck in here.
Anna scowled. So Elsa liked the feeling of power and yet now says she wants to purposely give it up so everyone else is safe? That just proves she's a good person, not some bad power-hungry creep. "I think that the fact that you're willing to give it up means you can handle using it fairly, sis," Anna said carefully. "Also, it's only human to feel that way. And, giving up your position of authority in Arendelle won't get rid of your powers anyways. You'd still be powerful whether you liked it or not. If you're worried about the reper-repcus-"
"Repercussions," Elsa muttered.
"Yeah, that. If you're worried about the repercussions of you having magic in general, not being queen wouldn't make any difference because everyone knows you're still inherently powerful anyway." Anna paused; Elsa looked a bit happier now, but she still seemed tense. "Now that I've said all that, if you feel like you just need a temporary break, I think that could be good. It seems like you work your butt off all the time unless you're injured, and then you still try to do that." Anna grinned, a new idea suddenly popping into her head. "I'm selfish and want to have loads of free time with you, so I wouldn't want to take over for you if you decided to do that. Maybe you could have Kai take care of things for a week or so."
"I could invite Papa here t-to help Kai, too," Elsa said happily. "Maybe he would like that."
Anna huffed in frustration. "What on earth, Elsa! WHY?! I don't like you being near Dad 'cause he always makes you upset. Now you want to invite him here to take over your position temporarily?!"
Elsa nodded and gave Anna a lopsided smile. "I bet Papa misses being king. I want to m-make him happy," she replied. I'm going to write up something that gives Papa my authority for a set amount of time. I can deal with whatever he might want to do with me for a week or so. It won't matter. Maybe if Papa gets to do that, he'll like me better.
Anna sighed and just hugged Elsa tightly. "All right. Whatever you decide, I'll support you. I promise."
LATE THAT NIGHT…
"Not funny, Elsa," Anna mumbled sleepily as something picked her up right out of bed. "Go t' sleep, 'kay?" Then, in a flash, she realized that the someone was not Elsa. The someone didn't even sound like a girl. Instantly Anna jerked awake, remembering that there were bad people after both her and Elsa. She screamed, and the person dropped her in surprise.
"You be quiet!" another voice ordered. "We don't want your stupid sister coming in here. Not yet!"
Anna impulsively rushed at the second person and punched him as hard as she could, and he hit his head against the wardrobe and slid to the floor, unconscious. "Elsa is not stupid!" she shouted. C'mon, Elsa, I need your help. Now. Please wake up, Anna thought desperately. She knew how to defend herself, but not against multiple people, and she hesitated.
Mistake, mistake, Anna scolded herself in her head a second later as she was tossed onto the floor. She managed to pull a chair down with her, hoping the noise would attract help from someone in the castle, hopefully Elsa. Anna yelped in fear when she felt cold metal against her forehead. "Elsa will kill you," she managed to say. Kristoff told me don't get pinned on the floor, and that's just what I did, Anna thought miserably.
Just then, Anna heard the door opening, and there was Elsa standing in the doorway. "Get away from Princess Anna, you despicable creep," Elsa ordered in her most menacing voice. She quickly took in the situation: four intruders were in the room; one lay unconscious by Anna's wardrobe, but the other three needed to be neutralized. Instantly the one furthest from Anna was encased in ice up to his neck. Two down, two to go. Elsa was unsure what to do to get Anna away from the other two, and now she had a gun trained on her, too. Your magic is hundreds of times stronger than their guns, her inner voice reminded her. "Why are you here?" Elsa asked in English, stalling for time. He didn't understand what I said at first 'Get away from Princess Anna'.
"You already know, considering you switched languages," the one pointing the gun at her replied.
"Your magic cannot react faster than my bullet will be in your sister's head," the other said. "You will come with us, and we will leave your sister alone. We don't need her, just you."
Elsa took a wary step forward, keeping her eyes on the weapons. She did not put her hands up in her usual defensive position. "What proof do I have that you will really leave the princess and my country alone if I cooperate?" she asked. Keep them talking, Elsa. Just keep them talking. Elsa had remembered how she had teased Anna and Kiara back at Christmas by dumping snow on them by merely flicking her finger almost imperceptibly. Now she could do the same and freeze these men's guns from the inside. Maybe. She would only have one chance to do so. "Perhaps we can negotiate…I daresay Anna could take over for me if I came with you. After all, I'm just one girl. Are you sure you want me? I mean, I'm not useful to you if I'm out of control or angry, right?" Chatter and ramble on like Anna. Distract them. You can do it, Elsa. "You could just-"
"Shut up!" one exclaimed, clearly frustrated.
All at once, Elsa felt a crushing pressure on one hand, realizing too late that the man Anna had knocked out was no longer lying on the floor. Now, Elsa. Use your magic now! her mind screamed. Elsa closed her eyes and concentrated hard, focusing only on the two things she wanted to freeze. A second later she yelped in pain and fell to the floor herself, but she did not panic. Adrenaline coursed through her, and all that registered for her was that she saw Anna safe. A flick of her free hand and the two gun-wielding intruders were frozen in place as well. Anna's safe, Anna's safe, Elsa thought happily.
Anna grabbed one of the neutralized intruders' guns and pointed it at Elsa's captor before Elsa could do anything else herself. "You let my sister go!" she demanded.
The man was so surprised that it gave Elsa a chance to twist herself free, which sent pain coursing up her arm, but she managed to ignore it well enough to freeze him in place too. She sighed in relief and collapsed into Anna's arms gratefully. They were safe. "You know that gun was useless when you picked it up," Elsa said, half smiling. "I froze the inside of it."
Anna just shrugged. "I dunno what I thought. I just wanted to help, that's all. That ol' creep was hurting you!" She stuck out her tongue at the one that had grabbed Elsa and gave the other three her very best stink-eye. They said nothing in response, to both girls' surprise.
Elsa looked the intruders right in the face and stood up straight. "You are all lucky you aren't dead," she said flatly. Inside she could feel that she was completely back to normal, but she decided she would let just a bit of her dark-self out. Just a tiny bit. It wouldn't hurt these men to be intimidated some, and somehow the pain in her hand strengthened her a bit rather than making her want to back down. They had hurt her, and who knew what they might have done to Anna if she hadn't come in right then. That man probably wanted to do…things to her, Elsa's inner voice told her. All of a sudden Elsa was more than mad…she was very, very angry. "Anna, you will stay here, please," she ordered in her 'queen' voice. Then she used her good hand to push all four intruders together and stick them together with ice.
"Elsa…what are you doing?" Anna asked, worried that Dark Elsa was in control again. "We're ok, sis, remember?"
"I know what I am doing," Elsa said in a softer tone, reassuring Anna that she was fine, that she wouldn't do anything bad.
Elsa walked right out of Anna's room using her magic to "levitate" the intruders in front of her as she headed downstairs.
In the dungeon a few minutes later, Elsa dropped her prisoners in one cell and then re-'levitated' the one that had had Anna on the floor and put him in another cell. She did not bother with the other three at all beyond making sure they were locked in. "What were you and your horrid little friends intending to do with my sister had I not come in when I did?" Elsa asked, her voice quiet but clearly holding a threat.
The man didn't answer, but held Elsa's gaze stubbornly. Elsa instantly flipped him upside down with her magic, her hand shaking in anger. "Answer me!" she demanded. You can do whatever you want as long as you don't actually harm him, Elsa, her conscience reminded her. So don't…drop him on his despicable empty head or something. Don't. She flipped him back right-side-up before dropping him. The man stepped toward her threateningly, but Elsa held her ground and stepped closer herself, refusing to be cowed. She let her snowflake form in her good hand and simply held it out, her blue eyes flashing. I am not helpless, and I will fight back now. You went after Anna.
"You're a glass cannon," the man said.
"A fragile cannon is still a cannon and can therefore be used to defend," Elsa replied without missing a beat. She was a 'glass cannon', after all, and that was not an insult to her. "I believe you owe me an answer to my question."
"Just having a bit of fun," he said finally, as if Elsa was the one overreacting or something.
Elsa decided she did not like the way this man was eyeing her, either. "That is not fun. That is sick," she said firmly, and smirked as she dropped the temperature in the cell to around forty degrees. "Let's see how you like that 'bit of fun'. You owe Princess Anna an apology." Elsa stepped out of the cell feeling satisfied. She would just let him shiver until he begged to be allowed to apologize to Anna, so there. I will not put up with anyone treating Anna that way. Ever. Then she headed toward the stairs.
"Queen Elsa!" the guard on duty for the dungeon exclaimed in surprise up the stairs after her. He had never seen Elsa punish anyone that way, but from what he had heard of the conversation, he had no issue with what she had done. "Is there anything you would like me to do?"
Elsa turned back halfway up the stairs. "Yes. I believe one of the terrorist people may have some sort of communication device. Please have them all searched," she said, realizing that that had to have been why the newest four intruders had gotten in. "Also, see what useful information can be obtained from them about exactly what they were up to. You can scare them to get it, but please do not physically hurt them."
"Of course, my queen."
"One more thing. Did I…kill any of them? Before?" Elsa asked hesitantly.
The guard shook his head. "Oh, no, Queen Elsa. You did give one of them some nasty-looking frostbite and a couple others were injured, but they're fine. I don't know why you should care though, if I may say so."
Elsa nodded gratefully and gave the guard a sincere smile. "Thank you, sir." All right. I can deal with that. I might have been a bad person, but at least I didn't kill anyone.
Elsa went out into the courtyard and coated all of the castle's outer walls with impenetrable, slippery ice so they could not be scaled before doing anything else.
"I'm fine, Anna, really," Elsa repeated a little while later. "I've had worse, as you well know," she quipped, giving Anna a lopsided smile. "I'm just so, so glad you're all right. That man…" Elsa's smile faded as she thought of what could have happened. "That man would have done a…a really bad thing," she said softly.
Anna frowned, not entirely sure what Elsa meant. Of course threatening to shoot someone in the head was a 'really bad thing'. Elsa herself was hurt, too. She had two broken fingers, for goodness sakes. "Yeah, shooting me in the head is bad, but I get the feeling that's not what you mean," Anna replied, trying to be lighthearted.
Elsa could only stare at Anna. "Anna, a bad person like that man doesn't throw a girl on the floor like that just to shoot her. I know Kristoff has showed you some self-defense stuff. I would have thought he'd have told you such things," Elsa said awkwardly. I don't think Anna knows just how much danger she was in…
"Well, he did say don't let yourself get pinned on the ground, but I thought he just meant because it was harder to fight back at that point."
"Well," Elsa answered, matching Anna's tone exactly, "that man wanted to do bad things to you, not kill you. I think I will sleep in the same room with you until everything is straightened out. And," she iced over Anna's window, along with all of the rest of the outside of the castle, "nobody will be getting in through the windows anymore. I keep figuring it'll be okay now, but I'm leaving the castle protected with my ice. Permanently, whether there's any immediate danger or not."
Anna finally understood what Elsa meant, and she climbed back into bed and pulled Elsa in after her, suddenly feeling scared. What if Elsa hadn't shown up when she had? Or if either she or Elsa had freaked out? Anna shuddered, but she immediately felt better when she felt Elsa put a protective arm around her. "Thanks, Elsa," Anna whispered.
Elsa just nodded and hugged her baby sister tighter. Now that the danger was over (at least for now) and the adrenaline had worn off, her hand really hurt and she was exhausted. She just wanted to sleep. But Anna was okay, and she herself had not killed anyone with her magic. And Dark Elsa was back where she belonged, not in control. "I owe Kristoff a major thank-you tomorrow," Elsa said suddenly. "What he said on the way home from the trolls-that I could use the good parts of my dark side and regular me-was really helpful."
Anna grinned, delighted that Elsa no longer seemed upset about anything. She actually seemed pretty relaxed and content at the moment. Maybe Elsa won't bring up her taking-a-break-and-letting-Dad-be-in-charge-temporarily idea again. I hope she doesn't.
"And maybe Papa will like me better if I'm stronger," Elsa added softly.
"Hmph, he should like you just like you are," Anna said rather huffily. She turned out the lamp and flopped down under the covers, keeping one arm around Elsa protectively. "G'night, Elsa."
"Good night, Anna." Tomorrow I am investigating just what those people were up to-their main plan.
A/N: Let's just say it is NOT a good idea to make Elsa mad. At all. We're gearing up for the end soon, so get ready!:)
Next chapter coming soon!