Kai-Chan94: Haha, thanks for the tough love :) I'm glad you did agree with my doubts. What you said is definitely true, not just for artists I think, I think everyone is exceptionally critical of themselves, I sure have a bad case of that... :P Thank you for reviewing :)

Snowdragonct: Thank you for reviewing :) I really wouldn't be able break them apart :P In this story at least... I'm glad you liked the chapter, my apologies for the knots :S I hope you will like this update, one of the last ones.

KenshinnXX: Wow, that is, indeed, one long review. But I guess that's what I get for making the chapter so damn long :P I'm glad you were able to forgive Quatre in the end, even though it took you a little time :) I really wanted the five of them to be together and I really enjoyed writing Trowa and WuFei, they are so much fun, especially WuFei :P

I have to admit than I am a bit more like Landon. I wouldn't move to a different seat if someone with a stroller would step into the train, but I would definitely not be pleased, I'm weird that way, as are a lot of my friends, so I figure I'd just represent us in Landon :P And it worked with the story, so... :P

The bombing was indeed an addition that may allude to more of a storyline than is coming, but the Ethiopia conflict will be adequately dealt with in this epilogue as it does not start another war.

I'm glad you like the story so far and I hope that you will enjoy it till the very end :) Thank you for taking to time to review :)

CircleKV12: I'm really happy you enjoyed the story overall :) I'm sorry Heero not believing in psychology and the trade not being overtly positively represented in this story rubbed you the wrong way. I do understand that, but Heero is not like an average person and I think him not believing in psychology fits him, it does not make his opinion truth as his voice (or Duo's, or anybody's) in the story is not that of the all-knowing truth and righteousness. What he says and what he thinks does not reflect reality, it reflects only his character at that moment in time. But I added a message regarding the overdose, so this deserves a message as well for clarification :)

Also, taking pills and believing in psychology are two very distinguishable things, you do not need to believe in psychology to believe in the usefulness of taking pills, as medicine represents a different kind of therapy, the pharmaceutical kind. Medicine addresses the biological basis of a disorder and that is a solution I think Heero would have more faith in than addressing an issue with a cognitive or behavioral approach as both those approaches call for him doing things he does not like to do: opening up. I do not think psychology is bullshit, after all, I am about to acquire my degree in it. There is an element in the epilogues that I think will please you and will hopefully take the edge off your annoyance :)

I'm sorry for this incredibly long response, I just felt I had to explain myself. Anyway, I'm really glad you liked the overall ending and thank you so much for reviewing, I hope I was able to explain myself without sounding offensive or like I'm attacking you, that is not the case, I just sometimes get really caught up and then I say things that may end up sounding mean on paper -.- That is not my intention, I definitely understand your opinion and of course you have the right to feel that way and to be annoyed by that aspect of the story. I hope you will still enjoy these final two parts of the story :)

starless-ocean: Wow, thank you for taking the time to leave such a long review :) It seems you enjoyed the chapter, so I am definitely very thankful for that :) Hihi, Trowa could definitely be a ladies' man, especially with Duo temporarily out of business. Who hasn't fallen for the tall, silent, brooding type at one point in time? Mysteriousness is very attractive :P I hope you didn't mind me foreboding a bit with the marriage thing, we had to make it a happy ending after all, it doesn't have to mean anything, but I think that it's a fun possibility for the reader to think about when the story ends. After all, when a story ends, the characters live on... you just won't read about it, you can fill it in for yourself :P Also, I think I mentioned this in a chapter a long, LONG time ago when the two boys went furniture shopping, that in spite of the happenings of homophobia, gay-marriage has been legalized. Considering the story takes place many years in the future, I dared to hope that even though we, as a species, will never be able to rid ourselves from discrimination, everyone would at least have the right to be married :) Besides, where I live gay-marriage is legal, for as long as a decade now, we were the first country in the world to allow it and haven't looked back since, so I find it as natural as hetero-marriage and I hope that in the future there will at least be enough people like me to pass laws like that in every country :) Anyway, I'm very glad you enjoyed the previous chapter and I hope you will enjoy this epilogue, let me know? :)

Jisa: Wow, thank you, that is so kind! I hope I didn't make you wait too long this time :) Thank you for reviewing, I hope you will like this second to last update!

Letters: Oh my God, I'm being quoted *blushes* Thank you so much for your amazing, kind words, you really know the nicest things to say and exactly how to make an author feel giddy! I'm just... I'm just... I'm just speechless if you can believe that... There is no way to thank you enough for being so kind, but a mere "Thank you so much!" will have to do, so: Thank you so much! Thank you for enjoying the story as much as you are and for letting me know in such a kind way.

wingfright: Thank you! I'm so happy you like Warheads! Thank you so much for reviewing, I hope you will enjoy the last two parts :)

Nikki: I'm so happy you enjoyed the chapter in spite of my own insecurities :) I can't thank you enough for always reviewing and being so kind. I hope you will be happy with the way the story comes to a final end. I definitely understand why people might be worried I'm reinforcing a bad bias against psychology, I guess maybe being a psych major has blinded me to the fact that there are people in the world who are indeed biased against it and will see my story as proof. I should have known better, I don't want to prove the wrong people right and I don't want to make others feel offended, hence the really long Author's Note :) I hope the A/N and a little part in the final chapter, up next, will take the edge of this bias :) Thank you again, for reviewing, I hope will enjoy this chapter :)

Sue: Thank you for reviewing as always, I always look forward to hearing your thoughts on the chapter. I'm glad you liked the happy ending and thank you for sharing that with me :) Thank you for sticking with Warheads till the very end I hope you will enjoy it till the very end and I hope you will be joining me on the next fan fiction adventure I cook up for the lovable twosome :)

Shingamia: Wow, thank you so much. I'm very glad you gave Warheads a chance an even more so that you enjoyed it :) thank you so much for your kind words. I like that you obviously really gave the characters and the plot thought. I hope you will like these final two parts :)

Author's note:

The second to last part... it's been a long road trying to get here :P

It took me a really long time to write this chapter, not only because a lot happens in the chapter itself in addition to a lot happening in my personal and professional life, but also the preparation took longer than expected. I had to find a new voice - as you will see - and for that voice I needed inspiration that for a long time I did not have. I hope that the work I have finally delivered will be a satisfying ending to this very long story.

I want to thank everyone who had made it so far, I really hope you have enjoyed up till this point and will enjoy it till the very end.

In this second to last chapter, I have an important message to share with you:

A reviewer has pointed out that Warheads has been very negative with regards to the field of psychology, with Heero and Duo both denouncing it in the previous chapter. This is not because I believe psychology is bullshit and unhelpful or that I think people should just go out into the world and figure things out for themselves when they obviously have serious issues, nor do I mean to degrade anyone currently in psychological care. I cannot fathom a way to punctuate this point more strongly than by letting all of you know that I am about to graduate and become a psychologist myself, in addition to the fact that I have benefited from psychological treatment during my teen years when I was dealing with the kind of stuff that I wholeheartedly believe only a psychologist can help with.

Heero, nor Duo, nor any other character, represents my voice in this story, nor is any of the characters some sort of all-knowing, righteous entity that never makes a mistake. Obviously, all the characters are imperfect as all people are imperfect. I would never advise anyone who is troubled, not to go a psychologist. People should decide for themselves whether or not therapy is the right approach for them, as they know better than anyone, how they are feeling. If you have doubts about how you feel exactly, visiting a psychologist is never going to hurt, it is only going to help. If you feel depressed, or if you are worried you have a disorder, or if you just feel friends and family aren't going to be able to offer the kind of support you need, don't ignore your troubles and think they will just go away on their own, you can take control and make a change for yourself. Asking for help is a strong and brave thing to do and in this regard, we should all be a bit stronger and a bit more brave :) It might be a hard at first to take this step and to admit this to yourself, or to others, but it is going to be so much easier than giving in to the hardship of your life.

So, if anyone reading this, struggling with personal issues, has been discouraged to seek professional help because of this story, please remember that this is fiction and even though I think you can take certain stories to heart, you can't let any work of fiction influence an important decision like that.

I just wanted to make that very clear to ya'll, or else I'd be out of business :P No, in all seriousness, if you think you need help, there is no shame in getting it.

Warheads

Part XXXVII - Epilogue I - Sum of Parts

There is this thing about warheads, if they don't explode, they will never be safe. They will just be sitting there, waiting for absolution, waiting for completion, a dangerous time bomb waiting for the one that treads uncarefully. A warhead has to come full circle, has to complete it's purpose. It has been created for the purpose of violence and death, sometimes out of fear, sometimes out of anger, sometimes out of lust for power, other times out of pure necessity. The necessity of protection. The necessity of a change, to wipe out all instability and create opportunity for strength amongst the rubble.

I am a warhead. I was made for destruction. Not vain destruction, but the kind that clears the way for something new. Like bringing down an old and unsafe building, so a new structure can be erected in it's place. Sometimes my veins feel like wires, my skin like steel casing and my heart like a ticking clock. It is the way I was made. It is all I remember. My childhood is both clear and vague in my mind, like watching a muted, stop-motion film, flashing images - who knows haw for apart, what has happened in the darkness between the images. But the quality is clear. When I close my eyes it is like they are open and I am looking at a photo-album, that is how clear. There are a lot of faces I see, when I close my eyes. For a long time they all have the same expression. I hardly excel at reading expressions - though I have been improving -, I do not fool myself, but I've been spending a lot of time with my eyes closed lately, now that I know more, now that I understand more. The expressions I think to be a mixture of pride and fear. Pride for what they had created. Fear of what they had created.

A warhead. As volatile and deadly as they wanted and intended me to be.

When I fast-forward through the likeminded faces, a new expression emerges, a new face. When I look at that face, my veins don't feel like wires, my skin doesn't feel like steel casing and my heart doesn't feel like a ticking clock. My veins are just veins, brimming with life. My skin is just skin, yearning to be touched. My heart is just a heart, loving him.

It is something I don't fully understand. I'm starting to feel like maybe I am not supposed to. Maybe this is something that should not be dissected, should not be scrutinized, should not be judged. It should just be felt.

I don't like confusion, but I like the way he looks at me and says: "You're doing it again." "What?" I always ask. "You're thinking too much." He would smile a smile that is unimaginable, indescribable. A smile that I know is intimate, because I've never seen him smile like that to the others. "You have that cute frown on your face." He always points out.

"You're doing it again." Duo said, he's been getting ever more smug lately, jostling me awake from my thoughts.

I smiled. There was a brief, instinctual thought to suppress it, but I didn't.

"Hey, that's a new response." He reacted. "Just when I think we have the routine down you throw me a curve ball."

"I like to keep you on your toes." I responded. I'm not much of an expert but a quick sideway glance and it is clear, even to me, that he appreciated my teasing response.

"Right. So that is why you have been sleeping for the past four hours? To keep me on my toes?" He backfires and chuckles.

I hadn't even realized I had fallen asleep. I had closed my eyes to rest and lose myself in my thoughts, apparently before my later thoughts emerged, I had unwittingly dozed off. I checked the clock and of course found Duo was not deceiving me, the dials had changed to a much later hour. I apologized for falling asleep but Duo scoffed and assured me there was no need for apologies.

"What were you thinking about?" He inquired after allowing a few silent moments to pass. Curiosity always gets the better of his patience.

"Warheads." I answered candidly, only to realize that my response would not make much sense to him. After all, even though I at times accused him of it, Duo could not read my mind.

As expected he ventured confused: "Warheads?"

"Just an analogy." My voice was growing a bit soft. I looked out the window, going through my thoughts, trying to organize them in a way that I would find words to explain them to him.

"For what?" He instantly shot back.

"For us." Not yet in possession of much sensible words, I left it at that and watched his face as he pondered over my statement.

He finally concluded: "That is a good analogy."

His answer I found a little confusing, certainly unexpected. So much so that I presumed there was more to his reaction than the mere dictionary meaning of the words he used, but his tone of voice I could not, yet, appropriately decipher. His words were affirmative, but somehow he made it sound like he did not agree. Duo didn't like me thinking of myself as a weapon, he has made no secret of it. I wondered that, however much he disliked it, he did realize that he could not deny the truth in my line of thought. After all, we were weapons, as much so as our handguns nestled in the holsters we had slung over the back of our seats. We were made that way and we were still that way. The only difference being between then and now is that the finger on the trigger is our own. We make our own judgment calls.

I didn't need to tell him, he was well aware of these thoughts I had. However, awareness did not dictate understanding. What is so wrong about recognizing that we are valuable weapons? I didn't think it necessarily meant a bad thing, it didn't have to be a bad thing, it didn't mean that that is all there was to us. "Weapon" is a term that brought much disagreement between us. "Heated discussions" Duo calls these disagreements. If you ask me, we were just fighting. Not the fighting where your left hand forms a bone-crushing fist, but where your lips form heart-aching words. I didn't mind the fights, as long as we make up. So far we have always made up.

The conversation, brief as it was, was over, because we have already had it, numerous times. Officially the conclusion is we agree to disagree. Unofficially I know both of us are still hoping the other will be convinced of our own reasoning. Duo is as stubborn as me like that.

"What's that smile about?" He asked. His voice is kind, he held no grudge.

The smile had escaped my guard. There was a split second of nervousness before I remembered it was okay, it was okay to smile. "You're a stubborn asshole."

"You're a stubborn asshole." He barely managed to retort before bursting out into laughter.

It was this exchange we did, born out of a particularly bad "heated discussion" when I had burst and called him a stubborn asshole. I had been shocked at my own reaction, the volume of my voice, the emotions that came out of me through expressions and body language. Duo startled me even more when he abruptly started laughing, even though he had been screaming at me before. Between near violent chuckles he said "I love you." I was still angry, though perplexed. I called him a stubborn asshole again and he said it right back to me with a big smile.

That is how most of our fights ended, with Duo smiling at me - an expression I believed to be one of relief - and telling me he loves me.

"Stubborn asshole" had become some sort of secret code between the two of us, to remind us that no matter how bad - or "heated" - things could get between us, we could always get back to that state of loving each other.

"Have we made some progress?" I asked, looking outside at the clouds surrounding us.

"In the past four hours? Hell yeah. Say hello to landmass." Duo released the controls and flicked the ground radar screen. We had long left the coast behind, it was about to disappear from the screen.

"I missed flying." He added as a wistful afterthought.

I relaxed back in my seat after leaning in to observe the radar screen. "You are very good at it." I commented, hoping my voice would convey that I didn't mean anything by that, that I didn't imply that we are most suited for this, for missions.

He didn't appear to take it the wrong way. He mischievously replied with a grin he trademarked: "There are other things I'm very good at too."

His words were innocent enough, but his stare and the accompanying wink illustrated his underlying intention. His shameless reference brought a blush to my cheeks, which only caused me more embarrassment. I remembered the last time, though I tried not to, not wanting to give him that satisfaction. I saw images of the North wall of our bedroom as he had roughly pushed me against the opposite wall and kneeled down before me, his warm hands all over me, touching me demandingly. I liked it. When I started to lose control of myself, I suppose when I started to like it too much, he placed both his hands on my hips strongly and kept me firmly pressed against the wall to keep me from thrusting in response to the pleasure. I wanted it so much. His hair felt amazing as I buried my hands in it.

My voice sounded so strange when I called out his name as I climaxed.

"You know," he continues jovially, "like carpentering."

A single chuckle escaped me, much like a sudden cough. I stopped the others, though I didn't know why, it was funny. I had wanted to laugh, but my militarized instincts still tended to override my reactions. "That was not what I was thinking about."

"I know. Carpentering doesn't make you blush."

Ever since Duo had been trying to convince me of buying a house to fix up and make our home, kidnapping me to open houses, the word "carpentering" had consistently been worked into more and more conversations. I didn't yet know where I was at, I needed convincing, Duo recognized that too. So far nothing of what he had said convinced me to take that leap; to expose myself to that. What if at the end of one year, or two years, or three years, we end up with a perfectly constructed house - safe and strong; everything works, nothing leaks - and I would still be where I was, lost, hands reaching out through a thick, dark fog, only grazing his invisible fingers as he holds his hands out towards me from where the light shines.

I was afraid of what it meant if a barren, inhabitable house is easier and quicker to fix than me.

Our gazes simultaneously focused on a screen merged into the consoles and switches when a sharp alarm beeped once. At the perimeter of the scan a red target appeared, numbers attached to it. With the blinking of the screen, the target inched closer.

"Military?" I wondered.

Duo's eyes darted to the ground radar. "We did just fly into Chad airspace. They have been particularly vigilant since the third world war." He shook his head, his expression was irritated and frustrated, but also confused it appeared. "No way they could have spotted us. This aircraft is practically invisible to any radar device."

I looked at the numbers accompanying the approaching target. "46.000 feet. It's high for a commercial flight, but not abnormally so."

"Quiet airspace like this? Why climb so high?" Duo processed out loud.

"Turbulence?"

Duo's face remained the same, he didn't seem consolidated. "Why won't you try eavesdropping, maybe you can catch some chatter."

I nodded and unbuckled my seatbelt, flinging the bands over my shoulder. With ducked head I got out of the front of the cockpit and seated myself in a single chair in the back. The plane had been designed for espionage, the receiver with which it was fitted was the strongest to ever take flight and still be able to leave the plane invisible. I flicked a switch and the dark console came to life with buttons lighting up in a rainbow of colors. On the keypad I gave the order for the receiver to scan all frequencies and while it started to get to work I lifted the heavy headphones off a hook and placed them over my head. Through the pads I heard only white noise.

"Anything?" Duo questioned.

I didn't answer, knowing he would get the message. I focused on the static. Eventually there was a brief beep and on the screen a frequency lit up, meaning it was in use. With a press of a button I could listen in on the chatter. I waited for the plane to squawk.

Finally, through the headphones, I heard: "Alpha-Bravo-356 you have cleared the turbulence, descend to an altitude of 40.000 feet and remain at cruising speed. Over."

"Copy that." The pilot replied. "Descend to 40, maintain cruising speed. Over."

"It's nothing." I told Duo. "Just a commercial jet avoiding turbulence."

He was visibly relieved. If the plane had been military, our cover would have been blown and the mission would be a failure before it had even started. Duo always blamed me of getting too involved, but this mission was close to his heart as well. It was the mission we have been preparing ourselves for for eight months.

"I'll just make sure we stay out of their visual range and we should be clear." Duo slightly adjusted our course and the projected path showed that our path and that of the commercial jet would not cross.

I joined him back at the front and strapped myself in again. I had learned to read Duo quite well and recognized him to be tense. He was putting too much pressure on himself. He had been very hands-on regarding the preparation of this mission. Usually Une was the one to make the arrangements, to call the shots, she had clearly struggled to relinquish that control. Duo wanted everything to go his way. I didn't think it was because of a lack of trust, she was very competent, but at the same time Duo knew she would never be able to match him. Wasn't that, after all, the very reason why she wanted us to be involved as Preventers? Mostly I figured Duo wanted to make all the decisions because he wanted to carry the entire load of responsibility. I didn't really understand why he would do that to himself.

He never made a decision I disagreed with, so I never challenged him, but I quietly worried. We were assigned to this mission because we were the best and that made us the best pick to handle this high priority mission, but with both of us distracted by our emotions and pressured by the importance, I wondered if we were still the best pick. I shook my head. I didn't understand why I was thinking these things. Even if other - lesser - agents had been better suited to complete the mission, purely based on lack of emotionality, I didn't think I would have had the objectivity to step down and let them take over. This was our mission. This was our way of coming full circle. This was our moment, as warheads, to explode.

We were quiet, probably because we were both thinking. I didn't know what he was thinking about. His expression was one of conflicted emotions, I didn't know what to do with that, how to sensibly interpret that, nor did I know of a good way to ask him, so I left him to his thoughts as I lost myself to my own. To keep my thoughts and emotions from distracting myself from our purpose, I preoccupied myself by going over the plan. We were nearing our destination, it was likely one of the last opportunities to quietly go through it step by step, to ensure any error or liability had been appropriately dealt with.

Our mission started yesterday. We had been on stand-by for a month, no off-premises training exercises, no out-of-town trips. We had been waiting for the perfect storm and we knew it had happened when, at five in the morning, our phone rang starkly in the silence. We had been in bed. Duo had replaced our two beds with one queen-sized. There was no more "his side" and "my side", our places were at the center, lying in each other's arms. Duo had been behind me, one of his long, strong arms wrapped around my waist, the other he had folded on his pillow, his cheek resting on his bicep, his breath spread across my neck and bare shoulder. We both jolted when the phone rang, instantly awake, but we hesitated to get up. Maybe there was some kind of reluctance lurking in our sub-consciousness.

At the third ring, Duo said: "It's time."

I only answered: "Yeah."

He released me and got out of bed. Barefoot he padded across to apartment to answer the phone on the wall near the front door. Out of some sense of modesty I put on a pair of sweatpants before I followed him. He was holding the phone to his ear, looking very serious.

His responses were a string of single syllables.

"Good... Good... Great... Yeah... Right... Yeah..."

He hung up the phone after he said: "We'll be there in forty minutes."

All we had to do was get dressed and get our previously prepared duffel bags out from under the bed and make sure that all electric appliances were turned off. We didn't know when we would be getting back. In silence we took the train to the Preventer head quarters. Duo didn't tell me anything about the call, there was no need.

We arrived before most employees would start their day, the grounds were quiet. The receptionist recognized our faces and let us walk to the elevator with the slightest, nearly imperceptible nod. Up on the control floor Une was waiting for us in the doorframe of our office, she was talking into a headset but cut off the conversation as soon as she spotted us approaching her through the dimly lit room. "This way." She took out her ear piece and handed it to the assistant who trailed her more dutifully than her own shadow. "Sorry for the early call, we just got the call, we don't know how long this window is going to last." In spite of her words she did not strike me as particularly apologetic. But we didn't need her to be, we all understood the importance of the mission.

Sleeping in could wait till we were in our seventies. We had every intention of making it that far.

Even I.

The thought startled me first, now it brings me calm.

She led us to the conference room of which by now we had memorized every ceiling panel and wall board. Seated at the oval table were men in suits and men in military uniforms. They were all bald, I didn't know why I noticed that. I also noticed their heavily decorated jackets of the generals and commanders of the RUSA military.

"Duo, Heero, you remember the Secretary of Defense, mister Carlysle." She nodded towards one of the familiar faces in the room.

"Yeah. Hi." Duo said. I presumed his casual attitude to be very inappropriate but hadn't expected any different of him.

Une briefly introduced us to the others. The faces were divided. In some I dared to believe I saw admiration, in others I immediately identified distrust. Being able to place most expressions on a spectrum of emotions had, in some ways, only complicated my life. Thankfully it enriched other parts of my life generously to outweigh the cost.

I looked over at Duo and I suppressed the urge to reach out and briefly hold his hand in mine. It's something that had taken more effort recently, to suppress the urge to randomly touch him. Yet another thing I simply didn't understand.

A screen rolled down and an overhead projector blinked to life. An iridescent map of the world appeared. Une had a remote with which she zoomed in. We were looking at the Red Sea and the surrounding coastlines.

"N'Gasi finally emerged from underneath the shroud. Our trails lost sight of him two weeks ago and our insider has been quiet equally long. It is only reasonable to presume he has been uncovered and executed." Une started. "Undercover units have since been working around the clock to pin N'Gasi down. We thought our opportunity had been lost, but a new one arose from the situation. We caught a break. Senator Onslow of Ethiopia is one of many determined to free Eritrea from Ethiopia, after Ethiopia seized the country to gain access to the coast over twenty years ago. He understands that with N'Gasi at the helm things will only get worse for his former country so he is willing to help in exchange for a political debate that will open up the opportunity for Eritrea to become an independent nation again."

The map changed. First Ethiopia appeared and was highlighted, then the image shifted, restoring the borders of former Eritrea which had been absolved into Ethiopia after a violent war. Eritrea has since been plagued by resistance of it's own citizens who extremely and tirelessly protested the merge, even to present day. Eritrea has been carrying the poor Ethiopian nation since it's capture, it's citizens paying impossible taxes to keep it's master from bankruptcy.

"Since striving for the independence of Eritrea was already in our five-year-plan, we have struck a deal. Senator Onslow has gladly given us the current location of N'Gasi. This is a unique chance, one we must not waste. Over the past few months we have found N'Gasi to cleverly evade follow-up attempts by appearing only in public places that make assassination unreasonable or disappearing off radar."

The image changed to an aerial picture of the Red Sea, with a vague, white shape in it's blue waters. "This 6.7 million dollar yacht was not previously known to be in N'Gasi's possession or any of the people close to him but Senator Onslow has informed us that N'Gasi occasionally comes down to the Hawra Harbor and takes it out to sea. This is one of those occasions. A curious and brave employee of the harbor has secretly videotaped N'Gasi's arrival at the harbor."

The video with shaky and blurred images started to play. Despite the poor quality, N'Gasi's smug face was identifiable.

"We have verified his identity using enhancement software and he is seen here boarding the yacht accompanied by two servants and six heavily armed guards. No children present to complicate the matter this time." She looked at me briefly, in her eyes a turmoil of which I could make no sense and neither could she probably. "The yacht has laid anchor a kilometer off shore, right here." The map with a good overview returns and a red dot lights up. "Satellite surveillance shows no one has left or boarded the yacht, but the yacht is being patrolled. This smaller boat, presumably with more armed guards, hangs close by, regularly circling the yacht. It's the best opportunity for months, only two civilians present, but at night when we have our entry planned, they will be asleep in their own quarters and hopefully won't notice a thing and won't get in the way. The protection, compared to other instances, is marginal and certainly not impenetrable. Finally, there was a riot in Adi Keyh last week, protesting N'Gasi's reign. The military handled it poorly - violently - and there is a lot of anger amongst the civilians of Ethiopia and worldwide. If we do it now, fingers will be pointed in all directions, everyone has motive and because we will make sure they will find no proof to pin it on us."

She looked us all sternly in the eye and questioned: "Do we agree to move forward with this situation?"

All heads nodded, including mine and Duo's.

"We have previously agreed that to get into the country undetected, Heero and Duo will fly themselves, in one of our Stealth airplanes. They will land in our base in Sudan, there they will be supplied with a vehicle and all the equipment they will need and they will cross the Ethiopian border as ghosts, here, in the middle of the desert. They will lay low in Iridan, right here, till we have confirmed that their entry has gone unnoticed and the situation has remained unchanged. When that has been confirmed they will approach the shore, following this line, no villages, no patrols, no checkpoints. The coast here is all desert, N'Gasi probably thinks this prevents any land based approach, but it is a distance of little over two hours, easily manageable. Once they are in position they will approach the yacht under water, take out the guards, hopefully peacefully and without alerting the patrolling boat and they will assassinate N'Gasi, followed by a noisy exit to make the hit seem unprofessional and poorly executed."

"How do we bring stability to the country, once we get rid of him?" The Secretary of Defense wondered.

With nods the other men approved of his question.

"The USS Valora is situated in the Golf of Aden, they can reach Ethiopia in a matter of hours and will move in as soon as Agents Maxwell and Yuy have confirmed the success of the mission. They, along with ground and air troops will be standing by to subdue any uproar of the army. A new president would mean the army would have to relinquish a lot of it's power. We expect some resistance but they are vastly outnumbered and Sudan and Kenya have already agreed to back us up should it ever get that far. Senator Quasim has successfully been under our protection and he is currently in hiding in the capital, awaiting my call. As soon as he does, the senate will be gathered and they will appoint him as temporary president. Democratic elections are already being orchestrated in secret."

"Why can't we just bomb the damn yacht and get it over with?" One of the decorated, military men grumbled.

"We need the benefit of the doubt. We have to make it look like anyone could have done it, including rebelling citizens. We still have many enemies on Earth and in the colonies, if we take overt action like that, they will use that to rile up more resistance against us. We prevent violence and war, we do not instigate it." Une answered. She sounded annoyed and impatient. The general had been giving her grief throughout this project, thinking she unrightfully assumed control over the operation.

"Then why don't we just get them fake passports and fly them straight into Ethiopia on a commercial flight? Do you have any idea how much this costs? A privately chartered stealth plane?"

"With all due respect sir, we have discussed this at length and we agreed this would be the most invisible way to enter the country." She argued.

Though hesitant to apply my newly acquired social skills confidently in every situation, I thought I heard unadultered impatience and annoyance in her voice. I thought the general picked up on this too, he looked almost offended at hearing her reaction. After our first meeting with the general, Une had warned Duo and I, she had said: "I don't predict he will be giving us trouble, but he won't be of much help either." Further meetings had proven this initial conclusion correct. There were a lot of ambitious characters gathered in this one conference room, I supposed it was only natural that they would eventually clash.

That same day we had more, rushed meetings with several different crews who had to be informed of the operation. Everything was need-to-know, employees were only briefed on their part in the operation. The plans were reviewed, discussed and finally, agreed upon. Tension rose as time kept ticking away, even I could tell.

Duo and I had a hasty dinner of a cafeteria sandwiches as we watched ground personnel load our chartered plane with dummy cargo, lightweight, empty crates. In case any government or agency had the Preventer airbase in Sudan under secret surveillance, the flight could be written off as fairly routine transportation of equipment. Une assured us she could brush off any following questions about why Preventers would choose to transport anything in an expensive, stealth plane.

The Lady herself joined us just as the last of the "cargo" was rolled on board.

"I just got off the phone with the president." She said. "He has given us the green light. Wheels off in T-minus forty." She left us alone, I didn't know why.

Duo sighed beside me, his tense shoulders slumped for the first time that day. I didn't quite know what that meant, it should mean relaxation, but he didn't look relaxed. Other associations between emotion and slumped shoulders I didn't know of yet. No matter how much I learned, it seemed Duo would always have me guessing. It annoyed me as I came closer and closer to a rather unspectacular realization, that reading people is not an exact science and no matter how skilled you are, people will somehow always manage to confuse or fool you with their expressions and body language.

"Are you ready for this?"

His questions confused me at first; why wouldn't I be? But when I considered his inquiry more closely I could feel something in my stomach that felt like nervousness and hesitation and it dawned on me that the question was righteous. "I am if you are." I answered and it was the truth, I was ready as long as I would have him by my side, strong and dedicated.

He looked at me and for a long time did not speak, till finally: "I am." There was no sign of second-guessing in his voice. Though my interpretations should always be considered inconclusive.

It had taken us an eight hour flight to get to where we were, in the middle of Chad airspace, a commercial flight a few miles North of us, unaware of our presence. The plane was not as quick as the SuSo53, it couldn't be. Speed meant noise and noise, by definition, wasn't very stealthy.

After a long time of silence, I decided to turn the tables on Duo and ask him the question with which he oftentimes interrupted my broods. "What are you thinking?"

He smiled at me. It was fake, of that I was sure. "Nothing, buddy."

Agitated by his insincere response, I spat back: "Is "Nothing" a new code word for something?"

His apology for his patronization was instantaneous, his elaboration I had to wait for. It seemed he struggled to find the words, I knew what that felt like, so I gave him time. "I'm just worried." He started and then proceeded to be at a loss of words, or fighting some sort of self imposed censorship.

Going on the information he supplied me with, I tried to assure him that the mission would go well. "Everything is planned and it's a good plan." This was not a lie, but like with most plans, the problem of a plan lies not so much in the conception, but in the execution. There are variables you can't take into account thousands of miles away from your target, hunched over blueprints and land charts. I didn't know how to consolidate him in this regard, after all, I never could consolidate myself. Still, I somehow managed to accomplish my missions, which gave me a sense of security, though limited. I held on to that because every step had to be taken with confidence, if you start second guessing your footwork, you will loose your balance. That is what I have been taught, I have applied this methodology to all my assignments. I had always thought it was the same for Duo. He was one of the best, solely my ego disallowed any higher credit than that.

"I'm not worried about the mission." He corrected me. "At least, not more than is to be expected." He looked at me poignantly, the censorship was discontinued and he told me honestly: "I'm worried about you."

"You think I can't do this?" My tone was insulted, because I was.

"No, I don't have a doubt in my mind that you can do this. I know what you are capable of in the field..." He paused meaningfully. "I also know what it takes for you to achieve your impossible goals, what you need to become- what you think you need to become." His gaze briefly departed from my face to scan the screens and controls. With the situation still calm, the plane flying comfortably and smoothly on automatic pilot, he turned back to me. "You have been doing so well, we have been doing so well. I don't want you to take a step back and then be paralyzed and unable to move forward again."

I wished I had a promise to offer him, one I knew I could keep. But I didn't. "It's not something I can control." I tried to explain. I felt something in my chest, jumbled emotions. When I looked away from his pensive eyes, it didn't sting so much. "It just sometimes happens..."

"I know." His voice was comforting, even though he must too be feeling those confusing things in his chest. "That's what worries me."

I dared to look into his eyes again and was met with a mixture of compassion and concern.

The on board computer interrupted us, a tinny voice that talked with awkward pauses between it's words announced: "We are nearing destination. Descent program will be initiated." Duo switched off the automatic pilot in response. To avoid detection we would maintain altitude till the last moment and then make a sharp descent to the tarmac of the Sudan Preventer Air Base, approaching it from sea after a U-turn.

The conversation appeared to be over. It was just as well, I didn't know what to say anyway and more importantly, we needed to focus.

As we passed the air base Duo started to turn the plane, steering it back towards our destination and at the same time initiating the descent. An alarm went off to warn us that the cabin pressure will change quickly with the rate of our descent. With the switch in my reach, I turned it off. Moments later I started to feel a discomfort in my ears, it was a tolerable pain and I was not concerned, I knew Duo wouldn't take the plane down faster than we could handle.

"This is the Sudan Preventer Air Base, code Echo Lima 547, approaching unidentified, squawk call-sign. Over."

Duo put on his headset and pulled the microphone down to his mouth. "Echo Lima 547, this is Yankee Foxtrot 288, we are approaching for op. Red Sea Eclipse. Over." He covered the microphone and joked: "I guess operation "let's get this son of a bitch" was taken."

There was a pause as they verified our identity. "Yankee Foxtrot 288, you are clear to land and directly proceed to hangar D-Delta. Over."

"Copy that. Hangar Delta. Here we come. Over."

The sun glared, high in the sky, as we made our approach. Duo flicked a switch and the windows tinted dark, like sunglasses and the runway appeared before us as a clear strip of tarmac in the middle of a flat, dry desert. Sand was blown ruthlessly against the hangars and the control tower. Every structure had a beige facade that allowed the buildings to blend with the surroundings. A single road led away from the small, secluded air base. As we dropped lower and lower, we could see heavily armed men patrolling the grounds and the gunmetal air defense systems jutting up through the sand, the long barrels immobile.

"Hold on." Duo gritted, the controls shaking in his clenched fists. "It's going to be a sharp one."

With a sharp jolt that briefly pushed me into my harness, the wheels touched ground, but the plane gently decreased speed and Duo steered it off the lonesome runway onto the side tarmac, through the wide open doors of Hangar D. Inside everything was grey, it was just a slab of concrete will steel clad walls and a steel support roof, brightly lit. In the corner there was a black helicopter with it's rotors folded along it's tail and all along one side crates were stacked up right to the ceiling. If I squinted I could read some of the black text painted on the plain crates. "Ammo" and "Tactical Defense" were recurring terms.

The second thing I noticed were the Preventers surrounding us, their uniforms were sand colored, unlike the standard issue black and dark green ones we wore, obviously, in this environment, they had to adapt.

The small airbase was home to a lot of Preventer personnel, since my failed assassination attempt, analysts had figured this air base would likely be subjected to violent revenge. Of course by now we all knew they had been wrong. The air base had gone untouched.

I reluctantly followed Duo as he left the cockpit after running through the shut-down procedures. There were a lot of people down there and I suspected they would want to meet us. Over the past few months Duo and I had made quite a reputation for ourselves as trainers. Une informed us privately that we were already whispered to be legendary. This surprised me because, especially during the first few months, we were not met with a single happy, nor appreciative face. A lot of big ego's got stepped on, both students and other trainers, when we were assigned as co-leaders of the Preventer training program.

The hatched opened with a hydraulic hiss and Duo confidently walked out, onto the concrete, where employees were gathering. I trailed his footsteps, lingering behind him. I had no interest in meeting all these new people.

They all clicked their heels together and saluted us. The Preventer force was structured much like a military organization and even though we didn't officially carry ranks such as commanders or generals, as agents and as trainers especially, we outranked these soldiers. But Duo didn't like this military style and was always quick to assure people they did not need to be so formal with us.

"Can any of you guys escort us to base leader McCormack?" Duo asked jovially.

One of the employees volunteered, a young man with a fresh, clean face. It didn't look like he had any experience in the field whatsoever. We followed him through a steel door, down a narrow corridor and then up a narrow staircase. The whole base seemed like a fortress of steel and concrete and inside it felt suppressing and hopeless, like the depth of an earthly cave that could collapse on top of you. But our escort brought us to the light. After climbing several stairs he opened a final door and we found ourselves in the watch tower, with a 360 degree view of sun baked, sand plains, contrasting with the azure of the sky.

"Officer McCormack?"

A surprisingly young man rose and turned to meet us. His face was withered by the relentlessness of the sun and the wind that gave him a stern and aged look, but his uncontrolled hair and free demeanor returned to him that youthful essence that he was supposed to have. He approached us and shook Duo's hand. He wanted to shake mine too but he quickly caught on that I wasn't going to meet his hand halfway between us, so he dropped his limb back down his side and thankfully made no remark.

"It's good to see you made it on time."

His accent was strange. From the information we had received I knew he was American, like Duo, but his use of the English language sounded forced an uncomfortable. He had probably spent a lot of time abroad, losing his American accent and gaining another in his communication with many internationals.

He continued to explain: "We have a sandstorm on our radar, coming in from the West. Not sure you would have been able to land in that bad boy."

I was surprised Duo didn't feel the need to boast that he could land any plane in any condition.

"Will it disrupt our schedule?"

"Well, visibility will be low but it's not like you have to worry about much traffic out here, so as far as we're concerned everything is still a go."

"Good."

"Sorry you had to go through the trouble of bringing fake cargo, by the way, we weren't sure if we could clear one of the hangars in time. I'll take you down to your transportation. The cook can prepare a meal for you before you leave." He suggested and he guided us back down the way we came.

"As long as we have some food for on the road, it will be fine." Duo answered.

I was grateful our stay would not be unnecessarily extended.

The base leader brought us to a significantly smaller hangar that obviously was not designed for large aircrafts like the others. There were two rows of army jeeps parked neatly beside each other. Only one of them had the canvas roof up and this is the one McCormack guided us to. He ripped the tarp off the open back and showed us the jerry cans of spare fuel, the bottles of water and the rations. The equipment specific for the mission we had brought along ourselves, air base workers were carrying the bags and crates over from the other hangar, as well as our personal duffel bags.

McCormack handed us a clipboard and told us to sign the log. I didn't make a move, leaving Duo to take the initiative. I walked around the vehicle and checked if all the supplies were properly strapped down and all present. My gaze kept gravitating towards the wooden crate. A heavy feeling caught me off guard. I pushed it away and calculated how many liters of water we had in total, concluding that it should be more than enough.

"Now I don't know where you two are headed and for what purpose," McCormack started, handing the clipboard to a passing employee, "but miss Une herself called me to notify us of your arrival, so I'm thinking whatever you guys are going to be doing, it is going to be important... What I want to say is, I guess... good luck." He gave Duo a pat on his shoulder.

I was secretly pleased to be out of his physical reach. From the meaningful look in his eyes, I doubted whether he was truly unaware of the intentions of our mission.

Duo thanked him, upon which he was handed the key to the car and the base leader walked off.

Duo's back was turned towards me, but I could see him momentarily deflate.

I didn't say anything because I didn't know what to say. I walked around the car, opened the door and seated myself behind the wheel. The sound of the door slamming shut drew Duo's attention towards me.

He grinned and playfully punched my shoulder. "What makes you think you get to drive, huh?" He tauntingly held the key out of my reach.

"You got to fly." I argued dryly.

With an exaggerated sigh he handed over the key and walked to the other side, getting into the passenger seat. A Preventer in the corner flicked a switch and the door in front of us opened swiftly. Rough sand blew inside and we could hear it being dragged along the concrete floor and the canvas roof by the forceful wind. Duo nodded to the man as I pulled the jeep out of the hangar, into the unknown.

We were fully dependent on our navigation system. I could only see the tarmac directly in front of us.

Duo was quiet. The wind was the only talkative entity in the desert, howling around the chassis and over the roof. The air in the hangar had been air-conditioned, the air-conditioning in the jeep however was no match for the heat outside that enveloped us. We quickly made the wordless decision to turn it off, it wasn't doing any good anyway, it would only cost us fuel and with that resource we could not take any chances.

The first thing Duo said, after nearly two hours of silence was: "Get off the road here, go South."

I complied and turned the wheel. The jeep jolted as one by one the wheels left the elevated tarmac and went into the hot sand. Luckily the desert was mostly flat, with only few, gently sloping dunes and the sand was not so loose that the wheels would simply dig into it, but the terrain did slow our process.

All of a sudden, the sky appeared above us as we left the sandstorm behind. The vastness of the desert stretched around us on all sides and it gave me a brief sense of hopelessness. A quick glance at the navigation brought me confidence and relief. A red line was plotted between the base we had left and our destination and the jeep was a small dot slowly moving along that line.

"Fuck this desert is hot." Duo commented. He pinched his thin shirt between his fingers and pulled it away from his skin, allowing air to cool his chest.

I was sweating too. My bangs plastered to my forehead as my shirt plastered to my chest and back. "Did you know that not all deserts are hot?" I didn't really know why I started such a meaningless conversation. Perhaps the silence was getting to me. I was used to Duo taking the initiative to alleviate the quiet, so used to it, that I've grown to need it, to feel comforted by it.

I could hear Duo's smirk in his voice as he replied: "Every desert with you in it is hot."

The hand that he rested high on my thigh didn't exactly cool me down.

I wondered what the meaning was of these sexual innuendo's that he kept including in even the most brief and unrelated conversations. I had learned there was a reason why he kept bringing up "carpentering". I had to know what he was trying to achieve with this topic. So I blurted out my question: "Does it bother you that we haven't had sex since-?" I didn't need to specify since when, he knew exactly what I was talking about, he had mastered mentioning "it" without ever truly saying it.

"We have sex."

I could tell that he is unsure of his response. It was an alien feeling, being able to tell, but it was good. "You know what I mean."

"Anal sex..." He verified.

I think he just said the words out loud for shock value. With result. It made me blush. "Yeah." I kept my gaze focused far up ahead, afraid of what even a moment of eye contact could do to me.

"I miss it." He answered candidly. "But it doesn't bother me. You?"

I was silent for a while, thinking about my answer. "I miss it too." I finally replied. "But I want to be sure that I miss it for the right reasons. That is the only thing that bothers me, that everything is so complicated with me. Nothing is ever easy." My frustration was evident in my voice.

"I keep telling you, Heero, that it's fine that you have to take a little while. Or a long while, whatever, I'm waiting for you. And I am fine with waiting for you."

"Then why do you keep talking about it?"

He sighed, now it seemed he was frustrated, with me. "I'm just holding the door open, in what I thought was a playful way. You told me yourself that you have problems taking the initiative and reading the signs, so I just figured that I should keep letting you know that I'm interested, so you can play into that when you are ready. I don't mean to pressure you!"

"I'm sorry." I said meekly as I noticed the conversation getting as heated as the air.

"It's okay. I'm sorry too. I-I didn't want to make you feel that way. And I didn't mean to raise my voice at you just now."

Relief cleansed me of my confusions and hurt feelings. There was a smile I couldn't suppress. "You're just a stubborn asshole, that's all." I whispered, clenching the steering wheel as I fought the urge to laugh.

"Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the stubbornest asshole of them all?" Duo bantered with a cheeky grin.

" 'Stubbornest' isn't even a word."

"Case in point." Then he started laughing, a delicious rumble that just overcame him.

I let out a few chuckles, but I couldn't laugh out loud with him, something within me stopped me, something I had no control over. But it felt good to chuckle and the relief tricked my body into the thinking the temperature dropped several degrees.

"You know I would kiss you if I wasn't afraid we would crash, right?"

I smiled and I looked at him. "I know."

He flashed me a mischievous grin. "Are we nearly at the hotel yet?"

I glanced at the navigation. "If you consider over 200 kilometers 'nearly'. We just passed the border." I noted.

"Into the lion's den." Duo muttered, gazing out the window at a scenery that never changed.

Our progress was interrupted by a couple of necessary stops to let the engine cool down and once to dig ourselves out when I had accidentally plowed one of the front wheels into a bank of loose sand. The sun was not working in our favor either, when we had left, it had still been early in the day and relatively cool, but as time crawled by, the temperature climbed relentlessly. At the hottest hour of the day the jeep functioned as an oven, but there was no relief to be found outside. You could feel the sun burning your skin, the heat of the sand would work it's way through the material of your shoe and the wind sanded your exposed skin raw. I even burned my palm popping the trunk to check on the engine radiator.

As Duo kept saying, embellished with a colorful variation of curses: it was like hell.

His response was very agitated and loud when I reminded him that it had been his idea to drive across the border through the desert. I didn't mean to imply it was a bad idea. If I thought it was a bad idea, I would have opposed it back at Preventer Head quarters several weeks ago when he first suggested it. It was the most inconspicuous way to enter the country and therefore I agreed that it was the best approach. I attributed his biting reaction to the heat and didn't try to explain or defend myself.

The sun moved across the sky and the dial of the temperature gauge moved with it.

"Sorry." Duo said, miles into total silence. "Again." He rolled his eyes, at himself.

"It's okay. The heat?"

He shook his head. "The mission. There is a hell of a lot riding on us. I just felt for the first time the fear at possibly having made the wrong decision."

"It was the right decision." I offered.

"Maybe. But there are many more decisions that need to pass the test."

I understood the pressure he was under. What I did not understand is why he put himself through this, by being the one who made a lot of the important decisions when we sat at that table, planning the entire mission. Maybe it was another test for me. A test to see if I could relinquish control. I felt a strange sense of pride because I knew that if it had indeed been a test, I had passed. I did not try to take control, or make things go my way. Granted, this was mostly because I agreed with every decision he made.

"What's that?" Duo wondered, interrupting my thoughts.

I squinted at the vague shape up ahead, nearly unrecognizable as the air above the hot sand trembled and distorted everything in sight. Again, it was the navigation system that came to the rescue. "It's Handuar." I said, reading the Arabic script next to the outline of the small city on the navigation screen.

"Civilization. Thank you, Jesus."

We approached the poor settlement. The buildings were low and old. The majority of the traffic on the streets were grains of sand and tumbleweeds. It was the definition of a ghost town, but to Duo and I it meant hope, it meant a nearing end to our journey. I pulled onto the road - a dirt road - at a small, abandoned looking farm at the outskirts of the village and followed the infrequent sign to the main road that led to shore, towards the highway that would take us to Iridan. Duo and I both sighed when we got onto the tarmac road.

Iridan was an only slightly larger town but with more activity, wordly residents and a handful of international tourists. It was located a few miles closer to the shore, but still far away enough from the coastline to avoid anyone making the connection between two foreign visitors checking into a room this very day and checking out the next. A Preventer stationed in Ethiopia, had sought out the hotel for us and arranged the ideal room as our mission base.

We arrived there half an hour later. Though small, Iridan was lively and I had to slow the jeep down for pedestrians that had taken over the narrow streets. Our hotel was situated right at the town's square but I parked the jeep at a distance, so we would have the privacy to gather everything into just a few bags so we could carry everything up to our room. I casually stood guard whilst Duo popped open the crate and transferred the guns and ammunition into a duffel bag, hiding them under a layer of clothing.

Even through the darkness of the sunglasses I wore, the sunrays that reflected off the white walls were harsh to my eyes. The shadows of the dark and small lobby of the rundown hotel came as a relief.

"Marhaba." Said a man from behind a small counter in the darkest corner. He put away his newspaper and smiled at us.

Duo took the lead. "Marhaba." He clumsily repeated. "Do you speak English?" For someone who did not speak French, we discovered Duo could excellently imitate a French accent, a strange skill of the tongue that we used to our advantage, selling the lie that we were from France, rather than America. We figured this could be better, considering America is the home front of the Preventer Agency and Europe as a whole was only home to a few scattered satellite offices.

"Yes. Well, little bit, little bit. You tell me!" The man laughed.

"It's very good." Duo complimented amicably. "We have reservations."

"Yes. Can I see identification card please?" The man put a pair of delicate glasses on the tip of his nose and pulled a thick binder out of drawer and started to rifle through it.

"Voila." Duo said as he produced our fake passports from his shoulder bag and placed them on the counter.

The man stopped on a certain page and flipped our passports open next to it. "Which name for reservation?"

"Mine." Duo leaned in and pointed at his own passport. "Rousseau." Duo turned back to me and winked.

I rolled my eyes, remembering how long it had taken Duo to pick a name to his liking. He had been sounding off French surnames in that thick, exaggerated accent of him for hours. Because he had been so enthusiastic about it, I had offered him the pleasure of coming up with my name as well, since I had no interest in the process whatsoever. That had been a mistake.

"Ah, yes, Rousseau." He made some notes in his binder before slamming it shut, then he handed us back our passports and presented us an old-fashioned key and welcomed us: "Enjoy your stay mister Rousseau and Mister Petit."

I glared up at Duo - who kept growing beyond my stagnated height - one last time over the ridiculous surname he had given me and then we started heading upstairs. Our room was on the second floor, but without an elevator, with heavy bags and with straining heat, we were both sweating anew by the time we had reached our door.

The room was as expected. "Modest and cozy" was the kind of spin a used-car dealer would put on it. The space was small and smelled dusty, everything was old and worn. The bedspreads were threadbare. There was only one, small window, looking out over a back alley.

In spite of all of this, Duo dropped his bags to the faded carpet, sighed and commented appreciatively: "Oh, it's like the four seasons." He threw himself onto the bed that he knew I would not have chosen because it's furthest away from both the door and the window and he moaned into the pillow.

As he got his rocks off on what looked to be just another hard and uncomfortable mattress, I checked out the bathroom. Discolored tiles and a tiny sprinkle of water from the shower that took forever to get warm. It's not like we hadn't been faced with worse than this during our career, but it was an adjustment, after having grown used to being in the comfort and security of your own home. An adjustment I found to be more difficult than I had expected.

Of course a small town like this offered nothing better and even if it did, considering our situation and having to keep a low-profile, we couldn't check into a luxurious hotel and get registered in a digital database and risk being exposed.

The mission comes first. Always be inconspicuous. I thought to myself. I could still hear J screaming those very words in my ear.

"What are you doing in there? Come here." Duo called.

I defiantly appeared in the doorway of the bathroom and moved no closer even though his eyes were beckoning me. He had rolled onto his back, his hands folded behind his head, his eyes boring holes into me. "What?"

"I owe you a kiss." He said dead serious, his eyes occasionally leaving my face to glide up and down my body slowly.

A slight shiver went through me. It almost felt like he was touching me with his gaze.

"You're so gorgeous."

"Duo." I warned with an embarrassed blush.

"Take your shirt off." He ordered, shifting slightly on the bed, like he was getting comfortable to enjoy the show.

I looked down at my white button-up shirt. The front and back was still wet with my sweat and clung to my body. "Why?" I wondered.

"You're hot, right? So take it off." He said with a grin.

"Duo, we don't have time for games. We need to focus on the mission."

"We're not playing games." He retorted, "We are just chilling." He sat up and pulled his grey T-shirt over his head, his movement were slow and seemed intentionally sensual, his fingers grazing his skin as he dragged up the fabric. He carelessly threw the shirt to the floor, the item had become irrelevant in the situation. He lay back down, the sheen of sweat on his skin made the muscles of his abdomen, chest and biceps glow in the warm sunlight that filtered in through the curtains.

I knew we were, for a fact, playing a game. But so far I didn't mind where it was going, so I peeled my gaze away from his exposed torso and looked down at my fingers as they started to unbutton my shirt. I shook the fabric off my shoulders and draped it over a convenient, empty chair within reach.

"Mmm, your methods need some refining but the result is unrivaled."

I looked down at myself. My skin was moist and shone and my olive green cargo pants hung inappropriately low from my hips.

I liked the way he looked at me and at the same time, I didn't. I liked it because it made me feel like he really saw me and he really wanted me, but at the same time I didn't like it, because I couldn't fathom how he could like - let alone love - what he saw. Each time he looked at me like that, I tried to put myself in his position, tried to imagine what he saw. The image that kept confronting me is not something that pleased me. Sometimes I wondered how I possibly could be good enough for him. I always felt lesser in comparison. Less open. Less brave. Less understanding. Less tall...

He frowned. My insecurities had made their way into my expression, without me even noticing. "What's wrong?"

I wanted to say "nothing", but I couldn't, because we had promised each other to be honest and open and since I had made sure he would keep to that promise, I had no right to keep secrets from him. "I'm just trying to imagine what it is you see that you like." My voice was soft, nearly a whisper. It was raw and vulnerable and made me uncomfortable.

He sat up and threw his legs over the edge of the bed. "Come here." He said again, only he sounded very different this time.

I walked over to him, coming to stand in front of him. Duo reached out and placed his hands on my hips, urging me closer. I had no choice but to oblige. He kissed my stomach, almost reverently and with his every breath, warmth swept across my abdomen. At first he didn't say anything, making me question whether he was ever going to, but then he looked up at me, his eyes honest and poignant.

"I see you." He simply answered.

I felt tears coming into my eyes, but I didn't understand why, because his answer hadn't made me sad, it had made me relieved. I blinked them away.

"I love you." He said.

"I love you too." I whispered back.

He kissed my stomach again, but this time more sensually and his hands moved from my hips to my ass, his fingers needily pressing into the flesh.

I buried my fingers into his thick, soft hair, not knowing what was going to happen but eagerly awaiting it. I could feel the temperature of my body rising from deep within. My skin felt charged, enhancing the experience of every kiss and every playful lick or rake of his teeth. His hands left my ass after one final squeeze and slowly drew up, brushing my hipbones and ribs, moving up and up till his fingers reached my nipples. The way he touched and teased them sent jolts up and down my body. My pants strained around my erection but Duo completely ignored it as he kept adoring every inch of exposed skin his mouth could comfortably reach with him remaining in a seated position and his fingers were devoted to pinching around or rubbing over my nipples.

"Is this your idea of chilling?" I wondered out loud before I'd lose all coherent thought.

He let out a single chuckle that felt hot against my skin. "Yeah. You like it?"

With my face and body burning with heat I replied: "Doesn't make me feel very... chilled." I gasped loudly when his arm suddenly brushes my groin. I think he did that on purpose.

All of a sudden we were both horizontal on the bed. Duo had pulled me on top of him and let out breathless chuckles, probably laughing at the surprised look on my face.

With our crotches pressed together, creating some delicious and welcome friction, I wasn't exactly in a chuckling kind of mood myself. Duo took advantage of my surprised, open mouth, firmly planting his lips on mine and wasting no time to thrust his tongue inside my mouth to battle my own. I fought back fervently, wishing I could make him feel the same sense of amazing deliriousness that he imposed on me.

I didn't know why it would bother me for Duo to mention sex in conversations. I certainly didn't mind his touches. I guess because I was never really afraid of where the making out would go, Duo respected these limits, he agreed with them and even if we should pass them before we deemed ourselves ready, I knew it would be good anyway. I remembered. The conversations were different in that way. Whenever the topic of sex would come up, I would become fearful, fearful of what would be said and what would be asked. I was still reeling from the question Duo asked me many months ago: "Do you only like sex because it makes you forget?"

I didn't know. I didn't know how I should be feeling, so I could make no judgment of right or wrong. I felt so silly sometimes. Stupid even. I wondered where Duo found the patience. It took me so long to figure things out. It took me so long to find the complicated answers to what was supposed to be a straightforward question.

All I knew for sure is that when he kissed me, I didn't feel like myself anymore. I felt like someone free and uninhibited, able to twist his fingers into the hair of whom he desired and pull him closer for another deep kiss.

I didn't know whether that was wrong or not.

It just felt right.

Duo had his hands on my behind again, pressing my pelvis against mine as he grinded his hips.

"Ah!" I ended the kiss and buried my face in the crook of his neck. Against his skin, taut over strong muscles, I groaned, embarrassed: "I'm going to cum in my pants if you keep this up." The heat was becoming overpowering and I couldn't stop my moans from spilling from my lips as Duo had apparently been deaf to my remark and managed to work a sinful hand in between us. A hand that eventually found it's way into my underwear. His skills with buttons and zippers in challenging situations never failed to amaze me.

My moans were so loud I was afraid someone would overhear, but I couldn't stop them for long. I would bite my lips and try to keep quiet, but only a few breaths later the sounds would burst out of me again. I hoped the walls of the old hotel were thick or that the neighboring rooms were unoccupied. Duo liked it when I was vocal and I supposed I owed him at least that much. After all, in the heat of things, I didn't have the kind of precision control over my body that would be required to be able to work my hands into his pants and return the favor. In frustration I had to give up on the stubborn buttons of his pants, I just couldn't think straight, for all I knew I was just buttoning him up further.

"Don't worry about it." Duo whispered in response to my apparent frustration. When he spoke I could feel his lips brushing the shell of my ear. "I want you to come, baby."

For some reason I felt a surge of heat when his words registered and I could only let out a low moan in response. Most of the times I was unsure of how I felt about having gone from "buddy" to "baby", but this time I definitely liked it. Though I would never admit that, not even under cruel and unusual torture.

I was so close. But I would not get any closer. Cosmic timing I have always tried to deny the meaning of, rationalize it into something meaningless, into numbers that represent a small but not impossible chance. However I am not sure if that is honest, to others or even to myself. Who was I fooling?

My moans were interrupted by sharp, rapid beeps, only slightly muffled coming through the fabric lining of one of our bags. It would not stop.

"Fuck!" I exclaimed, raising myself up to look over my shoulder and glare at our belongings.

Duo laughed at my profanity. "It's Une, calling to check in."

I sighed, exacerbated. Right, I thought, the mission... I felt very uncomfortable now it had been brought to my attention how incredibly poor our timing had been.

"We're going to have to get that." Duo commented, as I had made no move to get off him.

"You get it." I rolled off his body and settled on the narrow strip of unoccupied mattress next to him, staring up at the ceiling. The bed shifted as Duo's weight vacated. I listened to his muted footsteps on the carpet and the sound of watertight zippers being ripped open. Things were being moved around in the bag as Duo searched.

"Got it." He pulled a small sized laptop out and put it on the seat of the chair in the corner, where I had abandoned my shirt. Duo kneeled in front of it and opened it up. With a single tap on the keyboard he accepted the incoming conference and a screen loaded but no picture ever appeared, as intended.

"02. About time." Was her excuse of a greeting. I had noticed how she was always less friendly in mission-related conversations. I didn't care much for it.

"You know how bottomless bags can be when there is that one thing you need." Duo brushed it all off with a casual grin. He always handled it well. He knew exactly how to react to any sort of demeanor he was faced with.

"Have you arrived at checkpoint C?" She inquired. The line was secure, but we had agreed not to take risks and never mention full names, locations or the purpose of our mission.

"Sure have, we were just enjoying the view."

"Good. This will be our final contact. The shark is still in the tank, no changes, we have him under constant surveillance. Communications has been monitoring all chatter, your dive seems to have made no splash whatsoever. You have been cleared to go shark fishing at time A."

"Allrighty matey."

"Is everything according to plan on your end?"

"Sure is."

"And 01, is he alright?"

I looked over in surprise and caught Duo stealing a glance my way. Our eyes lingered and he said confidently, with his gaze focused on something within me that only he could see: "We're just anxious to reel in this big motherfucker."

"Okay." She said after a pause. "Good luck."

"Thanks." Duo said and he closed the laptop. "She's just worried about you." He explained without me ever questioning it. "She is a friend, you know. Friends worry." He got up on his feet and walked over to me, lying down on the bed, close next to me. He placed a warm, large hand on my chest and slowly dragged it down, perhaps to continue what we had started.

I took hold of his wrist, not tight enough to hurt, but strong enough to stop his hand in its descent. "I think it's a mistake to do this now."

Even though he didn't look at all perplexed at my statement, he asked me why.

I shrugged. There was a delay in my response because I could not instantly find the words. "We have to do it for the right reasons. I don't want it to mean something bad, us doing... it right before this important mission. I don't want someone to hear about it and read something bad into it." With "someone" I meant our therapist. Duo knew that.

We hadn't planned on going back to therapy. We thought we could handle it. We were wrong. Prior experience influenced us to keep postponing the decision, till one quiet dinner, when Duo looked up at me and said: "We need help." I did not disagree with him. Help materialized as a five foot tall, stocky woman in a humble office. We had been reluctant at first, especially me, but I saw the effect she had on Duo once he allowed himself to open up to her and I wanted that same effect to happen within me. I didn't quite know how I would achieve that yet, but I tried. And for that reason alone, Duo said he loved me when he picked up from my session each time.

"Okay." He said and he relaxed on the mattress, his arm casually but comfortingly draped across my waist. "You're right."

I hoped he indeed agreed with me. This relationship with me was not easy on him. I put him through a lot of negativity, a lot of anger, a lot of sadness, a lot of guilt, a lot of doubt. I wondered if that is what he filled his sessions with, with our shared therapist. I wondered what she had to say about it. Sometimes I feared she would just tell him to cut his losses and let me go. Not because I think she is a bad or mean person. But because sometimes I feared I was. I was working on that, but I would never know if my work will ever be good enough to change me, until I am a changed person. It is scary waiting for that moment, never having any security until that moment arrives. Occasionally, at a random hour of a random day, I find myself looking at my wristwatch and counting how much time had passed since I had been freed from J. And once the math is done, I go to the nearest mirror and I stare at my reflection, hoping to see a changed man.

I haven't seen him yet.

"We should probably eat something and then get a few hours of sleep in." Duo suggested, his voice cheerful. He probably caught onto my morose mood and tried to lighten my spirit. It was a kind but vain gesture. He got up and started rummaging through our bags again, producing a half decent meal of out of the products we had brought. We ate it on the floor, our backs leaning against the side of his bed. The distance between the two beds was so short that Duo could prop his feet up on the other bed, his bare toes wiggling to a beat that was only playing in his head, as between us, there was nothing but silence.

I peeled an orange. Call it desert. Meticulously picking away at it. At some point it became more about perfectly cleaning it than actually preparing to eat it. My thoughts got the better of me again. I realized that though my reflection continued to resemble the young, scared boy, trained to pretend to be a warrior, with a mean shape to his piercing eyes, I was not him anymore. Not exactly. That boy was a soldier. That boy was cold. That boy was devoted to nothing other than the mission. I could not find myself in that persona anymore. Duo was the center of gravity, everything about me pulled towards him. The beating of my heart, felt not like a contraction of a muscle, but a soul fighting to be closer to him, being pulled back every attempt by veins and tissue, only to try anew. My gaze kept finding him, sometimes I would not even notice, until all of a sudden he'd be looking back at me. Even sitting next to him, a mere inch apart, I had to restrain myself from leaning my body slightly to the left, so our shoulders would touch.

I had a feeling once. It was long ago. Long forgotten. We were on a railroad bridge and Duo was stuck. I wasn't worried at first, but then in the corner of my eyes, a dot of sharp, white light registered and Duo said to me: "Heero, the track is vibrating." It hit me like a ton of bricks. I felt like throwing up, a reaction I only knew from the many times J had me exercising for too long. It was different that time. I was afraid. So afraid I became instantly nauseous. It wasn't until later that I realized why I felt that way. I was afraid of losing him. Terrified. I didn't even know why. I didn't particularly like him back then. He mastered annoyance like a form of art and I was his canvas. It was the first emotion to be painted on my face, for as long as I could remember. God I hated him for that, for giving the mask an expression. It took me a single, near-death experience to realize I had been wrong. I didn't hate him for it. I loved him for it.

He never gave up on me. He never gave up on my ability to react, to feel, to emote. He kept pushing me, kept taunting me, because he knew that sooner or later he would get underneath my skin and touch a real person hiding there. He was the only person, ever, in my life to have that faith.

So I was struck again by this fear. This utter fear of losing him. Not only did I love him. I needed him. I needed him to keep pushing me, to keep reaching underneath that thick skin, to keep having faith that there is anything to touch at all. Without him, there wouldn't be. It's like the philosophical question Duo once came home with, when he was still in high school: If a tree falls deep within the forest, but there is nobody there to hear it fall, did it make a sound?

I cannot change myself, without Duo as my witness.

Without him I will always be staring in that mirror in disappointment. I desperately needed to continue to evolve, I could not afford to get stuck in this phase, because in this phase, with the soldier all but shed, I am just a young, scared boy.

That is a selfish reason to need someone. But a reason no less.

I lost my appetite and offered the peeled orange to Duo.

"You eat it." He replied, just throwing away the peels of what had been his orange. "Vitamin C and other stuff that I don't understand."

"I'm not hungry anymore." I muttered and even though it was a waste, I threw the orange away.

"Everything okay?" He tried and failed to sound casual.

"Yeah," I lied, "just had too many crackers." I didn't want to burden him with my personal concerns. This mission was weighing down enough on him as it was. The last thing he needed was another thing to worry about.

The light coming in through the single window became increasingly dimmed. The sun was setting and the air started to blessedly cool. We rearranged the contents of our bags to suit the phases of the mission and then agreed it would be best to try and get some sleep, or rest at the very least. Because the temperature wouldn't drop much in the building, that retained the gathered heat of the day well throughout the night, I simply stepped out of my pants and neglected to put on the sweatpants and shirt I had brought. Duo had the same idea.

We crawled into our beds.

"Good night. I love you."

"I love you too." It felt strange wishing him goodnight as the sun had yet to fully set.

Iridan was a very quiet town come evening. The silence was startling and a little disconcerting. I would have done anything for an incessant cricket to disturb my thoughts. Our apartment back home was quiet too, but I couldn't remember it bothering me like the silence bothered me that night. Instantly restless, I struggled vainly to find a position that agreed with me.

"Hey prima ballerina," Duo called, "what are you doing in there? The solo of Swan Lake?" He mocked without ill intent.

Then it dawned on me. It wasn't a cricket I was missing, it was the soft thud of Duo's heartbeat, his breathing and the way his hair rustled against the pillowcase. And I couldn't find a comfortable position because over the past few months I had gotten used to lying against Duo, my head on his chest, his hand on my waist - sometimes, at dawn, sinfully south.

"Heero? You okay?" Duo wondered in the dark as I hadn't responded to his bantering.

"I will be." I kicked the sheets off my body and got out of bed and crossed the short distance to his. Briefly I stood by his bedside, waiting for approval I supposed. Duo held up the sheet in invitation and scooted back to make room for me on the narrow mattress. I slid into the bed and Duo wrapped the sheet around me before settling onto his back. I draped a leg across one of his, lay my arm over his abdomen and rested my head on his chest, just under his chin. Duo's arm found its way around my torso and his thumb gently rubbed circles on my skin. "I guess I've just gotten used to it." I tried to explain, but it did not alleviate the embarrassment I felt.

He sighed in contentment. "Me too."

We were quiet for a while, but before he could fall asleep I started seriously: "Hey Duo?"

"Hmm?" Was his half-asleep response.

"Don't ever call me a ballerina again." I warned.

Fully awake now, Duo laughed. "Okay, okay. Fair enough...Mister Cuddle."

I punched him hard in his side.

"Ow!" He exclaimed, but then he just laughed again and continued to joke.

I didn't remember what he said. I fell asleep soon after, feeling like a lucky young kid in the arms of his forever.

The dreams were good, they were kind. But they were not reality and throughout them I was aware of that and it tainted everything with a bittersweet taste.

When I woke up, I was in no one's arms. And I wasn't that lucky kid anymore, I couldn't be. Duo's cold hands on my bare side startled me and I jostled awake, my hand instinctively gripped around his wrist, protecting myself from harm.

"It's okay, it's okay. I'm sorry I woke you." Duo said softly.

With a sigh I loosened my grip on his wrists and he reached one hand up to brush some locks of hair out of my eyes. His face was kind and understanding, but something different too. It was the mission, I could see it in his face; in the clenching of his jaw, in the tightness around his eyes. I wondered if he saw it in my face too. I felt it in my heart, but that was no guarantee he could see it, as there has always been a disconnect between the two.

The world outside was dark. The small window looked like a black square painted on the wall, framed by curtains. An orange glow from the lamp on the nightstand bathed the space but also created deep shadows in corners and underneath what few furniture there was. I didn't have to look at a clock to know what time it was.

Time A.

The time we - Duo and myself, the generals, Une and the president of the RUSA - had agreed on as the start of the mission under unchanged circumstances.

Even though I didn't make much sense, I commented with a sleepy voice: "Your hands are cold."

"Sorry. I took a shower and there was only cold water. We should leave in about twenty minutes."

I frowned, I had asked him to wake me at least an hour in advance, to allow me time to shower and check all my weapons and equipment. I didn't have to use my words, Duo read the frown correctly.

"Sorry." He said again. "I know that doesn't leave you much time, but I didn't want to wake you. You looked so peaceful."

I didn't say anything, because the truth shamed me. I was glad he waited till the last moment to wake me up, because now that I was awake, I realized I didn't want to get out of bed at all. It would have been even worse to spend an entire hour fussing over my equipment, even though checking everything was the responsible thing to do, it was just so confrontational.

"Don't worry about your gear. I checked everything and cleaned your guns." He looked at me meaningfully. "You trust me, right?"

"Yes." I didn't even have to think about my answer, my lips said the words before his question even fully registered. Of course I trusted him. I got out of bed and, not looking forward to a cold shower seeing as I already had the shivers for some reason, I decided not to take a shower and just wash myself quickly with a washcloth. I stared at the reflection of my face in the mirror the entire time.

Still the same.

The door was open, so Duo was free to walk in. He brought me my outfit, already wearing his. Black cargo pants, black shirt, black jacket. My attire was identical. His eyes met mine in the mirror. He held up the key part of our clothing. "I'm already wearing mine. I figured it might be uncomfortable changing into it in the middle of a desert, don't want to get sand in there." He offered me a smile.

"Yeah. That's a good idea."

He walked back out of the bathroom, giving me privacy to get dressed, even though I had been butt naked the entire time.

Fully dressed I walked out. Duo was just zipping up the bags. "Wait." I said, as he moved to close mine. "I have to..."

"Oh, right." He handed me my bag.

"Thanks." I placed it on the bed and opened up a small pocket on the inside, bringing out a plastic bottle that rattled in my hands. I was uncomfortable doing this in front of him, not because he judged me, but because I judged me.

"Here, use this. I don't think you're supposed to drink water from the faucet here." He had a bottle of water reached out towards me.

"Thanks." I said again. I unscrewed both bottles. I shook a white pill into the palm of my hand, I put it on my tongue and then swallowed it with the bottled water. I put the bottle of pills back into the bag and zipped it up. I closed the bottle and handed it back to Duo.

He shook his head. "Keep it." He suddenly smiled. "I don't want your cooties."

I furrowed my eyebrows deeply. I didn't know what that meant. I told him so.

He laughed again but paused long enough to close the distance between us and kiss me deeply. "Hmmm." He drawled as our lips parted. "I guess there is just no avoiding them. Your cooties are way too tempting." He continued to laugh and put my personal duffel bag with his, under the bed we had shared.

I still didn't know what it meant, but I liked the kiss, so I didn't question it.

"There. Everything we need is in these three bags. There is nothing incriminating in those two, just clothes, so we can leave those here. Just one finishing touch..." He haphazardly spread tourist folders out on the surface of the nightstand. "In case were not back before dawn and they come in to clean the room. Which, judging by the looks of this place, probably isn't going to happen."

I nodded, standing in the middle of the room feeling a little sheepish and, strangely, out of my element.

"Let's go." Duo said.

"Yeah."

We carried the bags over to the window and with some effort managed to pry the window open, paint chipped off the window sill and jumped around us.

"I'll go first." I said. I secured a grappling hook around the window sill and lowered the rope down the side of the building. It was only a short distance but if I jumped it wouldn't be easy on the joints. Beside, we had to get back in once the mission was done. I climbed down the rope. Once my feet were on the ground I held my breath and waited to ensure that nobody had noticed. But the street the alley poured out into was dead quiet, no pedestrians and no traffic and there were only few windows on this side of the building and everywhere the lights were out and the curtains were drawn. I looked up at Duo and nodded to let him know the coast was clear.

One by one he dropped the bags down for me to catch. They were heavy but I was most concerned about the noise. Luckily everything transgressed without anybody noticing.

Duo sat on the sill and closed the curtains behind him before climbing down after me. We left the rope hanging, trusting no one would be able to see it in the dark alley. He took two bags and I took the third and we walked the quiet streets to the jeep, parked in another shadowy alley. After a brief argument over who got to drive - mostly for the sport of it - I drove the car out of town slowly, to minimize the noise. Closer to the edge of town we spotted several groups of people, talking loudly, laughing and having trouble walking in a straight line. Most of them were Westerners, which was perfect for our own cover. Iridan was a small town with low hotel room costs and little ID verification, close by a larger city that was known as a gamblers paradise that people from all over the world came to visit, looking for an expensive adrenaline shot at low physical risk.

To be inconspicuous, was to be the exact opposite and I could trust Duo to take care of that.

He rolled down the window and pushed his upper body out, with his arms in the air he shouted: "Yeah, rock on! Woo!"

The group briefly joined him in his enthusiasm.

"You enjoyed that way too much." I remarked as he sat back into his seat.

"I'm supposed to. It's what kids our age do."

I looked at him sideways, knowing he was right, but wishing he wasn't. I didn't know if I could ever be that guy.

Once we had left the town behind us, I drove the car off the road and back into the desert. We were quiet for the entire length of the journey, two hours long. I kept readjusting my hands on the steering wheel. They felt uncomfortable, warm and wet. It was happening again. It was too dark to imagine seeing the blood on my hands, so instead, I felt it. Blood that spills out onto your hands feels warm and slick. Sometimes I woke up at night, with my hands feeling like that. No matter how often I washed my hands, I didn't expect that feeling to ever go away. During the day I sometimes saw it. I saw red dripping from my fingers, couls even hear the droplets hitting the floor. But once I blinked it would be gone, my hands would be clean but... not really. And when Duo kissed my hand, or teasingly sucked on the tip of a finger, I would instantly get uncomfortable, because I feared he would taste it, that metallic tang, that warmth on your tongue.

Soon it would no longer be a memory. It would be reality. It wouldn't go away when I blink, it would actually be there. And Duo wouldn't even want to kiss those hands.

This scared me.

I felt silly for it. For being bothered by something that I never even used to notice, let alone pay this much attention to. But I wanted to change and apparently it was happening and this is where it started.

One by one I took my hands off the wheel to wipe them on my thigh. It did not work.

Duo noticed, I felt his gaze boring into me. He saw everything I didn't want him to see and always interpreted correctly.

Because he was feeling the same things, he told me once.

I used to forget that, but not anymore. Duo was the same as me, only two steps ahead of me. I didn't know why, I didn't really question it. I was just grateful that he laid the trail and all I had to do was follow his footsteps. That in itself felt difficult enough at times.

Just a few yards short of our destination, I stopped the jeep. The headlights shone against a dune that was built up by the coastal winds. I flicked on the lights in the cabin. The canvas of the roof rippled softly under the caress of the wind. "What time is it?" I wore a watch myself, but I couldn't watch, anything would have made my stomach drop at that moment.

"We're right on schedule." He started to move his hands to unbutton his shirt.

All I could do for a moment was just watch him with a sense of detachment. A frightening epiphany overwhelmed me. I did not want to be here. This was paradoxal because it did nothing to change my feelings regarding the importance of this mission, nor my determination to contribute my hands for a purpose that I knew was righteous.

It was hard to put my confusion into words.

What a night to be confused.

I wanted this man dead. I needed this man dead. To me he was not only a dictator that abused his own people and ordered attacks on innocent bystanders, he was a representation of something bad that I have known all my life; men thinking they have to right to take whatever they want and have others suffer the devastating consequences. I could not stand the thought of a man like that being in this world with me, however far away he was.

But at the same time, I didn't want to make my hands the hands of the devil again.

What a night to be confused...

"Heero?"

Duo's voice sounded faint through the fog of my own thoughts. I scraped my throat, noticing how dry it was. "Yeah?" I looked over at him. He had already taken off his jacket, shirt and pants, leaving him in the black wetsuit that we had put on underneath in advance.

"Are you okay?"

I wasn't sure, but I was ready, so that's what I told him.

He nodded. "I'm going to go ahead and unpack the scooters."

"Yeah."

Duo got out of the car and I undressed myself. Once I was finished I followed him to the trunk. The top layer of sand had cooled during the night and it was cool underneath my bare feet until they sunk in further as I walked and I felt the residual warmth. The scooters he had referred to were the underwater scooters we had brought to make crossing the distance between the shore and the yacht swift. They were nothing more than a propeller at the base of a hydrodynamic cone shape, with handles on either side. They were panted black, had no lights and were fitted with oxygen tanks to supply us with air that did not let bubbles escape and give our position away once they popped at the surface.

"Look at this." Duo said with childlike excitement. He picked up one of two utility belts and strapped it around his hips. Everything we could possibly need was stored in watertight pockets, including our guns, which were of no special caliber or make as our only two instructions were to get in unnoticed and make it look like locals could have done it. Nothing fancy like explosives, poisons, or special firearms were allowed.

But I didn't really get why the belt would please him so, so I cocked my eyebrow at him.

"Come on! How Batman is this?"

I frowned, searching my memory to make sense of the reference. "Batman was the guy with the cape that didn't have any real superpowers, right?"

He scowled at me. "Did you just question Batman's "superpowerness"?" He mocked.

I shrugged. "He's not a superhero. He's just a guy, who knows right from wrong and takes a stand against people who don't."

He smirked at me. "Remind you of someone?"

"Yeah." I secured my own belt around my hips and got out my flippers and goggles and started towards the dune. I looked over my shoulder and told him: "But you are way more badass than him."

He got his stuff, closed the trunk and jogged after me, bantering: "Hm, not who I meant but baby, if I didn't already love you, I sure would now." He trailed behind me as we climbed the dune and added: "Your ass looks good in that wetsuit. No pressure, I'm just saying..."

The time for teasing was over. We crawled over the top and lay down in the sand. The shore was on the other side and we could hear the waves lapping at the beach with a soft rush and break. About a kilometer off shore a large white yacht had anchored and it shone in the dark like a diamond on dark blue velvet. A single dot of light leisurely circled the yacht. I started to time each round as they looped around the yacht at a steady but slow pace

Duo had brought a pair of binoculars to take a closer look. "All the inside lights are off. I can only see one guard on this side of the yacht, but he is not covering the other side so I'm guessing there is another one on the left side."

"Port side." I absentmindedly corrected.

"Right." In any other situation he may have made a joke, but neither one of us was in the mood. A switch had been flicked, we were in a different mindset now. The only kind of mindset in which a person could do what we were about to do. "On the small boat there is one guy standing guard, one guy steering from the above deck controls. The lights in the cabin are off, so I'm guessing the rest are asleep."

"One rotation around the yacht takes them on average one minute and ten seconds." I added. "But our entry point at the back is relatively exposed so we have less time outside their field of vision, probably around fifty seconds."

"That's more than enough time to get on board."

I agreed. It was a simple entry. We could easily climb onto the yacht via the swimming platform at the rear that was only slightly raised above water level. A short staircase up and we would be on the main deck, a large terrace in the back and two paths on either side of the two story cabin, to the sundeck at the front. The guard stood at about the halfway point, his twin on the other side probably as well. We didn't even have to get past them to get inside. Glass double doors in the back were locked but no match for Duo's lock picking skills. The only challenge being that this would have to be achieved within fifty seconds minus the time that it took us to climb on board. And of course everything would have to be soundless. We couldn't screw it up until our exit, when we would actually screw things up intentionally to make it look like a couple of amateurs got lucky on their entry, but not so much on their exit.

The situation inside was mostly unknown. We knew the master bedroom was in the hull at the front so likely that is where we would find the N'Gasi. His two servants probably slept on the level beneath that, in the small, confined quarters with submerged portholes, they would not get in the way. However, according to the information, once we would get inside there would still be four armed guards in our way.

My hands started to feel warm and slick again. In reality it was just a nervous sweat. But my mind's eye saw blood.

"Duo?"

"Yeah?" He lowered the binoculars and looked at me expectantly.

"I don't want to kill any of the guards." I admitted and I started to bite my bottom lip. "We know that they have made bad decisions, but we do not know for sure they are bad men."

He didn't respond for a while, just allowed my words to sink in. Finally he said: "I agree. I was hoping it wouldn't have to come to that. Check the big pocket on the right."

With a frown I reached a hand down and zipped open the large pocket on my belt on the right side. I pulled out a bundle of white, plastic cuffs and a roll of duct tape. I looked at him in surprise, I hadn't expected our gear to include this, even though in hindsight it was a very good choice.

Duo shrugged his broad shoulders. "I may be a badass, but I'm not the God of Death anymore."

"Good." I concluded with a nod and I stuffed the cuffs and the tape back in the pocket. "Because I don't think I am the Perfect Soldier anymore."

He surprised me again by suddenly leaning in and capturing my lips in a kiss. I was too stunned to even kiss him back. "What was that for?" I asked as soon as my lips were free and my thoughts were coherent.

"You know exactly what that was for." He said with a grin and then he turned serious again. He nodded towards the target. "Let's do this."

We slowly made our way down the dune towards the shore, in our black attire we were practically invisible in the dark. We were nothing more than moonlight dusted silhouettes. At the water's edge we sat down and put on our flippers and goggles and took the respirator from the scooter between our lips. The water was black and when I stepped into the surf it felt like the waves were trying to take a hold of me. I looked over at Duo, he gave me the thumbs up and at that signal, we dove in. We swam towards the depths before turning on the propellers and from there on let them pull us towards the yacht.

Duo was right beside me, but I could barely see him in the dark water. His figure was like a ghost accompanying me, but I was grateful for his presence. During our training sessions with our students, they were not the only ones to learn a lesson. I learned too. I learned exactly how lucky I had been to have him on my side during the war and even more so, how lucky I was to have him on my side in peace time.

But even with the best partner I could wish for, my heart pounded. This was the first mission I would be doing as someone other than the Perfect Soldier. Which is not something I had counted on. I thought I would be the same version of myself as I always was under these circumstances, but I wasn't. I didn't really know who I was at the moment, in fact, it felt a lot like I was stuck in between being two different people, stuck in twilight, but instead of feeling a like a little bit of both, I felt like I was neither; I felt like I was no one. And it would be that way till the next time I would look in the mirror and see the person that had stepped in to replace the soldier. The changed man. I wondered if I was going to like him. I wondered if Duo was going to like him. And I wondered how this mission would affect him. The soldier's hands were bloodied. I didn't want his to be.

The furious beating of my heart stilled when the small, circling boat passed by above us, leaving a wake of churning water.

The yacht appeared ahead of us, like a black monster resting at sea.

I think that analogy came pretty close to reality.

We steered towards the rear of the yacht and hid in the shadow of the swim platform. We turned off the underwater scooters and hung them from the yacht's rear propellers with hooks we had attached. Our flippers and goggles we gathered into a bag that we left there as well. Submerged and with our lips wrapped around the respirators we couldn't talk, but we looked into each others eyes and it felt like a meaningful conversation was shared.

I made a circle with my thumb and index finger and kept the other digits straight up.

Duo copied the signal.

We focused our attention back on the mission. We waited for the patrolling boat to pass by the rear. As soon as it did, we released the respirators after a final breath and we swam towards the edge of the swim platform. We only had to wait briefly for the boat to be out of visual range. I grabbed the steel edge of the platform and hoisted myself up, out of the water. Waves from the circling boat made it only slightly challenging but Duo helped me up with two shameless hands on my ass pushing me up. I was pretty sure Duo knew I could have done it without his help. Once I was up on the teak platform, I helped Duo up. I didn't think he needed my help either but I was starting to feel the time constraint. My heart made an almost painful beat with every second that ticked away.

The water that dripped off us stained the teak platform dark, we could only hope they wouldn't notice.

We snuck up to the staircase and started to climb gingerly. The top of the steps was in the line of side of the guard at the port side, but we were in luck. He was looking the other way, at the boat that had passed him and was nearing the tip of the yacht, almost on its way back. I signaled Duo to follow me and then moved across the terrace in a crouched position, dodging deck chairs in the dark and made my way to the glass doors, out of sight from either guard. With naive hope I tried the door, but as expected it was locked, with two separate locks. Duo kneeled in front of the door and started to work. I anxiously looked at my watch, he had about twenty seconds left.

"One." Duo said when he unlocked the first. His quick fingers moved over to the second.

"You have twelve seconds." I whispered back. I could already see the lights of the patrol boat reflected on the black surface of the Red Sea as it neared.

"Two." He slid the door open and pulled me inside, sliding it back shut behind us.

We kept perfectly still in the dark shadows as mere seconds later the boat passed by the rear. I held my breath and waited to hear if they noticed the water on the platform. All I heard was the gentle rumble of the engine as the boat moved on.

We were in the main living room, a lot of ebony and navy blue and a well-stocked bar. Luckily, no guards.

Duo zipped open another one of his magic pockets and pulled out two black cloths that appeared shapeless and meaningless at first. When he held one out to me, I recognized it. It was a black ski mask, with only small holes for the eyes.

"If we're going in less-lethal, there is a bigger chance they will end up seeing our faces. Can't take that chance."

I nodded and took the mask from him, putting it on. I didn't like that it made me feel like a shameful criminal, but I knew it was necessary.

We took hold of our guns and started further into the lion's den.

A narrow staircase at the back of the living space led down to below decks. We had looked up blue prints for this kind of yacht and knew there would be a kitchen, dining room, small living room and three bedrooms. The master bedroom, in the nose of the yacht, was by far the biggest and the logical choice for a big man with a big ego.

We crouched down at the top of the stairs and listened. I could hear the soft squeaking of rubber soled boots on the polished wooden floor. We moved down slowly and I spotted the first guard, halfway down the hallway, at the end of which was the door to the master bedroom. He was pacing back and forth, his rifle held to his chest. I signaled for Duo to follow my lead and I waited for the guard to turn and walk back towards the door, facing away from us. As soon as he turned, I started down the staircase and snuck up behind him. I could feel Duo's presence behind me as he trailed me, covering me; protecting me.

When I was only a pace behind him, his shoulders much taller and broader than mine, I lunged forward and took him into a sleeper hold, my arm firmly around his neck compressing the arteries and veins. My free hand covered his mouth to keep him quiet. Before the guard could respond physically, Duo was in front of him, restraining his arms, preventing him from pulling the trigger of his rifle or sending a distress signal to his colleagues. His body filled with panic, he tried to scream, but he couldn't and the strength was quickly leaving him as he leaned his weight onto me more and more.

"Relax." Duo whispered, not trying to taunt him. "It'll be over soon."

He tried to jerk himself out of my grip, but my hold could not be budged.

It was over soon. He was unconscious within seconds, his heavy frame falling limp against me. Duo helped me quietly lower him onto the floor. I tied his hands behind his back and his feet together with the plastic cuffs, using two pairs each to ensure he would have a hard time snapping them, if he even woke up soon enough to interfere with the continuation of our mission. Duo, in the meantime, taped his mouth shut and commented: "Good move. Thought you were going to go for the Kung fu hit to the neck thing."

I stared at him, his face unrecognizable behind the ski mask. I didn't like it. "Thanks. It's Krav Maga by the way. I was worried I wouldn't be able to catch him in time. Let's go find the others."

We carried the guard into an empty bedroom and placed him a shadowy corner, then we headed back out. Rather than going for N'Gasi, we let him enjoy a few more minutes of undisturbed rest as we would take care of the other guards. Silencers seemed too professional, so once we would pull that trigger, everyone would know what happened. We had to make sure that the guards actually standing a chance of stopping us in our escape, were incapacitated.

Searching the rooms we found one guard in a bottom bunk bed, snoring loudly. With the same teamwork, we applied the sleeper hold on him as well and after a few violent jolts and tremors in his limbs, he too succumbed and was tied and gagged. We dumped him in the other bedroom with his co-worker and broke the handle off the door, locking them inside.

The remaining two guards were in the kitchen. The door was open and we could hear them talking. The more words I heard, the more I realized they were just guys, guys who had eerily much in common with Duo and I. Just doing their job, doing what they thought was right by them and their loved-ones. I stopped listening to their words and instead focused on their voices, locating them in the space. I signaled for Duo to take down the one on the right side of the room and I would cover the left.

I held three fingers up and counted down.

3... 2... 1...

We rushed through the open doors and tackled them simultaneously. Our tumbles to the floor made quite a bit of noise but the remaining people on the yacht were too far removed to be able to hear. Duo and his target disappeared behind the cooking island, but I couldn't worry about him. I had the guard beneath me straddled. One of my hands was firmly closed around his throat, attempting the same sleep-inducing technique without having to strangle him, the other hand was over his mouth. He tried to grab his gun, but, unfortunately for him, I had planned my landing so my knee would end up keeping the gun on his belt pressed to the floor, completely useless to him. So he brought his hands up and tried to choke me before he would lose consciousness in my hold. I couldn't breath, I felt my face going red and my vision started to blur. My hold on him was weakening, but the same could be said about him. I adjusted my grip, attempting to strangle him with one hand rather than trying to close off his artery like I had with the others Knowing he would have no breath to yell out for help, I uncovered his mouth and used my freed hand to reach for my handgun that was behind my back. He wished he would have known so he could have used it to his own advantage, I saw that in his eyes as soon as he spotted the gun. His grip became weaker still, he lost his strength to hopelessness. His mouth formed a word.

Please.

His hands released my neck in an attempt to beg for my mercy.

With a groan I raised the gun high in the air and brought the handle of it down hard. As soon as the gun impacted his head, his eyes rolled back and his previously prone body slumped. I kept my hand around his neck, checking his pulse. He was fine.

I released a trembling breath.

"Never pegged you for the pistol whipping type. That's so not smooth, man." Duo commented with a grin that I could not see behind his mask, but nevertheless knew was there. He kneeled down beside me and helped me tie up my victim.

I frowned when I noticed a dark brown stain on the leg of Duo's suit, surrounding an inch-long rip.

Catching my gaze Duo sighed. "Yeah, the motherfucker pulled a knife out of God knows where. Hate those fucking magician-types."

"Are you okay?" I asked with abundant concern.

"Yeah, no main artery or anything, just a flesh-wound." He explained, looking down at it.

"Is he okay?"

Duo chuckled. "He'll live. Unless he kills himself when he wakes up with the mother of all headaches." He demonstratively held up his gun. "Had to resort to pistol whipping myself. Great minds think alike?" He offered, being on the receiving end of my supposedly infamous glare. He reached out a hand and helped me up. I could see his brows furrow. "It's weird seeing you with a mask on. I don't like it."

I nodded.

"Ready?"

I nodded again. I supposed the fact that I could not form words contradicted the quiet answer I had given him. It was still a night of confusion for me.

When we walked back down the hall, the world seemed to be grinding to a halt. I felt out of balance with the sudden shift in speed. But my heart kept beating a mile a minute, I could hear the pounding and the rushing of blood in the shell of my ears. The hand holding my gun did not feel as sure as it used to. I wish we had time to talk, I wish I had time to try and make Duo understand, even though my weakness shamed me. But there was no time, there was still the risk that the guards outside would notice a change, or have a regular check-up call not answered.

With the softest click, the door to the master bedroom was open and we stepped inside.

Nearly everything was white, bathed in a soft gloom of moonlight blue. Through the small portholes on either side, we could still see the patrol boat circling the yacht, apparently unaware of our intrusion.

N'Gasi lay in the large bed, on his back, peacefully lost in dreams. He looked like a regular man. He didn't look evil, lying there like that. I noticed he slept on the right side of the bed, leaving the left half empty. It must have been a force a habit. I read the intel on him. He used to be married. His wife died tragically, but also suspiciously. He had been cleared of all charges, but I had always figured he had had something to do with her untimely death. Standing by his bed, I wasn't so sure anymore. If he had willingly gotten rid of her, why did he save her space in bed? Why did he sleep as though he wished there was someone beside him?

It was hard to be confronted with the fact that even the evil souls are just human at some level.

Duo pulled off his mask and I followed his lead. He looked at my face for a long time, an expression of compassion and understanding in his eyes.

I broke eye-contact to look down at my gun. I adjusted my grip, my hands were slick with sweat. It felt like blood. And I felt sick.

"I'll do it." Duo whispered.

I snapped my head to look up at him.

He smiled at me reassuringly. "I'll do it." He repeated, no hesitation, only determination.

"Why?" I breathed. I could not deny that I was relieved I would not be pulling this trigger tonight.

"Because I can handle one more."

I took a deep breath and even though it was selfish, I nodded and I lowered my gun.

Duo walked up to the bedside, looking intensely at the sleeping figure. He aimed his gun at the center of his forehead and brought it closer and closer till the muzzle touched the man's forehead.

I could see his eyes slowly starting to flutter open from the cold sensation against his skin, then they shot open and stared at Duo in fear, he seemed completely paralyzed. He never got the chance to negotiate his way out of it, or call for help that would not come. Duo beat him to the punch by whispering menacingly:

"From the RUSA with love."

The gunshot echoed and reverberated in my chest. The bedroom wasn't all white washed in blue anymore. The spatters that, come sunrise would be revealed to be red, were like black ink stains on the sheets, on the walls and on Duo's hand. The future had been rewritten. Outside, shouts were instantly heard and the sound of the engine of the boat got louder as it hastily approached the yacht.

It felt like I stood there for eternity, counting the blood droplets on the sheets, but it couldn't have been more than a split second. I was reawakened when Duo's hands were gripping my shoulders. "Let's go! Let's go!" he screamed. My body got to work, enabling the escape. I followed Duo through the hall and helped him up when he stumbled on the stairs. While on the move, we both put our masks on. We took one of the side doors, running into one of the guards that had been outside. Duo threw his entire body weight against him, pushing him against the wall with enough force to splinter the mahogany boards. With a groan the man slid down the wall, defenseless, barely holding on to his consciousness. Behind us we could hear the other guard that had still been outside on the yacht yelling, his footsteps not trailing far behind.

We burst through the side door and without hesitation leaped over the railing, plummeting into the black water.

Bullets shot through the water but we were able to seek cover under the hull in time to spare ourselves bodily harm. We stayed calm as a state of panic would only cost more oxygen and swam towards the rear of the yacht where our scooters waited. With no time to put the flippers and goggles back on, I put my arm through the loop of the bag and unhooked the scooter, activating the propeller. Both of us held off reaching for the respirator till we were on the move, not wanting to waste any time. Rather than immediately turning towards the shore, we dove down deep. Bullets were still randomly being shot into the water. The deeper we got, the duller the shouts of the guards became, till we couldn't hear them at all anymore.

Using a compass, we found our way back towards the shore in the dark.

As soon as my feet were planted on soil I rushed out of the water and up the dune. I could hear Duo close behind me and frequently looked back over my shoulder to make sure he was not trailing too far behind. We cleared the top and dropped down into the sand in exhaustion. I was on my back, looking at the stars dotting the black sky, my fingers played with the fine sand. I was overwhelmed with a feeling of freedom, a feeling I could not put into words. I heard an old, monotonous voice that was once my own, saying: "I will never have to kill another person, ever again." It wasn't until now that I really felt that way. It was over. I was no longer the Perfect Soldier. I had the mind for it, but not the heart. My hands were dirty with sand, but not with blood, never again. I was a trainer now, but I would not train Perfect Soldiers. I would train righteous soldiers.

It was no longer a night of confusion.

"They are not coming to shore. Looks like they are going into the water." Duo said as he looked over the top of the dune.

"Come on." Duo helped me up. "Let's get out of here and call Une."

We got back into the car, this time I let Duo drive because I felt unfocused. Using the secure line in the jeep, he called the Preventer headquarters.

"Duo?"

"Success. We've hooked the shark." He threw me a sideway grin.

Une was quiet for a moment, stunned. "That's... Oh thank God..."

"Everything went according to plan, you can set the follow-up in action. And we'll be making our late afternoon flight."

"Good, it will be ready for you."

"Over and out."

"Over and out." She copied breathlessly and then the line was disconnected. Our work was done, but she still had a long night ahead of her, as did a lot of Preventers and RUSA military assigned to handle the follow-up of the mission.

As soon as Une would make the call, the RUSA battle ship that had been lying in wait just outside the Red Sea would move towards the Ethiopian shore and units would be ready for military deployment in case the Ethiopian army would protest the shift of power. Troops in Sudan and Kenya were also standing by to come into action should that be necessary.

A second call would wake a well-loved Ethiopian senator who had been under a secure Preventer protection detail for the past two months. He was one of the good guys and had been the right hand of the former president who had worked so hard to make his country better. He would be continuing that work, getting the education program back on track, taking the power away from the military and giving it back to the people and working to make Eritrea independent once more at minimal cost for either country. He was popular among the people and most of the other members of the senate, who had already secretively agreed to lend him support, to temporarily grant him the position of president until democratic elections could be arranged, which he would likely win anyway if the polls were representative. Preventer bodyguards would remain at his side to protect him from the ambitions of other possibly corrupt politicians. And the agency would be keeping a close eye on everyone altogether.

And finally, a third call, to complete our cover. Two days from now investigators would find two local John Doe's on the beach half a kilometer from here: unknown Preventer targets that had died when violently resisting their arrest, their bodies had been frozen and preserved for the cover-up. Local Preventer agents carried the same model assault rifles as the guards who wildly shot into the water. Bullet wounds would match and the local coroner of limited means would confirm to the best of his abilities that the guards had gotten lucky and the assassins bled out by the time they had made it back to dry land. The majority of the senate had already agreed to vote against a more thorough investigation should that be requested. And if the Preventers were ever thought to be involved, Une would make everybody change their mind again like she did last time.

The adrenaline vacated my body and I started to feel cold with my wetsuit clinging to my body. While Duo drove us through the desert, back to Iridan, I started to undress.

"What are you doing?" He asked perplexed.

"Getting out of this wet suit." I lowered the back of my seat to give me more space to move around, exposing my torso before peeling the suit off my legs, leaving me completely naked.

"You're distracting me, that's what you're doing."

I ignored him and reached back for my change of clothes, my spandex shorts and a simple shirt.

"Hm. No underwear..." Duo drawled as I put on the skintight shorts.

I let out a breathless chuckle. I put on the shirt and dried my hair with a small towel I had brought along. "Do you want to get changed?"

"You just want to drive." Duo accused playfully, but he stopped the jeep anyway.

I had no intention of conquering the driver's seat while Duo changed. We always argued about who got to drive, but it was just for relief. We fought a lot about the deep, dark and meaningful things, sometimes it just felt nice to argue about something that in the end, never really mattered. It made the other fights seem less huge.

Duo didn't say anything when he got back into the car in clean clothes and drove us back.

"What are you thinking about?" He asked, about half an hour removed from our hotel room and half an hour since the last words were spoken.

"About what you said." I answered truthfully.

"What did I say?"

"Because I can handle one more." I quoted.

"I meant it." He assured me. "I'm fine. I never feel good about killing someone, but I do feel safer. Safer because I feel I have protected the people in this country, the people back home, myself and, most importantly; you."

I sighed and gazed into the distance. "Is that why you insisted on making all the big decisions? Because you could handle one more?"

A sad smile appeared on his face, but a smile no less. "Yeah. I just wanted to make sure that whether tonight went right or wrong, you would not be able to blame yourself for anything." he shook his head. "I'm sorry I'm so overprotective, but I just can't help myself. I know you are not baby, I know you can take care of yourself and I know how strong you are, I just-"

"Duo." I interrupted him.

He fell silent.

"Thank you."

He smiled and looked at me. "You're welcome, baby."

"Don't call me baby." I warned, even though I secretly started to grow fond of it.

"All-righty, honey." He responded with a grin.

"Don't call me that either." The threat in my voice was empty and spoiled by my smile.

"Might as well give it up, sweetcakes."

We laughed together softly.

When we arrived back at the hotel, after parking the car a few block away again, the sun was about to rise. Making good use of the last few moments of darkness, we climbed back through the window and pulled the rope up, shutting the window as a definitive end to our mission. We shared a cold shower to wash the sea salt out of our hair.

After drying himself off Duo left the bathroom and sat on the edge of the bed to bandage the stab wound in his thigh, refusing any offer of help. I lingered in the bathroom. I stood in front of the mirror and convinced myself to look at my reflection in spite of my fear of being disappointed again. I was met with a face similar to the one I have always seen in reflective surfaces. Yet I was different. Because when I looked at the image I did not think: He is the Perfect Soldier, a warhead. I looked at myself and I thought: That's me. And for the first time in my life, I was at peace with that. I smiled at myself. There was still a lot of hurt in my eyes and in my heart, I was still a work in progress, but I felt like I was exactly the person whom I was supposed to be at that point in time. Just a boy - the soldier had gone, the warhead had exploded - I was confused and scared, but open and ready, in love and... complete.

I followed Duo into the bedroom just as he tied the bandage around his thigh.

"Does it hurt?"

"Not really." He put the emergency medical kit on the nightstand.

"Does it need stitches?"

"Probably. But not tonight." He held out his arms. "Come here."

I came to stand in front of him like I had that afternoon and sighed softly when I felt his strong hands on my hips, pulling me closer. He rested his forehead against my abdomen and took a few deep breaths. Then he looked up at me, kindly and understandingly. "Wanna go to bed?"

"Yes."

He nodded and let go of me.

Before he could lie down and get ready to fall asleep, I clarified: "But not to sleep."

His perplexity was obvious but only thinly veiled his excitement. "Are you sure?"

"Yes." I touched his cheeks softly and then buried my hands in his thick hair. "I missed it... for all the right reasons." I leaned down and kissed him deeply and passionately. "Make love to me." I whispered, my lips grazing his.

His hands cupped my face strongly and he pulled me down for another long, soul searing kiss.

To ease the discomfort of leaning over, I pushed him back a little and straddled his thighs, lowering myself into his lap. The groan I heard was one of approval, I just wasn't sure if it was mine or his.

The object was not to forget something, it was rather to be reminded. To be reminded of how much he loved me, how much I loved him and how right I felt being in his arm, souls activating like electric charges that sparked when skin touched skin. His hands started to wander, down my long neck, over my shoulders and briefly up my biceps before trailing back down. His fingers lightly ghosting over my sides, sending shivers down my spine. Then even further south, over the fabric of my briefs, down my thighs, his splayed thumbs brushing close by my groin. He followed my legs all the way down, massaging my thighs and calves till all of a sudden his fingers tickled the soles of my feet.

I interrupted our kiss with a surprised laugh. "You're evil."

"No," He whispered back with a mischievous grin, "I'm Batman!" And then he started humming a tune that I recognized from those old comic book films he had forced me to watch.

We both laughed as he lowered himself down on the bed, pulling me along with him. The sound of laughter soon died out, replaced by the sound of our pants as we continued to feverishly kiss and touch each other. At Duo's urging we repositioned ourselves on the bed so our legs wouldn't be dangling off the edge, losing our underwear along the way. Duo insisted on being the one lying on his back on the bed, with me above him. He teased as I straddled him again: "I kind of like you on top."

I bit my lip as nerves struck. It wasn't that I wasn't interested in the top-position, but with only two sexual experiences under my belt I felt uncomfortable and hesitant to take the lead. I didn't want to hurt him and I didn't want to make a fool out of myself by screwing it up.

Duo eased my concern with a smirk. "Not like that. Like this." He grabbed my hips, holding them still and dug his heels in the mattress to raise his hips off the bed.

I felt his erection pushing against me and I closed my eyes and moaned.

"Approve?" He teased.

"God, yes..."

"Did you miss it for all the right reasons?" He kept rocking our hips together.

I groaned. "Just please... shut up and do it!" I blinked as soon as I realized what I had said, my cheeks became a furious red.

"Bossy little thing." Duo joked. He reached over and grabbed the medical kit.

I raised an eyebrow as I watched him dig out a condom and a tube of lube. "Seriously? In there?"

"You can never be too prepared, baby." He winked up at me. He fell silent as he focused on putting on the condom and he quietly looked up at me, into my eyes, as he slipped two lubed fingers inside of me.

"Nn." I tried to keep my eyes open, tried to keep looking back at him, but I couldn't, the sensations overwhelmed me and I started to remember just how good it felt and how much better it would be once he was inside me. I was still embarrassed at my own, wanton thoughts, but not enough so to push them away or not act on them.

He pulled me down for more kisses and I eagerly accepted. Outside the sun started to rise but our world paused in reverence and made sure the moment would last as long as we would want it to. When Duo pushed inside me, us both moaning loudly as he did, I felt tears coming from my eyes. I wasn't in pain, Duo was very careful and tender. I was in love, and it felt so good to be loved back that I almost couldn't stand it, it was so overpowering, so all-consuming. I smiled when I felt Duo's lips kissing away my tears and we stopped to take our time to kiss each other in gratitude. I could taste the saltiness of my tears in his mouth.

Our lovemaking was perfect. Duo's hands were on my hips, strong and urgent, but he let me take control and I felt ready and comfortable taking it. I kept our pace slow, I knew that if I did otherwise, it would be over too soon and I didn't want that. But the ending would always be too soon. Desire took over and he pushed his hips off the bed to meet my thrusts, his hands caressed me needily, avoiding my erection at my request because I knew even the slightest bit of additional stimulation would lead me to orgasm. He upheld that request until he announced with coarse voice that he was close himself and, as expected, after only a few soft touches, I came and Duo came with me.

Even though I was out of breath, I managed to tell him that I loved him, whispering it in his ear as I had leaned forward in exhaustion.

Duo's hands lazily caressed my back and after a few controlled breaths he said: "I love you too. So fucking much." And then he hugged me tightly and kissed my cheek and ear repeatedly.

I didn't know what happened then, I passed out.

I woke up a few hours later to sound of yelling and popping, like gunfire. I jumped up in bed, noticing with heartache that it was empty besides me.

"Don't worry, I'm right here." Duo stood in the doorway to the bathroom, a toothbrush in his hand, toothpaste spattering from his mouth as he spoke. He grinned sheepishly.

I listened intently to the noise outside, it was concentrated in the square up front, at the other side of the building, so I couldn't make much sense of it. "What's going on out there?"

Duo shrugged. He held up his index finger to indicate me to wait and he quickly walked to the sink to rinse his mouth. Toothpaste gone he said: "Don't know. It started about an hour ago and it's been getting more intense. I'm thinking we should leave soon."

"You think it's Ethiopian military?" I asked with worry.

"Don't know, but I think it is probably better if we didn't sleep in. I was about to wake you."

I nodded. I kicked the sheets away and got out of bed, wincing slightly when I noticed with a blush that I was a little sore and not from the mission. I looked up and found Duo staring at me with a grin. "Don't judge until we see what you would be like the morning after."

Duo raised his hands in surrender. "I'd be happy to find out."

With an even more intense blush on my cheeks I pushed past him into the bathroom to wash up and brush my teeth and then I walked back out to get my clothing from the bags we had placed under the bed. As I rummaged through it, my sand colored cargo pants in one hand, my other searching for my clean white shirt, I heard the soft rattling of the bottle of pills. I put on my pants and postponed the search for my shirt, getting the bottle out instead. I was suppose to take one pill in the morning and one pill in the evening, the minimal dose I had changed to three months ago, after four months of a more substantial dose.

I looked at the bottle for a while, lost in thought. It was still half full, I could see the pills clearly because I had peeled off the label with my name in advance, in preparation for the mission. I walked back to the bathroom sink, the bottle rattling in my hand.

Duo was sitting on the bed neither of us had slept in, putting on his socks and shoes, his head bobbing to a muted tune that only played in his head.

I put the pills on the edge of the sink and reached for the bottle of water we had left there and used for brushing our teeth, as the water from the faucet turned out to be suspiciously brown. I looked at myself in the mirror, my hair still had that I've-had-sex tousled look to it that was strangely quite distinct from the normal I-don't-care-about-my-hair tousled state that it was usually in. In my eyes I saw a sparkle. My bottom lip was slightly swollen because I had accidentally bit down on it too hard in the throws of passion. I also for the first time noticed the hand shaped bruises on my throat, from when the guard had tried to strangle me, but I wasn't bothered by it. I was still alive and so was he, I felt only relief.

I then realized something for the first time in my life.

I was happy.

I was truly happy.

A smile formed on my lips. I turned around, walking away, bringing only the bottle of water with me. I found my shirt in the bottom of my bag and put it on as Duo was packing up the last of our belongings. As he made a sweep through the room, he came out of the bathroom holding the orange bottle up at me with a smile. "Look what we almost forgot." He held them out to me, expecting me to take them and put them in my bag.

"You can leave those here." I told him with determination. "In the trash."

Duo was openly perplexed and confused. "Why?"

"Because I don't need them anymore."

His frown only deepened. "It's going to be a pain to get a new prescription without the old bottle."

"I don't need a new prescription either." I accepted the bottle from him and walked over to the trashcan in the corner of the bathroom and demonstratively dropped them in. They made their last, argumentative rattle.

Duo looked amazed as it just dawned on him what I was trying to tell him. "Are you sure? You know I no longer judge you for taking them, right? That was just a one time mistake, a big mistake!"

"I know." I said, walking back up to him. "I'm not doing it for you. I'm doing it for me."

He still seemed hesitant, remembering the difficult time between my accidental overdose and when I decided to start taking the antidepressants again. Two months of me rebounding, pulling back into my shell more than I ever had before, struggling with my emotions, shutting him out.

"Duo..." I whispered. I placed my hands against his chest and leaned in close, enjoying the warmth he radiated. "I'm happy. I don't want to take them anymore, I am ready. I promise I won't shut you out."

"I promise to keep you to that promise." He whispered and leaned in closer, nearly kissing me.

"Deal."

The kiss we shared was soft and romantic and sealed our promises. I don't know why, but in that moment I remembered standing at Trowa's and Quatre's wedding, witnessing them exchange their vows. I was Trowa's best man. Duo was Quatre's best man. WuFei argued for the duration of the evening that he was the best man period. They looked so happy. I imagined I finally knew what they were feeling, security; knowing that not only will you receive the best of the other, but you can give your best in return. Forever.

"Let's go home." I said once we parted.

"I'd love to."

We slung the straps of our heavy bags over our shoulders and left the hotel room behind. In the lobby the noise from the street was deafening, screaming and gunshots and through the windows we could see a crowd of people running around. The man that had checked us in, was nowhere to be found. The reception was unmanned. I felt nervous, I started to doubt whether the mission had been the big success that we had presumed it to be.

"Guess I'll just leave it here, then." Duo laid a bundle of cash and our room key on the reception desk after once more calling and waiting for a response that did not come. He started towards the front door.

"Duo, maybe we should leave through the back door. Something is wrong. Something must be wrong."

He pivoted on his heel and looked back at me. He put the bags he had been carrying down on the floor in the corner and told me to leave my bags here temporarily as well. He didn't explain his intentions, he reached out for my hand and as soon as I took hold of it, he pulled me through the door, into the chaos.

My whole body froze as people frantically moved around me and their voices pierced my ears. Panic flooded me and I wanted to go back inside and urged Duo to come along with me, but he firmly held me in my place and he told me: "Pay attention."

"What?" I could barely heard him.

"Look closer!"

I focused on the face of a random man running by us, taken aback when I noticed he was smiling. I started paying attention to the faces of the others and they were all faces of happy people. The shouts and yells were exclamations of freedom and the guns that were being fired shot bullets straight up into the sky. The entire crowd started chanting as one, their voices unifying and I could decipher the Arabic.

"He is dead! We are free! He is dead! We are free!"

"Come on. You have to experience this!" Duo grabbed my hand again and he pulled me further out into the square, into the mass of people. He stopped at the center and turned around to face me.

I had my head ducked between my shoulders and I flinched at the sudden noises.

"Heero!" He waited for me to look him in the eyes before he continued: "You need to experience this!"

"Why?" I cringed when someone accidentally walked into me.

"Because this is what I want you to remember when you start blaming yourself for all the bad things that have happened! All this happiness is your doing too!" He suddenly dropped down, wrapped his arms tightly around my thighs and lifted me up into the air.

I looked down at him first, but at his wordless encouragement I looked around and listened to their cheers. Flags were being raised into the air, children and even adults were being lifted up onto the shoulders of others, their hands reaching for the wide open sky, or spreading their arms out like wings and the look on their faces could have fooled anyone into thinking they were actually taking flight. I spread my arms out like them and felt the wind pull my shirt taut against my upper body.

I kept my arms spread out and closed my eyes, focusing on my heart beating in my chest. The world was a changed placed; a better place. And I was a changed man; a better man. I liked it.

Duo lowered me back down. "Feels like flying, doesn't it?" He asked when we were face to face.

I frowned. "No it doesn't. You know it doesn't." We had both spent enough time in a cockpit to know better than that. Flying felt like freedom, like being invincible, like you are halfway into a journey that can only get better from there.

"So how do you feel about joining the mile-high club on the flight back home?"

I, again, resorted to frowning. "What does that mean?"

"You'll see." He grinned. "You'll like it."

I trusted him.

Duo leaned down and captured my lips once more, kissing me slowly, his hands softly cupping my face before touching my ears and burying his fingers into my hair.

When we parted I was only momentarily speechless, before I shared with him: "That feels like flying."

He smiled and kissed me again and I let him.

And again.

And again.

And again.

So... that's it. Wow. The last words I have written for Warheads, because the second epilogue I actually finished many chapters ago. I will miss writing it and I hope, a little bit, that you will miss reading it.

I hope I didn't make a mistake by switching POV from Duo to Heero, I just thought it would be interesting to add in his perspective and truly read about his emotions and thoughts after being guided through the story by Duo's viewpoint.

One more tiny chapter to go...