All copyrights, trademarked items, or recognizable characters, plots, etc. mentioned herein belong to their respective owners. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without their express written authorization.
This is unbeta'd. All mistakes are mine.
Thanks to jadsmama for prereading and to mycrookedsmile for holding my feet to the fire... always. Love you girls!
Word Prompt: Test
Saturday, 31 December
The cab ride back to my place was probably the longest ten minutes of my life. I was hyperaware of every move she made – everytime she tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear, the way her fingertips skimmed the top of my thighs in lazy circles, or how her body was fused against mine as she got as close as she possibly could – and it was driving me insane. My head was completely abuzz from the alcohol and her, and as I buried my face into the top of her hair and wrapped my arm around her shoulder, pulling her that much closer, I desperately tried to pull myself together.
The entire time we'd been at the bar had been a test of my restraint. I'd promised myself I wouldn't do this, that I wouldn't sleep with her until we'd talked, until she fully trusted me, and I knew we were both close. But we weren't there. And yet, all I could think about was her. Touching her. Kissing her. Seeing her naked… again… and God help me, loving her.
After the week we'd had together, there was no doubt that's how I felt, but I sure as hell wasn't ready to say that. And I doubted she was either. To hear it or say it.
Her fingers inched up bit by bit, and if she didn't stop it I wasn't going to make it. I shifted, discreetly trying to adjust myself, and reached for her hand. I brought it to my lips, brushing my lips across her knuckles and then turned it and kissed her open palm. She sighed and nestled a little closer.
When the cab stopped in front of my apartment building, I handed him some money, climbed out, and helped her out of the car. I'd say I was trying to be chivalrous, but I just wanted her next to me.
I unlocked the door and held it open for her. She turned, a coy smile on her face and my hand in hers, and walked in backwards, her eyes locked with mine. If I thought she was beautiful before, seeing her like that – so open, so vulnerable, so… into me - then there were no words to describe her at that moment. Her cheeks were flushed the most gorgeous pink, and her eyes burned with an intensity I'd never seen.
I followed her in and kicked the door closed behind me, and then pulled her against my chest. She stumbled forward a bit and giggled as she landed against my chest with a little umph. My arms wrapped around her waist and settled at the small of her back. I dipped my head just as she tipped hers up, and my lips found hers.
What started as slow, teasing kisses quickly turned into something more. More heat. More pressure. More touch. My back was against the door, and there wasn't an inch of space between us. All the blood was rushing through my body, and I was pretty sure I'd never been this hard or wanted anyone as much as I wanted her.
Bella tugged on my shirt, pulling it from my jeans, and slowly slid up my chest. I slammed my head back against the door, completely lost in the sensation of her fingers burning my already overheated skin. I tugged it over my head, eliminating one barrier between us, and couldn't help the burst of pride I felt when I saw her eyes flit down to check me out and her teeth sink into her bottom lip.
I brought my hands to either side of her neck and gently tilted her head up, forcing her eyes to meet mine. "Your turn," I said playfully.
She blushed an even deeper shade of pink, and I couldn't help but brush my thumbs across the apples of her cheeks. So soft and smooth and warm to the touch. Because of me. For me. Hell, I didn't even know, but I loved it all the same.
She took a step back and slowly started walking down the hall. With every step she took, she bared a little more of herself, losing that soft black sweater first and then the flowy white top just as she rounded the corner toward my room.
I picked up the pace and followed after her, loving how sexy her playfulness was. She was sitting on the edge of the bed when I walked in, wearing her jeans and a hotter than hell lace bra, and just the sight of her, in my room, on my bed, was material my fantasies were made of. I'd imagined her like that so many times since I'd been home, and she was there, in the flesh.
I took my time and kicked off my shoes and padded toward her. She'd extended her arms behind her and was reclining a little bit. It was like she was waiting for me, beckoning me to come to her like some gorgeous siren.
"What're you thinking about right now, Dr. Cullen?" she asked, her eyes sparkling with that same glint I'd seen at the bar. But there was something else there, too. A little vulnerability, a hint of nerves, maybe?
I stepped in between her legs just as she sat up and hooked her fingers in the belt loops of my jeans. "How gorgeous you are. And how lucky I am that you're here," I said, all of a sudden feeling vulnerable.
She leaned forward, her arms gliding up and around my waist,and pressed a series of little kisses against my stomach. I swallowed thickly, overwhelmed with the image of her right there, kissing me, her hands all over me... I squeezed my eyes closed, holding it all at bay.
Her fingers started fumbling with the buckle of my belt, and it clinked as it fell open, I realized what was happening. Not that I didn't realizewhat was going on, but my own self-doubt and Emmett's words danced on the periphery, keeping me from fully giving in.
"Bella," I groaned, shifting my hips away from her.
She pressed forward, and I clenched my jaw and forced myself to breath, fighting the desire to let go, to just feel and give and take. But that nagging sensation in the back of my mind, the one that often meant I was overthinking, just wouldn't let go.
"Sweet girl, please" I whispered as I put my hands on the tops of her arms and gently nudged her back.
She looked at me, confusion twisting her beautiful face. I wondered if I was doing the right thing, but I knew I would regret this – even if it was amazing – later if I didn't at least try to talk to her.
"Please don't look at me like that, baby," I said as I shifted to the side and sat down.
I sighed and ran my hands up and down her back in what I hoped was a soothing gesture. "I just… can we talk for a second?" I asked.
I flipped on the lamp beside my bed. It was still a little on the dark side, but I wasn't sure the blaring lights over head would help. I slid across the comforter, so we were facing each other, legs crossed, and knees just barely touching.
She picked up a pillow and held it to her chest, closing herself off to me. I wondered where to begin, if I should just come out and tell her exactly what was on my mind, but as always, she beat me to the punch.
"What's going on, Edward." I could hear the hurt and frustration in her voice, and I knew I had to fix what I had clearly ruined.
I reached for one of her hands and gently wrapped my fingers around hers. And then I started talking.
"I'm sorry. I just… I needed to slow things down. I want you, Bella. You have no idea. It's just… before you came here, I promised myself I wouldn't just try to get you into bed with me."
She snorted, and I pressed on.
"I know that's not what's happening here. What we have… this week… it's been perfect. At least to me. We've started talking, learning who we both are, and I want so much more for us. I want you to trust me. Completely. And I know I haven't earned that, yet."
"But-" she started. I squeezed her fingers.
"Hear me out, okay?"
She pursed her lips and nodded her head.
"I know I'm probably not your stereotypical guy. Hell, I know I'm not," I said, gripping the back of my neck and hoping I was making some sense. "My life has been completely turned upside down since I walked into your office that day. And I mean that in the best way, because I wouldn't change a second of the time we've spent together since then. But I just... I can't sleep with you if you don't trust me.
"I want this to be special, not just some random roll in the hay. I want us to be together, whatever it takes, and I... God, I know this is fast and sudden, but I've never been more sure about anything in my whole life."
She looked at me, and it was like she was forcing my hand. "What exactly are you sure about?" she asked, her eyes brimming with unshed tears.
"You. Us. And even though we're just figuring things out and everything seems nebulous and undefined, I need you to know... I'm all in."
And I was. I was in love with her. I knew it. It wasn't like I'd had some weird epiphany. It was the realization that I was so much happier with her, that she brought out the best in me (at least I thought so), helped me work through the less than great parts, and my friends loved her. At that moment, I realized that I'd move to Seattle in an instant, if that's what it took to be together.
After it was all out, I felt completely spent, like I'd just poured out my soul. And I guess I had. Bella didn't say anything as she looked down at her lap, the pillow pressed tightly against her chest, and I tried to remember that she was a processor, that she needed time to clarify her thoughts before she said what was on her mind.
And so I waited, all the while wondering what was going on inside her head. I wondered if I'd said too much, too fast, but her fingers were still linked with mine; I took it as a positive sign but didn't dare move for fear she'd pull them away.
She sniffled, and her shoulders shook with little sobs; unable to bear it, I reached for her and pulled her into my lap. She buried her head against my chest and cried. I brushed my hands through her long hair and trailed my fingers up and down her back in a slow even circuit. Eventually she quieted, and I shifted her just slightly in order to see her face.
It was a little red and blotchy, and her eyes were red-rimmed and framed by wet lashes. Gently, I brushed my fingertips across her cheek, attempting to dry the remaining tears.
"Please talk to me, sweet girl," I pleaded, echoing her words from just minutes before.
She smiled, just a small one. "I want that, too, Edward," she whispered, her voice still teary and a little rough. She might as well have screamed it at the top of her lungs, because that's exactly how it felt. "But you're right. I'm not fully there, with trusting that you won't break my heart again, but I'm getting there."
I pressed my forehead against hers as I gently cupped my palm against her cheek. "Thank you," I whispered and then tenderly touched my lips to hers.
As our mouths slid against each other, my tongue touched hers, and it was like a switch flipped. What had initially been about talking was now about showing. I nipped and sucked and tasted, so much relief and love and hope and excitement coursing through me I was sure she could feel it from the top of her head to the tips of her toes. I kissed her hard, my tongue tangling with hers until we were both breathless.
Bella look at me, eyes certain and strong - just like the Bella I loved. "I know we have stuff to talk about, but I just… can we just let tonight be about us? We don't have to do everything, but I need you, Edward."
I nodded, swallowing hard, and lay her back on the bed, my knees on either side of her hips as I hovered above her. And for once in my life I just went with it.
A little self promo: I posted my entry for the Age of Edward Contest - The Minstrel and The Maiden Swan. I'd love to hear your thoughts. There are a bunch of other great entries, and voting begins next week. Please take a minute to read and leave all these authors some love. http : / / www . fanfiction . net /community/Age_Of_Edward_2011/95685/
Thank you SO much for all the lovely reviews. I have read every single one of them and will finally get back to my normal routine tomorrow. So... these two finally had a talk...