A/N: That moment when you attempt to read your old stories and cringe at pretty much every other sentence because of how badly they're written...

...Yeah, so now you know how I felt all throughout today. If I could go back in time and lecture myself on terrible OOC-ness and the excessive use of capitalization in dialogue, trust me, I totally would. I'm super tempted to go back and completely rewrite them, but I'm going to leave them be for the sake of tracking my improvement. :)

Anywho, before we get rolling here, I want to wish you all a very happy GODDESS OF FERTILITY DAY, NATIONAL AGRICULTURE DAY, and SUPREME SACRIFICE DAY (MARCH 18)! How fitting. Let's all celebrate by burning some food and sacrificing it to Artemis, Aphrodite, Hera, Demeter, and Gaea, shall we?

Peace out,

~silentwolf111

Ω OLYMPUS WEEKLY Ω

"The pen isn't always mightier than the sword…"

ISSUE XIX

WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON?!

Written by Aphrodite

Okay, this isn't funny. I… I can't even begin to believe – you don't understand, I'm useless without love! You hear me? U-S-E-L-E-S-S! Who did this to me?! And what did I ever do to you?! I demand, whoever you are, that you confess right now!

28 Comments for "What th…"

Hermes: Wait, I'm confused. What's going on?

Aphrodite: Don't act so innocent, Hermes! I'll bet it was you who did this to me!

Zeus: Did what to you?

Athena: Why, haven't you heard? Aphrodite's gone and lost her love powers.

Demeter: Really, now? That's fantastic!

Hera: And absolutely hilarious.

Athena: Yes, I know. This has been one of the most glorious weeks of my immortal existence.

Aphrodite: Hey! It's not funny! And Hermes, you better 'fess up right now, or so help me I will bring my wrath down upon you when I manage to get my powers back!

Hermes: Look, Aphrodite, as much as I'd love to take the credit for doing that, I'm not the one responsible here. My compliments to whoever is, though.

Aphrodite: I'll try to ignore the last part of your comment. But if you didn't do it, then who did? I need answers, and I need them now!

Apollo: Or what? You'll makeover us to death? Very scary, Aphrodite.

Aphrodite: You. Apollo. As the God of Truth, you can't lie. So tell me, then: were you by any chance the one responsible for all this?

Apollo: Er… Well, I can't exactly say that I'm the one directly responsible for this. I may or may not have played a part in it, but that role may be major or minor depending on how you look at it, so, based on the wording of your question, it can't really be said that I was responsible for all of this. For all you know, I could have been an innocent bystander.

Aphrodite: …So then it was you?

Apollo: I never said that.

Aphrodite: Then it wasn't you.

Artemis: For goodness' sake, what my dear brother was trying to say was that it indeed wasn't only him involved in this plot to remove your powers. You see, Aphrodite, both I and Hecate also played a role in it as well.

Aphrodite: What!

Hermes: Haha! Up top, guys.

Apollo: Sis! Really? You just blew our cover! And after I ever-so-cleverly evaded the truth like a pro.

Artemis: What? I would have thought it obvious that we were behind it.

Aphrodite: Well, I personally thank you, Artemis, for your wonderful confession. Now I know exactly who to unleash my revenge upon when my powers return.

Apollo: Look what you've done now, Arty. And it was all going so smoothly, too!

Artemis: The damage has already been done, has it not? There's absolutely nothing she can do about it other than just wait the week out. And, in terms of revenge, she's almost as predictable as you, Brother; I've already seen all of her tricks. It doesn't make a difference one way or another. Quite frankly, I for one would simply love to see Aphrodite give it all she's got.

Aphrodite: And I would simply love to do so! But I suppose that something good actually came out of this; though I don't exactly appreciate what you were trying to achieve, it's evident that you and Apollo have the capability to team up and work so well together, so this only confirms the fact that you two are going to hook up eventually.

Apollo: Shut up. Shut. Up.

Artemis: Ugh, and there she goes again. It is never going to happen, Aphrodite. Logically speaking, if my brother and I were ever to get together (though I very much assure you this has absolutely no possibility of ever taking place), don't you think it would have happened already? Now, before you have the chance to answer that question, I suggest we move on to the next article before this conversation escalates to a level I'd rather not get myself involved in.

Athena: Agreed.

SPEED HATING!

Written by Ares

Sorry, Aphy, you know I love the whole speed dating thing and all, but I feel like speed hating would be a lot more entertaining. So, the rules are just like the last issue, but instead of saying nice things about each other, two gods will have two minutes to insult each other! All right, let's get the hating party started! Similar to last week, I have chosen Zeus and Poseidon as our first 2 haters. Give it all you got, guys; let's have some fun.

50 Comments for "Speed Hati…"

Athena: Have you no sense? This is nothing but an accident waiting to happen.

Zeus: Well, I beg to differ. I personally think it's about time we did something like this.

Poseidon: Agreed. Speed dating was alright and all, but this is much more up my alley.

Ares: Sweet! I couldn't be happier that you guys feel that way. Okay, ready now? Three… Two… One… And let the hate begin.

Zeus: You're stupid.

Poseidon: You're fat.

Zeus: You're ugly.

Poseidon: You're old.

Zeus: You're older.

Poseidon: But you look older.

Zeus: That may be so, but you're not as powerful as I.

Poseidon: Whatever are you talking about? Everyone knows that it's you who isn't as powerful as I.

Zeus: In your dreams, Brother mine. I am the king of the gods. You are no more than a mere peasant when compared to me.

Poseidon: Oh-ho, you did not just go there. After all, your mother's so fat she can barely fit in Tartarus.

Zeus: Well, your mother's so ugly she makes Arachne look beautiful.

Poseidon: But your mother's even uglier; she's so ugly that just the sight of her would turn Medusa herself into stone.

Zeus: But your mother is-

Hermes: Um, sorry to interrupt the wonderful conversation we're having here, but don't you two have the same mother?

Zeus: Beside the point. Now, anyway, as I was saying, your mother is so conceited that she makes Narcissus look like a saint.

Poseidon: Oh, conceited? So like you, then? Well, I suppose it makes sense that family traits are passed on quite easily, seeing how your mother is so fat that they used her to catch Hephaestus when he was thrown off Olympus.

Ares: Ha, this is great! Awesome insults and bashing Hephaestus at the same time? Why didn't I think of this idea sooner?

Hephaestus: Is it because you're an idiot?

Ares: Hey, let's not go there, Fire Boy; after all, the ones who are supposed to be fighting here are Zeus and Poseidon. We'll get our turn eventually, mark my word. Now, I believe we're interrupting a very entertaining conversation.

Apollo: Oh my gods, did Ares just act mature?

Ares: Nah, I wouldn't call it mature. Let's just say I'm holding off until the right time.

Apollo: Oh. Never mind.

Zeus: Admit it, brother. I am supreme to all.

Poseidon: No, I am supreme. You obviously have no clue what you're talking about.

Zeus: But that can't be possible, since you're the idiot here.

Poseidon: Just the fact that you said that tells me that you're clueless, thus making you the idiot.

Zeus: You are mistaken, brother. There can't be two idiots here, so surely you are the only idiot around.

Hades: You sure there can't be two idiots here? Because it sure seems like it.

Demeter: No, Zeus is right. There aren't two idiots here; there are three. Yourself included, Death Brat.

Hades: Now, now, Demeter. Let us not make such wild assumptions.

Demeter: Oh, but it's not an assumption. It's a fact.

Poseidon: The only fact here is that Zeus is an idiot.

Zeus: Lies! Spoken like a true idiot.

Athena: I'm going to have to agree with Zeus here. Poseidon truly is a dunce.

Poseidon: Oh, shut up. You're not a part of this.

Hephaestus: Er, I hate to intervene here, but I felt that I should make it known that your two minutes have been long surpassed.

Ares: Aww! But it was just starting to get good!

Poseidon: Yes, it was! I was clearly winning the argument.

Zeus: Are you out of your mind, Brother? It's plainly obvious that I am the true victor here.

Hermes: Guys. It's over, remember?

Artemis: Do you really think that's going to stop them? This has been going on for centuries.

Hephaestus: No kidding.

Zeus: It will be over when Poseidon admits that I am better than him.

Poseidon: I will do nothing of the sort. However, I am willing to avoid further conflict if Zeus admits that I am better than him.

Hephaestus: So that's another way of saying that it will never be over…

Hermes: …Welcome to immortality.

HADES THROWS DEMETER'S CEREAL INTO TARTARUS

Written by Hades

Sorry, Demeter. But you were annoying me to no end, so I just had to.

…Actually, on second thought, I'm not sorry at all. As a matter of fact, I find this highly amusing.

20 Comments for "Hades Thro…"

Athena: Er, that's a rather curious action, Hades. What, exactly, prompted you to do so?

Hades: Was it not clear enough in the article? She was being her normal irritating self, blabbering on and on about how she valued cereal over me, so I figured I had to take a stand and do something dramatic to get her to stop once and for all.

Demeter: Such rebellious actions aren't necessary! Have you any idea what you've just wasted? That was perfectly good, healthy, nutritious cereal, and you just threw it away without a care in the world.

Hades: Exactly. Your point being?

Demeter: Ares, I have a request, if you may. Kindly sign myself and the Death Brat up for the next "Speed Hating" round. I have some things I'd like to say to him.

Ares: You got it.

Hades: Oh? Things? That sounds promising.

Demeter: Don't you even dare get me started, you little brat. And, for the record, you've only cemented my decision that cereal is much more favorable than you.

Hades: Oh, the logic of Demeter. Placing the importance of inanimate objects above gods. You know, because that makes complete sense.

Demeter: With you, it surely does. But at least I can find consolation in the fact that my cereal is giving the punished souls down there a bit of happiness in their afterlives.

Hades: What is this happiness you speak of? Cereal and happiness aren't associated. If anything, your cereal can only be an addition to their punishments.

Demeter: Why you-!

Athena: Hades. That's quite enough.

Demeter: Yes. That's quite enough.

Athena: The same could be said for you, Demeter.

Ares: Yeah, guys, just save it for next week! You can totally let loose then.

Athena: No, Ares, don't encourage them to-

Demeter: Oh, yes. That's right. I can't wait for next week.

Hades: Nor can I. Until then, psycho.

Demeter: You're on, brat.