AN: Thanks for the reviews. Am reading as I type. Was going to take into account what people say, but you all want different things, so tough, you're all getting what I want! Mwa ha ha ha ha! (Laughs like a maniac with power.)
Enjoy!
Ste was woken by a soft knock on the door behind him. He hadn't been deeply asleep, though the sheer length of the previous day was enough to exhaust him into a light sleep it was a very uncomfortable position, but he shot up at the sound, and Brendan's voice that followed made him freeze.
"Steven?" he called quietly through the wood. Ste stayed silent, fearfully, and after a few seconds even his breathing stopped when he saw the handle move beside him. But he had remembered to lock the door, so Brendan could not get in to him.
"Steven, I know you're in there," said Brendan quietly, "why else would the door be locked? I know you wouldn't run off and leave your family. Answer me, won't ye?"
Ste kept silent. Brendan knowing he was there didn't make him want to talk to the man.
"Look, Steven, I just want to apologise."
Ste kept quiet. The devil was good with tricks. He played a good act at remorse. Terry did an apologetic face that could persuade St Peter to open the pearly gates. He'd use it every time he'd hurt Pauline, but it didn't stop him drinking, or the violence that inevitably followed. He never even bothered using it on Ste though.
Each time Brendan spoke, he waited for an answer that Ste was in no mood to give. He knocked softly on the door again, and Ste could imagine him leaning in, resting his forehead against the wood. His expression would be sad, and even in his fear and distrust, the thought of Brendan looking so broken made Ste want to hold him. He had to remind himself, it wasn't true. It was a trap, all of it. The pomegranates to keep him in the underworld. But though Ste had made a choice that put him here, he didn't have to stay.
Brendan kept on trying, "I know you're angry with me, I shouldn't have behaved like that, I just… I…" Brendan choked, like even though he'd had all night to think of them, the words wouldn't come. Maybe he'd not spent any time thinking of them. Maybe he'd gone to Simon. Or that lad Macca.
"Daddy? Why are you crying?"
Leah was awake. Amy was too, but she was just sitting on the bed, watching silently. Leah clambered down from the bed and padded over to him. Brendan must have heard her speak. Ste heard him shuffling on the other side of the door.
"Look, I'm not gonna bang the door down, just… don't run away, yeah? Let me explain."
"Why is Mr Brady talking to you through the door?" asked Leah. "Did he make you cry?"
It went against every instinct Ste had to not answer his child, but he couldn't. He hushed her with a finger to his lips, then pulled her into his lap.
"Steven, do you want this conversation where your kids can hear?"
Was that a threat? If Brendan tried, Ste didn't know what he'd do. Hit him, probably, which would not go well for Ste.
"No," he said, simply, quietly, unable to hold in the emotion despite knowing he should be strong for the tiny girl in his arms.
Brendan couldn't keep the annoyance out of his voice, "Then come out and talk to me, Steven!"
And be hurt in front of his children instead? He'd rather die. "No," he said, simply.
"Steven!" Brendan's voice was exasperated, but it quickly turned resigned, "Ok… OK," Ste could hear him sigh, "come to the club, later, we'll sit in the bar where people can see us so you know I won't… and… and we'll talk."
It did not sound appealing. Ste shouldn't listen. It'd be just like what happened between his Mum and Terry. Some people are just wrong, made by the devil. Brendan was one of them. Just like Terry.
But Ste needed a job.
"Ok," he said quietly. "At the club. When it opens."
"Ok," said Brendan again, "Ok," he repeated, with relief. "Ok," he said yet again, as though grounding himself. "I'm… I'll…"
"Just go, Brendan," said Ste, tiredly. He has a family who he can't keep locked in this room forever, even if he hasn't slept at all today.
He heard one last breathy "Ok," from Brendan, and then feet descending.
"Are you going to tell me what happened?" asked Amy.
"Shh," said Ste, stroking Leah's back as the little girl clung to him. It was over a minute before he heard the door slam far below and he allowed himself a breath. "Let's get the kids up and playing or something," he said, "it's not something they want to hear."
"I want to know why you're crying!" protested Leah into his chest.
"I'm not crying, sweetheart, I'm fine," he tried to assure her, "really. Will you wake your brother up?"
She knew he was lying, but didn't know how to deal with it. She did as he told her, and padded over to where Lucas was still breathing deeply and prodded him with a finger. Amy just looked at Ste, sadly.
"What did he do?" she asked. Ste was certain there were red marks around his neck that would make any lie pointless.
"Not here," he said, and made himself busy. The kids needed dressing and sorting, then feeding. He didn't let Amy do any of it. He needed the excuse to delay talking to her, so he worked, quietly, talking only to the kids. Though time crept slowly, and nothing seemed to fill it all up. He would have to sit down with her.
He let the kids out to play in the yard, and turned to her. "Alright, ask away."
He slumped in a seat at the table, and she perched beside him, nervously. "So, what happened?" she asked, nervously.
Ste sighed. He didn't know how to tell her. How could you put into words something like this.
"How did he upset you?" she asked after a few moments silence, "did he sleep with someone else?"
"No," said Ste, then thought about Simon. They were meeting today. Probably as he spoke. "I don't think so."
"Then what?" she asked.
Ste breathed, swallowed, did any other little things he could do to delay speaking. Eventually he managed, "He scared me."
She kept looking at him, waiting patiently for him to tell her in his own time.
"He… hurt me." The tears came unbidden and unstoppable. They felt impossible to stop. He couldn't even carry on, couldn't face telling her about the threat. Tears and sobs interrupted anything else he would have said.
She put a hand on his arm. "Like you used to hurt me?" she asked.
He nodded. It felt wrong to suggest Brendan's actions worse now she'd made the link, like it would undermine what she'd gone through.
She nodded her understanding, and watched the children play through the kitchen window. Ste looked there too. The two things that were most important. Was he being weak for even letting this hurt?
"What do you want to do?" asked Amy.
Ste returned his gaze to her, "What do you mean?" he asked.
"Do you want to run again? Like we did from Terry?"
Ste thought about it, hard. Did he want to run? Did he need to escape? Was it possible?
"We don't have any money," he said, "I can't steal it from Brendan, we can't take the risk."
She nodded, "No, but that doesn't mean we can't run."
Ste thought a bit longer, "I've got a job here. We've got a place to stay…"
"That's all dependent on him, though, isn't it?" she reminded him, "if he decides to take it away…"
Ste knew that. It was what had been worrying him.
"But," she said, "you don't want to run away. Do you?"
She understood him so well, nowadays. How had everything come so far since those days of tears and misery?
"I stopped hurting you," he said, hopefully.
"I know," she said, "you haven't hurt me since Lucas was born."
Ste thought about that. It wasn't correct, "Not since I knew you were pregnant with him."
Amy nodded. Did she want him to give Brendan another chance? Or did she want them to run?
"But… we haven't slept together since then, either," she said. And that was true, as well. That was the time he'd stopped seeing her as a girl he wanted to shag, and started seeing her as family. She'd somehow become precious to him. The angel that was making his child, who showed him who he was behaving like. Ste couldn't be that for Brendan, though. Eileen was his Amy. Ste was just a toy he liked to play with, that he could throw around and discard and pick up whenever he wanted.
"I think," said Amy, "that you should listen to him."
There was both hope and fear in that for Ste.
"You haven't had any luck finding a job anywhere else," she said, "but if you can keep that job, I can find us somewhere else to live. Somewhere safe. Where he can't get to you."
Leave the Brady's home? He supposed there was no reason to stay anymore. So long as they didn't go back to where they were, Danny's men shouldn't find them.
"Unless you want him to?" Amy added, thoughtfully. She knew better than anyone what it was like to want to stay with someone when the world knew you shouldn't. She gave him a sad smile, and he gave her one back. When they hugged it felt right, like how he imagined hugging a sister should feel. Warm and comforting.
They spent the remainder of the morning working on chores in the Brady household. There was a huge amount of cleaning to be done. The dust settled everywhere, and all they could do was shift it around, and try to get as much of it as possible in cloths that they could beat outside. Amy went shopping too, buying things for the family with money from a pot in the kitchen. She said she assumed Brendan filled it, but wasn't certain.
It wasn't long after they'd fed the kids some dinner that Ste decided it was time to go to the club. It was about an hour before opening time when he arrived, and he could see a handful of cleaners milling around. He didn't do any work, deciding to wait to see what happened with Brendan, instead he sat in the bar, like he had on that first day when he'd seen Macca thrown from the building. The bar staff arrived around him, but Brendan didn't show, and Ste couldn't help but wonder what he and Walker had been up to.
"Ste, there you are, you coming to help or what?" demanded Jacqui when she saw him.
"Er, not?" he said, nervously.
"Oh, great!" she replied, "another one who thinks he's above doing actual work. You can tell Brendan when you see him exactly why nothing's ready, yeah?"
Ste tutted, but stayed where he was despite a desire to tell her exactly what he thought of her and her strops. He turned when he heard a laugh at the door.
"You do know how to get on her tits," said Simon as he leaned casually against the frame. The pose was a good imitation of Brendan's, like he owned the place and everything he saw there. Ste had to remind himself Simon was just an employee, no higher up than Ste.
"Well, she does a good job of getting on everyone else's," Ste answered, sulkily.
Simon smiled, "Maybe," he said, and came to sit by Ste. "So, why aren't you helping?" he asked, casually.
"None of your business," Ste snapped without thinking. He had just imagined Brendan and Simon kissing in an alleyway as they ran from a scene of crime laden with riches, Brendan allowing Walker to touch him wherever Simon wanted to touch.
Simon actually laughed at him, "Friendly chap, aren't ya?" he said.
"Well, you know what you can do about it, don't ya!" Ste replied.
Simon looked at him, "I thought we were getting on yesterday?"
It took the wind out of Ste's sails a bit. He had kind of like Simon yesterday. He'd been friendly and kind and normal. "Sorry," said Ste resignedly.
"I think you've been upset by something, and I was the first person you felt you could take it out on, right?" said Simon.
"Sorry," said Ste again. It hadn't been OK to react like that. If Brendan fancied and like Simon more than he liked Ste, it was hardly Simon's fault. The only person to blame was Ste. "How was that job then?"
"What, for Brendan?" asked Simon, and glanced around to check they weren't being overheard, "yeah, fine. Didn't Brendan tell you about it?"
"No," Ste admitted, while trying to sound like that didn't bother him a jot.
"Really?" said Simon, "I mean, you seemed ... close yesterday."
Close. What a way to put it. "You're not going to say anything about that, are ya?" asked Ste.
Simon grinned at him, "I'm completely trustworthy, me, Ste."
Ste tried to smile a grateful smile back, "Thanks," he said.
"To people who are trustworthy with me, of course," Simon added. "To people who don't mention things they might have seen to their bosses. The fag breaks, for example."
He had just a hint of uncertainty in his voice, like he was worried he'd shared a secret with Ste already, trusting him not to mention the break to Brendan when they were so close. It made Ste smile to think they could rely upon each other. "Shake on it?" Ste suggested with a smile.
Walker held out his hand, "I should think so," he said with a grin, and they shook. Simon held on slightly longer than Ste would have, like he was trying to show him they really could be friends.
A shadow fell on them just as Simon was letting go.
"This looks cosy," said Brendan. "Steven, office, now."
"Er, no," said Ste. Had Brendan already forgotten? "You said we could talk where people could see."
Brendan looked at him a moment, then rolled his eyes. Simon looked between them, curiously.
"If I tried that, I wouldn't have been able to walk away," he muttered.
"Right," said Brendan, "so walk away very quickly right now, in case I decide I don't want you to."
"Anything you say boss," said Simon casually, as though being threatened with broken legs was an everyday occurrence and not the least terrifying. He even winked at Ste as he went, with a cheerful "See you Ste."
Brendan glared after him, "What was all that about?" he demanded.
Ste gave him a glare, "We work together; we will talk to each other sometimes."
"He's a handsome man," said Brendan, with just enough challenge in his voice to rile Ste.
"He what you wanted to talk to me about?" he said, angrily.
"No," said Brendan, quietly.
"So?" Ste prompted, and when Brendan didn't answer, added, "Now was when you were going to explain why it's OK for you to half strangle me and then threaten to kill me."
Brendan positively scowled, "Was I now?"
Ste said nothing, but tried to scowl back, look forbidding, hope Brendan wouldn't try to hurt him again if he looked strong enough and there were people who could see. Brendan's scowl deepened.
"That's just the way this works, boy," he growled quietly, "I'm in charge, you do as you're told."
"And take the beatings?" said Ste accusingly, "You promised me!"
"Did I?" said Brendan, his breathing loud now, and if Ste hadn't been so angry he might have noticed his own fear.
"You told me you wouldn't hurt me again, that it was just because you were angry, and I understood because of what happened with Declan, but last night... I didn't do anything!"
Brendan's face was growing darker as he spoke, and Ste still didn't understand "And I'm making you angry just by saying what happened!" he cried, exasperated.
Brendan sniffed, and looked at the table, "I'm... I'm not… I'm…"
Ste interrupted. He couldn't wait for Brendan to pretend not to be a monster so he could go through it all again. "I need a job," he said, "are you going to sack me?"
"No…" said Brendan.
"OK," said Ste, "so Amy's looking for a new place to live. We can avoid each other while we're here, I'll stay in the lower bar and the cellar, and I'll keep my head down. If I find something else, I'll take it. We won't even have to look at each other."
"Steven," Brendan protested.
"I'll be getting on then," Ste said, not wanting to hear it. He stood and strode as quickly as he could to the stairs, and went down to help Jacqui. He didn't check to see how long Brendan watched him go.
Please leave a review. x