Chapter Thirty-Seven: Ivan

"Yeah," Lucy mumbled, wishing she had more layers on. "It is... pretty cold."

Sonya shivered as she nodded, the girl just as uncomfortable as Lucy. "I think I'm about to ask Makarov if I can switch jobs. At least until it warms up again."

Lucy didn't comment, deciding to focus on her task. She did offer a soft hum, letting Sonya know she wasn't ignoring her. They fell into a comfortable silence, something Lucy was thankful for.

While she was willing to push herself a bit to conversate, she had enough small talk for the moment. Sonya and her didn't share many things in common aside from their job, so the topics were limited, mainly to the things around them and the weather.

And Lucy was sick of talking about the weather.

'I hope Magnolia doesn't have long winters. I can't stand this already and it's not even the end of December!'

Lucy's nose wrinkled when she accidentally dropped a few pieces of discarded food, already dreading bending over to get them. Today's task was working on the compost pile, something she wasn't fond of, but it had to be tended to.

'At least I'm not digging today,' she reminded herself, sucking it up before she bent down to pick up the spill. 'Just a few more hours, then I'm done.'

Instead of being thrilled she was over halfway done with work, Lucy couldn't help but remember how lonely she would be at night. Natsu had watch, meaning she had the room to herself. Well, Happy would be there too, but he didn't provide her with nearly as much entertainment as Natsu did.

'I won't be alone all night.'

A smile tugged at Lucy's lips when she thought about stargazing with Levy and Cana tonight. She didn't want to get ahead of herself, but she couldn't help but think they were all getting closer to becoming real friends, not just friendly because they all happened to have Natsu as a mutual friend.

'I won't be so lonely,' she thought, embracing the thrum of excitement fluttering through her veins. However, that pleasant feeling disappeared when Lucy leaned too far forward, causing her jacket to ride up and expose a sliver of skin to the unrelenting chill.

She barely had time to squeak before goosebumps dotted her skin, every shred of comfort she had fleeing in that moment. 'Damn it.'

"You okay?" Sonya asked, watching as Lucy adjusted her jacket while trying to balance herself.

"F-fine," she said, grabbing the last bit of food before standing, more ready than ever to get the day over with. "I'm fine."

"I don't understand," Makarov repeated, eyes wide and skin pale. He stared at the man sitting across from him, a single desk separating them. "How could..."

"I don't know," Natsu said, forcing himself not to grit his teeth. "I don't know how he escaped, or if he even did." His nails bit into his jeans as he tried grounding himself, but nothing worked. His nerves were on edge, his blood sizzling with fury while his stomach twisted, sickened by the thoughts swarming in his head. "I don't know."

Natsu heard Makarov's voice, but the words didn't register. He was busy trying to sort out his thoughts, knowing he was doing what was best for their community while also upset at himself for telling Lucy's secret. She didn't explicitly tell him he couldn't tell anyone about Ivan, but she didn't have to. She trusted him with her secrets, her past, and he was betraying that by telling their leader.

The only thing keeping Natsu from feeling awful about it was the fact that the man who tormented Lucy, the one who carved her up for fun, was the offspring of the man in front of him.

Ivan was Makarov's one and only son, the monster who devastated Magnolia years ago.

Natsu was just a freshman at the time, barely a few months into school when Ivan was caught. If it hadn't been for his last victim escaping, who knew how many more girls he would have kidnapped and tortured, all for his sick amusement?

"—su?"

"Huh?" Natsu blinked, the haze around his head fading as Makarov's face began to clear. He didn't know what their leader had said, but the furrow in his brow suggested it wasn't good.

Makarov held Natsu's stare for a moment before sighing, dragging a hand over his face before settling his palm over his eyes. "Are you sure? Is it... is it really him?"

Natsu swallowed as he leaned back in his chair, but he couldn't get comfortable. He doubted anything could soothe him in that moment. "I think so. I mean..." He stopped himself from finishing, knowing Makarov wouldn't appreciate his choice of words.

'How many other sickos named Ivan are out there?'

"She... she didn't get a last name, but—" Natsu's voice trailed off when he heard Makarov sucking in a deep breath.

"I know. I know it's him." Makarov's hand dropped, the man looking defeated and worn. "It has to be."

Natsu almost said he couldn't understand how Ivan could have escaped the mental institution he was sent to, but with all the chaos from the outbreak, it was likely the staff at the hospital had little say in the matter. The virus spread like a wildfire, unforgiving as it burned its way through town.

"What do we do?" Natsu found himself asking, knowing Makarov wouldn't have an answer either.

"I don't know."

Natsu nodded, expecting as much. He wrapped his arms around his stomach, failing to give himself some semblance of security. Despite his efforts to keep darker memories away, his mind had other plans, thrusting him back to his last year in middle school when the first girl went missing.

Natsu was barely fourteen at the time. At first, most people speculated that the seventeen year old had run away. Natsu hadn't known her personally, but the rumors flying around suggested she had a rough home life. It made sense she would want to escape, so people ate up that story, not wanting to believe something more sinister had happened.

However, the facts had to be faced when the girl's body turned up in a dumpster behind an abandoned building a few months later. The police had tried to keep the details from the media, but somehow they got released.

Pieces of skin were removed from the girl's arms and legs, as well as a few teeth pulled from her mouth. That had been horrific enough, but the next girl who went missing went through far worse.

The pattern continued for the next year, girls going missing, only to be found dead and mutilated months later. By the time Natsu entered high school, a curfew had been placed on the town as well as a warning to all the young women and girls. They were not to be alone outside for fear of becoming the next victim.

Natsu shuddered, his arms tightening around his body, trying to keep himself together. Even the strongest girl he knew had been on edge at the time, and that was enough to make Natsu's fear and anger bloom. He never wanted to see Erza afraid to be by herself again, but luckily she never had to worry. All of Natsu's friends took care of their own, making sure no girl had to be alone when leaving their house.

It wasn't that Natsu or the other guys thought they could take on whatever monster was preying on those girls. They just knew there was a lower chance of them getting kidnapped if they had a buddy with them.

Natsu tipped his head back, his eyes focused on the ceiling but his mind elsewhere. He was still in the school, but instead of being in Makarov's office, he was in his third hour class, waiting for the teacher to begin their lesson.

Not five minutes into class had the news broke, everyone's phones buzzing, telling them the bastard was caught. Natsu's teacher had stopped class just to pull up the news channel covering the story. Not one soul at that school could curb their curiosity, wanting to find out who was behind the heinous crimes.

Natsu remembered feeling angry when he saw the man's picture pop up on the screen, but it wasn't until his name appeared that it really hit him.

Ivan Dreyar.

It didn't take a genius to make the connection. Their principal was Makarov Dreyar, and the senior football star was Laxus Dreyar. They didn't need it spelled out for them, but their teacher did it anyway, causing a panic to spread throughout the school.

For the better part of a week following Ivan's arrest, people speculated Makarov and Laxus might have been involved. It didn't help that Makarov was the principal where a few of the girls had gone missing, but Laxus had personally known the last victim. She was one of his friends.

After an investigation, both men were cleared of any wrongdoing, but there were some who still held that wrong belief, but Natsu didn't.

He didn't know Laxus well, but Natsu had already gotten to know the principal due to his rowdy behavior, and nothing about the man struck Natsu was malevolent.

Natsu's head dropped to his lap as Makarov muttered to himself, neither knowing what to do in the situation.

Part of him wanted to go find Ivan, to exact revenge on him for what he did to Lucy and all those other girls, but he already knew without asking he wouldn't get his location. Lucy had barely opened up about his name. There was no way she was telling him where it happened.

Any shred of annoyance or impatience for Lucy to get better faded in an instant when he remembered what Ivan's last victim had gone through. She had barely escaped, breaking her hand just so she could slip out of the handcuff around her wrist. Her testimony had been chilling to say the least, describing the cuts, burns, and humiliation Ivan put her through.

It was no surprise when the jury came back with a swift verdict, finding Ivan guilty on all accounts. However, instead of sending his sorry ass to prison like they should have, his lawyer convinced the judge and jury his client was criminally insane, therefore not responsible for his actions.

Ivan was sent to a mental institution where he was supposed to live out the rest of his life, but the outbreak made sure that wouldn't happen.

Now that Natsu understood better what Lucy went through, he could see why she didn't trust anyone, why she seemed to keep her guard up even when it wasn't necessary.

The girl who escaped Ivan ended up being home schooled because she couldn't stand to be around people, making Natsu wonder how much of a chance Lucy had to really get better.

Natsu's eyes widened a bit when he remembered finding Lucy. She had a knife with her, coated in dry blood. She said she stabbed someone who was trying to hurt her. He almost stood just so he could go ask if that person was Ivan, but he stayed seated, knowing he would need to ease into a question like that. Otherwise she might get startled and shut down on him for a while.

'Patience,' Natsu told himself. He hated knowing what Lucy might have gone through, but at the same time, he was thankful he had a better idea now. He could use that to help her. He wasn't sure exactly how he was going to do that, but he felt he had a better understanding of her trauma, and that was a step in the right direction.

At least, he hoped it was.

"I'm not going to lie," Makarov said, capturing Natsu's attention. "I still wonder if he had something to do with her disappearance."

Natsu cocked his head as his brows drew in before he realized what Makarov meant. Laxus' mother had left when Laxus was about fifteen years old, but after finding out what Ivan had done, many wondered if he had actually killed his wife and disposed of her body.

"I just don't understand," he went on, talking as if Natsu wasn't in the room. "I've gone over it what feels like a hundred times. Where? Where did I go wrong?"

Natsu's face softened for a moment, seeing the guilt in the old man's eyes. It wasn't his fault his son turned out to be a monster. He didn't lead him down that path. "Sometimes no matter what we do, we can't help how people act."

"Easier for you to say," Makarov whispered, his voice tense. "You don't have those deaths weighing on your conscience."

"You shouldn't either," Natsu said, frowning when Makarov shook his head. "You didn't hurt them, Ivan did. His actions aren't a reflection on you."

"They are. Those girls, everything will always haunt me. I could have done better."

Natsu sighed, realizing he wasn't going to change Makarov's mind with one conversation. The pain was engraved in his heart, something Natsu couldn't simply get rid of.

Deciding to change the topic for both of their sakes, Natsu asked, "So what next?"

Makarov paused, his eyes trained on his desk before his shoulders fell. "I honestly have no idea."

Lucy held in a grunt as she stepped on her shovel, burying it deeper in the ground. She should have known she would be digging today. Sonya and her finished their work at the compost pile early, meaning they had to kill time until work was over.

While Sonya was busy with another task, Lucy was hard at work digging another grave. The sickness she used to feel about the chore had faded a bit, becoming more mundane than a reminder of death. She found herself tuning out the rest of the world as she dug. It helped pass the time quicker.

Despite trying to zone out, Lucy couldn't help but hear the chain link rattling. Thinking it was the wind, Lucy ignored it, her eyes staying down and unfocused. However, not a minute went by before she heard the rattling getting worse. Before she could look up, she heard it, the hairs on the back of her neck standing up when the sound of a moan filled the air.

Lucy's head snapped up, her eyes blown wide when she spotted the cause of the noise. Decaying flesh clung to the fingers of the zombie as it held the fence, trying to step forward with no luck. The fence stopped it from coming any closer, but that didn't make Lucy feel any safer as she stared it down, wondering how it made it to the gate without anyone stopping it.

Lucy swore she stayed frozen in place, staring at the creature for hours, but in reality it was a mere minute or two before she found herself able to move. She pulled her shovel from the dirt, clutching it tightly as she took a step forward.

Upon seeing Lucy move, the zombie snarled, shaking the fence harder. She flinched, ready to take a step back before taking a deep breath.

'It can't reach me,' she told herself, hesitantly moving forward once again. 'I'm safe.'

The closer she got, the more agitated the zombie became. Several times her mind told her to run, to abandon this sick curiosity and flee for safety. She was sure she just needed to scream and someone would come and handle the situation, but Lucy kept quiet as she inched forward, still holding that shovel as if her life depended on it.

She stopped about a foot in front of the gate, sure the zombie's large hands couldn't slip through the chain links. The sound of its growl made her skin crawl, and that was before she got a whiff of his stench. The rotting flesh made her gag, her hand flying up to cover her mouth and nose.

Lucy's eyes narrowed as she watched it, its bloodshot eyes focused solely on her. Its jaw snapped as if it could bite into her at any second, the zombie determined to get her despite it being impossible. It wasn't strong enough to take down the fence on its own. All it could do was try, giving Lucy a boost of confidence in her situation.

Seeing as she was relatively safe, Lucy took advantage of the moment, observing how it moved and acted. It wasn't the first time she had been close to a zombie, a memory she preferred to keep buried, but it managed to rush to the front of her mind.

One day Ivan had expressed boredom in hurting Lucy physically, so he wanted to mess with her mental status. He put her in the middle of three zombies, all tied to trees around her. Their leashes were just short enough so they couldn't reach her, but that didn't stop her from fearing for her life.

She remembered thinking she was going to die, part of her wishing for it, however, she stayed in the center of those zombies, crying and frozen in fear.

Lucy grit her teeth as she stared down the zombie in front of her, anger swarming her veins as she recounted what Ivan did to her. It wasn't fair. None of it was. She gripped the shovel with both hands, ignoring the foul stench in favor of lifting her shovel.

She was just about to move the handle towards the fence so she could try to hit the zombie, but before she could raise the shovel, a voice shouted out at her.

"Back away!"

Lucy reacted without thinking, worried she was in trouble. She jolted out of the way, eyes searching until they landed on Erza, the guard moving towards them with her hand on her hip. She pulled a short saber from her belt, thrusting it through the gate in a swift motion to penetrate the zombie's eye.

Erza stabbed the zombie with all her strength, satisfied when she saw and felt its body going limp. It was falling to the ground before she pulled the sword completely out of its skull, finally put to rest.

Erza grimaced at the blood dripping from the carbon steel saber. She would need to find a place to properly sanitize it before she turned it back in to the weapon's room. It was originally used for the JROTC program in ceremonies, but now it made a nice weapon, specifically for threats like the one she just faced.

"Are you alright?" Erza asked, looking to Lucy. She appeared safe, but even a scratch could prove deadly. "Did it touch you?"

"No!" Lucy spat out immediately, terrified of getting quarantined again.

The panic in her eyes caused Erza to lift a hand, trying to calm her down. "Okay, I believe you. You're fine." She looked over Lucy, then back at the zombie. "What were you doing? Why didn't you get a guard when you saw it?"

"I..." Lucy cringed, looking down at the ground so she couldn't see Erza's face. "I... was curious."

Erza stared at Lucy for a moment before relaxing, a small smile appearing. "I see." She stabbed the saber into the ground, keeping it secured before walking over to Lucy. "Do you want a better look? Now that it's safe?"

Lucy peeked up, studying Erza's face for a few seconds. When she felt Erza wasn't tricking her, she nodded, unable to stop herself from turning towards the deceased zombie.

Erza watched as Lucy peered over the corpse. She waited a moment before pulling out her radio, ready to tell someone she needed a clean up crew. However, before she could click the button, she heard Lucy's soft voice, asking a question that made Erza's stomach twist.

"Do you think... they feel pain?"

A frown tugged at Erza's lips as she put her radio away, a heaviness settling in her chest as she mulled over the question. It was one she had asked herself before, many times. Every time it popped up, she did her best to push it back down.

"I like to think that they can't," she answered, speaking her truth. She waited a moment before filling Lucy in on her observations, hoping the woman would be understanding.

"When this all started, I saw people shooting them down. They would hit their arms, bodies, and legs, but they kept getting back up and coming after us. They never looked in pain. Never really showed any emotion," Erza paused before sighing. "Unless you count aggression or hunger, but I don't think they feel pain."

A long moment went by as they both stared at the rotting corpse. "I don't think they feel anything."

Erza didn't know what she was waiting for, but when Lucy gave a soft nod, she felt relief trickling into her system. Despite telling herself she was strong and unbreakable, Erza still worried what others thought of her, even if she never expressed it to anyone but Jellal, and that was because she trusted him with everything. She hated feeling weak.

'But then again, doesn't everyone?'

Erza's internal question went unanswered, her mind switching back to the present problem. She pulled out the radio, not letting anything distract her as she spoke. "This is Erza. I have a dead one outside the gates by the graveyard. Anyone able to clean up? Over."

Lucy listened as someone confirmed they could do the job as she looked over the zombie, noting its tattered clothes and exposed wounds. She hadn't seen enough zombies to know how long it had been dead, but it looked in rough shape. Despite Erza telling her she didn't think they felt anything, Lucy still found herself wondering if they got cold.

"Lucy."

She looked up at Erza, standing when the woman made a motion to come closer. "Yes?" she whispered, hoping the serious look on Erza's face wasn't a bad thing.

Erza remained professional as she spoke, acting more as a guard than anything else. "If you see any more, you're to report them immediately. I can let this one slide since you were curious, but you need to let someone know if it happens again. That's how we stay safe."

Lucy nodded, the word slipping out more from reflex than anything. "Sorry."

Erza shook her head as she smiled. "Nothing to apologize for. Just next time let someone know." She grabbed her saber, keeping it away from her body so the blood wouldn't touch her.

When Lucy realized she wasn't being scolded, she found herself mirroring the smile back, yet hers was smaller. That didn't seem to matter to Erza, the woman's eyes flickering before she started turning. "I suggest you get back to work. I'll see you tonight at dinner."

Lucy almost bit back her smile, but when Erza was no longer facing her, she allowed herself that small comfort. She didn't know why she felt happy, but she embraced it, nodding despite no one seeing her. "Yes ma'am."

She snatched her shovel before taking one last look at the zombie. A feeling started making its way to the surface, but Lucy tried to ignore it as she walked back to the hole she was digging.

As she resumed her earlier task, she tried zoning out again, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. No matter how much she tried to fight it, the feeling of resentment set in, making Lucy both confused and irritated.

'Why do I even feel this way? It's so stupid.'

She tried to think about other things, but it was fruitless. The feeling only got worse when she saw two guards on the other side of the fence, dragging the corpse away so she couldn't see it anymore.

Lucy frowned, knowing why she was feeling resentment but not knowing how to face it or even wanting to face it. Part of her, no matter how much she knew it was wrong, wanted to be the one who took out that zombie. She knew it wasn't true, but she felt it would make her feel stronger, give her the confidence she had been missing.

'My problems won't be solved if I kill one of those things. I know that. I do, but...'

She couldn't help but think it would still help, which made her more confused. 'Why would killing something make me feel strong? I've hunted before and that didn't make me feel strong.'

Lucy huffed as she narrowed her brows, trying to get a grip on her thoughts. 'But when I hunted that was for food. This, this would be for protection, or strength. Right?'

She wanted to feel strong, but she didn't want to do something reckless just to feel that way.

'Ugh! My thoughts are all over the place. I wish I had some music to distract me.'

Lucy spent the rest of her shift battling with her thoughts, trying to tell herself killing a zombie wouldn't make her feel better while the other part of her yearned to find out herself. Of course, with her staying on base all the time, she wouldn't have a chance to find out.

'Doesn't matter anyways. I'm safe here. Why would I want to put myself in danger just to test a theory?'

Lucy debated the hypothetical situations as she walked towards the storage shed where she would put her shovel away. Sonya had come by a few minutes earlier telling her work was over, but she stuck around for a bit so she could have some time to herself.

Lucy was just about to reach for the door to the shed when it burst open, a small scream slipping from her throat without her permission. She automatically thought of the zombie from earlier, her mind tricking her into thinking she was being attacked. She gripped the shovel harder, ready to swing if necessary.

However, as soon as she looked into the shed, she saw she had nothing to fear. A flushed Cana stepped out, her eyes wide as she stared at Lucy, then at her shovel.

Lucy gaped when she noticed a figure behind Cana, but she didn't recognize him until he moved into the light. Macao was straightening his shirt as he moved around Cana, acting as if he was in a hurry to get out of there.

"We'll talk a-about you switching jobs later," he mumbled, eyes flashing between Cana and Lucy. "But that's the, uh, the shed, where the equipment is kept. We'll continue the tour another time!"

He dashed away, leaving Cana and Lucy behind to sort out the mess. Lucy barely had time to think as she watched Macao disappear into the school, the man not even bothering to dismiss her for the day.

"Well, I uh," Cana started, cupping the back of her neck before running her fingers through her messy hair, struggling to figure out what to say.

Lucy wasn't stupid by any means. It took her a few seconds to get her bearings, but she figured something was up. She knew Macao wasn't giving Cana a tour of the shed. That had to be the most unbelievable lie she had heard in a long time.

Hell, Lucy had been been through the tour herself when she got her job, and all Macao did was jerk a thumb towards the shed and said 'that's where you get your tools and stuff'.

However, despite knowing something was going on between Cana and Macao, Lucy didn't feel like it was her place to judge. Besides, what could she say anyway? She doubted her opinion mattered to either one of them.

So, she straightened her shoulders, lifted her shovel a few inches and said, "Can I get by?"

Cana's eyes widened before she stumbled aside, nodding frantically. "Of course! Yeah!"

Lucy ignored the warmth in her face as she put away her shovel, making sure it was secure before stepping out of the musky shed. She couldn't look Cana in the eye, knowing she would give it away that she knew what happened. Instead, she played dumb, giving Cana a half wave before walking away. "See you tonight."

"Yup," Cana said, her tone nervous. "I um, I'll see you!"

Lucy didn't look back to see her expression, wanting to get as far away from the situation as she possibly could. It wasn't her business, so she didn't intervene.

'There's nothing I can do anyways,' she thought, frowning when she remembered her own experiences with infidelity. It had been earlier that year, but it still cut like a knife when she remembered her fiance and that gi—

'Stop it!' Lucy grit her teeth as her hands balled into fists, so tight she felt her nails digging into her skin. 'That's the past. It's over, done! Thinking about it isn't going to make things better. Besides...'

Lucy slowly released her hands as she sighed, her eyes falling to the ground in defeat. 'He's probably dead now... Everyone is.'

With her shoulders hung low, Lucy made her way inside, trying but failing to get her mind off her past. For most of her life she thought she was lucky, blessed with the perfect family, perfect life, perfect everything. So often she didn't appreciate all the good in her life, taking it for granted.

The last year had been a train wreck with one disaster after another, and there was nothing she could do to change it. Accepting it was a chore all on its own, something she hadn't done yet, but part of her was hopeful. 'Maybe I can still get better. I just can't give up. I can't...'

She kept going back and forth, thinking ignoring her problems were the answer while sometimes thinking she should face them head on. It was a constant struggle, a battle she felt she was always losing, but no matter how hard it had gotten, she hadn't thrown in the towel yet.

A part of her, no matter how small, still clung to hope that things would one day be better.

Instead of heading to her room like she thought she would, Lucy found herself heading down a hall, her feet stopping right in front of a familiar door. She took a deep breath, knocking two times before stepping back.

She kept fighting with herself on the best way to handle her struggles, but today she was leaning towards facing them, even if it hurt in the process.

When the door opened, Lucy offered a broken smile before mumbling, "Can... can I talk to you?"

Natsu lost count of how many times he changed how he sat in his chair. Nothing felt right, his mind and body muddled as they struggled to figure out what to do.

"We can't let Lucy know I told you," Natsu said, shaking his head. "She'd never forgive me."

"You know we should talk to her about this," Makarov urged, his words causing Natsu's brow to crease. "She can tell us where Ivan is, or was. When did she come in again?"

"I don't know," Natsu said, realizing that was a lie. It took him a moment with his scattered thoughts, but he managed to remember. "The beginning of October. So, almost three months ago."

He frowned, realizing more why Lucy hadn't recovered much despite being at Fairy Tail for a while. The trauma she endured, he could only imagine. However, the more he thought about it, the more he wanted to vomit.

"He might have moved," Makarov mumbled, the man going quiet as he thought to himself.

While he did that, Natsu scratched his head, racking his brain for answers. Ivan's abuse to Lucy didn't make complete sense. All the leaked reports about Ivan's victims said there were no signs of sexual abuse. Even his last victim, the one who escaped, said he never touched her that way.

'So why did Lucy get raped? Why would Ivan change?' Natsu could chalk it up to insane people didn't always follow a pattern, but there was another theory that made him sick. 'Unless it was someone else there? Someone who was with Ivan?'

Natsu wanted to ask Lucy how many people held her captive. He wanted to ask her a lot of things, but the likeliness that she would answer was slim. 'I wish she would just talk to me. Get it all out.'

Natsu scrubbed his face with his palm, realizing that wasn't true. Part of him didn't want to know the horrific things she had gone through. He didn't like negativity, but that only seemed to follow Lucy around, and him by association. Despite that, he wasn't going to give up on her. He wasn't going to let her slip into darkness, not while he could still try to help.

"I think we should still ask Lucy where Ivan was," Makarov said, causing Natsu to shake his head. "Natsu, we need to know where he is. He's a threat. A danger to everyone and himself."

"I'm not gonna ask her." The tone of Natsu's voice left no room for discussion. He wasn't going to ask. It would only make things worse. "We can try to find him another way, but keep Lucy out of it."

"There's no other way to find him," Makarov pointed out, only to cause Natsu to sigh.

He raked his hands through his hair, trying to remember the day he found her. "The house I found her in, it was in Section Six." Natsu paused, piecing things together. "She had cuts on her feet, said she'd been walking for all night and the morning I found her, so it can't be that far from the house. Can you use that?"

"I hope so," Makarov said, but he didn't sound optimistic. "We don't know which direction she came from, or how fast she was moving. Can you try to get more information about it? Without directly asking her?"

Normally Natsu would have been irritated, but he felt nothing but defeated. "Yeah, maybe I can try."

"Find out if it was in Magnolia, or whatever town she came from. That should help narrow it down."

Natsu nodded, but he wasn't paying attention, trying to surrender back into his thoughts. However, Makarov's next words jolted him back into the present, his heart dropping in an instant.

"I'm going to tell Laxus."

"Why?!" Natsu all but snarled. It would be harder keeping it a secret with more people knowing.

He was ready to argue more, but deflated as soon as Makarov said, "He needs to know his father is still alive. I won't tell him how I know or that Lucy has anything to do with it. I'll just say... I don't know what I'll say, but I won't mention either of you."

Makarov frowned, his eyes growing dim as a heaviness fell on his shoulders. "He's told me he wonders if Ivan is still out there. I... I just feel like he deserves to know."

Natsu bit his tongue, keeping himself from speaking too quickly. After he thought about his question three times, he slowly opened his mouth. "If... if somehow Ivan was found, then what?"

Makarov didn't answer right away, his eyes trained on the desk before he glanced up at Natsu. He sighed, looking just as confused and lost as Natsu felt. "I don't know. I wish I could tell you, but I just don't know."

Natsu knew he should have kept his mouth shut, but he couldn't stop the words from pouring out. "He should be put to death."

Makarov didn't respond, merely looking away. Natsu glared for a moment before letting up, realizing the situation couldn't be easy for Makarov. Ivan was his son, no matter what he did, he was still his child.

After another minute of silence, Natsu stood, shifting his clothes before gathering his things. "I gotta get ready for work," he mumbled, unsure what time it was or if he was already late. He cast a glance at Makarov before reaching for the door, only to pause when he heard the old man's voice.

"I know," he whispered, causing Natsu to look back.

Makarov wouldn't look at him, but he raised his voice so Natsu could hear better. "I know what has to be done if we find him. It doesn't make it any easier."

Natsu swallowed before turning back to the door, his gut twisting at how messed up everything had just gotten. He didn't say anything, taking his leave while the tension still hung in the air. He needed to get his head clear, and nothing sounded better than being on the roof all by himself.

For the first time, Natsu looked forward to being on watch.

Natsu's head snapped towards the sound of voices behind him. His guard lowered when he spotted Levy climbing the ladder leading to the roof, a flashlight in her hands despite not needing it. The moonlight and stars kept it light enough to make things out, even if it wasn't as clear as the day time.

Cana was the next to appear, holding the telescope the girls would be using. Lucy was the last one up, her head searching until she saw Natsu from across the roof. She held up a hand, giving him a small wave before the girls went towards the center of the roof to set up.

Natsu wanted to smile, but guilt swarmed his veins as soon as he saw Lucy, remembering his betrayal. He couldn't help it. Despite knowing Lucy would be upset, he felt Makarov had a right to know about his son.

'And I guess Laxus does too. Fuck, I owe Gramps an apology.'

He couldn't dwell on it too much, seeing as he had a job to do. Looking back towards the front of the school, Natsu raised his guard again, knowing he had an important job. He was in charge of looking out for threats from afar, even if he hadn't seen any activity beyond the fence all evening.

'Someone said a zombie made it to the fence today though, so I gotta pay attention.' He knew that, but he couldn't help but want to turn around and check in on the girls, especially when it sounded like they were having fun looking at the stars.

"It's so pretty!" Levy gushed before Cana said something similar.

Natsu tried tuning it out, but once he heard Lucy's voice, despite it being soft, he couldn't help but listen. She told the girls about which stars they were looking at, some he caught, some were too quiet for his ears to pick up.

That made him smile, a small weight lifting from his chest. Lucy had been through hell, and he had told part of her secret, but it sounded like she was enjoying herself, sounding passionate as she told the girls about the constellations that were visible, and even about the ones that they couldn't see that time of year.

Natsu missed a lot when he had to go patrol, but that was okay. He was happy for Lucy, glad she was making friends on her own. Not only would it make it easier on him by not having her rely on him for everything, it was good for her to socialize. She seemed much happier when she was comfortable with people.

When Natsu returned to the roof after his last patrol, he frowned when he saw the girls had left. However, he was mistaken when he noticed a figure sitting on the edge of the roof, a telescope set up next to them. They were in the spot Natsu stood most of the time, deeming it the best place to get a great view of the surrounding areas.

He didn't have to wonder who was there for long, a gleam of moonlight revealing the lightness to their hair, even if it was pulled back into a ponytail.

"What're you still doing out?" Natsu asked, knowing the girl had to be cold by now.

Lucy looked behind her, offering a small smile before waving him over.

Natsu didn't hesitate, walking towards her. She looked at the telescope before gesturing towards it. "Thought you might want, to look for yourself?"

Natsu started smiling, only to pause when he remembered he was working. "I wish I could, but—"

"I'll keep look out," Lucy said, cutting him off.

Natsu's eyes widened for a bit, surprised she was being a little assertive. That only made him grin, nodding before looking at the telescope himself. "Then in that case, I'd love to."

As Lucy began explaining where to point the telescope and which stars he should look out for, Natsu felt his worries from earlier fade away. He allowed himself to be fully in the moment, enjoying his time spent with her without thinking about her past or what the future might hold.

He lost count of how long she stayed up there with him, the two taking turns with the telescope and keeping watch. When it was time for his break, he walked her back to the classroom, knowing she needed to get some sleep. Tomorrow was their day off, but she could always use the shut-eye. Not only that, it was getting chillier outside, and he didn't want her getting sick.

It wasn't until Natsu was returning to the roof that he felt his mood dropping again, the guilt and concern flowing back in. He knew something needed to be done, but he didn't want to deal with it then. Everything was already messed up enough in the world. He could wait until he picked at Lucy's wounded heart, even if he knew the sooner they took action the better.

He was willing to put that off, so long as it kept Lucy better. He thought that was best for her, but deep down he knew he was just delaying the inevitable.

So, what'd you think of this chapter? I'm glad I was able to finish it. :) Still no estimate on when I'll update FTGO!, but I'm working on it. Life is kinda messy right now, but I'm trying to pull myself together. Thank you so much for your patience!

Thank you to everyone who favorited, followed, or reviewed this story! Shout out to the awesome people who reviewed last time: stranger1999, Kitty9453, Chibi-Lazy14, ElementalMiko12, Raquenzel, valerioux, BearPlusCat, sofiesticated, Meow Orbit, Tabasco-Devil, deboome, Perfect Memories, Emoelmo41212, Stellar, Guest, Guest, sarahelle04, Duchixx, Nalulovers, CodenameMise, Firefly9917, WhatAnimeHasTaughtMe, Crystal Kitty842, shootingstarssel, Weevilcat, undercover nyomi, Guest, Lycamall, AnonDr, Lizxcliff11, Unicorn20023, naluloverr, Guest, onestop, SingStar234, cutielove077, itsxoi, Sam, Sashiee27, Animeforlife1412, beefcakebarbierenewed, mautrino, TheUniqueFangirl, reindeerpoop, sthokat, KaytyBot, Xfangirl123X, Lodemai04, Mandapandaa, LoveroftheWord, Guest, Guest, someone1010, Guest, Guest, ReynaSofy997, fluffyunicorns, and car213(x2)!

Up next, Chapter Thirty-Eight: One step at a time