Chapter 38

The room was dark, lit only by the distant flickering of a single candle on the nightstand, its light imperceptible but for the glint it cast in the eyes of the two people lying on the bed.

"Deanna..."

"No," she said softly, raising her finger to his lips, pressing it against them, silencing him - for the moment. "I know you're not ready to talk about... about whatever is on your mind. I know it's hurting you, but I also understand your not wanting to talk about it. Even with me," she added softly.

"Oh, imzadi," he sighed unhappily, reaching for the finger touching his lips, pulling it away. "You have to believe me... If I could talk about it with anyone, it would be with you..." He stared at the hand in his, then kissed the finger softly.

"But you can't," she replied.

"No," he agreed. "Not yet. Not... Not until I come to terms with what I know - and what I'm going to do," he sighed.

She studied his face in the dark, seeing the terrible pain in his eyes, a pain that grew all the more intense when he looked at her.

"Is it me, Will?" she asked. "Something I've said, something I've done?"

He stared at her, seemingly shocked by the idea, then smiled, shaking his head reassuringly. "Never, beloved," he assured her.

"But... I see such pain in your eyes when you look at me," she said.

"Because... Because the plans I had made for us, the future that I saw for us..." He shook his head once again. That future isn't going to happen now, he reminded himself silently.

"Because we're back together?" she asked him softly. "Is that what this is all about? Our affair?" she asked, stricken.

Had their affair somehow offended someone at Starfleet during the three months they had been back at Earth? she asked herself. Had they been a little too open, a little too obvious since they had resumed their relationship?

Will opened his mouth to repeat the reassurance - then closed it slowly. "I don't know, imzadi," he replied honestly.

Devastated, she stared at him, then pulled back, trying to free herself from his grasp and from his bed.

But his hand was on her arm before she could move, pulling her back to him, drawing her close until their eyes were mere inches apart, so close that there was no place for any lies or dishonesty between them.

"But if it is, imzadi, if what happens is because I chose to come back to you..."

"We chose," she corrected softly, hoarsely.

Will smiled. "If this is all because we chose not to lives our lives apart any longer... Then I will never regret or repent it, no matter what happens," he whispered.

She stared at him, touched by the depths of his words, but knowing what they both had always known; that if it came to a choice between her and his career, his career would win. It wasn't even a contest, she knew; they had both been clear about that decision, even the first time they had been together. And now, now after so many years, after such an advancement and such a record as Will had earned, there was no way that she could stand in the way of his progress - no matter what he might say, here, now, in the heat of passion - and hurt.

Pushing him back gently, she began to remind him about that promise they had made to each other long ago - and remade much more recently: to be honest about who they were and where they were going, even if it meant hurting the other one - but as she lay her hand upon his chest, she felt a wash of emotions running through him that she had never felt from the man before - a wave of emotions so strong it knocked her back on the bed and left her gasping from its impact.

"Will..." she gasped - then felt a drop of moisture on her chest. And another.

"Deanna... I love you," he whispered.

For a moment, she tried to speak - but there were no words. Instead, she opened her heart to him, opened her soul, letting his being flow within her - then felt herself shuddering as the intensity of his feelings began to fill her soul.

"I love you," he repeated.

"And I love you, Will," Deanna suddenly cried out, her own tears welling up and spilling across her cheeks.

Sobbing with a joy he had never known before and a passion deeper than anything he could have imagined or dreamt of, Will drew Deanna up to his lips, kissing her with every ounce of feeling he had ever known - then guided her back down to the pillows once more.

Imzadi.

Imzadi.