"I don't want to go home yet. I need to stay here and live in the library and revise," I moaned to Sarah as we loaded our things on the train a week later.
"You've not done much but eat and cry over the last week anyway Rose; I'm surprised you can see your notes over through all the tears and custard," Sarah said, making a very good point. I tried not to let her see the tears springing into my already puffy eyes but as we found our seats she turned to me.
"Oh love, not again," she said soothingly, rubbing my arm as James sat heavily down next to Scorpius who was looking totally confused at my mood swings.
"I just love you all so much!" I sobbed, bursting fully into tears.
"Should I slap her again?" James asked for the second time that week. Sarah batted him away as he reached for me and Scorpius gave him a half-confused half-scared nod at me.
"She's fine. What is it this time, Ro? Did you see a mother duck with a duckling in a magazine again? Because an hour and a half is a long time to laugh-cry," Dom sighed, sitting down next to Scorpius, who shifted up to allow room for her and Becky. Albus squeezed himself in next to Sarah and patted her on the shoulder in support.
"No touching, little brother," James said with a grin. Albus rolled his eyes. James was always teasing him for holding a candle for Sarah, much to Becky's annoyance and Sarah's embarrassment.
"Just none of you die, okay? Just don't," I wept, trying to stem the flow of tears with my robes sleeve.
"That kind of interferes with my plans next week… you know, get dressed, have breakfast and die," Dom said sarcastically as the train started its journey to London.
Finally I stopped crying long enough to take my robes off so I could get off the train in plain clothes.
"God, I'm so sweaty all the time," I complained as I grabbed my trunk an hour later.
"I have never felt more attracted to you," Becky laughed as she grabbed my trunk for me. James 'helped' me off the train by carrying me bridal-style to where our parents and grandparents stood.
"Mum's here Ro, I'll catch you over the holidays," Sarah said, pointing to where her mum was waving at us all, beautiful as ever.
"When you get settled, owl me. Love you," she added, giving me a hug. She kissed her fingertips and placed them on my stomach too. "Bye baby, see you soon," she said in a whisper, making my heart swell (not literally, I'm pretty sure that would be cause for concern.)
I think I'm going to cry again… dammit.
"Where's my kiss?" James hissed, pulling her into a bear hug. They were finding it weird to pretend they weren't in love, when they so obviously were.
"Sar?" Danny said in an irritated tone from behind them. They broke apart quickly and James looked at her as well.
"I'll see you over the holidays, right?" Danny asked inquisitively. Sarah nodded with a false smile and as he went in for a kiss, she turned her head so he caught her cheek instead. He raised his eyebrows and blew her a kiss as his brother led him away. James rubbed her shoulder.
"Amy left as soon as we got off the train, I saw her disappear. I think they've broken up you know." James said, watching Danny's retreating back with mingled surprise and loathing.
"I don't care. Our relationship was broken when our trust was," Sarah replied with a hard look in her eyes.
"That's my girl," James said with a grin, taking her into his arms again as Hugo, Lily and Dom stood chatting to our assorted family.
"Quick, go on, give me a kiss," James said, looking down at her with the same love he'd had since he first laid eyes on her. Sarah looked around and drew James into her, pressing her cheek to his lips. He dodged her though and captured her lips for a second. Nobody noticed as life bustled all around them. Sarah blushed and grinned at us both before turning and heading off with her mum.
"I'm going to marry that girl one day," James promised (threatened) as we turned to our parents, a sweet, calm smile on his face.
I've never believed anything he's said as much as I believe that.
"You've got so big, Rose," Nana said, holding me at arms length. She didn't look disappointed, she sounded more nostalgic, as if seeing me had brought back memories of all the happy pregnancies this family has had.
All of us are proof that there has been a hell of a lot.
"I know nana; I just took out my last robes," I sighed, giving her a hug and a kiss. Dad grabbed me for a hug next and looked over my shoulder to where Scorpius stood.
"My mum and dad said you were going to be taking us to yours to get some things then going to Hogsmeade…" Scorpius said uncertainly. Mum nodded and patted him on the shoulder.
"That's right love," she said, looking down at him kindly. Dad stuck out his hand suddenly and gave Scorpius one of his famous crushing handshakes. To his credit, Scorpius didn't react and dad raised his eyebrows, apparently impressed despite himself.
"Hugo went to put his things in the car and wait for us. Are you both ready?" Mum asked gently, her arm around what used to be my waist. I nodded with a smile up at her and followed dad out to the car, waving at my friends.
The car ride home was cramped with Hugo, Scorpius and I squeezed in the back. It was also quiet – when mum wasn't making conversation with us, dad was beadily watching Scorpius using the rear-view mirror. I think I'm going to cry…again.
Thankfully, and miraculously, the traffic didn't keep us and we were home before we knew it.
"Sit down kids, we'll go and grab the stuff we need," Mum said as she plonked her keys on the kitchen table and pulled out a chair for me, stroking my back as she walked past.
"Mrs Weasley, is it okay if I get a drink?" Scorpius asked politely before she and dad could go upstairs. Dad just looked at him and mum practically fell over herself to grab him a glass from the cupboard and put it in front of him.
"Please, call us Hermione and Ron. As you've seen at Christmas, there are a lot of 'Mrs Weasleys'," Mum said gently with a smile.
Dad looked slightly put out, like he'd rather be referred to as 'Sir' or 'Master of the Weasley house' or 'King Ron of the United Kingdom of Weasleys' but he says nothing. Scorpius gave her the same nervous grimace he'd given me in the car and at the station, and nods while mum and dad plod up the stairs. They returned about five minutes later with two large bags.
"Come on then guys. Hugo, say goodbye to your sister," Mum said, patting his shoulder.
"Bye Rosie," Hugo said, pulling me into a hug. I patted him on the back, willing the tears not to come and for once they don't. He grabbed Scorpius by the hand and shook it with a grin before shuffling out of the room in that teenage-crab way of his.
"I've got your bags, Ro," Mum said, grabbing the trunk I had made to pick up.
Scorpius flushed pink in apparent mortification that he hadn't had the idea to carry my things for me first, and dealt with it by grabbing a handful of floo powder and throwing it in our huge kitchen fireplace. I smiled wonkily after his spinning body and grabbed some powder myself, flinging it into the flames with a cry of 'Belle Cottage,' my hands clamped around my large bump.
Mum and dad came after as I regained my balance. I was drawn into a hug almost the second I had by Astoria, who had only just let go of her son. Draco stood behind, looking half the man he had when I last saw him. His usually perfectly barbered hair was longer than usual, his robes were creased and he looked as if he'd lost some weight around his middle. His cheeks were gaunt and he was even paler than usual. Astoria too looked thinner – she apparently had missed a hairdressers appointment as some silver hairs around her temples showed clearly in the late March light. In fact, as I thought about it, mum and dad were looking older and more tired – mum had slight bags under her eyes and her hair was looking duller than usual, and dad had dark circles around his own eyes.
It was then that I realised the media sensation surrounding my pregnancy had truly taken its toll, and I restrained myself from tears for the second time that day. Sarah had been flatly refusing to let me read any of the papers, and for once I listened to reason – I found that I didn't want to read what anyone said about me. Since I was in school, I had been protected from the media frenzy and the reporters dying to know every shocking detail of my situation. However, now I realised I would be subjected to it as my family so obviously had been.
Mum and Astoria crossed the room to each other and hugged, each gripping the back of the other's robes for comfort, and neither realising how long the hug was going on. I had never thought about how lonely they must feel – Astoria hadn't got the family support mum had, and nor had she many friends, and she gripped my mother for dear life, both sharing the other's grief for a life they would never get back.
Meanwhile, dad strode across the room and Draco made the effort to smile, relief in his eyes, bringing his hand to dad's in a handshake and clapping the other hand on my father's shoulder as he greeted an old friend. Mum and Astoria broke apart and Astoria wiped a stray tear as she smiled at mum, who squeezed her hand and they all turned to us.
"Live as you would normally, I'm sure you'll have people popping in to see you all the time." Mum explained, turning to me and gripping my clammy hand with her own dry, soft one.
"I'm only down the hill in the pub if you need me anyway," Dad said, pulling me into an awkward hug. Even more awkwardly he patted my stomach and withdrew, clearing his throat uncomfortably, finding more comfort in my mother's soft touch on his arm than he ever did anywhere else. Mum stroked my hair and gave me a sad little half-smile, though her eyes looked hopeful.
"I'll pop down next week, I'm sure you'll have forgotten something and owled me by then anyway," Mum laughed, cupping my cheek with one hand and touching the hand that I held to my belly with the other.
I gave her a watery smile back and they left as quickly as they had arrived, after mum wound her way into Draco's arms. For a second, it looked like she held his gaze, wanting to find confirmation that they would all be alright, and Draco gave her a genuine, soft smile without any trace of a smirk, and gave the slightest of nods. She kissed Astoria's pink cheek, as did my father, and they left. Astoria was close behind and left after mum but as Draco crossed the room to the fireplace and turned to look at us, he seemed sad. He squeezed Scorpius' shoulder tightly and gestured me closer as well. His cool hand found my upper arm as he held us both in goodbye. He seemed to struggle for words, but his hand on my arm comforted me in a way that even Astoria's warm hug hadn't.
"Look after each other," he finally said in a strangled voice, after struggling to choke out any words.
Scorpius and I nodded mutely, and just like that, everyone was gone.
"This place is lovely," I said after Scorpius had given me the guided tour – there were five bedrooms, four bathrooms, a spacious kitchen-living room separated by the worktops of the kitchen and a small dining room tucked at the back of the house. There was a mini herb garden in a large pot on the kitchen windowsill and the living room window had a seat in it looking over Hogsmeade. From here, I could even see Hogwarts looming majestically over the town. I had instantly fallen in love with the simple layout and easy pastel colours of this well-lit house, and found myself wishing I could live here for good.
"I've always loved it," Scorpius agreed with a grin, watching me try to tuck my knees up to my stomach in the bay window seat, which was painted white and had small pink and purple cushions scattered along it.
"Where do I sleep?" I asked casually. Scorpius shrugged.
"I usually sleep in the back room." He said. I remembered it – it was spacious, as all the rooms were, with deep purple carpets and cobalt blue walls. I nodded.
"I might sleep in one of the downstairs bedrooms," I said. There were two downstairs, but I had my eye on the one with the en-suite bathroom.
"I'd imagine all the stairs at Hogwarts are killing you," Scorpius offered.
Things had never been awkward between us, but right now the silence in this high-up house was deafening. When we're together, we're usually in the hustle and bustle of Hogwarts, or the chaos of The Burrow, but here it seemed all the world's silences were condensed into one gaping hole of quietness.
"I told Al that he should come over tomorrow night and bring James," Scorpius offered. I nodded.
"I invited Sarah up on Sunday night to stay, I think she might be bringing Danny – is that okay?" I asked. Scorpius nodded fervently.
"Of course, we're meant to treat this place like our own," He said honestly. I nodded at him, letting the silence envelope us once more. I knew that the longer we stayed here together, the more we would talk… probably about awkward things.
"I'm going to have a lie down; do you want help with your things before I do?" Scorpius asked after he stifled a huge yawn.
"No, you go on up," I said with a fake smile. He nodded and patted me on the shoulder as he passed me, leaving me to contemplate what the hell we were going to do with all this time.
James, Albus and Dom wound up at our place the next night. Thankfully, Dom had thought to bring a pizza with her and we shared that while we discussed life, the universe and everything.
They all stayed that night – Dom had staked out the room opposite Scorpius while James had the front bedroom overlooking the village and Albus took the other one. Scorpius didn't seem to mind that my family were invading his home, in fact when we all sat together eating and had taken my hand and stroked my belly for a second, while nobody was looking.
Somehow I think that at this early point in the holiday, Scorpius was glad to be eased into spending time alone with me by having our friends around at first.
The next night, Sarah was due to arriving at about five, and while James had told us that he was going to go home, as soon as he found out she was coming he was determined to stay, and when he heard that Danny would be coming too, he was feverish with determination. Neither Scorpius nor I minded, and Scorpius even wrote a letter to Becky inviting her along too, seeing as the rest of us were all here. It was on the joking condition that she brought Chinese food, and she didn't disappoint, turning up with about twenty cartons of the stuff.
"There's no duck is there?" I asked sternly. Becky rolled her eyes.
"No, Rose, we all know that you don't eat duck on moral grounds." She said.
"They're too cute." I shrugged.
Scorpius smiled over at me and I held his gaze while our friends tucked into the masses of food. If I were in a cheesy mood I would have said that time slowed down, but it didn't, not really. We were having one of our 'moments' and I didn't want to ruin it by over thinking it, but Baby kicked me while another warm smile spread across Scorpius' face and lighting up his eyes, almost as if he or she knew that their father was giving me goosebumps and butterflies with just a smile.
James soon broke our moment by offering Scorpius a beer, which he took gratefully and gulped down. James passed around more to the others, but Sarah didn't take one, apparently out of solidarity with me as she squeezed my hand and passed me prawn crackers. Danny accepted a beer too and clinked his with Albus, who got dagger-stares from James. Becky soon started gushing about a muggle who had bought her a drink the night before, talking about his sandy hair and blue eyes, and I saw Albus visibly wilt, as if the news had taken the wind out of his sails. Sarah watched him hawk-like as well, and raised an eyebrow at me with a knowing half-smile. Dom was oblivious, chatting away to Danny about Quidditch.
"How are you and Amy, James?" Becky asked innocently, although Sarah and I had our eyes firmly on Danny, who seemed to grip his drink tighter but otherwise made no signs of anger.
"Well, I think she might have someone else on the go, you know," James sighed convincingly and turned to Danny. "Women, eh. Fickle as they come." He shook his head. Danny looked fleetingly alarmed but masked it quickly, although Sarah and I looked at each other swiftly. Becky smirked at us and even Dom looked less oblivious than usual.
"Why do you say that?" Dom asked sweetly.
"Ahh, you know her type. She's a slag," James shrugged casually, giving Danny a sidelong glance. Scorpius barked a laugh.
"You've been with her like 6 months…" Becky pointed out.
"I like whorish girls. Makes me feel like a pimp," James said, looking smug and sounding uncharacteristically arrogant, folding his arms behind his head and watching Danny as he set his beer down carefully, hands shaking slightly.
However, the fun stopped as quickly as it started – Sarah apparently decided against openly tormenting her boyfriend and flashed her eyes at James, calling off her loyal dog. He immediately came to heel and allowed Albus to quiz Danny on his favourite Seekers. He flashed Sarah a sweet smile, the action warming his eyes too, but within a second it was gone as he was roped into the Quidditch conversation by Scorpius, who shot me little glances every so often, I think to check whether I was okay.
"Night all, see you in the morning. See you in a minute Sar," Danny called over his shoulder as he walked up, following Albus up as he showed Danny to his room. I could hear Dom brushing her teeth upstairs and gargling nonsense to Becky, who was replying every so often with little comments.
"I'm sleeping next door to you; don't think that I won't hear any funny business," James said once Danny was gone, wagging his finger half-sternly to Sarah as the four of us washed the dishes out by hand. I had my hands in the scalding water, enjoying the tingle as I rinsed all our plates and passed them to Sarah, who dried and passed them in turn to Scorpius, who was putting everything away since he was the only one who knew where it went. James appeared to be 'supervising.' Sarah sighed and looked at me.
"Do you think I'm making a mistake?" She asked. James spluttered indignantly behind her, throwing his hands into the air, making Scorpius grin as he took a plate away from James, who was miming smashing it over his girlfriend's head.
"Not with him, I love him, even though he's trying to smash crockery over me." Sarah added without even looking at James, who looked nonplussed at her awareness, making Scorpius chuckle deeply.
"What with then?" I asked, handing Scorpius a wet dish, our fingers meeting under it. I didn't look at him, though I felt his eyes on me, still smiling.
"Danny. I don't think he's genuinely bad, just misguided. I wish I could ask him why he did it," she replied earnestly. It was Scorpius who spoke, surprising all of us, even himself.
"If he loved you, he would never have done anything that could hurt you, intentionally or not," he said sagely. James nodded, for once not joking around.
"He's right," James said, nodding to Scorpius, who turned pink. I instantly wished I could have him beside me that night… I have no idea why.
"Thank you…" Sarah said, trying not to look surprised as she hugged Scorpius and handed him the last dish. I emptied the sink as James patted Sarah on the thigh and led her up to their separate beds, stealing a kiss on the stairs. I turned to Scorpius.
"You were amazing!" I said, wondering whether I would have been able to comfort Sarah in a single sentence.
"Ah well, don't be so modest... you provided the candles and Barry White music," Scorpius replied with a grin, seeming to have taken on some of James' light humour. I gave a genuine laugh and kissed him suddenly on the cheek before wishing him goodnight and leaving for bed.