Dead.
Everyone's dead.
Mum, Dad, Kern and…
I still can't say her name. We were both 16, me and… her. We were going to get married. I told her so when she came to me, and held me close, told me that if, when I won, we'd get married, and no-one could touch us.
But I did win.
And they did, they hurt us all, hurt them all.
Hurt me.
The president, Snow, came to me and told me he was angry, for what I did in the Arena with the force field.
They want us to kill each other, not let the Capitol kill some of us. Though that's what they do normally, it's not like I wanted to kill from the beginning, they made us.
And yet they act like they are impartial, watching us fight from above.
They don't harm anyone.
Except my family.
He told me, the president, that I would be punished, and that I should not expect to get off lightly.
I asked him what would happen to me, expecting whipping, like what sometimes happens in District 12 when a hunter arrives back with a bit too much food.
He smiled.
I'd prefer if he would shout at me. This smiling doesn't make me feel anything but fear.
I didn't even feel fear in the games.
He said that nothing would happen to me.
So I took the train home, apprehensive about what would await me.
I didn't think it would await them.
They didn't come to meet me at the station.
That's what made me worried first.
I found my mum first, sprawled in the hallway, mouth open in surprise from the shock that must have arrived with the gunshot to the head.
I vomited then.
I walked forwards, more scared than I was than during all of the games, even when I was holding my guts in.
My dad was next, sitting by the door, a small hole in his chest, where his soul and life escaped during his final moments.
The door is the door to my little brother's room.
I felt my legs give in at that point, and I slid to the floor, shock replacing the blood in my veins, not Kern…
Kern's only 11.
God no…
He's only 11…
He's too young for the games, and they still managed to kill him.
My fault.
That's when I ran over to her house, to find her. She'd comfort me, and tell me that everything would be OK.
She was always the mature one.
But her mum was the one who greeted me at the door.
If you call that a greeting.
She was crying in the doorway, and that's when I knew.
They had taken everyone.
Everyone.
My mum, dad, Kern and now…
Her.
I still hadn't cried, and when I went in to find her, blood-soaked and pale as death itself, lying on the floor, looking like Maysilee did when she died.
No, not her too…
Please…
Laurel.