"Willie!" For the umpteenth time, I'm calling her name. Okay, see it's January and we're in New York and its cold and I'm in the doorway calling her name and she never responds-EVER! So while I put an end to the frostbite set on and run upstairs to see her, the door slams on her luggage ...and I..Almost...I almost let it go but then I remember the first time I scratched her luggage...She...She threw it at me, like literally picked up the damn suitcase and threw it at me.
She's already annoyed with me because I wouldn't let her take a million bags for a 3 day trip...So after a bit of threats, anger, slamming, stomping and tantrums-She settled on five...And not a million which is my idea of 17...I'm just saying, who packs a 38 pairs of shoes in fear that they may decide that a shoe didn't go with a certain outfit on the day that you pick it. A shoe...Is a shoe...Nothing more, not a person, not a being with a soul no matter how much she is convinced otherwise.
"Wils?" Up the stairs, down that long ass hallway, around the corner, open the doors and what do I see...She's asleep...again. She sleeps more in the morning than she does at night, I swear it's not normal.
"5 more minutes."
"There is no 5 more minutes that was half an hour to go...We have too much to do before the flight, come on." And she doesn't even move just sleeps...In my face...Like I don't exist. "Willie." No answer. "Willie!" Sure, now she moves but only to lay on her back and stare at me evilly, as if she's planning my decapitation in her head. "You have to get up."
"Well I can't."
"Why?" She rolls her eyes and reaches for my hands from across the room, averting to her usual tuck-and-roll solution. "And..." With a laugh, I walk over and tug at her arms, bringing her to her feet, relishing in the fact that without her stilts, she is still shorter than me.
OoO
"When was the last time you saw a cardiologist?"
"The first of December and I didn't even get a checkup because I walked out of the room before he had a chance to do anything." Dr. Spears nodded, pressing the back of her stethoscope to base of her back, listening intently.
"Inhale...Exhale..."
"Can I go now?"
"You're lucky I don't make you stay overnight-Your pressure is high, your breathing is irregular and I can see the distension of your Jugular which means you haven't been taking your medication."
"I have a Wintour vein!?" She shrieked, pushing him out of the way to look at the mirror trying to see what he was talking about. Her eyes were wide and distorted, eyeing herself closely.
"Wilhelmina that is not the point!"
"Don't yell at me, Smith...You're lucky I'm letting you touch me after the crap you pulled last month."
"Then why are you here?"
"Because that egg shaped thing you see out there in that waiting room, he's annoying...And he wouldn't shut up unless I saw you so here I am."
"I don't think you should fly."
"And I am out of here." She hopped off from the table, ignoring his attempt to stop her.
"Wilhelmina this is serious, you can't always do what you want to do."
She laughed, her coat swung over her arm. "Do you realize who you're talking to?"
"Yes...A woman...A pregnant woman. Wilhelmina you can't do everything that you want to do because you're currently responsible for someone else's life-What you do, affects her too."
"What am I doing? I'm not swimming the English Channel, I'm going to my kid's party."
"IN PARIS! See that's the point, you don't see what I see...All you see is a little 3 day trip for Izak but what I see-AS your doctor, is what could something that makes me regret giving you the go ahead to have another child in the first place."
"Excuse me?"
"You're not well, I'm no cardiologist but I do know you and from what I see, you're in the beginning stages of heart failure."
Her eyes squinted dangerously in his direction, her body stiffening but her face stoic. "Excuse me."
"I told you to slow down."
"You're lying."-
"And you're in denial...Now if you accept it now and let me run some tests, call our attending cardiologist and see what we can do, we may be able to reverse this BUT, if you continue to be this stubborn person that's doesn't want to listen to a damn word I have to say then your kids will just have to grow up without a mother or kid-Depending if this kills the both of you."
"But-"
"I'll give you 2 days...But on Monday morning, I need to see you in my office, first thing in the morning."
"We're supposed to come back on Tuesday."
"Well then reschedule." The door flew open and he left abruptly, having Daniel enter minutes later, checking his phone.
"Everything okay?"
She smiled falsely, feeling her eyes glisten behind the front she attempted to put up. "It's...its fine."
He never looked up, immersed in his message. "Before the flight, we might have to swing by Betty's place."
"Why?"
"Justin is having a hard time getting the go-ahead from his mom."
'"He's 20."
"And he lives at home."
OoO
"Willie get out of the car."
"No! This place looks like I could get mugged by the wind!"
"Wilhelmina...It's not that bad." she rolled her eyes and stepped out, deflecting the thoughts she had on her mind with the current state of the neighborhood that she stood in. She looked around, trying not to turn up her nose too much but knew that it would look better without so much light, then she wouldn't have to see everything.
"Wait..." She paused for a moment, clinging to the door of the town car cautiously.
"What's the matter?"
"Nothing...Nothing...You know what I'm just going to stay here." She climbed back in, closing the door and he sighed, locking the door and jogging up her steps before knocking on the door.
"What you think you can just travel Europe with Cruella DeVille and not tell anybody!? What if she rubs off on you!?" The door swung open to Hilda and Justin arguing, Betty trying to mediate only for them to turn and see Daniel, silencing immediately.
"Hey." He waived shortly with them waiving awkwardly.
"Where's Wilhelmina?" Justin questioned.
"She's...She's in the car."
"SEE! She thinks she's too good to come in this house and you want to go spend 3 days with her."
"Because she's fashion royalty!"
"Hilda..." Daniel started. "It's not like that, she just...She's tired."
"I'm tired and I don't act like I have Carmen Miranda's hat stuck up my ass!"
"Hilda!" Betty corrected."
"Just saying..."
"You know what, I'll go talk to her." Ignacio offered before Daniel could properly warn him.
"Wait-" Before he could finish, Betty had pulled him out of the cold and into her home, Hilda slamming the door behind them.
"Well...Can I go?"
"NO!"
"Mom, I'm 20 years old."
"And you live under my roof, therefore you follow my rules."
"No, this is Papi's house and he said that I could go!"
"Hilda...Daniel began. "If you're worried about his safety, he'll be fine. Wilhelmina just needs her assistant out there because we're going to be taking care of some business."
"And why doesn't she tell me that? Tell her bougie ass to come say it to my face."
"Hilda that's his wife." Betty whispered, reminding her.
Outside, Ignacio approached the only car with tinted pitch black window's in the neighborhood and knocked on one of them , waiting patiently on the Passenger's side.
Wilhelmina cracked the window an inch. "Whatever you're selling, I don't want any."
"Good afternoon to you too."
"Do I need to call the police?"
"No, but you could let me in this car, It's freezing out here."
"It's not my fault you forgot your coat and-Do I know you?"
"Ignacio..Ignacio Suarez."
"Suarez? I take it, you're Betty's father?"
"In the flesh...But not for long..." HE joked, rubbing at his arms.
She unlocked the door and he pulled at the handle, climbing in the back with her. "Tony can you step out for a moment please."
"Ms. Slater it's less than 32 degrees out there."
"Well I said only for a moment."
He sighed and left, slamming the door behind him. Wilhelmina rolled her eyes, practically still ignoring Ignacio until she spoke. "So, how can I help you?"
"I just wanted to invite you inside."
"No, I'm fine thank you."
"Our home is probably no different than yours, there's no reason to be-" She looked at him and he recanted. "Okay, maybe our home is not the same as yours but it's friendly,-"
"It's not your home, I have no problem with your home no matter how...Lifetime Movie, the neighborhood looks...I am fine where I am."
"Well Justin needs someone in there to go to bat for him."
"Daniel is in there."
"But he needs you."
"Look, Ignacio-That is your name right? This is sweet and all-Coming to bat for your grandson but I'm not really up to talking right now."
"Something wrong?"
"Really? I don't do this."
"C'mon..I'm a stranger...I don't watch Fashion Buzz...I don't know you, and I can't judge you."
"I'd rather not."
"Fine, maybe my Hilda was right about you being cold-hearted."
"Just because I don't want to discuss the possibility of my death, doesn't mean that I'm cold-hearted." She spat back, immediately regretting it the moment it escaped her mouth.
"Are you sure?"
She sighed quietly, looking out the window. "I have congestive heart failure and knowing my history with medical issues, I really don't expect a positive outcome."
"Well...About 4 years ago, I had a heart attack...I woke up and they told me that they had performed a Quadruple Bypass...I was 66 years old, what are the odds that I'd live through that."
"And you're annoyingly persistent."
"Enough to come inside with me?"
She smiled half-heartedly.
OoO
See, this is what I never knew. The goodness of the human race. The pure kindness that comes without even having to know someone. Some may say that it's out-of-character for me to go with a complete stranger and talk to them but I'm changing. I have changed and when this, straight out of a comic book, man comes to my side of the car and offers his hand, I don't refuse.
Besides, I'm a little confused. Justin is a good kid, I can see that and he is also a grown man. I don't see why he has to get permission from his mother to go on a business trip with his boss. She has probably read the tabloids and assumed that I am just the Wicked Witch of the upper East Side, which I have the capacity to be but who the hell is she to judge me. Sure, I'm hard on Justin and Marc but that is because if I wasn't they would probably swing from the chandeliers with Prada ties strapped around their necks.
So when this man that I barely know from Adam offers me his hand, I accept and hold on tight because I'm not stupid-There is ice on the street and the sidewalk-I have on 6 inch heels-And my balance is that of an overweight clown who is past his prime and on a tight rope.
"Okay, Okay I'll see if I can get her!" I hear his voice past the screen door as well as a shadowy figure raising his hands as if in surrenderance with a woman slightly resembling Caesar Chavez waiving a unnaturally long nail in his direction.
"Oh." Upon seeing that I am already on my way, he extends his hand and I reach but almost slip on the ice. See, I told you that Queens is not safe, it's just a waiting booby-trap of death that I nearly stepped in had Papa Suarez not been right behind me. Damn this off-balance crap.
I can feel the glares burning into my perfectly made of skull as I step through the front door, my Valentino coat pulled snugly around me. I don't blame her if she hates me because right now, I would be jealous of me if I saw myself in this badass coat. It has this certain elegance that is almost scary in its ivory chic, an A-line ensemble that cuts off at my knees but not before its double-breasted beginnings and long sleeve dolman cuffs. Not to mention the amazing belt that eliminates any unwanted eh hmmm...weight gain. Needless to say, I look amazing even leaving out the 6 inch Michael Kors burnished leather sandal with a contrasting black platform and nude heel, topped with a duo of tan adjustable straps. Damn, I'm good!
-good...God this place looks like a snapshot out of a La Noperllera movie. Okay, away from judgment and the observation that everything in sight is less than 25 dollars...Again...No judgments...Just smile...No, don't smile, keep a hard face; the bitch doesn't like you anyway, why smile?!
"Hilda Suarez."
"Wilhelmina Slater-Uh, Justin get your things." I don't have time for formalities, I have a plane to catch and I need Justin whether she likes it or not. And he is a grown man so she needs to get over it!
"Wait-I never-"
"Excuse me, He is 20 is he not? Old enough to make his own decisions? So old that if you don't trust him to make his own decisions than that is your problem but don't punish him for living his life and your own insecurities because he has a job to do...A job that he is damn good at." Hilda closed her mouth as the room fell silent with Justin running down the stairs with his suitcase in hand. "Betty are you riding to the airport with us?"
"WE...I'm...I'M RIDING WITH YOU!?" His mouth is so wide, I could probably fit his bags in there." I tap his jaw lightly and he nearly faints. "Close your mouth dear, flies might get in." He nods wordlessly but I can tell he's frozen with the fact that I even touched him. With a smiling exit, Justin leaves as well as Betty after kissing their family goodbye. The sassy one glares at me but I don't pay her any mind and I just smile at the old man. Old, creepy, sweet man.
OoO
After a flight full of bickering, laughing and snoring the flight was a successful despite the Meade Jet being filled to capacity with a 'Business Trip' crew. Sure it was expected to be a peaceful trip but there were still something's that had been yet to be resolved. Such as the fact that I am yet to tell Marc that I have been speaking and seeing his ex-fiancé that jilted him at the altar. Then there's...Dwayne. Or the fact that I've been ignoring the 911 calls from my father that have been marked urgent but that I don't care about because to me he is nothing more than a scumbag that has overstayed his 15 minutes in the political spotlight. But then there is also the aspect of me lying to Daniel about what Smith said. Damn, never mind what I said about peace. This is going to be pure chaos.
First, we arrive, put our stuff in our rooms after checking in and for some reason, Alexia and Claire have rooms that are adjoin to ours. Why does God hate me? And despite hate, who in the hell convinced me to go out on the Streets of Paris with Alexis, Claire and Amanda? I don't know why but somehow Daniel got it in his head that the men needed some bonding time. Well then, why is Betty still there? Sure, she could pass as a man but still that's not fair to those who actually resemble their gender.
But anyway, here I am with Claire after Alexis and Amanda spilt to go shopping in the Luobuotin store. I don't think Amanda wanted to go, I actually think that she wanted to get out of dodge because Claire kept badgering me about going to some fancy nursery boutique and she probably couldn't deal. Yet despite how I got here, I am standing in the middle of an aisle with photographers pressed up against the windows after being restrained by Security and Dwayne but it is still annoying. Anyway, this skinny help-maid brings along this random cup of something and I refuse it because, well I'm not in the mood.
"Ohhhh, look at this." I see Claire walking over with this little pink ensemble and I snatch it from her grasps, eyeing her icily before grabbing her shoulders and pushing her in the other direction. With hushed cussing and swinging at me from behind, I find a camera free corner and she is livid.
"Before you get all blown up like a sponge in Hugh Hefner's pool, may I remind you that if we walk out of here with something pink or even look sideways at any specific color the press will be all over it and the last thing I need is Pepto-Bismol looking boxes piled on my doorstep."
"So than why are we here?"
"Because you're annoying and going along with you was easier than strangling you."
"So gender neutral?"
"Well, no green...This isn't Jon and Kate plus 8...Just...stick with white or pick out something for Izak or something?"
"Fine, but don't push me! You're man hands are very forceful."
"Shut up you old bat."
OoO
"So how is DJ?" Claire asked as if she had nothing more to talk about, settling into the booth beside me as we stared at Alexis and Amanda who sat across the way. She shrugged, stabbing her salad aimlessly.
"He says he's having fun with his grandparents and I'm happy, I just don't want him to...to start, you know...Having more fun without me than with me."
"Well Alexis, the boy is nearly a grown man...He has fun without you." Amanda snickered lowly, and I couldn't help but smirk, especially since it evoked a glance of disapproval from Mean ol' Mama Meade, shaking her head in disapproval. "Grow up."
"Why grow up, when you've aged enough for all of our lifetimes?" Ha, bitch! Okay, so I know what you're thinking. I thought you were being cordial with your mother-in-law. Well this is our cordial. This is a huge step-up from where we ere and sometimes we have bad days, sometimes we have good days and some days we want to kill each other. That's just how we are.
"Alright Wilhelmina, since you're so sarcastic in this topic...What about you? How is Izak?" I know she's not talking to me. I look up and see all of these blondes staring at me and for a minute, just a minute I think I've died and gone to Barbie heaven but then I see the crow's feet on Claire's face and realize, Barbie aged much more gracefully.
"Ummmm...Izak is really...attached." My little snuggle bear. Okay, don't get me wrong; I love Izak with every fiber of my being. That is my baby, no doubt about it but sometimes...Mommy needs her space.
"Is that such a bad thing?" I hear Amanda ask me and I can't help but realize the slight hint of irritation in her voice. Before I can answer, my phone rings and I pick up immediately, trying to get out of this awkward conversation.
"Hello?"
"Mama!"
"Izak, sweetie what's wrong?"
"Why did you leave me?"
"Well I'm out with your Nana and Auntie Mandy and Auntie Alex."
"Why didn't you take me with you."
"Well...Aren't you and Daddy having fun with the guys."
"They stink."
"They stink?"
"Mama, come get me."
"Sweetie, just try to have fun."
"Mommy!"
"Izak, I promise...I'll be home in 2 hours."
"That's not good enuff."
"Well it's going to have to be."
"Fine."
My only question is, how does a three year old catch an attitude? I can understand him being able to call me because I'm on speed dial on Daniel's phone and he's not stupid, he knows how to press a button even though I've seen Claire often struggle with using Daniel's phone...But I'll leave that alone for right now.
"That's what I mean, he's very...much attached."
Claire smiled as if it was a Hallmark movie. "That's sweet."
"It's sweet but I don't want it to cripple him in life...I mean, you can be only so attached your mother before you're 30 and still at home."
"That's a stretch...I don't see how a 3 year old wanting to be around his mother will turn him into a weirdo when he gets older...Children are a blessing and you make it seem like it's a burden."
We all look up in Amanda's direction, confused and surprised to her words. One, they actually sounded like an actual form of intelligence and Two, she sounds a bit hostile. Just the way she is staring at me right now, as if she is disgusted that sometimes I can't take my child ALWAAAAAYS wanting me around them.
"Amanda, you just don't understand...You don't have k-" Holy crap...I didn't want to go there, but it just slipped out. Before I knew it, she had stormed off to the bathroom and Mighty Mom and Mighty Man are staring me down like I've done something wrong.
"Wilhelmina you have got to be more sensitive to her feelings." Alexis states defensively as if I purposely tried to offend her. She was beginning to piss me off, an so I almost said something that I would have regretted, I'm sorry but don't act like I'm the devil because of it.
"Alexis, I have been sensitive to her feelings...I hid my own pregnancy for months just to spare her feelings...I lied to people to protect her from being hurt."
"Oh Wilhelmina, don't act so high and mighty like you've never lied before." This pissed me off a bit. I'm finally feeling comfortable around these bitches and now the minute I say something unintentionally harmful, they treat me like the enemy. What the hell is that supposed to mean, I know I have a past but goddamn get over it! Geeze...
"I don't want to talk about this anymore." I'm changing the subject for two reasons. I don't care anymore and Amanda is on her way back.
She sits down and stares at me for a second before speaking. "You're a bitch."
Wh-What? "Excuse me?"
"You...You just make me sooo angry...And you're a bitch...I thought I should let you know." Am I on candid camera? I know this little girl is not talking to me like she has lost all of her marbles. What the hell did I do to her to warrant her talking to me like this.
"That's my cue to leave." Without ever taking a bite from my food, I get up.
"Wait Wilh-" I can hear Claire but I no longer give a damn. See this is what happens when you open up to people. They misinterpret you, they judge you and they don't understand you. Your heart could be blue and all they see is yellow. People form so many misconstrued opinions about you when you share with them and that's why I don't do it. But today, I decided...Oh what the hell. And today I now decide...Never again.
OoO
Walking into this ridiculously large 2 story hotel suite, the first thing I see is Izak passed out on the couch with Marc and Tyler. My only guess is that Ariel and Betty went out or are asleep somewhere too. Right now m focus is to calm down and just forget about that awkward lunch, I don't know what the hell happened but I just know that I can't let things upset me right now or Smith will kill me. And Marc will kill me when he finds out I am seeing Smith again,Ugh my head hurts...
"Wils? What are you doing back so early?" I didn't expect to see him here so yes, I am startled to see him. My breathing is erratic because I'm angry. I'm flustered and my head is killing me...He notices this, his hand on the small of my back. "What's wrong."
"Nothing." I shook my head and lied. Why bring him into this? I don't want to start anything between the families just to cause more drama and more chaos. It'll only irritates me the more.
"Wils..." He walked walked behind me and took my coat, hanging it in the closet before turning his attention back to me as I massage m temples in the middle of the room. "What happened-Did you and my mom get into it?"
"Daniel..." Trying to get me to talk, he starts kissing the curve of my jawline, making his way to my mouth, pulling back after a couple pecks, his arms now wrapped around me and my distended area poking him in the abs to my outrage. I still haven't lost it about my weight but don't worry; I'll get there.
"IF you don't want to talk about it now, you don't have to...I'll run you a nice bath and then you can tell Me." he's so annoyingly cute. But I agree and find myself about a half an hour later in a black silk robe, rethinking the events of the day. Not much happened except that fight. And we just got here! This is Day 1...We have more days to come...I don't know what to think...I just need to relax...I know this and it is confirmed when I start feeling these random Braxton-Hicks Contraction...You know those tightening at the base at your stomach...I mean, sometimes they're painful like NOW, but other times they're pretty mild. I just need to relax...Calm I...Think about something else for a while...
"I'm worried about you..." I turn around to see Daniel standing in the doorway of the bathroom, his sleeves rolled up to his elbows as he leans on the doorframe. I don't know what to say to that because to be quite honest; I'm worried about me too. "I don't know what happened today but I don't want you to stress over stupid stuff...As far as my family goes, I'll handle it..The media...I'll handle it...Meade...I'll handle it...Mode...I can handle that too...I just want you to take it easy...Don't sweat the small stuff."
"Do you really want to know what happened?"
"Actually no, but I think I should considering the heavy feeling that I have of it coming back up at the next familial gathering."
I open my mouth to speak and I don't know why but I get a little emotional. I don't cry but my eyes do well up and I seriously have no idea why. Maybe it's the simple fact that just when I was beginning to feel comfortable with this family, they make me feel like this outsider or this crazy evil being...Which I have the capacity to be but you don't make a hormonal pregnant woman feel like she's a monster...I mean, I did feel bad and I was prepared to apologize but then she starts in on me, calling me a bitch...I'm her boss, not her friend...Daniel is her friend...I'm not her friend.
But then, why the hell do I feel so damn bad?
"Daniel I-" The room busts open and Amanda finds MY husband comforting HIS wife i.e. ME and she has nothing that she can say. Or so I thought. "Really Wilhelmina? Really, play the innocent victim like you didn't hurt my feelings?"
"What is she talking about?" Daniel questions and I just look at her like she is a mad woman because that is exactly what she looks like.
"Amanda, I think you should cool down..." Claire and Alex try and pull her from the doorway but she looks like she's been drinking and puts up a hard fight.
"NO! I need to talk to her!"
"I didn't do anything to you." My reply is stony and cold because...Well that's how I feel-Stony and cold.
"You didn't have to! I hate you and you didn't HAVE to do anything to me!" This is when I realize that it's not about me. It's not about my parenting skills. It's about Amanda and the tragedy she had to endure but never got to talk about. "I hate you because someone like you gets TWO freaking kids and you have the nerve to complain about one loving you too much. I had my child stolen from me and you have everything handed to you and you live this perfect life yet you have done absolutely nothing to deserve it."
"Amanda, wait a minute...I know you're drunk and angry but you can't address her like the-"
"Why are you smiling?"
She is probably referring to this smirk I have as I hold my head in my hands. This girl has no idea what I've been through and she has the nerve to judge me based on what? What she thinks she knows? What she's heard? This makes me angry...And from then on most of it is a blur.
I remember chuckling and looking up at her, not knowing what to say until the words began to spill out of my mouth. "You stupid little girl..." I don't know why I called her that but she pissed me off...Hmm...Seems like everyone was pissed that day. "You think my life is perfect? Really? When I buried my daughter last year? Or, oooh I know what's perfect; My father betrayed me for a woman he doesn't love or better yet...My daughter has a disease that can kill her...Let's see...Someone is trying to kill me and Oh no, no the best part is that I have heart failure. Yep, my time here might be running out so yes my life is damn amazing." When no one responds, I realize that they were all staring in shock. The rest of them had heard the commotion and came to see what was going on. So I realize that I just announced to everyone we know that I have heart failure and what makes it worse is...I never told Daniel to begin with. "So now you all know...Are you happy Amanda?"
"Son-of-a-bitch." I see Daniel snatch his coat from the closet and storm out of the room, leaving the rest of them to stare at me. In shock, in disbelief. But I can always count on Marc, ushering them away before it leaves the two of us. For a second he just stares in my direction, questions reflecting from the back of his mind but I say nothing and he says nothing because that is not our type of relationship.
We have the type of relationship where, when my husband does not come back that night, he spends the night with me, making sure I don't panic or get angry. We have the kind of relationship where he'll make sure I'm alright before considering his own needs. We have the kind of relationship where I can be on the verge of a nervous breakdown and he'll be the one to snatch me from the edge.
OoO