A/N: Sorry for not posting yesterday! It was a bad day D: I'll try making it up by posting a chapter later today. Thanks for all of your support, and I hope you enjoy this chapter!

Shout out: This chapter is dedicated to SunflowerFran, who does amazing work in editing/revising. The mistakes are mine for this story. But for 'Camp' and 'Ashes, Records, and Window Panes,' she cleaned up my sloppiness. So I hope this is the meltdown moment you were looking for SunflowerFran! Thanks for all of your work!

Lesson #37: Like Mother like son.

A multitude of emotions coursed through my veins as I stared at the woman in front of me. With one hand I rubbed my neck, and with the other, I clenched the pillow that I had assaulted her with. I didn't know if it was possible to be so emotionally conflicted, but I was. Anger, mortification, shame, frustration, hysteria; I was a fucking bomb waiting to detonate. This was it. I couldn't take it anymore.

"Isabella, I am so sorry," Esme gushed.

"Bella, calm down," Edward reached out to lay a hand on my shoulder, but I stilled his movements with a glare.

"Yah, it was just a joke," Emmett shrugged.

"A joke?" I screeched.

"Well, we just thought, since your first meeting with Edward was when he sat on your face …" Riley started.

"You thought you'd recreate that scene?"

Note: I was so angry my left eye was twitching.

"You were kind of easy prey," Gared chuckled nervously, "All we had to do was put some covers over you, and then tell Esme where to sit."

"You boys are horrible," Esme chastised them, "I could have seriously injured her!"

"Nah, Bella's resilient," Emmett assured her.

At that point, I wasn't even seeing clearly, but I could at least see the blurred forms of the boys in front of me as I calculated my next moves. Fury boiled beneath my skin, the overwhelming heat making my face redden.

"I can't take this anymore," I growled, "Most of the time you men are loving and tentative, but then other times you are so horrifically obnoxious and insensitive!"

"Uh, Bella …" Edward tried again.

"You fucked up my meeting with my mother-in-law for some prank?" I screamed as I hobbled towards the closet.

"Dude, she's actually kind of scary now," Riley muttered.

"Scary?" I yelled, "Riley, I'm about to make Lorena Bobbitt look tame."

Tip: Always have a foam baseball bat on hand in case you need to discipline your uncles and father.

Note: While some might call hitting them between the legs and in the forehead cheap-shots, I would prefer to call them 'tactical hits'.

Note #2: I beat the shit out of them.

~MPW~

"I'm not sure Edward will be able to father any children for you anymore, dear," Esme said as she massaged the heat rub into my neck muscles. I winced as she hit a knot.

"Oh, I went easy on him," I chuckled darkly, "For the most part, Edward has been a saint to me. The other three are also blessings, but they really know how to mess with me."

"I know," Esme clucked before saying softly, "I am truly sorry for sitting on your head."

"Yah, well," I sighed, "Yah."

"I mean, I'm normally horrible at introductions," she continued, "But this has been my worse to date. If I think about it, I'm really quite mortified. My bottom cheeks touched your ear. I am so sorry."

"Esme," I stopped her rambling; she was almost worse than Edward. In that moment, I realized where Edward had gotten his endearing awkwardness from. "I don't want to relive it. It's fine. I know it wasn't your fault."

Note: However, Edward really did have the record for the most awkward rambling.

"Nevertheless, it was awful," she concluded, "I hope this helps."

"This feels wonderful, thank you," I told her.

She continued applying and rubbing the analgesic into my skin before her phone rang, and she excused herself. While she talked outside the bathroom, I sat on the toilet in a disheveled state. Esme had treated me with nothing but kindness from the moment we'd been alone together. She didn't even bring up the fact that I had walloped her with the cushion pillow. I couldn't believe it when she had begun apologizing so profusely for sitting on my head. In all honesty, it was me who should be apologizing to her. My eyes watered as I thought about how inconsiderate I'd been. In the baby-craze and Edward induced love-haze I'd completely overlooked the fact that I had never met the woman who had adopted and raised Edward. Someone who was such an intricate part to his life had been completely unknown to me. I didn't know how I had met with Daddy Cullen so many times, and never come across Esme. It was really unacceptable.

"Oh dear, why are you crying?" Esme said as she tucked me into her arms, "Is it the boys? Do you need some time to yourself? You can come stay with Carlisle and me for a while if you need to. Being in a house with four men must be traumatizing."

"No," I sniffled, "I mean, at times, it has been hard living with them. Just last week Emmett made a wreath out of five of my underwear and stapled them to the door. But otherwise they've really been amazing. It's just that this whole pregnancy has thrown me for a loop, and completely switched my priorities around. It's really unforgivable that I'm only meeting you now, Esme. I mean, I'm married to your son. You weren't even able to come to the ceremony."

Esme gave me a soft smile, "Though I never had a babe myself, I can imagine that things are a crazy for you now with four on the way. And while I wish I could have met you sooner, I've quite enjoyed most of our meeting. Seeing what a fierce, capable, and beautiful woman you are gives me relief. My only regret is the time I missed out on getting to know you. But we have plenty of time. And from what Edward told me, I know you plan on having a more elaborate wedding later, so I intend to be fully involved in that."

My crying increased as I held onto her, "Thank you for being so understanding. I'm so glad to have met you too. Do you really think that highly of me?"

"Yes, I do," Esme confirmed.

"Even if I'm a crazy pregnant woman?" I sniffled.

"Yes, Bella," Esme laughed, "Even if you are a crazy pregnant woman."

Note: Your Grandma Esme is an amazing woman. I can't wait until you get to meet her.

Like it? Love it? Hate it? Let me know, I'd love to hear! (Mistakes are mine. )

~CH