DISCLAIMER: WHAT DO YOU THINK? OH, YOU GUESSED IT. I DON'T OWN DOCTOR WHO.

A/N Well it is a Monday... yeah... that's my tail you see dragging behind my legs. Sorry. Anyway, this one is Hold On by Michael Bublé. I really like this one. It's dedicated to my dear friend who loves the meta-crisis. I love him too, but we all know he and Rose will have a happily ever after(if a little shaky to begin with) so I rarely see a point in writing about them. Anyway, here's to you, kid. :-)

Hold On

The Doctor settled into the soft seat of the car, gazing out at the rainy world feeling more than a little out of place. Three weeks in Pete's world, and he still felt terribly unsure. He couldn't get used to the missing weight in his chest, an empty hallow where his second heart used to be. He didn't like traveling in cars in the crowded traffic and he liked traveling by slow moving zeppelins even less. He hated the way 'Doctor John Smith' felt dry in his throat, always two seconds too slow. It was his name now, but it didn't feel like his name. Rose suggested he might choose another one, but he was too tired, too lost to try for anything farther away from everything he used to be. His head hurt and he missed the Tardis.

Beside him, Rose shifted until she was comfortable in the driver's seat. The Doctor waited silently for her to start the car, but when several moments passed he glanced over to find her watching him intently. Their eyes locked and the Doctor was surprised to see his own sadness mirrored in her gaze. She reached a hand out to him, clasping his gently. He squeezed her hand, feeling the tiniest bit better. He was a shell of the Old Doctor, but at least his hand wasn't empty, at least he still had her.

"You don't have to go," she whispered. "We can wait longer if you want."

"Why?" he said sadly. "It's could only get worse from here on. I've got to go someday or go crazy."

Rose shook her head, looking away. "Do you honestly think this is the solution, Doctor? Is Torchwood really going to help? What if just magnifies what you've lost, what you can't do anymore?"

The Doctor felt her sudden tenseness and he worried she would drop his hand. He clung to her tighter, knowing that if she let go, she might let go forever.

"I don't know, anymore." he murmured. "But I can't face life like this anymore. Everyday, I feel as if I'm really asleep waiting to wake. I... I don't know if I can live a life this."

Tears were streaming down her face now, and he knew it was his fault. He was falling, and he was dragging her down with him.

"You told me once, that a normal life with me was the one adventure you could never have. But when you said it, I think there was never anything you wanted more," she said. "What happened to that man? Is the adventure not as good as you thought? Is human life not up to your standards?"

"No," he exclaimed. "Rose, that's not—"

"No?" she cried, her eyes flashing dangerously. "I don't believe you anymore! I love you! Why can't that be enough? Why are you set on trying to live your old life? Why can't you be happy with me?"

Rose tore her hand from his grasp, reaching to open the door. The Doctor felt the shock of it almost in slow motion. He reached out towards her, but she was already out the door and storming through the rain. It was then that he realized the emptiness of his chest was nothing compared to the emptiness of his hand. He had already lost so much, but in focusing on that, he was losing everything that kept him alive.

He scrambled from the car, calling out her name. Rose kept walking, refusing to turn back or even glance his way. The Doctor hurried forward, driven by a sudden fire in his heart. It was the kind of energy and motivation he had been missing since coming back from Bad Wolf Bay. It was that drive which he needed most. He caught her arm, though she ripped away angrily. Still, she at least turned to face him, although she packed a hard slap along with it.

"Look, I tried, I honestly tried. I thought I could give you time, be the help you needed, but you're so... you're so selfish, wrapped up in your own pain. You can't see that you're just hurting others," her voice was tight, her body trembling with suppressed emotion, fighting it's way out.

"Yes," he said. "I have been selfish, inconsiderate, and I took advantage of you. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. You have to know, I've never meant to hurt you."

A small sob forced its way from her throat, a lost and pitiful sound. The Doctor found tears of his own were pouring down his cheeks as well. He reached out, cradling her head in his hands. She didn't pull away, just stared down at the ground, sniffling softly as her hair fell to hid her face from his view.

"Rose, look at me," he asked, quietly, tenderly. "Please."

Rose raised her head slowly, sobbing a little more as soon as their eyes met. He tried to brush away her tears with his thumbs, but they were replaced with rain and more tears immediately after. Her sweet brown eyes, so full of pain, looked deep into him, and he knew he could never hide anything from her.

"I love you," the Doctor said. "I love you, and I don't want to lose you. I've been a stupid ape, more than any human ever was, but I'm asking you to forgive me. Give me one more chance, and I promise, you'll never regret it. Let me hold your hand, let me hold you close, and I'll get through this. If you're with me I'll get through anything." He paused, waiting for a response, but not getting one. "Do you believe me?"

She nodded silently, before burying her head in his shoulder. His arms snaked around her, pulling her in close. He rocked her softly, needing the feel of her against him just as much as she did. Her shaking gradually stopped but her arms did not loosen around him, and the Doctor was amazed at how safe that made him feel.

"Hold on, Rose." he whispered in her ear. "Hold on and never let me go."

Rose nodded, looking up at him, her eyes filled with pain, but also love and forgiveness. "Never," she promised. " I'm not going to lose you again."

Her head dropped back down, and the Doctor kissed the top of her head. They stood in the rain, just the two of them, until they were chilled to the bone. And when they left, they left the loneliness behind.