"You understand what I'm saying, right? Developing a Geass is something like training a muscle."
"So that means you have no experience in it?" Euphy teased.
"Hey, there were mandatory physical education classes at Ashford Academy," Lelouch objected. "I even showed up, on occasion," he quipped, smiling with good humor. I want to enjoy these moments together, in case... "Essentially, what I'm telling you is that the more you exert your Geass, the stronger it will get. To develop Geass to the highest level, though, you need a very strong desire and an intense focus."
"So I need to be as determined as Suzaku."
"I think in the case of our local exercise nut, it's more like desperate, blind recklessness, but you get the idea. It's only when your Geass is fully developed that you'll have the power to effectively clear your own name, as well as Suzaku's. The only question is whether you feel you have enough incentive."
He studied her face carefully. "You have always been more concerned for others than you have been for yourself, Euphy, so I know if you ask for forgiveness for both yourself and Suzaku at the same time, that would be a much greater incentive than for yourself alone, right?"
"Of course. You know how much I want to help him, Lelouch," she said sincerely.
"I'm afraid just wanting to help in general won't be enough. If Suzaku asked you for a glass of water, you would bring it to him without really thinking too much of it, right?"
"I don't understand where you're going with this," she admitted, frowning, "but yes, I would."
"Now, if he were dying of thirst, and he asked you to bring him a glass of water, even though the required action would be the same, your will to do so would be much greater, because you would know completing that task was much more vital. That's why...we're going to watch some videos."
"Ah, I'm not quite sure how that follows, Lelouch," Euphy said, looking more confused than anything else.
"You soon will be," he told her ominously, thinking through the titles he had on hand. It was hard to decide which to show first. "Hmmm...Knight of Betrayal: A Documentary? The Emperor's Reaper? Or maybe White Nightmare: The Crimes of Lancelot... Do you have a preference, Euphy?"
Given how rare it was for Suzaku to fall asleep as early as he had that night, Lelouch couldn't afford to waste the opportunity to show Euphy the things their friend had temporarily forgotten, no matter how much he would have preferred to be making more pleasant memories instead. Consequently, it soon turned into an awful evening, indeed.
At first Euphy had just stared at the T.V. in shock, as if unable to entirely comprehend the vitriol that was playing in front of her. She had started crying during the documentary coverage of the damages from F.L.E.I.J.A., though, as they watched body bags, large and small, stacked against the Tokyo skyline. Schneizel had shown up soon after, and Lelouch had to wonder if it were really a coincidence he'd come over so late, or if his older brother had an uncanny knack for predicting when his younger siblings were in distress. I wonder if that task I gave him with C.C. tipped him off?
For his own part, Lelouch was still trying his stubborn best to act like he wasn't affected at all, although he didn't think he had either his brother or sister entirely fooled. If I had just listened to Suzaku back then, he wouldn't have been forced to fire F.L.E.I.J.A. in Tokyo. If I hadn't put my Geass on him, he would never have fired it at all.
It wasn't much better, being reminded of all the pitched battles he'd sent Suzaku into as the Knight of Zero, gambling on that same Geass to keep him alive against all odds. Suzaku, I don't know if I'll ever deserve to be entirely forgiven for the things I did to you, but I wanted to try to earn your forgiveness on my own. Unfortunately, Euphy's Runaway Geass had taken that choice out of Suzaku's hands, the moment he'd reached for her. On the other hand, it had also finally caused him to completely forgive himself for everything he'd ever done (at least, that he could remember), a side effect which Lelouch probably should have felt much more upset over than he actually did.
"Is that the end, finally?" Euphy asked, as the credits of the last video began to scroll across the screen.
"Yes. How do you feel about it, Euphy?"
"It was awful, Lelouch! They made him out to be an absolute villain! A villain! Our kind hearted Suzaku!" she wailed, burying her face in Schneizel's shoulder again. Like Cornelia, their elder brother apparently didn't see any problem with being subjected to Euphy's Geass in present company, a fact which also made Lelouch mildly uncomfortable.
What was I supposed to do, though? Tell him he couldn't even reach out to comfort her, when she was sobbing like that? Schneizel is very analytical, anyway. Even without a guilt laden conscience, I'm sure he won't repeat the mistakes of the past. Unfortunately, Lelouch didn't have the same confidence where Suzaku and Cornelia were concerned. Suzaku, especially, is more than impulsive enough as it is.
Of course, from that standpoint, it wasn't possible to entirely keep from worrying about Kallen, either. Will she really be okay, with just the instructions I gave her before I left Japan? She'd certainly have her hands full, dealing with all the people whose mental landscapes had been suddenly altered by Euphy's uncontrolled Geass. Lelouch was deeply tempted to go back to check on her personally, because he knew Kallen tended to downplay her own problems almost as much as Suzaku.
Both the media frenzy surrounding Zero and his own emotional entanglement with her made a personal visit a bad idea, though. It was difficult enough convincing her to accept another goodbye, even though someone needs to stay in Tokyo to keep an eye on the situation. Who knows how she'll react if I show up briefly, only to say goodbye yet again? Besides which, I can't just abandon Euphy and Suzaku to fly half-way around the world right now, not when they need me here so much. Lelouch knew he would have to solve the bigger problem of Geass Runaway first and then hope that he'd still be in a position to help Kallen afterward.
"They certainly did make Suzaku out to be a monster, Euphy," he finally got around to contributing, forcing his mind back onto the videos they'd just watched, unpleasant as they had been. After the deliberately inflammatory level of media suppression I engaged in as Emperor, they probably started producing dozens of these sorts of films the very day I died, in retaliation for all I prevented them from saying.
"Even though he never wanted to fire it, even though your 'despotic reign' was only a horrible trick..." Euph's inhale trembled noticeably. "People...they actually hate him. They really hate him!" she said, clearly still not over her shock.
"Yes, they do," he confirmed. Do you have a deeper conviction to change that now, Euphy? Will it be enough?
"In fact, the only person in the entire history of the world that they made out to be worse is you!"
"I am the Demon Emperor, after all," he acknowledged quietly, but Euphy didn't seem quite as sanguine about it, if the pained look she was giving him was any indication.
"Why don't you show her the final act, Lelouch?" Schneizel suggested.
Lelouch gave his brother a betrayed look, feeling like he'd just been stabbed in the back. "What does that have to do with anything? Suzaku was dead to the world, by that time!"
"To most of the world, yes, but to the people who care most for you, that is also a sin which needs to be forgiven."
"What is he talking about, Lelouch?"
He gave Schneizel and extremely sour look. "He's talking about Zero Requiem: when Suzaku killed me."
"Oh. But he didn't mean that, either!"
"At the time of the assassination, everyone involved believed that Lelouch would truly die, never to revive."
"Schneizel!" Lelouch shouted, over Euphy's horrified gasp. Why would you tell her that?
"In order for this plan to succeed," Schneizel defended, "she must cultivate a deep incentive to use her power—is that not the very reason you gave me for showing this hateful ignorance mascaraing as truth, Lelouch? So if you make Kururugi's sins sound less grave than they are, it will clearly work against your objective."
Lelouch clenched his fists, unable to escape Schneizel's logic, no matter how much he detested the conclusion.
"Although you refuse to tell me the details, I know this plan must be very important," Schneizel continued, "or you wouldn't have asked me to work with C.C. to reactivate the Thought Elevators. Can you really afford to hold back?"
"...No," he acknowledged through gritted teeth, though his anger did nothing to change the situation. Schneizel only looked back at him placidly, a gentle arm wrapped comfortingly around Euphy's shoulders, and eventually Lelouch sighed, feeling the fight go out of him. "Fine. Your logic is correct, Schneizel. I...I'll have to show her Zero Requiem, too."
I haven't seen it myself since I tried to solve the mystery of how I ended up with a Code.
He definitely wasn't looking forward to Nunnally's screams, and Lelouch stood frozen with his fingers poised to start the recording, feeling that he should at least explain a bit for the sake of defending Suzaku's honor.
"In the end, Euphy, since I could never take back my accidental Geass, the only thing I could do was continue on the path it set me on. I became the ultimate evil, so that Suzaku, as Zero, could slay me and bring peace, not just to Japan, but to the world."
"That, Euphy, was Zero Requiem—a desperately important but very costly plan that both Suzaku and I and many others paid for, each in our own ways. I...before I saw his memories, I couldn't even have imagined how much it would cost him to kill me on my own orders. He deeply grieved over what happened and did everything in his power to stop me from dying a second time." Lelouch started the video, and the three people on the couch remained completely silent, in varying shades of shock, pain, and revulsion, until its completion.
"Horrible. It was horrible," Euphy said at the end of it, shuddering. "I wanted to scream right along with Nunnally, and I can't even imagine how this must have been for Suzaku! You even had Schneizel chained up in rags!" She looked at Lelouch with hurt eyes, as if wondering whether he'd really made up with their brother or not.
"I had no choice, Euphy. After the things he did, I had to treat him so poorly, in order to turn public sympathy in his favor again," Lelouch explained, cringing just a bit, because he didn't really want to be reminded of what he'd done with Schneizel sitting right there beside him, looking kind and sympathetic. He did try to kill me and rule the world through fear.
It felt almost unfair that no matter the depth of someone else's sins, it didn't seem to absolve him of his own.
"It must have been so awful for everyone," Euphy responded, looking back and forth between the two of them for a moment, before fixing her tearful gaze on him. "How could something like that have been your master plan, Lelouch? To have your best friend kill you in front of your little sister and all the friends you pretended to betray? To have thousands cheering your violent death on live international television?" She shook her head. "I know you're supposed to be a genius, but this...this is the worst plan I've ever heard of, Lelouch!" she declared, looking ready to cry again over everything her friends and family had suffered through.
Lelouch scowled, because if there were one thing that could make him question his own plans, it was seeing someone he felt he should protect in pain. I know Zero Requiem doesn't match up with your idealism or with Nunnally's, but sometimes idealism doesn't get results, Euphy. I did the best I could. "It was necessary at the time, not because it was good in itself, but because the alternative, the unbroken continuation of the senseless, hate fueled cycle of violence, was even more unacceptable. Suzaku and I simply did what we had to do, but I'm sure you see why I want him to be forgiven for his actions."
Lelouch thought of all the vicious, condemning things that had been said about his best friend in the supposedly unbiased documentary. "Although there were terrible sacrifices made, Euphy, it was all done under my own orders. It was my Geass and my flawed decisions that caused F.L.E.I.J.A. to be fired in Tokyo, too. Suzaku doesn't deserve to be blamed for any of this, and he was only ever trying to help people, anyway. Will you save him from this unreasonable hatred, Euphy?" he pleaded, taking her hands, although of course the gesture cost him nothing, as he was unaffected by her Geass.
"I will," she declared, determined, before frowning. "But it seems like everyone in the whole world hates him, Lelouch. How do I reach so many people with my Geass?"
"That's why I told you that you need a deep incentive. We won't know for certain until you try, but I believe that with your Geass fully developed, you'll have the power to affect everyone on the planet, at once. That's what I asked Schneizel to help with—finding us a path to reach the combined unconscious of humanity."
"We can do that?" Euphy asked, shocked.
"Yes," he said, before adding hesitantly, "but in order to achieve the future you want, there are risks even beyond that." It was already well into the small hours of the morning by then, though, and his fatigue from the long and unpleasant evening hadn't exactly boosted his fortitude. Not even Euphy protested too much when he begged off giving an explanation immediately. Of course, just then, she would have forgiven him for anything, but Lelouch was too tired to feel guilty about taking advantage of that fact.
Painful conversation thankfully concluded for the night, he had wearily shown Schneizel out before bidding goodnight to Euphy as well, hoping that a long rest would make the inevitable explanation a little easier. Late morning came without providing any relief from his worries about what would happen if his plan failed, though, and with Suzaku up early and so desperate for company, there was never a good time during the day to explain. Even when Schneizel finished making the necessary preparations three days later, Lelouch still found himself stalling, because revealing his plan to Euphy would be like committing to it, and he wasn't sure he had the strength for such cold hearted decision making anymore.
Finally, Schneizel had called him on his reluctance. "Why are you hesitating, Lelouch?"
Because I have no control over this. Because it's like watching Nunnally in that hospital bed all over again, wishing with all my heart and yet not knowing if my little sister will live or die.
But you already suspect that, don't you, Schneizel?
"The usage of her Geass is only the first part of the plan. After all, even if Euphy succeeds in making the entire world forgive him, we know Suzaku won't benefit from that, as he is. The cost of freeing him, though..."
"Is Euphy," Schneizel finished, an unusually intent look in his eyes.
Lelouch's fingers dug into his palms. "If I just allow things to continue as they are, her Runaway Geass will eventually destroy the Euphy we know, anyway. But even so, I..."
Why can't I find some other way out of this? Haven't I gone through the pain of losing a little sister enough times? He stared furiously down at the table in front of him, because it was very hard to appreciate the point of all the sacrifices they'd already endured, if the future they'd crafted had no place for someone like her. I only want for Euphy to live. That's all. How is it that I can try so hard and still be left with only pain and doubts?
"What happens next is not your choice, though, is it, Lelouch?"
"...Correct," he admitted grudgingly. "Circumstances don't care about human will, and it's not my will that matters most in this case, anyway. Euphy tells me that she is determined not to continue living as a leech, and the feelings behind that decision aren't going to change, no matter how much I try to argue. However, now that she feels no guilt, even extreme, coercive action wouldn't be out of the question for her. After what she threatened to do this morning, I know I have to act quickly, but..."
I don't know if I can bear to go through with this.
"Yes, it is very frustrating when your younger sibling grows up and decides to make extremely dangerous decisions without even consulting you," Schneizel said.
Lelouch glared at him. Is this because of Zero Requiem? I put you through that, and so you don't have any sympathy now that I'm in such an unpleasant circumstance myself?
"Even if I did 'die' twice on you, you don't have to be so cold about it when it's Euphy on the line."
"Do you remember our game at the Hidden City?" Schneizel asked, unexpectedly. "To repeat the same monotonous cycle again and again—it's unacceptable, isn't it? Even back then, I wanted to discover a new path."
"I'm trying to do that, Schneizel, but it's obviously not working!"
"Then the best way to change the flow of things is to put the king in check, is it not?"
"Just what are you getting at?"
"I challenge you to a game of chess, Lelouch."
He scowled. No matter how hard I try, I can't find any way forward that doesn't have the potential to destroy either Suzaku or Euphy. Now, you want to poke fun at my wavering strategy, by using my own Geass to beat me at a game of chess?
He fetched the board and set it down on the table with a hard clack, setting the pieces up in a frenzy of fury and wounded pride. "You won't defeat me this time, Schneizel!" he said with narrowed eyes. Maybe I can't clear the most important challenge, but I will at least prove that it's not for lack of effort! To match a Geass, I will just have to ensure that my will to win is absolute, as well!
The next half hour was filled with the sharp click of the pieces and the careful building of patterns, as his anger faded into determined confidence, mind endlessly calculating through the shifting positions of white on black and black on white, maneuvering for the tiniest opening and fighting for the smallest advantage. I can't be too reckless, but I can't let caution narrow my options too far, either. I believe in the superiority of my own strategies, and I will ensure that my vision of the future comes true!
Lelouch smiled as they played through the last couple of moves. "Checkmate," he declared with deep satisfaction.
"Brilliant, as always. That is the little brother I remember. Do you remember now as well, Lelouch?" Schneizel asked, not unkindly.
Lelouch blinked, remembering so many long passed strategy lessons delivered in the same voice. Of course. You didn't want to see me lose at all. You only wanted to remind me of what I'd lost sight of.
"...Yes. There's no way I can win if I'm too afraid of losing to take any risks. Although it will mean my defeat if I actually end up sacrificing all my pieces, even so, I cannot achieve victory unless I am at least willing to sacrifice any of them, for the goal I need to achieve."
"Yes, indeed."
Lelouch studied the board, eyes lingering on the victorious black king. "It's so much easier, when the losses are only chess pieces," he said with something very close to despair, "but it can't be called life if the three of us just stay huddled in these rooms, suffering, but unwilling to move forward because we have too much to lose." Unlike father, I won't choose a world of stagnant memories. "If we have no future, then we have nothing in the first place."
It seems, no matter the cost, I must be willing to take this risk!