Interlude 8
"I'll show you mine if you show me yours first
Let's compare scars, I'll tell you whose is worse
Let's unwrite these pages and replace them with our own words"
- Rise Against "Swing Life Away"
By the time Peeta and I reach the cabin, Bow is already pulling her dress over her head and running full tilt into the water in her underwear and Finn is digging through his little toy box at the bottom of the stairs for something or other.
"Hey! Hey! Don't you go in too far, Bow!" Peeta yells after our daughter and she giggles as she splashes through the cool water in the shallows.
I can only chuckle and shake my head as I give the picnic blanket to Peeta who has volunteered to take our things inside for later and clean things up a bit in case we decide to stay for the night.
I watch him head inside before turning back to my son who is still determinedly digging through the toy box, obviously with a goal in mind. "Whatcha doin' little boy?" I ask and Finn pulls his head out and triumphantly lifts a toy boat above his head.
"Boat!" he cheers and starts heading for the water himself and I catch him to pull his shirt and pants off. Finn whines for his sister as I undress him and then I make sure to give him a big, annoying mommy kiss before I let him toddle off towards the water in just his diaper as Peeta is coming out the door.
"You want me to go in with them?" He asks dropping down next to me under a shade tree where we can safely watch Bow and Finnick without interfering with their play.
"Only if you want." I say squinting at him and moving to lean on his shoulder as he settles back against the trunk of the tree and shrugs.
"Maybe later on we can both go in with them. It's pretty damn hot out today." He says wiping his brow and then laughs softly when Finn climbs up onto a large flat rock and unlatches his soggy diaper, letting it fall with a plop before he jumps back into the water.
"Should probably call them back in from time to time so they don't get too much sun." I laugh with him and nod to Finn. "Especially since your son has gone nude." I tease and Peeta nudges my hip with his own.
"Hey, it's my favorite way to swim too…" he murmurs playfully and I take his hand on his thigh, intertwining our fingers.
"And it's my favorite way for you to swim too…" I turn my head to kiss him gently before Bow squeals happily in the lake and we both remember ourselves and turn back to watch the kids swim.
"So Haymitch is a real piece of shit for not watching them for us this afternoon…" Peeta chuckles and shakes his head.
We both had made several allusions over the course of the morning and early afternoon to the fact that we wanted to spend some time alone but I had eventually relented since Haymitch has already put up with so much in the last two days, even staying borderline sober in order to help me take care of Bow and Finn.
"He's been a big help the last two days so I guess we can give him a break…" I chuckle and look down briefly at our intertwined fingers and then back to the kids. "So when did you leave the bed the other morning?" I ask quietly and Peeta tenses only minutely but enough for me to feel it.
It takes so long for Peeta to answer that I begin to think he isn't going to answer at all and then he does finally as we watch the kids sit down in the water closest to the shore and start pushing Finn's boat back and forth between them.
"A little after you got up with Rooster." Peeta says nodding towards Finn who we often refer to as the 'the rooster' because he wakes up just before the dawn almost every morning.
Of course I had known that Peeta was still in bed when I got up with Finn the other day, but he'd looked peaceful, stretched out on his belly with his arms stuffed under his pillow.
"Did you have a nightmare?" I ask and Peeta shakes his head and then slowly sinks down lower against the tree and rests his head on my shoulder. We don't need to look at each other talk after so many years having the same discussions about nightmares and flashbacks and real or not real? games so instead we talk and keep our eyes trained on the kids instead.
"Nah…I just…woke up feeling tense and had a flashback about the episode I had just before Zale came and stayed with us that time when he was…what? 10 or 11?" He says and I remember the episode instantly. We'd almost had to call Annie and tell her not to send Zale to us after Peeta had spent 3 days behind the door with the X on the handle.
Luckily, he'd been better for a day or two before Zale arrived and we spent a pretty entertaining week a little in over our heads caring for an active pre-teen boy. We had moved our wedding reception up a bit to mid spring because it had been unseasonably warm as early as April that year and so Zale had traveled with Annie for the reception but needed to return home to District 4 to finish up his school year before he could come back to stay with us.
"Yeah, I remember that…you were pretty confused during that one, Peet." I say concerned and lean my head forward to catch his eye where he is still leaning on my shoulder. "You okay or you wanna talk about anything?" I ask and Peeta shakes his head.
"No…no thanks, I'm okay I promise. I appreciate you asking though, thank you." He says and I bend to kiss the top of his head.
Sometimes Peeta and I share our nightmares with each other and sometimes we prefer to deal with them on our own. This is obviously one of those times where Peeta would rather not burden me with the weight of what plagued him during his episode. Rather than argue about it or tell him it would make him feel better if he told me, I leave well enough alone and look up as Bow and Finn leave the water and head for the tree we are lounging beneath.
"How's the water? Cold?" I ask as Finn drops into the grass between Peeta's feet with his boat and Bow lays in the grass a few feet away in the sun and stretches out on her belly with her arms and legs splayed wide.
"Uh-huh, are you coming in with us?" Bow asks leaning on her elbows and kicking her feet in the air behind her.
"You want Daddy to come in and swim with you for a little?" Peeta asks lifting his head from my shoulder and looking between Bow and Finn.
Neither one of them needs to say a word for Peeta to know that's exactly why they've come over. Finn is rocking back and forth on his knees happily and Bow is giving Peeta her best big eyed full-toothed (minus the two bottom ones she's lost over the last 3 months) 'I love you Daddy' smile.
"Alright, come on monsters…" Peeta chuckles and stands, tossing his t-shirt and jeans aside leaving him in his shorts and his prosthetic leg. He bends over and scoops up Finn, kissing him on the cheek as he carries him back towards the water and Bow runs ahead of them yelling something about doing a big splash to get Peeta all wet.
"I'll come in in a little. Swim with Daddy." I call after them when Finn points over his shoulder to me and whines.
He doesn't get to enjoy his pout for long because Peeta immediately walks out to where the water is up to his elbows and tosses Finn high in the air so that he comes down with a big splash. When he resurfaces sqwauking angrily at his father, Finn dog paddles back into his arms and pulls himself up around Peeta's neck.
Bow makes her big splash off of the rock Finn's diaper is still resting on and then swims easily over to where Peeta is holding Finn and climbs Peeta like a tree until she is perched on his hip. Peeta is smiling from ear to ear and I thank my lucky stars again for my husband and my family as I watch Peeta lower the kids to the water and push himself backwards with them riding along on his chest.
"Mommy, can we stay here tonight? Pleeeeeeaase?" Bow asks at dusk while we are eating our dinner under the shade tree. We swam together for most of the afternoon and then Peeta and I took turns showering before we bathed the kids and put them in clean clothes for dinner.
Finn is dozing with his head in my lap after eating like he had a hollow leg following all the exercise he got swimming. Bow is sitting in Peeta's lap eating a danish for her dessert.
"I think that's probably a good idea." I say smiling at my little girl's foresight.
"Finn didn't get a nap this afternoon and he'll want to be carried home if we go now." Peeta says reading my mind and Bow cheers around a mouthful of danish since she knows her brother is no longer as light as he used to be and neither Peeta or I will want to carry him on the long walk back to our house.
"You still sleep in your own bed kiddo…" Peeta says as Bow feeds him a bite of her danish.
When Bow came along a crib was added to the furniture in our cabin and then when Finn was born, he and Bow shared the crib briefly. That was until Bow learned to climb out of the crib and then she usually slept with us in the big bed.
This past winter Peeta had asked some of the guys from town to help him put together a pair of twin sized beds down at the cabin and now both Finn and Bow have their own 'big kid beds' for when we stay here.
"I know. Finn-y doesn't like it when I sleep in your bed." She says and then yawns and lays her head on Peeta's shoulder, rubbing her eyes.
Peeta and I share a look and Peeta subtly slips his pocketwatch out and checks the time. He holds up 7 fingers and then 3 and a fist telling me it is 7:30 and I nod and gently sit Finn up on his bottom.
"Alright, let's go get ready for bed." I say leaving no room for argument and Finn gives a token protest but stands and follows his sister into the cabin while Peeta and I clean up from our picnic so that we don't draw any animals.
"I think a bottle of wine and the rocking chairs on the porch are calling our names once the little people are down for the night…" Peeta whispers conspiratorily and wags his eyebrows at me. I chuckle and we carry the food and dishes inside and start cleaning up while the kids look at books quietly on the floor between their beds.
Bow is old enough to have already changed into her pajamas on her own but Finn is still wearing the clothes he was put in after his bath. We decided to give underwear a try again until bed and Finn has stayed dry through the rest of the afternoon and the evening which we've made sure to make a big deal of.
"Finnick, go use the potty before bed." I say sternly as I come to stand at the bottom of his bed and Bow stands first and holds out a hand to help him up.
"I have to go too, Mom. I'll take him with me and make him try." She says with such maturity that I am momentarily taken aback as I realize my little girl isn't so little anymore.
"Oh…well…thank you baby, you're such a great big sister." I say quietly, thinking of Prim as I often do when I see Bow doing things for Finn. She smiles proudly and leads her brother to the bathroom while I go back to helping Peeta wash and dry the dishes.
"Did I just hear that right?" Peeta asks with a proud smile and I nod as I pick up a dish towel and start drying as he washes.
Peeta and I see the relationship between our children so differently sometimes being the youngest and oldest children respectively from our families. I better understand what motivates Bow's frustrations with things Finn does and Peeta better understands why Finn insists on doing everything like his big sister and wants to follow her every move. As a result of raising both of them, I've learned to appreciate what it means to be a youngest child in a family and Peeta has come to understand more about why his brothers did the things they did to him being the older ones.
Having Bow and Finnick has allowed us to relive the best moments of our childhood (few as they were) and create better moments for our children than we could have ever dreamt of in our own dreary early lives.
"You're such a good big sister, Bow." Peeta says from the kitchen as he glances over his shoulder at the kids. Finn is sitting in Bow's lap, sucking his thumb as she animatedly reads a book to him.
When Bow hears Peeta's compliment, she ducks her head shyly and continues reading the book more quietly. One of the personality traits Bow has undoubtedly picked up from me is that she finds if very difficult to accept a compliment.
"Thank you Daddy." She says quickly because she knows I will tell her to anyway if she doesn't.
Peeta chuckles softly as we go back to the dishes and talk about going to visit my mom tomorrow night for dinner. Since she returned to District 12 for good when Bow was a little over a year old, We usually visit her one day a week and she comes to stay with us Saturday nights into Sunday at least twice a month.
She lives 2 minutes from District 12's biggest hospital where she has been provided some office and lab space to do her herbal remedy research which is only about 35 minutes from us by car.
Usually when we visit her, I take the kids to her house for the day and then drive back to town by myself to pick Peeta up and bring him back with me to my mom's but I'm not sure that's the best idea after Peeta has just gotten over an episode.
"Do you think Vera could handle things by herself tomorrow?" I ask trying for casual but I see Peeta's hands freeze in the sink water momentarily.
This is an argument we've had a thousand times over the years. Peeta thinks he does best when he is able to jump right back into things after an episode and I always think he should take a few days to rest with me and the kids at home.
"Nah, I'm fine. Take them to your mom's when we get home in the morning and then you can come pick me up from work and we'll go back for dinner just like always." He says trying to keep his voice even and I sigh and set the plate I'm drying down with an audible clank.
"Katniss, I'm not gonna argue with you about this." Peeta says not turning to look at me as he goes on washing dishes and his voice rises a little.
Glancing over at the kids, I see that our tones have drawn their attention and they are both leaning around the end of Finn's bed watching us.
"Maybe we should talk about this later." I mumble and Peeta looks towards the kids as well before he goes back to washing with a nod.
"There's nothing to talk about, I'm going to work tomorrow. Vera's already had to be there on her own for 2 days and it's my damn bakery to run." He growls and I toss the dish towel I'm holding onto the counter angrily and glare at him.
"Really? I thought it was our bakery to run." I growl back and leave Peeta to mull that over as I head back to the children to get Finn in his pajamas.
Peeta finishes up the dishes on his own while I put Finn in his pajamas and make both kids pee one more time and brush their teeth. Finn is so tired that he's close to having a full blown meltdown and because that's just how parenting goes sometimes, Bow has reached the point where she's so tired that she's circle back around to having a second wind and is jumping on her bed.
"Hey, hey…settle down, Bow." I whisper catching her in my arms and sliding her into her bed under the covers as Finn begins wailing something about monsters and climbs out of his bed.
I look over towards Finn's bed just as Peeta gets there and scoops him up in his arms shushing him. Finn tries the croissant maneuver to get away from his father but gives up pretty quickly and drops his head to Peeta's shoulder with his blanket tucked against his cheek and his thumb in his mouth.
"Thanks." I murmur to Peeta and lay down on Bow's bed behind her as Peeta smiles slightly and puts Finn down in his bed and covers him before lying down himself and cuddling our little boy close in his arms.
I can't help but smile at them both when I look at their nearly identical faces so close together in the dim light of the cabin. Bow shifts in front of me and asks me to sing them a song in the middle of a hearty yawn.
"Which song?" I whisper and both children immediately say 'meadow song'.
The sun has dropped below the horizon enough that our little forest getaway is already shrouded in enough darkness that the kids should drift off quickly. It's too warm to light a fire and neither of us has turned on any lights in the cabin so the only sounds and light come from the crickets and fireflies that are active after dark.
The crickets methodical chirping helps to keep time for me in the song and the steady blink of the fireflies at the windows drags down the already heavy eyelids of my children and they are asleep before I reach the third verse.
As is typical when the kids are having a hard time going to sleep, Peeta and I remain in their beds for 5 minutes after they've fallen asleep and then slowly slip off of the beds and meet in the middle of the room.
"Still want to sit on the porch together?" Peeta asks sheepishly, letting me know that he realizes his fault in this disagreement.
"Of course I do." I whisper and reach out to hold his hand with my own sheepish smile.
Peeta nods and looks towards the kitchen. "I'll just grab the wine and glasses if you want to grab a blanket." He says and I shake my head and pull him towards the door, grabbing a blanket off of the couch on our way.
"If we have glasses in our hands, I can't sit in your lap and cuddle as easily." I grin and tug him out the door where we drop into one of the large rocking chairs together, me on Peeta's lap and the blanket draped around both of our shoulders comfortably. We watch as hundreds of fireflies blink both in front of and beyond the tree line and finally Peeta is the one to apologize first.
"I'm sorry about earlier, Kat. I just…I don't like arguing with you about this all the time. You need to trust me to make my own decisions about how I'm feeling after an episode and then go the extra mile by actually believing me when I tell you that I'm okay to get back to living my life…our life." He corrects and I know he has recognized his mistake in calling the bakery 'his' bakery.
"I know….I know." I say resting the back of my head on his shoulder with a sigh. It's always been difficult for me to let go of the need to protect Peeta in all aspects of our life and not just when he tells me he tells me he needs it. For as long as we've been having this conversation about what he should do after his episodes, nothing has really ever happened to indicate that my position is justified. Peeta is usually able to jump right back into his work and home life without trouble, but the pessimist in me always expects 'the next time' to be the time he isn't.
"I'll try to chill out about it and I guess…well, you did relax today and not go into work." I admit and Peeta tightens his arms around me. "Just…try to remember that it's our life and our bakery, Peet." I say laying my arms over his gently and stroking the backs of his hands lightly. "W're in this together."
"I know…and I'm sorry I said that." He whispers kissing my ear tenderly and then nuzzling my neck. "Everything I have is yours Katniss. I love you and our kids more than anything in the world and I'm thankful for every morning I wake up with you beside me and every minute that I get to hold those beautiful children you gave me in my arms." He whispers against my ear and I turn my head to kiss him softly at first, but with increasing intensity as he responds to my kiss with his own pent up passion.
"I love you too, Peeta. All I ever want to do is protect you and love you, you know that right?" I ask turning in his arms to straddle his lap comfortably.
He gives me a little smile as he rests his hands on my hips under the blanket and then rests his forehead to mine. "Real." he whispers softly. "It amazes me every single day, but…real." He groans and pushes his hips up into mine reminding me of our interrupted morning and bringing all of those feelings back with a vengeance.
"Peet…" I moan softly and he stands from the rocking chair carefully and lets me slide to the ground, setting me on my feet.
"Shhh…very, very quietly." Peeta says and I cover my mouth to hold in a laugh when I hear the humor in his voice as we creep back inside the cabin.
I shut the door behind me as quietly as possible and take Peeta's hand as we make our way to our bed in the back corner of the cabin diagnol to where the kids' beds are at the front.
We watch each other from opposite sides of the bed as we undress quickly, no longer needing the same slow burning foreplay all the time that we needed early in our relationship. Having small children in the house for 6 years has necessitated some changes to our love making but it hasn't made it any less enjoyable when the opportunity arises.
I climb under the covers first while Peeta is removing his prosthetic leg and then he joins me and we cuddle up together, stroking and kissing in the ways we know the other likes best. We keep our moans and sighs to a minimum at first since the kids have only recently gone to sleep but when Peeta climbs on top of me and I stroke my short fingernails lightly up and down his back, he moans loudly and pushes his hips into mine hard so that I feel his hard shaft rubbing between my already slick folds.
"Ohhhhh, shit, Katniss!" He cries and then glances nervously at our sleeping children between heated kisses.
"Don't worry, they won't wake up." I assure him, knowing my children can sleep through just about anything when they are this tired and Peeta relaxes slightly.
"Kay." He sighs happily and settles his weight more comfortably on top of me and kisses his way down my neck and between my breasts. He's only been treating them to his usual attention for a less than a minute when I use my hands in his hair to guide him back up to kiss my lips.
"You alright?" He asks quietly as I grip his torso on both sides just under his armpits and push up against him with a moan.
"Yeah, they're just sensitive." I assure him and Peeta nods and goes back to finding other ways to work me up like he often has to do when my breasts are extra sensitive the week before my menstrual cycle begins.
The fingers of his right hand are suddenly probing between my legs and I cry out as he plunges them into me in the midst of a deep kiss. My legs snap closed around his hand, trapping it there momentarily until I gradually relax my legs and let them fall open as he begins to pump his fingers in and out of me and I raise my hips in time with the push and pull of his hand.
"Ah! Peet…please…" I gasp, tightening the grip of my hands on his torso to let him know I'm ready as I feel his erection against my outer thigh.
Peeta breaks away from my lips to check once more that the kids are sttled before he removes his fingers just as he is thrusting his hips forward into mine and we both grunt, trying to keep as quiet as possible as he fills me.
"Oh, Katniss…shit, I love you so much." Peeta pants beside my ear as we lie still, not moving for a few wonderful moments and just enjoy reconnecting in this way that's so intimate and familiar to us.
I nod and slide my hands up to hold onto his shoulders and then around to rub his chest and abdominal muscles as he shifts up onto his elbows and slowly starts to pull back and then thrusts into me with a grunt.
"I love you too, Peet. Always." I whisper and slide my arms around to lay flat on his back as we move easily together faster, not searching for a release just yet but enjoying the physical and emotional closeness being together this way provides us.
Peeta slows down and speeds up periodically, following my cues but never letting me get too close to my orgasm which tells me he's enjoying this slow reconnection just as much as I am. When I slide my hands to his abdomen again and feel how tightly coiled his muscles are, I know it's getting more and more difficult for Peeta to hold off as well.
"Come to finish me off, sweetheart?" I say, repeating Peeta's words from beside the stream in our first Games when I was looking for him so that we could team up. Peeta's eyes narrow at first as he tries to place where he's heard that before and I wait patiently for him to find his way through the ever present cobweb of false memories in his brain. Finally, he grins and rolls his eyes slightly as he begins thrusting harder and more purposefully into me.
"Absolutely.." He growls and lowers his lips to mine as his hand slips between us to push me the last little big towards that edge.
I can't help the cry of pleasure that escapes me as his hand finds its goal and I grip his shoulders to the point it must be painful for him. I feel the waves of pleasure beginning to ripple through my body from head to toe and gasp as I arch my back into Peeta's body hard.
"Peeta!" I gasp and bite down on my bottom lip as my eyes squeeze shut and Peeta pins my hips to the bed with his own, pouring into me with his own cry of release.
We collapse together in a heap of sweaty limbs and I chuckle softly when I see Peeta lift his head to check just once more that the kids haven't woken up.
"You know, we used to do this when each of them was still in a bassinette in the bedroom with us as babies…Not often…but we did manage it." I remind him and he kisses me as he pulls back from my body and drops to his side of the bed with a grunt.
"Yeah, I know…but it's different now." He whispers as he tries to catch his breath and I turn over lazily to my own side facing him. "I mean…damn Kat…when Bow caught us this morning I thought I'd have a heart attack." He huffs with a grin and it is my turn to roll my eyes at him.
"Oh please, she had no idea what was going on!" I whisper back and reach out to stroke the fingers of one hand through his sweaty hair. "She thought you were looking for my necklace." I chuckle and Peeta shrugs.
"I know, but on top of getting more stunningly beautiful every day, she's also getting smarter by the minute and she's not going to buy the 'looking for your necklace' crap for long…" he says tugging me over into his arms with a soft laugh.
"She told me yesterday that she thinks you and I kiss too much." I admit with a grin and stretch forward to kiss his soft lips once. I snuggle into his arms now that we've cooled off a little and look over as Bow rolls over to and pulls her knees up under her belly making her backside stick up in the air.
"See?" Peeta groans. "If she said that to you then she's already noticing…things…too much." He says and I pat his chest reassuringly. "I was kinda hoping to not have to discuss sex with her until she was…I dunno, roughly…like….forty-seven. Forty seven sounds like a good number right?" he asks lifting his head to look down at me and I cover my mouth to keep the laughter bubbling out of me from getting too loud.
"Aw..it's okay, sweetheart." I say guiding his head to rest on my shoulder. "You've got plenty of time before you need to start scaring boys away from Bow. And it shouldn't be that hard to run them off anyway…" I grin and Peeta looks up at me puzzled.
"Imagine this conversation…" I say and bat my eyes at Peeta pretending I'm Bow. " 'oh boyfriend, could you please, please, please come meet my Hunger Games victor parents? I think you'll especially love my Daddy who was brainwashed in his youth and occasionally has violent tendencies towards others!'." I say and Peeta looks first appalled and then a slow, evil grin spreads across his face.
"Oooo…I sure do like the way you think girl on fire…you're sick for twisting my hijacking into something I can potentially use against our daughter's future suitors, but I still love the way you think…" He whispers and rolls over onto me, kissing me as I giggle at his excitement for teenage boy frightening potential and we move on to round two with our fingers crossed that the kids are definitely down for the night.