Chapter Thirty- Seven: Missed Opportunities

There are different kinds of time, Regin had decided a while back.

First, there's holiday time, where the hours rush by in a blur because you're having so much fun. One moment you're winning a boat race on the river behind your parents' manor house, the next your in a carriage on the long journey back to Imardin.

Then there's waiting room time, where the minutes tick by ever so slowly, as if wanting to punish you for ending up in whatever bizarre position you have found yourself in.

Time spent in the Novices' Library very much ends up being in the latter category, and it was draining Regin today. Nothing was sinking in, and nothing he was studying seemed to have any relevance for the work he wanted to do in later life. Still, he had found a way of distracting himself, however, as he tried to work out a ridiculously complicated formula in his chemistry textbook. But he also knew if he stared for too long that he'd be caught, either by her or by someone else, but he found he couldn't look away.

He watched with quiet fascination as Sonea curled a strand of hair methodically round her finger as she read from the book in front of her. A small frown creased her brow. Then, all of a sudden her expression brightened, like the sun coming out from behind heavy cloud. She straightened slightly, a slight smile replacing the frown as she understood the meaning of the words in front of her. She picked up her pen and started writing quickly. As she did, flash of something gold sparkled in the light that the bright globelights around the ceiling emitted. Regin realised quickly it was the Guild incal on her sleeve that had reflected the light, the incal denoting her the favourite novice of the High Lord.

Brown robes momentarily blocked his view of her. Then the novice came round to stand beside her. She looked up at him, a gentle smile once again brightening her features. Regin recognised the newcomer as Seno, and felt a pang of jealousy. He got to stand there and make her laugh, of course hidden behind a hand so Jullen wouldn't see, whilst he was relegated to simply watching at a distance. She kept her focus on Seno as they talked briefly. He gestured towards the doors, and she smiled apologetically, gesturing to the book in front of her. He nodded and only said a few more words which she smiled at, before patting her on the arm and striding to the door. Sonea didn't watch him leave, but she didn't immediately get back to her work either. She curled the edge of the page of her textbook between her fingers as the same thoughtful frown that had creased her brow as before returned, then the slightest of blushes bloomed on her cheeks. She shook her head to herself, adjusted herself in her chair and began working again, it occurred once again to Regin then, as he put his chin on his hand and studied her, that she really was rather beautiful.

He thought back to the first time that thought has crossed his mind. He remembered seeing her looking down at him in concern as he had woken from unconsciousness after the Challenge. A soft, yet wilful as ever, look in her dark eyes. Stray hairs that had been pulled from her braid as she had fought him framed her face, their darkness contrasting perfectly with the paleness of her skin. There had even been a questioning apology in her gaze. What was she trying to say? He remembered her leaning down, and the gentlest of touches sending healing energy flowing through him like balm. And goodness me, no one had ever looked more beautiful to him than she had done in that moment. And the thought had terrified him. It had felt like a betrayal of everything he had ever understood and believed in. It felt like turning his back on the very basis of who he was. But then suddenly, all at once, it didn't matter anymore. All at once, this moment was enough.

Then she straightened, bowed gracefully he assumed to a nearby magician, and walked away quietly, peacefully. She had won, and yet she wasn't gloating. What was the point in her starting this whole thing if it wasn't to gloat?! Then, as Garrel had hauled him to his feet, hissing words of disappointment and chagrin in his ear, he realised what this was all about all along. And he realised what she had been trying to silently communicate to him earlier.

Sorry, but you just had to lose.

A rap on the desk sprung his mind forward a year, and he realised that Jullen was observing him, an unimpressed expression set in his steel grey eyes. Regin looked down apologetically, picked up his pen and brought his mind back to his textbook. He had been right- if he stared for too long, he would be caught. But even though Jullen had managed to bring Regin's thoughts back to the present, he hadn't been able to get Regin's thoughts from Sonea.

How did I ever consider her an outsider? She was everything that the Guild considered worthy: intelligent, resourceful, brave.

How did I ever consider her unworthy to be the High Lord's favourite? She had earned her right to be just that, and more, than anyone else here.

How did I ever consider her just a girl from the slums? She wore that title like a badge of honour. It made her who she was. That intelligent, resourceful, brave girl he had completely underestimated.

He shook his head to himself as he finally pushed the thoughts away and returned to his studies- this was no longer amusing, it was frustrating and depressing. What a mistake he had made. And what opportunities he had missed.

Still, the things we lose have a tendency to find their way back to us…in the end.

So something I would like to do in the final section of my story is to promote the work of other authors on this site, preferably on this page. If you have read any good stories (or even WRITTEN any good stories), I would love to hear about them, read them, and if I like them I will give them a shout-out. My first recommendation has to be to the lovely "Shards and Splinters" fic by MyThoughtsAreConstellations. Jo has recently updated her story, which is so beautifully and innovatively written. I have followed it, so do give it a look on my profile. Looking forward to hearing about your favourite stories! FINALLY, a shoutout to Ygrette (love the name!) who has been doing some amazing reviewing of some of my oldest chapters. Thank you so so much for all of them, there are so many I can't respond in person! As much love as ever, Cece xox