Chapter 38: Rules and Favoritism
Hero twirled his sword in his hand, and gave a dazzling smile.
"Back off! Or- wait, no, stand back!" He shouted, and dodged another attack from the "terrible" monster. The thing snapped its pincers at Hero uselessly. Hero was just out of reach of the strange man-eating plant, much to its apparent frustration.
"Can it stand back? It seems to consist of a head and a vine, attached to ground," Guide said. Hero nodded.
"Yeah, I guess you're right. But, I'm basically just practicing lines. I've killed four of these already, why does this one deserve any contextual one-liners?" Hero said. Suddenly, the struggling beast snapped out just a little bit further than expected, and bit Hero in the leg. He let out a sharp yelp of pain and danced backwards, cursing and spitting. Neptune sighed.
"Could you allow me to soothe this plant? We can end this without any more pointless bloodshed," Neptune said. Hero glowered at her.
"No! It bit me, I can't just let it off!" Hero replied, spitting at the plant. It did not have any readable facial features, but it managed to look smug nonetheless.
"Hero, we're tracking an archvillain based on a trail of dead goblins! How does this plant factor in to our current goal?" Guide asked. Hero thought for a moment.
"It could be conspiring with them! If so, that's one less agent of evil for us to deal with!" Hero said, a bit too enthusiastically.
"It is permanently anchored to this location! We will hopefully never have to deal with it again!" Neptune shouted.
"Ah, that's what they want to you to think!" Hero said. Guide was unsure of whether or not he was being sarcastic. Either way, it was difficult to take him seriously while he was hopping around erratically, attempting to stay up on one leg.
"Silence. I am done with this conversation, as you have clearly transcended the reasonable-argument horizon. I may yet learn something useful about how recently the goblins passed through from this beast," Neptune said.
"Fine, but I get to murder it afterwards," Hero grumbled.
"Duly noted," said Neptune, and approached the plant.
The strange beast did not seem concerned in her presence. As she drew closer, it began to relax, coiling itself and retracting. Neptune spoke no words to it, but in wide gestures and subtle motions, much was communicated. Guide knew elves could do this, but he would never truly understand it. The communication was as much an art as it was a power- beautiful and mysterious.
Hero, on the other hand, felt that hippie magic had no place in a proper adventure. However, he stayed his hand for the time being. He had nothing to gain by killing the plant while Neptune interrogated it. Well, nothing besides pissing off Neptune and, by extension, Guide. That could be interesting to watch.
-Break-
"Hero! I instructed you not to kill the poor plant!" Neptune shouted. Hero cackled with cruel delight, and held aloft the severed head of the abominable vine which had caused him so much grief!
In truth, Hero didn't do that, rather he wished he had. Instead, the team followed the directions given by the plant, and Neptune guilted him out of hacking the plant to death due to its helpfulness.
"Hrmph. Saying the plant was more helpful than me is a stretch!" Hero grumbled, stalking behind the rest of the party.
"Well, we know where the goblins went because of the plant, and the route takes us out of the jungle and back into the caves. I don't know about you, but I am getting very tired of having Neptune pull hornet stingers out of my skin, and getting attacked by massive, man-eating plants," Guide said.
"I do not see why you two dislike the underground jungle so much. It is such a beautiful habitat, in which all facets of life may thrive, above ground and underground!" Neptune said.
"Except guides, apparently," Guide shot back, gently rubbing one of his many stinger-induced sores. They were angry, red welts and they itched to high hell. They would also be causing a horrible burning sensation if Neptune hadn't treated them first, so Guide tried to count himself lucky.
"Oh hush," Neptune said, smiling vibrantly and gently leaping over a horrible thornbush. Guide could not help but notice the complete lack of pointed objects sticking out of thorns or red welts on her body. Usually, he'd think about how beautiful she was, or how her smile warmed his heart something like that, but he instead decided to focus on the apparent fact that the jungle clearly and unabashedly liked Neptune better. She never stepped in any thorns or bushes, and the fauna didn't approach her. Even when hornets did target her, which they almost never did, they missed. When targeting Guide or Hero, their aim became sniper-like.
-Break-
As was becoming familiar on the trek through the underground jungle, several hours passed, littered with frequent hornet attacks. Eventually, Hero ran out of bullets for his flintlock, and healing potions were becoming scarce. Neptune continued to pass through the jungle effortlessly, much to Guide's annoyance.
Hero mostly just shot at shadows, or threw things at them once he ran out of bullets. He practiced his wild-western one-liners whenever he finished something with a bullet, and thus was thoroughly disappointed when he ran out.
"That's at least eight good one-liners that I won't get to use for a final villain!" Hero lamented. No one laughed. Guide was far too caught up in his complicated feelings about recent events, and Neptune was too busy navigating for the team. Hero didn't particularly like being ignored. He thought about repeating himself, but decided that he had to maintain his timing.
As for Hero's thoughts; he liked to think they were somewhat less complicated. While the incident with the spore beast had certainly gotten to him, Hero felt it was more or less compulsory to fly into a revenge-based rage every once in awhile, provided it was against a non-sentient being. He had deliberately pushed images of the zombified nurse out of his head, and had no intention of ever letting them back in. Those sorts of things ruined his life outlook.
Instead, he kept wearing his mask of cluelessness and contentedness, and wondered what kind of person Terraria had made him. In the waking world, he had been a comedian, a gambler, and a loyal friend. He read a lot of books, and occasionally played some games. No one would have called him a hero, not by a stretch. And, as time went on, Hero wasn't sure he was a hero in this world either. Perhaps his nickname would end up an ironic misnomer. Perhaps it already had.
Hero sighed. His thoughts really were a bit of a convoluted mess. No matter how hard he tried to be a bravely idiotic hero, he could never get it quite right. He'd always screw up with the temperament, or use a large word unbefitting of a hack-and-slash hero. Terraria was simple, and, really, he just wanted to take full advantage of its beautiful simplicity.
But deep down, he felt a twinge of doubt about it all. He was almost certain that the whole party was walking into a trap, and felt like he was being more than a little bit idiotic by springing it. As in, actual certain doom idiotic. Really, what was he doing?
The epiphany hit Hero like a brick to the brain. He was smarter than this! He might be acting a bit like an idiot hero, because he was a bit of an idiot hero on the inside, but he had read enough fantasy novels to know that what he was doing was stupid. And yet, his surviving party members (the only ones he hadn't fatally let down yet) followed him because he was the Hero, and things always worked out for the heroes.
Unfortunately, things didn't, and Guide and Neptune knew that better than anyone. They'd seen hundreds of heroes come and go. Why were they following number three-hundred-something into an obvious death trap?
"Get down!" Guide shouted. Hero glanced absent-mindedly at Guide. The party had reached a cavern made mostly of ash- they were nearing the bottom of the world. There were several withered, struggling plants from the nearby jungle, but life was not particularly abundant. Small pools of lava glowed in the darkness.
"Why?" Hero asked. Guide gestured towards a small, dark nook.
"Something up ahead. I don't think it saw us yet!" said Guide, a bit too loudly.
At this announcement, the creature peeked its head out of the shadows. It was a small, blue goblin, and it carried a large, ornate warhorn.
Instantly, Neptune gestured in the direction of the creature, and several vines shot out from around the goblin and began grabbing at it. Panicking, the goblin blew into his horn, once, twice, and nearly three times before the vines engulfed him entirely.
First, the sound of war cries began to echo around the jungle cavern, and soon enough, the marching of many armored feet. The sound came from all directions.
"We have to leave now!" Guide said. Hero smiled, and drew his sword.
"Stow your blade! We must find a way out!" Neptune said. Hero ignored her.
"Hero, are you out of your mind? We have to leave!" Guide shouted, shaking Hero's shoulder. Hero pushed him back.
"I don't think I want to do that, Nicholas," said Hero. The smile on his lips was strange.
Guide glared at him. "I am your guide. I've followed you this whole time. Why don't you listen to me for a change?"
Hero didn't turn around.
"Because, Nicholas, I think I know the truth. I know why you've followed me," Hero said.
Guide stared blankly. "Why?"
"I'm different. I am something entirely else. And I think I finally realize what I have to do."
"What? What do you have to do!?" Guide shouted.
"I have to win here and now. Somehow. Now shut up and let me think about how…" Hero said. Seconds passed. The armored footsteps grew closer.
Don't you see? This resurrected player is a distraction. He's lured us down here, or rather, me down here, to open a hole in the underworld. As the player, only I can do that. You've said so yourself, anyone else who tries has their work undone too quickly to affect anything," said Hero.
Guide looked at Hero first like he was insane, then quickly realized that he was right. "This is true. Remarkable deduction, really. But why does that matter now?" Guide asked frantically. Hero turned around.
"I wasn't finished. I assume he's trying to summon the lord of the underworld, which is where you come in, reluctant human sacrifice. Once he's done with us, maybe he'll be tagged as a true player again by the powers that be, and he'll be able to carry out his will. But I have other plans," Hero said. Guide shook his head.
"You're mad." said Guide. Hero frowned. His sword glinted with blood yet unshed.
"I am not mad, I'm just sick and tired of playing by these stupid goddamn rules! For too long, I've sat back and let destiny happen. Well, you know what? I think it's about time I did something!" A mad light shone in Hero's eyes. "If he wants to summon a demon lord, I say the demon lord should be summoned. Let's summon the lord of the underworld, on our terms, right now, and watch then murder each other!" The realization dawned on Guide slowly, as he realized what Hero was proposing.
At this moment, Goblins began bursting through the fragile ash walls, pouring in from all directions, armed and armored to the teeth, kicking up ash from the ground. The air began to grow hazy. They formed a tight circle around the party, which continued to grow tighter. After several hellish minutes, they stopped coming. There was silence.
Until faint clapping could be heard. Atticus, rotted almost to the bone, formed a path through the Goblins. He walked with a limp, and smiled as he clapped.
"Well done, Hero. You've walked right into a trap."
"Shut up please, you're lowering this room's collective intelligence into the negatives," Hero said. He pointed his sword at Guide's heart.
"I understand. You're insane, but I understand," Guide said. He laughed sheepishly. He could feel the heat from the lava press against his skin.
"Good. Farewell, Nicholas. You- uh, you were my best friend," Hero said. He cracked a bit as he realized what he was doing, and he soon found his eyes filled with tears.
"Will you two stop talking! I'm trying to make a show here!" Shouted Atticus. He was now standing just in front of Guide. He unsheathed Muramassa, his blue dagger.
"I don't want this, just so you know. I want to live with Neptune, and tell stories with you, and live like... like you did. In the other world," said Guide. He was crying too.
"I do too, Nick. But sometimes, we have to do things we don't want to do. Sometimes, we have to wake up."
Guide hardly felt the sword as it passed through his heart. All he felt was a warm happiness as he realized that his duty was fulfilled. And, as his senses faded, he heard with perfect clarity a great, soul-shattering roar.