Author's Note: Yay for beach episodes everybody! For today's entry, I have attempted to re-work the typical anime beach episode with a more self-aware protagonist; hopefully it's funny, but you'll have to be the judge. Still, I hope that you enjoy the clichés in the name of comedy.

Entry # 37: Age 15

Dear Diary,

They say every man has his price… well I guess it's true of teenage girls too… I know that I shouldn't have let them talk me into it, but I did, and I'm already regretting it… What was my price, you ask? Well I'm actually ashamed to admit that I was so weak; all it took was a mini-penguin plushie that I could hang on my scroll to coax me onto this absurd beach trip!

Stupid adorable penguins…

Ostensibly this whole thing was orchestrated to celebrate Neighbor's brigade's one-year anniversary, and to induct Yuko as a new member (which I'll admit is a minor miracle, seeing as nobody in their right mind has wanted anything to do with us since this ridiculous excuse for a club got started), but there were just a few problems with that rationalization: one, Yuk isn't new, she's been here the whole time, two, Siegfried and Chieri came along, and they're not even technically members, and three, Chieri brought all of her friends (by which I mean the rest of AKB0048), none of whom are members either.. So yeah, by the time we actually got the show on the road, Siegfried had to charter a bus and a friendly little beach outing turned into an impromptu beach concert… Not that I'm complaining about that part… I mean, free concert, right?

After I agreed to go though, I was actually foolish enough to be excited at first – I mean, I finally get to wear that swimsuit Cinder got me for my birthday two years ago – although on second thought, that probably should have been a red flag… It was cute though, and I was so unbelievably proud that I could fill that out – I mean, nobody's actually called me flat-chested in a while, but still… I AM GLYNDA GOODWITCH, I AM GORGEWOUS AND I AM PROUD OF IT!

Ehem…

Anyway, when we actually got there though, it got really uncomfortable really fast… It's like everyone was staring at me… I mean sure, I'm totally worth looking at – like I said, gorgeous – but it didn't take long for me to start wishing that I had gone with a one-piece instead… I didn't catch anyone actually staring at me, but I know they were; I'm surrounded by perverts, after all! Of course they were looking! Perverts, all of them! I know why Cinder wanted to help me with the sun screen – LIKE HELL! No way was I letting somebody touch me! And Emmy was even less subtle – She wanted to play beach volleyball! Yeah right! If she thought she was gonna get me to jump around while wearing that, I certainly showed her! I'm not going to embarrass myself prancing around in a bikini! I bet they were just hoping the straps would come loose… perverts…

So yeah, I spent the whole time hiding under a beach towel watching Yin and Summer build a sand castle… The water did look nice… but it wasn't worth jeopardizing my modesty; nope! Those perverts are just gonna have to use their perverted imaginations to get their stupid perverted kicks! I for one certainly am not going to help! I don't care how much fun they had playing beach volleyball without me, or how nice the water was, or even if Cinder found a penguin-shaped piece of drift wood! There was absolutely no way that I was going out there! Although refusing sunscreen entirely probably wasn't a good idea…

Stupid sunburn…

Still, the important thing is that, even though I barely had any fun, got nasty sunburn and horrible tan-lines, and spent the whole day hiding under a beach towel, I, Glynda Goodwitch, protected my modesty dammit! And it was worth it! At least I got to watch the concert… and anyway, I was too busy being paranoid to be bored…

Absolutely never wearing such a revealing swimsuit again,

Glynda

P.S. You know… maybe it wouldn't really have hurt to actually try to have enjoyed myself… I guess it'll have to wait…