Don't bite your nails, hug your pillows. another scene in which I debated the rating on. Bit trippy at the beginning, but if you understand Nemo in Slumberland, you'll be fine. sadism abounds

36 - Resolve

Everything burned around him. Bodies were all over the ground and there was no end of the blood surrounding him. Faces he knew, in passing and specifically, laid before him. A mountain of bones and ashes was under his feet. Smells of rotting corpses and burning flesh hit him at every turn. The worst part though was the sounds. People were screaming in pain, crying for those lost, and a maniacal laughter off in the distance.

A heavy hand landed on his shoulder, that icy voice ringing in his ear. "Well done Renegade. My apprentice. You've finally reached your full potential. Doesn't it feel... good?"

"I don't feel anything." He didn't. He really didn't. Despite seeing everything and knowing he was the cause of it, he felt nothing at all. There was nothing left inside him to feel.

"That will pass." His master leaned down to look at him in the eye, grinning. "Now that those who were holding you back are gone, nothing can stop you. Ready to go?"

"Yes Master."

Slowly they turned towards a burning city and entered the flames. On the other side of them was a trapeze platform, high inside the big top. His master grinned and guided him towards the wires holding the set up. "You know what to do."

Robotically, he climbed further up the rigging, stopping just at the final set of ropes. Nimbly he took out a knife and sliced through them, watching the performers on them falling. Screaming. The deafening crack of the bodies hitting the straw covered floor filled the room, ending their lives. He killed them.

And he smiled.

Jerking up from his bed, Dick sweat bullets at the nightmare he had. Guilt filled him, along with horror and sobs. He shook horribly from the images in his mind, unable to come to grips with what it meant. Throwing off his blankets, he dashed out of the utilitarian bed and to the cramped bathroom not too far off. He struggled to regain his breath, washing his face to wake himself up as much as possible. He had to get those images out of his head.

Killing all those people... Schoolmates, Wayne Enterprises employees, friends, Leaguers... His family... his parents... How could his dream-self do that? Trying not to be sick, he looked up at his reflection to try a calming technique Bruce taught him. It always helped in the past if he could just look himself in the eye...

Stopping still at his reflection, horror filled him. White hair and a single blue eye stared back at him. This wasn't Dick Grayson. This...

"See?" Master's cool voice vibrated over him as his mask and person appeared behind him in the mirror. "You're becoming more like me every day."

The shattering of the mirror before him woke the lad from the nightmare once again. From the ones in his mind at least. Eyes snapping open, short on breath, Dick stayed still on the cold concrete floor beneath him. The cooler's stone walls stayed around him with only the darkness for company. Curled up on his side for warmth, the terrified boy let the tears fall from what was in his dream. He couldn't see colors in that place so he couldn't be certain if his hair was black or white, or if there was blood on his hands and not dirt and water. His nightmare, his living one, wasn't over.

Blindly he felt his face, making certain both eyeballs were in place, taking some comfort in them staying where they were. He also took comfort he was still in that wretched cooler and not being used for some nefarious plot. No training, just shivering, wet and naked, in this dark, silent, stone cold room.

How long had he been in there? A few hours? A day? Two days? The only times the door opened was when his master was going to hose him off again. Then he'd lecture him, remind him what was at stake, and repeatedly stated he was never to defy him. Never insult him. Sass had lost its amusement. Sarcasm was forbidden. This was his punishment for mumbling sarcastically to himself the guy was actually a pedobear. He could still hear the words the monster said in his mind.

"I may be a lot of things Renegade, but a pedophile is not one of them." He'd grip his hair tightly, pulling his head back painfully so he would remember the pain as he repeated the order over and over again. "Never refer to me as such Apprentice. Ever. No more back talking, no more complaints. You are my soldier, to do as you are told. You know the consequences for disobedience. Do you want to suffer? For them to suffer?"

Weakly he would whimper a kind of 'no', making his master nod in satisfaction. He'd let go of his head and shove him back to the ground roughly. "Good. Never forget that Apprentice. I am your master, your teacher and mentor. You live and die according to my wishes. You live for me, you will kill for me, and you will die for me. Are we clear?"

This would be where he'd shrink back and whimper more. He never wanted to say yes. He couldn't. Though he understood it all, he honestly could not answer that one. Without a clear answer, the assassin would sigh heavily and step back out of the isolation chamber. "I see you need more time to cool off Apprentice."

"No..."

"I pray next time you will be more understanding."

The door would close and Dick would scream for his master to return and let him out. He couldn't make the promise to kill, to live and die according to the monster's wishes, but he couldn't stay in that place. He couldn't...

Whimpering and crying from his last series of nightmares in that horrid place, he tried to figure out what to do or say to fix things, to get back out and feel the sun again. Never had he feared being in the dark before then, and he didn't like starting now. It almost smelled like the cave...

The conclusion struck him so hard, the teen curled up even further to recover from the blow. He had to get out of there. He had to! There had to be a way! A way to end this! To save himself and his siblings! A way to...

'Just kill him.'

The voice echoed inside his head so simply, he could hardly contain it. It sounded a little like Jason to tell the truth, and that disturbed him. Jason with a touch of Two-Face. 'He holds the trigger, he's the big threat. Just kill him and you're free. They're all free. Think you can handle that little boy?'

"Batman doesn't kill," Dick reminded his inner, eviler voice. "Superman doesn't kill. I can't-"

'I'm not saying there won't be consequences,' the voice continued. 'Just that the pros outweigh the cons. Which is more important? The lives of your siblings and the lives of all those he'd have you kill later, or his? You can do whatever you want after he's dead, but your family will be free. Think of how many you will save. One life for the sake of thousands.'

"I can't beat him."

'Then keep learning until you can. Play his game until you can kill him, then do it.'

The words in his damaged psyche resounded as they made sense. Keep learning. Find an opening. Kill Slade. Kill Deathstroke. Save everyone. Whatever happened after their survival was assured didn't matter. He didn't matter. All that mattered were the four young lives in Gotham hanging over his head. He was going to save them, no matter what.

It was with this resolve set in his mind that the door opened once again with another onslaught of pressurized water. Protecting himself best he could, Dick took the beating, only calling out a little. It hurt, but he was familiar with it. He could take it. He would take everything if it meant saving their lives.

A cold wind hitting him next told him the immediate attack was gone, but next came his master and tormentor. He winced as always, flinching terribly as the man repeated the lesson from all those times before. Again the question condemning him to this place arrived. "Are we clear?"

Trembling, he finally murmured the words the man wanted to hear. "Yes Master."

The terror before him stopped, raising his good eyebrow. "Repeat that."

"Y-yes Master." Head hanging in shame, he finally gave in. "I live and die according to your will."

The assassin looked over him critically as Dick struggled to get to his knees, pride long ago shattered in the name of survival. Anything to keep his family safe and stop the torture he was enduring. If Master did want his body, he'd give it up. But he didn't. All he wanted was his obedience and loyalty. Fine. Until he could kill the monster before him, he'd do everything he said. Not as if he had a choice in the matter anyway.

A hand hovered over his head for a moment, making him tremble in fear. Expecting his hair to be pulled back, imagine his surprise when a tender hand cupped his chin instead, leaning his head back so his master could look into his blue orbs. "You understand I do not appreciate being lied to Apprentice. If you disobey me, you know the consequences."

Striving to control his shaking, the teen closed his eyes and bit his lips, not knowing how to respond. Slade must have seen that and told him what to do next. "A lie or no, there is one way to prove yourself right now. Swear your loyalty to me. Swear you will obey me, always. That you will follow in my footsteps until your dying day. Swear it to me Renegade."

Taking a painful breath in, he opened his eyes and did as he was told. Renegade would always do as he was told. "I swear, upon my life, I will obey and serve you, Master."

The terror of his life, manipulator of his reality, watched him for a long moment, considering his oath. It took all of Dick's self-control to not look away, but he knew he was showing signs of shame and guilt. He wanted very much to look away. He was betraying Bruce. Betraying all he loved and stood for. But if he was going to save everyone, he would say anything, swear anything, to do so. He'd be going back on all of them anyway.

Still, a slow smile grew on his master's face. "That will do for now."

Releasing his chin, Master roughly grabbed his arm and pulled him to his feet. The room was too small for either of them to stand to their full height, but that hardly mattered. Slade could bend over and still look intimidating and Dick could hardly stand anyway. If it weren't for the man's grip, he'd have collapsed back onto his knees. His chilling voice whispered harshly in his ear. "Whether you're lying or not doesn't matter. You will fulfill your oath to me Apprentice. If you stray even an inch from your new path, I will put you back in line, and it will be worse than these past two days. Remember that Renegade."

Petrified and trembling, the teen numbly let himself be dragged out of the chamber he'd been stuck in. Every step hurt, doubling in pain as his feet touched the real earth beneath them once again. But the pain was worth it. Looking up, he could barely see the sun rising over the horizon. It was the dawn of a new day; what day didn't matter. All that mattered were two things: he was out of that room, and he had a plan.

Do as he was told. Avoid punishment. Learn everything he could. Kill Master. Save everyone.

It was only seconds after Master let go of his arm that clothes were thrown into his face, along with a pair of shoes. "Get dressed Renegade. You still have to earn your meal."

Numbly he nodded, dampening his emotions as much as he could. "Yes Master."

A/N: ... you still there? I think this is the last of the severe stuff, but there's at least one more scene that's iffy. Now consider everything Dick's gone through already, how he's taken everything so far. If after all of that you were isolated, starved, and hosed down for two days straight, do you really think anyone could think straight? Slade was hoping for Stockholm Syndrome and complete brainwashed obedience, but all of this can also backfire. And it did. Dick was trained to act and to perform. He is performing now for Slade and has for a long time (he's not giving him his all and hiding information) but now he's so desperate for things to end that he'll do almost anything. Some confidence will return before the end, and Dick's not completely compliant, but around Slade and his evil box and hose of doom, he's a very broken boy. So long as the threat and power is there, Dick can't do anything. remove that though and everything changes.

As for the dream sequences, well I wanted to do the second one for a long time. I thought it was rather fitting. The first one was a bit mean. If you haven't seen Nemo in Slumberland (I think I'm getting the title wrong) it's about this kid who has wonderful adventures in his dreams, and he keep waking up from dreams, within his dream. Bit cooky. Great movie for putting ten year olds to bed with though.

And last bit about the oath and the loophole Dick found. A name is an identity, so the loyalty sworn by one name is not the loyalty sworn by another. Renegade is loyal to Slade now, but Dick isn't. That's important to his damaged psyche. Anywho, have fun til monday when I'll make you cry again. The teen titans will return shortly. X3