Author's Note: I am SO sorry, you guys. Seriously, it really bothers me when I don't update regularly, and I apologize again. I ran into a major brick wall with this chapter, and actually wrote about four other chapters before finally being able to finish this one. Since I left you guys with such a long wait, I'm going to go with my original plan of only posting chapters when I have a full "year" set done. The next set should be done much sooner, as I have it mostly all written. But since college has taken over my life, I make no promises. But again, I DO promise that I WILL finish this story. Right now I'm hoping to have it done before Christmas. crosses fingers

Twelve Years Old - 2018

"The clock ticks life away. It's so unreal. Didn't look out below. Watch the time go right out the window. Trying to hold on but didn't even know. I wasted it all just to watch you go. I kept everything inside and even though I tried, it all fell apart. What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when I tried so hard and got so far, but in the end it doesn't even matter. I had to fall to lose it all, but in the end it doesn't even matter." - Linkin Park, "In The End"

"Atlantis, we're gonna need a doctor…"

When Elizabeth heard Ronon's urgent request, she immediately called Carson and a medical team. Then she hurried down the steps, worrying and wondering what kind of horrific trouble her frontline team had gotten themselves into this time.

She was surprised to see the entire team come through the Gate, seemingly fine. They were hurriedly pushing a gurney that she assumed belonged to the Zelmoans, but she couldn't see who it was they were trying to save. "John, what's going on?"

"Where the hell is Carson?" Sheppard demanded. He turned his head at the sounds of running footsteps.

"I'm here! Who's been injured?"

Carson's eyes fell on his latest patient at the same time as Elizabeth got close enough to recognize who it was. Their startled "Oh, my God"s were almost simultaneous.

"We've got to get him to the infirmary," Carson said, quickly moving to the edge of the gurney and placing a hand on the side of the shaking Ford's neck. "His pulse is erratic. What happened? Did you find him like this?" he asked quickly, grabbing John's sleeve and pulling him along as the medical team whisked the gurney down the hall.

"We were just checking out the planet like we were supposed to," John said anxiously. "And we found him in their hospital, shaking and sweating like that."

"He's probably in withdrawal," Carson said as they entered the infirmary. "Bronwyn!" he called to a nurse across the room. "Get me an injection of Nitrazepam, stat!"

The young nurse nodded and dashed off to the large medicine cabinet. She returned with the dose just as the medical team got Ford onto the bed. Carson tried his best to keep Ford from moving as he jabbed the needle into his shoulder. "It should stop the tremors," he explained to John, and sure enough, Ford's body slowly stopped shaking and his breathing returned to a normal rate. Carson took out his stethoscope and listened to Ford's heartbeat for a minute. Finally, he said, "He's returned to normal sinus rhythm."

"So, he's gonna be okay?" John asked.

Carson sighed as he stepped back. "I don't bloody know. Without the enzyme…" He trailed off, his brow suddenly furrowing in thought.

"Carson?" John prompted when the doctor was silent for a minute.

"Years ago we extracted some Wraith enzyme to run tests on it," Carson said thoughtfully. "We were experimenting and trying to synthesize it…"

"Did it work?"

"Well, we never had any way of testing it," he explained. "We synthesized an extremely close match, but there's no telling how his body will react."

"But if we don't do anything…"

"Aye. If I recall Teyla and Ronon's stories correctly, the young man in their cell didna survive the withdrawal."

"Carson, we can't let him go through that…"

"I don't intend to. I'll need to talk with Elizabeth, though. Emma, I want you to get him hooked up to a heart monitor and start an IV; we need to keep him hydrated. I also want him transferred to one of the private rooms. And it would probably be best to restrain him," dictated Carson. "Just in case," he added.

Emma nodded and had the two male nurses assist her in moving Ford back onto the gurney.

"Now, someone should keep a constant eye on him, so we'll know when he wakes up," Carson said to Sheppard.

"I'll do it," John said immediately.

Carson smiled and put a hand on the other man's shoulder. "I thought you would. I'll be back soon."

XXXXXX

After having a brief discussion with Elizabeth, and reaffirming Teyla's and Ronon's reports from years ago, Carson was allowed to administer the synthetic Wraith enzyme. Then, as the good doctor had another patient that needed his attention -- Michael and his broken ankle, to be exact -- Carson left Sheppard alone with Ford. John just sat there for over an hour, hoping beyond hope that they had been in time to save his former teammate.

"There you are, Uncle John," Aiden said as he wandered into the private room off the infirmary. "You were gonna take me to the shooting range today."

John looked up with a solemn expression. "Oh. Sorry… I forgot."

"It's okay. My mom said that you'd probably be in here. We just got done moving all my stuff to my new quarters," he announced proudly.

'Good Lord, my secret love-child is twelve already? I feel old…' "Wow. That's one of those milestones, huh?"

The boy nodded and grinned.

"You gonna start shaving and chasing girls next?"

"It's on my list," Aiden joked.

John shook his head and was inwardly amused at how much Aiden reminded him of himself when he was that age.

Aiden seemed to notice the man in the bed for the first time. "So…he used to be part of your team?"

John nodded sadly as he looked back to Ford. "Close to fourteen years ago," he said quietly. "I'd always hoped he'd kicked the habit and made a life for himself on some planet somewhere."

"Kicked the habit?" Aiden knew very little about the details of Ford's history.

"A freak accident happened when a Wraith tried to feed on him, and he got addicted to their enzyme. He had a whole band of merry men hopped up on enzyme at one point. The last we saw him, he was on a Wraith hive ship." He paused. "He probably would have died on that planet if we hadn't found him when we did."

"So, he's gonna be alright?" Aiden asked, hopeful. He didn't like seeing Sheppard so depressed.

The boy's attempt at optimism didn't help though, as it only reminded John of Carson's prognosis. "Carson's got him on a light sedative and a synthetic enzyme. We just have to hope it works," he explained worriedly. "God, he didn't deserve this. He was just a kid." Another thoughtful pause. "He really loved it here. Every new little thing we discovered in Pegasus would make his smile light up like it was his birthday. Good Marine, too… Good friend…" He stopped when his voice wavered.

Aiden hesitantly reached a hand out, then placed it on John's shoulder and gave it a little squeeze.

John might have come undone right then if someone hadn't spoken up.

"You're gonna make me blush, sir," came a quiet, strained voice from the bed.

John smiled and immediately took Ford's hand in his own. "Ford, you are one resilient son of a--" He paused awkwardly when he remembered that Aiden was standing right next to him. "--gun," he finished with a sideways glance at the boy.

"Who's he?" Ford mumbled tiredly, obviously trying to shake off the sedative.

"I'm Aiden," he replied, taking a small step toward the bed.

Ford managed a smile small. "S'a good name."

"My mom said she named me after you," Aiden added.

"Who's y'mom?" He appeared to be trying to focus with his good eye.

"Evie Brooks," Aiden answered.

"No way. Who else has got kids?" He looked amused, though it was hard to tell because of the shadow of pain on his face.

"Aiden, would you go get Carson, please?" John asked, only just realizing that the doctor should be here.

Aiden nodded and quickly left the room.

When the sound of Aiden's footsteps had faded, Ford said, "So…you and Brooks?"

"What?" John tried to look confused.

"Come on, sir…"

'Damn, is it that obvious?' "Is it that obvious?"

"Kid looks just like you, sir."

"You think so?"

"It's the ears, sir."

"You saying I have funny ears, Lieutenant?"

"No, sir. I'm saying you both have funny ears." He smiled weakly.

"Oh, thank God," a very relieved Carson exclaimed as he and Nurse Emma rushed over. Emma began looking over Ford's vital signs and John stood up and stepped back so Carson could check on the man they'd all thought they'd never see again.

"Lieutenant," Carson said gently, even though "Marine" was the last adjective that came to mind when looking at Ford now. "Do you know where you are? Do you remember?"

"I'm in withdrawal, doc," Ford answered quietly. "I didn't fall and land on my head." He closed his eyes and exhaled tiredly, as though just talking exhausted him.

Carson smiled at Ford's response, then placed a hand on his shoulder. "How're you feeling?"

Ford grimaced. "Not too good, doc…"

"I was afraid to administer painkillers while you were unconscious," Carson explained, noting that Ford was starting to sweat again.

"s'not that…" He licked his lips. "I've been in withdrawal before… But this is different. It's weird…"

Carson and Emma exchanged worried looks. "Well," Carson said, "Based on what Ronon and Teyla were able to remember about enzyme addiction, we knew you wouldn't survive a sudden and complete withdrawal." Ford's breathing was labored now. "So we gave you an experimental drug, hoping--"

Suddenly, Ford began convulsing, his heart monitor speeding up frantically.

"He's in v-fib!" Carson attempted to keep the lieutenant from spasming off the bed, while shouting for Emma to hand him a syringe of lidocaine. Just as he began to inject Ford's IV, the Marine flat-lined and his body fell still. Carson swore and began yanking Ford's shirt up. "Get the defibrillator!" he ordered.

Emma quickly handed him the paddles. Anticipating his next command, she prepared the machine, calling out, "Charging to two hundred."

Carson positioned the paddles over Ford's chest and called, "Clear!" before administering the shock. Ford's body twitched slightly at the jolt, but the tone of his heart monitor stayed constant. "Charge to three hundred!"

Emma complied. "Charged!"

"Clear!" Carson shocked him again, but still to no avail. "Come on, dammit! Clear!" When a third jolt still yielded no result, Carson sighed heavily and looked over at Emma, grief and anguish written on his face.

John, who had been watching with great anxiety, demanded, "Why did you stop?"

"Colonel…"

"Hit him again!"

"John, he's not--"

"We're not going to lose him again, dammit!" John shouted, and Carson could see the tears in his eyes.

"The synthesized enzyme didn't work! What more do you want me to do?!"

"Well, do something!"

"And bring him back just so he can die again as his body continues to reject the drug?"

John glared bitterly at the doctor, his bottom lip quivering slightly. After a moment, he picked up the closest object at hand and hurled it against the wall as he swore loudly. Then he stormed out of the infirmary, not caring that what he had just broken was probably expensive.

He passed several people as he attempted to reach his quarters and ignored their remarks of concern. When he ran into Evie, however, she stopped him by grabbing his arm.

"John, what happened?" she asked worriedly, though she feared she already knew.

He yanked his arm from her grip and snarled harshly at her to leave him alone. She closed her eyes sadly as he walked away from her, telling herself that his use of such colorful language was just an indication of how much he must be hurting. She decided to give him a little space and not go after him right away.

John reached his quarters a few minutes later, thankfully without encountering anyone else. When the doors closed, he slid to the floor and let the tears come.

Evie found him there, sobbing, an hour later.