Chapter 37
2367 San Francisco, Approximately one month after the loss of the Star drive
She was staring at him over the rim of her wine glass again. He chewed his food quickly and then swallowed in anticipation of another pointed question flying from the opposite side of the table, but then Beverly apparently dropped whatever she had considered asking with a silent shrug.
She put her glass down and clasped her hands in front of her on the table. All of a sudden she looked so serious that he was prompted to ask her what was wrong.
She actually laughed at that, which he did not expect. "What's wrong? I was just pondering the futility of asking you that exact question, Jean-Luc. Because you never tell me what's bothering you. So I invited you over to have a delicious dinner-"
"And it was delicious," he agreed.
"-thank you...and I also invited you over so I'd have someone to have a pleasant conversation with," she finished. "But you've been stone faced the entire time. You look as though you are trying to think a complex problem through and I'm just distracting you."
He smiled apologetically and said, "I'm sorry, Beverly. I didn't intend to be so rude," he explained.
She sat back in her chair and sighed, fiddling with her fork on the tabletop. "It's not that you're being rude...look," she sat forward again making eye contact. "Is it wrong that I want you to enjoy being here with me?"
He took a sip of wine and then put the glass down and carefully examined it. He felt her gaze, but didn't look up. "You know I'm not very adept at expressing my feelings," he said, turning the glass around. "But...of course I enjoy being here. Very much so," he added softly with a furtive glance. He could feel the uncomfortable tingling in his extremities he often felt lately before it happened. Before his limbs disappeared in front of his very eyes and he found himself somewhere entirely different. And each time the peering yellow eyes, cold hands and fetid breath of his alien captors became that much more real to him. Even sitting here, he could hear their cruel laughter. They were trying to torture him…but what did they want?
Alarmed by her friend's vacant stare, Beverly reached across the table and took his hand in both of hers. "Look at me," she said quietly.
He straightened and raised his gaze to meet hers, coming back to this reality for now.
"Jean-Luc, it's only been about a month since we lost the star drive..." She trailed off, because the muscles in his jaw twitched visibly at the mere mention of the incident. He blinked and tried to pull his hand away, but she held on tightly until he relaxed his arm.
"Maybe it would help you to talk to someone about it," she pressed on. "You haven't said more than a few words to me about it, and I know Deanna tried-"
"I told the investigator from Starfleet Intelligence enough already," he murmured. "They seemed satisfied…."
"No...I mean you haven't told me how you've been feeling. I know it's been so difficult for you, Jean-Luc. Even you can't hide that well."
"The star drive wasn't lost," he said with a faraway look on his face. "I destroyed it."
"Will you stop blaming yourself?"
He looked at her sharply, but she could see that his anger was directed inward. "No. Because there is no one else to blame," he said. "I made a serious error of judgment, and now I must face the consequences of my actions."
"You know...I've heard you say that over and over, Jean-Luc, but you've never actually said what your mistake was. Why don't you want to tell me?"
"I do...I do want to," he insisted.
"Then why-"
"I can't..."
She let go of his hand and slumped back in her chair in frustration. She covered her eyes with her palms and for a moment he wondered if she was going to tell him to get the hell out of her apartment. Finally to his surprise she laughed instead, and dropped her hands into her lap. "Fine," she said. "When it comes to your emotions, Jean Luc, you have to be the most stubborn person I've ever known. Do you know that Jack used to tell me everything he was thinking and feeling to the point that it sometimes drove me crazy?"
He smiled despite his discomfort. "No, I didn't know that. He certainly did enjoy talking. I always admired his openness with people," he admitted.
"Well in many ways you're the opposite of Jack, but that's probably no surprise to you."
He smiled slightly. "No. Although I can say I've made a concerted effort over the years to avoid comparing myself to Jack."
"Why?" She asked.
He smiled incredulously. "Must you ask me that right now?"
She took in a deep breath and then frowned, realizing they had entered dangerous territory. "You're right...let's change the subject," she said. She got up from her chair and reached out her hand to him.
He looked up at her uncertainly, but put his hand in hers. She tugged at his hand and he stood up, and just like that they were in such close proximity again. She reached up to touch beneath his chin and he was suddenly conscious that he needed to shave. He almost said as much, but she ran her fingers along his jawline and all sensible thought exited his mind. "Oh," he managed to say.
She smiled at him. "Do you like that?" she asked softly.
He nodded and felt his lip tremble a little bit as she continued talking to him in a soft voice. "Remember when I told you back on the Enterprise that I had wanted to kiss you? And how you said you had wanted me to?"
He swallowed. With all of the turmoil in the last month, he had somehow forgotten what had passed between them; until now. "Yes," he said hoarsely.
She raised her eyebrows expectantly and moved closer to him. "Well? Now is your chance to show me."
When he kissed her then, he realized that she was the only refuge he had left; the only true love he would ever have. It was that kind of kiss.
Somehow they had fumbled themselves across the room and onto her couch. During a brief pause Picard asked, "what about Wesley?"
"What do you mean?" she mumbled before covering his mouth with her own.
"When is he coming home?" he breathed anxiously as her hand slipped underneath his shirt.
Shut up Jean-Luc, she thought. "Shh," she said, catching her breath. "Wesley lives in the Academy dorms, now, Jean-Luc, you know that," she said moving her hand to his lower back. "No one is going to interrupt us now, not even Riker."
The seriousness of her tone had caused him to stop biting her neck and pull back to look at her. "Riker," he said accusingly, before they had both erupted into laughter, because in that moment they both felt so free. But of course they had been interrupted, because that was the night that Jean-Luc fled her apartment after he began to phase once more out of existence. But it was good while it lasted, which sometimes is all you can ask.
2367 One Earlier on Board the Enterprise…
"Warning…warp core ejection systems have been initialized. Ten minutes until warp core ejection. Warning…."
"Who are you?" Picard struggled to speak in the grip of the immense grey alien. Until this frightening being had arrived in Engineering and accosted him, he had been the only one left on the star drive.
"I am the Jailor," responded the booming voice, drowning out the computer's warning message. "Where is the key? You must use it now!"
"I—I don't know what you are talking about. Now let me go! I am trying to save my ship, damn you…."
The alien abruptly dropped him onto the deck, and he scrambled backward. The alien bent over him menacingly, even as he pulled himself up and behind a workstation. "Are you the thief?" the booming voice demanded.
Picard tried to regain his focus, as he resumed his work, still aware that the Jailor loomed nearby. "Thief? No, I'm no thief. Why have you come on board my ship? Is all of this your doing?" he demanded, continuing to input the codes. Sweat poured down his forehead and ran into his eyes, stinging them and blurring his vision.
The interior of Engineering suddenly went dark. "This is not my doing," the alien's voice vibrated inside his brain. He tried to shake it off as the computer continued to drone.
Abruptly the alien placed its long finger against his skull, and his mind was invaded by white hot pain.
"A thief has stolen my prison, and in so doing has disrupted all time; all life. Someone must be punished for this crime, and to see this punishment enforced is my task. Human, if you fail to use the key in the way it was meant to be used, the time rift will become worse. Every being must endure a kind of prison and this will be yours, Picard. You will undergo a continuous cycle of change and rebirth. You will continue to shift between realities, and you will be safe in none of them. It is the only way to ensure that you will do what must be done, Picard. And you will tell no one what I have told you, or you and your own will suffer dire consequences. The continuity of time itself relies on you to undertake the correct action."
When the alien released him, it disappeared from Engineering as though it had never been there. He switched on a view screen and saw the massive singularity now looming behind his ship. He hit the intercom. "Picard to Riker."
"Captain! Captain, you have to stop what you are doing immediately," his first officer was shouting.
"You see it now, don't you, Will?" He moved his hands over the controls. "I know you must see it," he whispered to himself. It was no good. He had to separate the ship or they would be pulled into the spinning singularity.
"Captain, please just abort the program, and we can talk this through. I'll stand by you sir, but you have to stop what you're doing."
"No," said Picard. "No, you listen to me, Riker. This is worse than I'd thought. You need to take the saucer section away from here at full impulse. Once the core has been ejected, the star drive will be saved and we can reconnect. I'm initiating saucer separation now."
The creature had told him he needed the key. Maybe separating the ship was the key. He heard shouting on the other end. Despite the concentration on his task, he recognized each of the voices of people he cared about.
"Initiating emergency saucer separation…procedures. Warp core ejection in two minutes. Evacuation is recommended."
He ignored the pleas from Riker and the others and rushed for the escape pod. He had found no key…but he had done what he had to do.