"Angry. Afraid. Ice blue eyes closing in like in the nightmares. Space. Space keeps the fear at bay. Where is Cullen and Iron Bull when I need them?"

Cullen looked up from a report on his desk to see Cole sitting on the edge of his loft. "Who needs me?" he asked. Tessa had told him to just try to go with the flow and just ask how to help when the spirit did this and he found that this method actually worked. Cullen also found himself remembering the boy more.

Cole pointed out the window. "She needs help."

Cullen stood and looked out the window. The sight before him instantly caused his blood to boil. What looked like a large group of Templars and mages stood in one of the lower courtyards and the Inquisitor and a tall man were standing in the middle.

The Commander slammed his hand against the stone of the wall angrily before storming out of the tower. Jo, Lynn, Jim, and other soldiers leaped out of his way as he stomped down the stairs. Why wasn't he being informed of this?!

He finally made it down to the courtyard and he got an idea of what was happening.

"These mages aren't being held in their proper place. How dare you give them that tower and not let us do our duty!"

"I gave those mages that part of the keep so they could conduct their research as they see fit. There are also Templars in there."

"They are allowed too much freedom! Only one Templar in a room at a time?! And they can leave the tower whenever they want? That's insane."

Cullen started to shove his way through the Templars witnessing the argument. Soon, they realized who was getting through and they started to part for him.

"You must admit, Captain, that the way things were before obviously didn't work. If you have any other complaints, talk to Seeker Pentaghast or Commander Cullen. I do not have time for roundabout arguments," Tessa retorted, waving the comment off.

The Templar in front of her scoffed, looking back at his comrades. "See men? This is why having a mage at the head of the Inquisition was a poor choice."

"And having prigs as officers among the Templars is?"

Cullen tried to reach the Inquisitor's side as quickly as possible when he saw the rage forming on the captain's face.

"You little bitch!" he bellowed, towering over her.

The strong willed woman Cullen was used to seeing started to crumble and a terror he couldn't describe started to fill her eyes. It was the same terror he saw when she was Silenced in Haven. The man was now invading her space and was calling her every horrible name in the book.

"Enough!" Cullen bellowed, finally breaking through to the middle of the circle of men and women.

The Captain leapt away from the Inquisitor as if he was burnt and his ice blue eyes widened when he saw the Commander. "C-Commander, the Inquisitor-"

"I heard everything. And if you knew what was in your best interest, you would leave...now," Cullen snarled, stepping between the captain and Tessa.

He felt her fingers curl into his cloak and that only added to the boiling anger burning in Cullen's stomach.

"But-"

"The Inquisition is trying to solve problems, Ser, and that also includes that problem that was in the Circles. The Inquisitor has made her decision and you will respect it as is your duty as an ally." He paused and whipped around to glare at the mages and Templars cowering away from him. "Back to your duties. All of you."

The crowd instantly dispersed and Cullen was glad to see that Blackwall had also pushed his way through the crowd and was ready to jump to the Inquisitor's defense as well. The Warden sheathed his sword and nodded at Cullen before making his way back toward the stables.

Once the courtyard was finally clear again, Cullen grabbed Tessa's hand and walked toward the back entrance to the kitchen. The last thing Tessa needed was people ogling at her. He opened the door and was surprised to find that his hands were shaking from anger instead of withdrawal for once.

The nerve of that arse! Cullen wanted to knock his teeth out.

He needed to calm down. Tessa didn't need his anger right now.

Glancing down at her, he saw that she was still shaking and she had a hollow look in her eyes. "Cullen, really I'm-"

"If you're about to say you're fine, I'm going to save you the trouble and say you're lying," he interrupted. Tessa was far from fine.

"But-"

He held up a hand to stop her and gently guided her into the kitchen. Luckily, the elf that worked for her was taking a break in the kitchen. "Marie, could you please have a pot of hot cocoa made and brought up to the Inquisitor's quarters?"

Marie's big brown eyes widened when she saw Tessa. "Are you alright, my Lady?" she gently asked, hopping off her stool to get a better look at the Inquisitor.

Tessa waved the elf off. "I will be in a moment, Marie, thank you."

Cullen nodded at Marie in thanks before guiding Tessa out of the kitchen and toward the stairs leading to the main hall. Luckily, it was around dinnertime so the nobles and everyone else was either at the tavern or eating in their rooms.

Only when they were in the privacy of the Inquisitor's chambers did Cullen finally calm down. He reached out to her and cupped her face in his hands. "Tess, are you-"

The tears forming in her eyes stopped the question in its tracks. Cullen pushed all of his questions aside and just pulled her close, wrapping his arms around her in a tight embrace.

Tessa wasn't a loud crier. Cullen soon learned this after Haven and Adamant. She never sobbed. She never wailed. She just silently let the tears fall and didn't make a peep otherwise. He knew she was crying now from the way she was clenching at his cloak and how she trembled in his arms.

It was that incident in Haven all over again.

Marie came up with the hot chocolate and that was when Cullen guided her toward her couch in front of the fireplace.

Cullen poured her a mug and placed it in her trembling hands and he sat so she could curl into his side like she usually did. He slowly removed his armor so she would be more comfortable and he carefully set it to the side.

She made it through three mugs before she finally spoke. "I thought I was over it," she mumbled.

Cullen took the empty mug from her hands and set it on the table before wrapping an arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer to his side. "Over what?"

She sighed and buried her face into his shoulder. "Remember that long and sad story I wouldn't tell you in Haven?"

Cullen frowned. "Yes...it happened after-"

"It happened after I was Silenced. Maker, he just reminded me so much of…" she trailed off, tightening her grip on his shirt.

Cullen swallowed the lump that was growing in his throat and he tightened his hold around her. "You can tell me, Tess."

She let out a soft laugh with no humor. "I know...I just don't want you to think less of me."

Remembering how he said almost the same exact thing about three weeks ago, Cullen let out a sigh. "Tess, I could never think any less of you."

Well, now he knew how she felt when he said that.

He started to gently play with the end of her braid, not rushing her.

Her fingers were beginning to tremble again as she played with ties of his shirt.

What could have happened to her? Cullen felt that he knew the answer, but he didn't want to admit it.

"I just...It's hard to tell others because I was told it was my fault once and…" She took a shaky breath. "I believed that it was my fault for so long, Cullen."

The former-Templar suddenly had an idea of what happened to her and it seemed like every ounce of happiness was being sucked out of his body. Maker, he didn't know what to say. "You can tell me, Tess," he finally whispered, brushing the locks of hair that always escaped from her braid out of her eyes.

She reached up and grabbed his hand before he could lay it on the couch's armrest again. Cullen watched as she traced her fingertips over his palm and he turned his hand over so he could do the same for her. He traced his fingertips over the mark, watching how it flickered at his touch.

The Inquisitor intertwined her shaky fingers with his before finally speaking. "I was 16 and I had just passed my Harrowing. I started to study battle magic right away. I was so happy to finally be moving on to a new part of my life." Tessa took a deep, shuddering breath before continuing. "I was stupid and naïve. All of the older women warned me about it but I didn't heed their warning. There was a Templar that was well known for seducing mages my age in that part of the tower. I thought I would never be a target for him."

Cullen stiffened under her hold. He prayed that this story wouldn't go the way he thought it would.

"I was studying in the library late one evening and he happened to walk in and pretend he was patrolling. I didn't think much of it at the time. Then it kept happening for about a week. One night, he finally talked to me and tried to seduce me," Tessa let out a shaky laugh. "I didn't fall for it, of course. I had too many plans and goals and men weren't involved in any of them, especially men that were Templars."

She gently tugged on Cullen's shirt, with a weak smile. "Oh, the irony."

Cullen softly snorted before gently tugging on her braid. "I'm not a Templar, my Lady."

Tessa looked up at him and grinned. "You keep telling yourself that, Ser."

Her grin faded and she fell silent, burying her face into his shoulder. Cullen remained silent, waiting for her to tell him when she could, just like she did for him. He kept alternating between playing with her braid or running his fingers up and down her back. He turned his head to the side so he could press his lips to the top of her head. The flowery smell of her soap mingling with her own unique scent overwhelmed him and he breathed. How could something so horrible have happened to her?

Tessa's small fist clenched at the front of his shirt as she continued. "When I refused...he got angry. He must not have been used to rejection. I started to see him walking toward me and I started to run to find help."

A shaky breath escaped her lips and Cullen suddenly wanted to know this Templar's name so he could find him and strangle him. "I was able to get a scream out before he Silenced me. He had just ripped my robes open and pulled my smalls off before another Templar rushed in."

She was gripping at his shirt hard enough to cause her knuckles to turn white. Cullen tightened his hold around her shoulders and rested his free hand over her clenched fist, trying to be a comforting as he could.

Cullen couldn't believe that someone had tried to hurt her that way. It made him start to wonder how many times that happened to other mages and it made him angry that he let his anger blind him and not do anything about it when he was stationed in the circles. He started to wonder how she must have felt. Silenced and powerless to do anything against one of the people that was supposed to protect her, it must have been terrifying.

The terror he saw in her eyes at Haven made sense now. He didn't press her then and he was glad he didn't.

"Aiden claimed that I attacked him after he refused to be seduced by me and that he was defending himself," she continued, "but my robes and his reputation were enough to see that he was lying. Thank the Maker that the Templar that ran in was a high ranking woman or I would have been doomed." She huffed out a tired laugh.

"I was still to be punished, despite all of that. The Knight-Commander demanded it since one of his best Templars was being dismissed because of me. He said it was my fault and that I should be made Tranquil. The First Enchanter and the Knight-Captain were against it and they convinced the Knight-Commander to let me start studying to be a Healer so I couldn't learn any dangerous spells."

Cullen almost couldn't believe it. The Knight-Commander was going to abuse the Right of Tranquility because the mage was almost raped?! He wanted to strangle the Commander instead of this Aiden now. His heart dropped more because this all sounded like what happened frequently at Kirkwall.

She finally looked up at him again. "I played the good little mage so I would never have to risk being Silenced again. The battle spells I know now were because my Mentor taught them to me in secret to defy the Knight-Commander. That time at Haven was the second time I had ever experienced being Silenced."

A crushing, tense silence hung over them for many minutes.

"So when I reached out to you…"

"I saw Aiden, not you. And that Templar just now reminded me of him. They have the same eyes and hands."

Cullen's jaw clenched and he pulled her closer to him, burying his face into her hair. "I want to kill him."

"He doesn't deserve the attention," she scoffed, reaching up and running her fingers through his hair. Cullen almost purred at how her nails gently trailed across his scalp, despite the situation.

A question burned in his brain as she slowly shifted so she could sit up straight next to him. Cullen reached out and wiped her tears off her cheeks with the pad of his thumb. Her brow quirked and he knew she could probably tell what he was thinking. "What is it?"

"How can you be with me after that happened to you? How can you stand men at all?" How could she even think about being intimate with him? Maker, it took him a decade to realize that his hatred and fear of magic was a little over the edge.

Tessa barked out a laugh with no humor. "Oh, believe me, I hated them for a couple years and it made me a bitter person. But, things changed when my grandfather visited me one day. He helped me come to terms with everything. And to answer your first question," she leaned over and pecked him on the forehead. She pulled back and tilted her head coyly. "I am a weak woman. Who could resist the dashing Commander of the Inquisition? Especially when he's adorably awkward sometimes?"

Cullen stared at her for a moment before he let out a soft laugh, looking away. "So that's why you like me." It was almost as if she didn't just tell him about a traumatizing experience.

"Yes, and the hair. The hair is perfect," she continued, tugging at the nape of said perfect hair.

Cullen reached back and took her hand in his, gently running his thumb over her knuckles. He always marveled at how dainty her hands were compared to his. They had callouses from whirling her staff, but they were still incredibly soft and soothing against his skin. "Tess, are you alright? If what happened earlier reminded you of-"

She placed a finger over his lips and Cullen couldn't resist pressing a kiss to it. She gave him a small grin. "Cullen, I have accepted what has happened and I have long decided that it was not going to define me. My grandfather gave me a good way to think about it," she explained.

Cullen turned toward her a little, brow pinching. "What did he say?"

"He told me that if I let what happened control everything I did, it would win. He would win. I had to accept it and think beyond it to become the person I wanted to be and to heal. I know I have healed and I like to think that I'm the person I want to be. It's just...moments like today are unwelcome reminders." Her nose scrunched up as she frowned. "Besides, I shouldn't have been afraid of that captain. I've seen him in the ring and he's a shoddy fighter. He probably only got the title because his father's rich or something."

Maker, she was incredible. Cullen knew what it was like to have an episode like she almost had. He had them for months after what happened at Kinloch and the anxiety attacks only stopped when Knight-Commander Greagor pulled him aside and told him to get a hold of himself.

The older man had told Cullen that he was a danger to himself and to anyone else he was around in that state and from that moment on, Cullen forced himself to school his emotions and to not let his fear control him. That only made the nightmares worse.

"You're amazing," Cullen quietly stated, bringing her hand up to his lips.

"Why?"

"The fact that you are sitting here and making jokes about my hair of all things after what happened earlier is astonishing."

Tessa arched a brow. "I'm not joking. Your hair is perfect. And...I think having you here helps, to be honest. The fact that you just asked to go for a ride around the lake last time gave me the perfect amount of normal I needed."

"My hair is not perfect by any means. You are deeply mistaken."

"No, I'm not."

Cullen rolled his eyes and pulled her close again. "I meant it when I said you are amazing."

She stayed silent for many moments before she said, "I can't believe I was so terrified of you thinking less of me when I told you."

Cullen pecked the top of her head. "I felt the same way when I told you about Kinloch."

"We're both fools then."

A small laugh escaped from Cullen before he tilted her chin up with his hand. He leaned forward and pressed a deep kiss to her lips, savoring the slightly sweet taste the hot chocolate left behind.

"We are, aren't we?"