A/N: Sorry for the delay in posting this-crazy work hours the past couple days. Anyway, here it is. Let me know what you think. And thanks for reading!
I follow Paylor out of the room and into a nearby stairwell. It's small and musty-smelling, like it hasn't been properly aired out or cleaned in years. When Paylor shuts the door, I blink a few times, trying to adjust to the relative darkness. A few stray beams of light filter through the opening in the center of the stairwell allowing me to slowly begin to make out details. The banister is metal, very functional, not ornate like the rest of the mansion. The walls are unpainted cinderblock. I look to my left at the flight of stairs going down and notice they're wooden and look very old, each step covered in a thick layer of dust.
Suddenly, I'm nervous. I've never felt threatened by Paylor, but being alone with her in this place that is clearly never used is a little unsettling. I turn back to face her and find she's holding her chin between her thumb and forefinger, as if contemplating where to start.
"I'm happy the hearing turned out so favorably for you and Gale", she finally says, completely surprising me.
"Um, thanks," I reply, shifting uneasily from one foot to the other.
"I hope you realize how lucky you are," she continues. "How lucky Gale is."
I nod.
"You know he has great potential, don't you?" She folds her arm across her chest.
I nod again, suddenly wary of where this conversation is headed.
"He's a natural leader. Would make one hell of a politician."
I swallow, trying to clear the lump that is forming in my throat.
"Had he been incarcerated, there's no way he could have come back from that. As it is, it's going to be an incredibly difficult uphill battle for him to restore his reputation. Do you understand what I'm saying, Katniss?"
I nod. She's clearly blaming me for everything and wants me to fully realize how close I came to ruining his life. Like I need her to tell me that—I think the same thing every day.
She continues, "I want him on my campaign. The polls look good; I'll likely be the next President. That should help him. Give him the exposure he needs."
I have no doubt she'll be the next President, and I'm not at all surprised she wants Gale by her side.
She tilts her head, studying my reaction.
"Why are you telling me this?" I ask. "Seems like Gale's the one who needs to hear it, not me."
A wry smile spreads across her face. "Yes, one would think that. Unfortunately, your influence over him is a bit… hmm… shall we say, all encompassing?"
I recoil at her words, not quite sure what she's insinuating.
"You're a bad influence," she says simply, presumably to help me understand.
"You're mistaken," I say, suddenly defensive. "I don't tell him what to do."
"No, but he makes bad decision after bad decision whenever you're around."
Bad decisions like following me to the arena.
"Do you really want to be responsible for causing any more damage to Gale's life?" she asks.
Her words slice through my heart. I know she's right. He's lucky he wasn't killed by Coin or one of the guards. He's lucky he doesn't have to live a secluded and isolated life in the woods. He's lucky he's not being taken into custody right now. But things should get better. We're essentially free. He can go wherever he wants. Do whatever he wants.
"I won't cause any more damage," I say too forcefully, but I'm not sure whether it's to convince myself or Paylor.
She smiles. "Sounds like we're on the same page, then." Abruptly, she changes the subject. "Where are you doing your service requirement?"
"I-I don't know."
"How would you like to visit your mother in District 4? Volunteer at the hospital where she works? I've already called her—she's very excited to see you."
I swallow around the lump that is growing even larger. "Okay."
"And Gale can volunteer on my campaign."
"He won't stay without me," I say quietly.
"I'm sure you can find the right words to convince him" she says, tightening her lips slightly. "Because we all just want what's best for Gale, right? Give him the chance to get his life back in order. A successful career. A family."
I stare at her impassively.
"Or are you ready for that Katniss? Have you already moved on from Peeta after such a short time?"
Her words hit hard—go straight to that permanent void in my chest. She's right. What have I been doing? How did I kiss Gale last night? She knows that I'll never be able to love Gale the way he deserves to be loved.
"Do you think you'll be able to convince him to stay?" she asks.
I nod numbly. I just need to get out of the suffocating stairwell. Away from her probing eyes.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes," I finally answer in a hoarse whisper. Smiling, she opens the door and leads us back into the hallway where people are milling around, still excited about the outcome of the hearing.
She looks over her shoulder at me, "Oh, by the way, a helicopter is waiting for you outside the Training Center. Don't be long."
I jerk to a stop. I need time to think about how I'm going to break this to Gale. What I'll say. How I'll handle the pain I'm going to cause him. There's no way I can leave right now.
A warm hand presses against the small of my back and then Gale is at my side, our shoulders touching.
"Where'd you and Paylor go?" he asks, watching her walk away from us, shaking hands and smiling as she passes people in the crowd.
"She wanted to talk to me. Tell me how happy she was things turned out well," I say in a monotone, not quite believing what I'm about to do to him.
He cocks his head to the side, inspecting my face. He knows there's more to the story, but apparently chooses to ignore it for now.
"I thought we could go back to the Training Center and celebrate our new found freedom," he says, with that suggestive smirk of his.
I nod because we need to get out of here. Get alone so I can break the news to him.
He leans in to me and brushes my hair from my face. His lips caress my ear as he whispers, "I promise I won't disappoint you today."
That comment breaks my concentration and causes blood to rush to my cheeks. He smiles at my reaction, before leading us down the hallway. We pass Paylor and I see the scorn brewing in her eyes. She knows I haven't told him yet.
As soon as we're in the elevator at the Training Center, his lips find mine, taking me by surprise. I respond without thinking.
He cradles the back of my head with his hands and pushes me against the wall with his body. His fingers begin moving down my neck, over my shoulders. Then they stop at the top button of my shirt.
I pause, the rationale part of my brain finally taking control again. "Gale, we need to talk."
"We can talk later," he whispers, undoing the first button and moving down to the second.
I gulp and know I have to fight the intense feelings washing over me. As much as I want to, I can't let this happen. I have to listen to Paylor.
"Gale, really, there's something I need to say."
"It can wait." He nuzzles my neck.
The elevator stops, dinging as the doors slide open. He moves his hands down to meet mine and walks backward into the common area pulling me with him.
I take a deep breath. "I need to tell you about my conversation with Paylor."
"That's what you want to talk about? That can definitely wait," he says, turning around, dropping one of my hands and pulling me towards the bedroom by the other.
"No, it's important."
"It can't be as important as what I have in mind."
He stops when we pass through the threshold of the bedroom and kicks the door closed.
"Now where were we?" he asks, his fingers reaching for my buttons again. I grab his hand and hold it steady against my chest.
"Paylor's arranged for me to do my community service in District 4. At the hospital where my mother works."
"That was very kind of her," he says, kissing my cheek.
I nod.
"So, when do we go?" His warm lips continue to press against my face, moving closer and closer to my mouth.
I gulp. "Today," I whisper.
"Hmm," he murmurs, his free hand sliding up my neck.
"I go today," I say more forcefully. "Immediately, actually. The helicopter is waiting."
He freezes and stares at me with piercing eyes. "I'm coming with you."
He drops his hands and moves to the dresser. He begins frantically pulling clothes out of drawers and piling them into the backpack.
"Gale, stop," I say quietly.
He ignores me and continues stuffing clothes into the bag even though it's apparent there's no way everything will fit.
"Gale, please, let's talk about this."
He finally stops and turns to me, his distress apparent.
"Are you trying to leave me?" he asks accusingly.
"It's just…"
"Yes? Please explain it because I sure don't understand!" His voice is rising.
"It's complicated…"
"No. It's really not. I love you. You… feel something for me. Usually, that's enough for a relationship!"
"It's not that simple."
"What the hell are you talking about?! Yes, it is. Our lives are finally simple. No one's threatening you. We're free. We can go home!" He bangs a drawer shut and moves on to the next one. "This is what we've been hoping for! And now you don't want it? You're just going to run away from me when things are finally going our way?" He slams the drawer without having pulled anything out. "Sometimes I think I'll never understand you!"
I sit on the bed quietly, while he begins pacing in front of me, his face becoming red with anger.
After three trips across the room, he finally breaks the tense silence. "So, what's your plan? Stay in District 4?"
I shrug my shoulders. "I don't know. I haven't really made a plan beyond the next week or so."
"Do you want to live in our little cabin? Is that the problem? You don't want to go back to the district?"
"Maybe," I admit honestly.
"With or without me?"
I bite my lip. Of course I want him there, but Paylor's words echo through my mind.
"With or without me?!" he screams, causing me to cringe. His eyes dart around the room. He's agitated and angry. Very angry.
"I-I don't know."
"And when do you think you will know?" he asks with contempt.
"Please don't be mad at me. I'm trying to help you," I say quietly. "I don't want to hurt you. I don't want to ruin the rest of your life. You have promise. You could have a great future. You could find a nice woman who can give you what you need."
He rubs his eyes and groans. "You know I don't want anyone but you! And what kind of future could I possibly have if you're not by my side?!"
"No, Gale, please. You said you didn't have expectations."
"I'm so tired of this Katniss!" He throws the backpack on the bed. "I see the way you look at me. The way you reacted to me last night! I know how you feel because I feel the same way. The only difference is that you refuse to let yourself be happy. If someone else isn't creating turmoil in our lives, you have to manufacture it for us!"
"No, I refuse to hurt you!" I scream back at him, clenching my fists at my side.
"And you're doing a stellar job of that!" he spits out. He punches the wall, leaving a large dent in the drywall, which causes me to flinch. "We've spent practically every moment of the last year together. We've seen the best and the worst in each other, and I am sure, surer than I've ever been about anything else, that I want to be with you for the rest of my life. You're telling me you don't feel the same?"
I watch him with a blank face, willing myself not to break down. He stares at me for what feels like minutes as his face transforms from anger to disbelief.
"Good to know. So, what? We say our goodbyes and go our separate ways?"
I remain silent. He continues staring at me until I can no longer meet his eyes.
"Okay, then. Goodbye. Have a fantastic life, Katniss," he says slowly, fury seeping into each word. Then the door slams, and I wonder if I'll ever see Gale again.